22 January 2011

2011 - Message to the girl who is madly in love with me and the vertigo

Herewith I am going to expose my thoughts related to the girl who came to visit me all the way from other side of our country and stayed here for period of five days in order to also help me with packing and moving out from my apartment that I sold recently. But before I continue, I will note another vertigo that I experienced this morning.

For the past several days I have been staying up until 2am and then waking up around 8am, so I slept for 6 hours per night. In these days I was also very active with using computer, especially FaceBook, where I very intensively started to befriend all the people who I recognized as ones with potential to stand up for equality. All this actions were very focus intensive and I had to weight up who to ask for friendship and who not. This morning when I was in bed, and the alarm started to ring, I continued with sleeping. I noticed that subconsciously I started to think about something very intensely. I felt how this mind activity started to compound and build pressure in my head and the vertigo emerged. I started to sweat extensively, like getting fever, and I felt that my body is dehydrated and that if I would drink a glass of water, I would get ok. So I stood up and went in the bathroom while still experiencing the vertigo. Firstly I wanted to take a piss and shit, but while I was sitting on the toilet, the vertigo became so strong that I turned around and vomited. Since I had an empty stomach, only a bit of saliva came out of me. Then I took s few sips of water from the tap and returned to bed. After two hours of resting the vertigo went away completely and I was able to stand up and continue with my daily activities.

Now back to the main subject. It has been now around two weeks since the girl who spent five days with me went home. What is strange, is that she also experienced strong vertigo when she came home for a period of few days. And she has been calling me and sending me SMS messages daily, sometimes several time per day. She is telling that she is in love with me and that only once she loved a man so strong like me, that she is missing me and wants to be with me and hug me, and do whatever I would want her to do, and that she would go to the end of the world with me, and that I am so sweet and delicious that she wants to bite me and eat me alive, that I have stolen her hearth and soul, that she is going to love me even if I would be fat, old and ugly, that she is crying all the time and experiences a great pain in the chests since she is missing me so much, that my ears, nose and belly are so adorable, and that she would also shave her hair for me and follow me to Africa or to any place on this world, and that she wants to spend every single moment with me.

While some man would feel flattered by compliments like this, be thankful and accept the woman who is so dedicated, I response very different to this kind of words and actions. I invited this girl to visit me again since I required some help with packing stuff and moving out of my apartment, and since I liked the way how we interacted when she came to visit me for the first time. Now, when she came to visit me for the second time, the first thing what we did was having sex, since we both needed to release the energy that compounded in few weeks after the first visit. Then I planned for us to pack as many stuff as possible, but how the following few days actually resulted, was in having sex twice per day and hanging together without doing anything regarding packing stuff. It was only the fourth day when we finally got fed with each other and started to dismantle some furniture and fill the cardboard boxes with closed and shoes and similar stuff.

I enjoyed this experience, but I also became a bit tired of all this sticking together. I was not able to focus an writing blogs or watching Desteni videos and I was not able to be alone and enjoy the peace and silence. But what bothered me the most was that this girl did not care about my Desteni process, and was only interested in me as my physical body and personality. Although she has been in the process of self-realization by reading many spiritual book, she was not interested in the tools of writing herself to freedom and self-forgiveness. I explained her that her definitions of me and projections of her feelings of love are unacceptable and that I am only willing to be in an agreement with someone as one end equal with me, so we can support each other in the process of removing all the mind bullshit and take full responsibility of every single thought, feeling and emotions. I explain to her this every time when she calls me, but she does not take it seriously, she only smiles and wants to be funny and cute.

Yesterday she said that I may tell her directly if I do not want her to call me again, and I confirmed, since I wanted her to take time to cool down, but after few minutes, she called me again and said that she is unable to do that. So all this is indicating extreme mind possession, but since being in love is in our society so acceptable, she is not aware about the seriousness of her allowed and accepted anergy possession. I still respond to every single phone call of hers, since I do not mind if anyone calls me from time to time. There are some attributes regarding her physical body that I do not find very attractive, like that she is several years order than me, that the skin in her face looks very tired and that she has extensive deep blue circles around her eyes, that indicates some kind of strong inner imbalance. I also do not like long hair, since it is impractical and bothers the intimate physical interaction. I find her slender body quite attractive and her voice is very tender, soft and caring. But even if she would be younger than me, with perfect face skin and short hair, I would still not want to be with someone that is totally possessed with me.

I like to be alone, since I need peace in order to focus on my process of self-realization, support others and contribute to the solutions like Equal Money System that would provide for all living beings on this world equally and restore the balance. So I am only willing to accept someone that is equally inspired by Desteni and will join me as a part of the group who speaks and walks as one in order to impact this world effectively and bring the heaven on earth as soon as possible.

1 comment:

  1. "To understand Love, fisrt understand Freedom." ~Coelho