28 December 2014

Day 131: Overcoming addiction to watching movies

A pattern has rebuild in relation to watching movies. It started about 20 years ago when I begun to work in the pre-press department of our family company. Computers were the main tool to do graphic design so I was sitting and watching the monitor from morning to late afternoon. When I would finish my daily tasks, I went up stairs into the living room and turned on the TV. Watching moves relaxed me and I would would watch them also on the TV set in my bedroom till late evening. This developed into such addiction that I finally decided to sell the TV set in my bedroom and also couple of years later, when I moved to my own flat, I decided not to have a TV set.




I still do not possess a TV set however I have a desktop computer with a very large screen and I watch many of the movies and video content with online availability. Recently I noticed that I increased the quantity of movies that I watch per week and I need to stop this since it interferes with my other responsibilities, especially business tasks. I am currently in the final stage of developing a new business where I would have to do in-home presentations for a very valuable product. There are couple of things that create psychical resistance in moving forward.

One is that I want the presentation to be prepared in such perfection that it would create the best impact and as much sales as possible. Every in-home visit is the final stage where hot leads have been funneled through many marketing steps, from creating a web site, advertising, collecting leads, making phone calls and scheduling meetings. Thus I want to make sure that every in-home presentation is properly done by explaining the client all the benefits and saving that they will get by purchasing our product. 

Second thing is the significant change of work tasks. Up to now I made my living mostly by doing a design work for regular clients. It was cozy to work in my nice home office and I did not have to do much traveling. My new job demands me to move much more since it is I who will be visiting clients on their home so I will have to plan trips, use the car, navigation and have to be dressed in a business suit in order to get the job done.

Third issue is the increased responsibility due to managing a much bigger project that ever before. As a designer I had not further requests after I delivered the order. The product that I will be selling now however will require many years of customer support and I expect to have many thousands of clients. So it will definitely require a quite different life style and mindset as before. I will have to get trained in team management and leadership skills and will have to handle much more informations.

All these issues contributed to creation of resistance which manifested as procrastination by watching movies. Now it is up to me to change this pattern and direct myself by becoming aware of this patterns and changing them by applying self-forgiveness and self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in moves. I realize that moves can be addictive since they take one in the imaginary world where one has no responsibilities but to watch and enjoy the pre-programmed life scenario. Thus a moderation in watching is necessary in order to balance the fun and work responsibilities. When and as I am faced with a job task and my mind creates a thought that invites me to relax some more by watching a movie, I take a deep breath and stop. I use common sense to evaluate the priorities and then decide if situation qualifies for some movie fun time. I commit myself from this moment on not to watch more than one feature film per day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the feeling of anxiety about the complexity of the new business that I am involved in. I realize that no matter how big the project is, everything can be faced by slicing the elephant into a digestible pieces. When and as my mind tries to grasp a large quantity of information and creates a thoughts that this is too much and wants to create a feeling of overwhelmness, I take a deep breath and stop. I direct myself by chopping big tasks into small steps, define priorities, allocate required time and move myself based on the plan. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad due to need of wearing a uncomfortable business suit while making the presentations. I realize that suits are of different quality and while most are not very comfortable, custom tailored suits can fit the body perfectly and thus support the physical body effectively. When and as I am to change my clothes and my mind start to produce thought of associating business suit with the word uncomfortable, I take a deep breath and stop. While my current dress has become a bit tight, I commit myself to invest my first profits into buying myself a comfortable suit that would make my presentations nice and cosy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my in-home presentations will not be effective. I realize that every presentation that one starts to do will lack perfection initially and thus it is best not to count on doing the first sale very soon. When and as I am about to do a presentation and my mind produces thoughts of doubt about my ability to achieve success in sales, I take a deep breath and stop participating in the mind. I return myself here and respond to any questions that the clients might have until they are informed properly about all the benefits of our product.

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30 November 2014

Day 130: Got cold

Two weeks ago I got cold and it is just now that I am getting completely ok. The situation started with getting unpleasant feeling in my throat and then it started to leak out of my nose. The phlegm was initially very thin and it gradually became dense. It irritated my nose and thus I started so sneeze and at the end due to change of viscosity it irritated my throat so I started to cough.  A very common situation however I did not expect to get sick since I have been in perfect health in the past several years and was also proud about that. So when I got cold I felt embarrassed and ashamed. It was like I mismanaged my life and allowed the compromise my physical body.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sick people are irresponsible losers and that if one is eating healthy and excessing regularly it can not get sick. I realize that there are also other influences that contribute to people getting sick. Especially now where the mind consciousness system has been inverted and viruses can access deeper levels of the human bodies, getting sick has become more frequent occurrence than before. I commit myself that when I see myself and others getting sick and my mind would start judge myself and other, convincing me that one is completely responsible for own health, to see this as mind deception and return by awareness back here by focusing on my breath. I understand that there also other influences that can harm our health and despite of eating healthy and exercising regularly, our physical bodies can become compromised by outside influences and thus a disease develops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of my good health and to claim the credits for it. I realize that my physical body is a complex system of many microorganisms that collaborate without my awareness. I commit myself that when and as my mind produces thoughts about how cool I am because I am not sick, to see those thoughts as lies, to take a deep breath and return my focus back on my physical body. 

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12 November 2014

Day 129: Facing fear of rejection in selling

Now what changed from my last blog post is that I evaluated all the outcomes in regards to my business or moneymaking options and decided not to start with activities of offering my design services. This is because the other project with educational product is moving quite fine so I decided to fully focus on it in order to invest my time more effectively. The marketing activities have reached a stage when I have in the past couple of days made a phone calls to kindergartens and arranged several meetings which three of them will be already tomorrow.




While designing a lead form and a leaflet for the meetings tomorrow I noticed how anxiety started to build up due to high expectations and fear of being turned down. Already during making phone calls with kindergarten directors, there was these fear of someone saying no. And this is because one single person is in charge of the whole kindergarten with the main unit and affiliating units all together. Consequently just one person has power to prevent me to access hundreds of leads. Sure there are quite a lot of kindergartens in the city and leads can be generated also in other ways, but this is the easiest and fastest way to get them. When I finished with design work, I felt a bit dizzy from the accumulated energy and also my eyes felt very tired. So I had to rest for a bit in order to recuperate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear of being rejected by potential client. I realize that rejection is part of life in general, especially in sales business where the quantity of nos is usually much larger that the quantity of yeses. Thus I commit myself to when and as I notice my mind to create the image of the event where I am turned down, to take a deep breath and see this a mind's attempt to separate me from what is here. I then allow myself to actually attend the meeting, do the best presentation possible and then wait for the response where I would consider yes and no as equals and remain energetically stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when designing the promotional materials to fear that I will make some spelling or composition mistake that clients might discover them when handing them the material which could eventually lead to them deciding that they do not want to collaborate with me because of a tiny mistake that they had discovered. I realize that mistakes are part of our lives since there is no such thing as total perfection and each one of us very limited in regards perception and awareness. Thus I commit myself to when and as I design some text document and my mind would produce thought of others judging me, to see this as a diversion of the mind and focus my attention back to by breath. After I complete the document, I check it carefully word by word and remove all the mistakes that I notice. Then I leave it as it is and give opportunity to others to discover possible remaining mistakes.

Suggested related audio to listen:

02 November 2014

Day 128: Gained new momentum

It is odd how I started to feel recently where I am not worried anymore about the lack of time to do all what I committed myself to do in a day. I have been regularly vlogging in Slovenian language now for 112 days and each week I would also record one vlog in English language. However I have not been doing any writing in the last couple of week. So now I have decided to also restart blogging however I did not want to commit to do only one or couple of blog post per month or week, I got incredible feeling that I will be simply able to write one blog each day.




I guess this is new feeling is the consequence of deciding to restart my graphic design services that I find very enjoyable since I am able to express myself and also earn money easily. In the past several months I have been focusing on developing a big project and was doing design work only for my father occasionally and the second source of money was from social support. I kinda did not want to do any other work since I wanted to focus on my big project. 

However this big project was such that that it required a lot of planning, organizing, collaborating and especially waiting. I was not able to move to the next step until I would be given a certain feedback from involved parties so this held me in a state of dissatisfaction. However as a designer I am able to get several design projects that take many days to complete and I can fill my day with the work tasks and I feel very fulfilled since I am doing creative work and express myself.

So despite of deciding to get additional work besides the big project that I am developing, I am now so excited that I see myself willing to write also one blog post per day with great satisfaction. It feels like I was suppressing myself all that time and now the clouds cleared and the sun begun to shine.

Related audio interview recommended for listening:
Finding my Calling in Life