04 October 2013

Day 118: Zombification

I heard the word zombification firstly in audio interview about child education. When a child has accumulated a lot of information, it can not process it in real time and is enters a stage where it stares with a jaw dropped. The body stays still and it looks like a zombie, thus the zombification. I had a neighbor whose child went zombie very frequent, also at events where he was in danger to become hurt or even killed. However the parents nor doctors did not understand the cause of this and treated him only with pills.

Lately I also find myself in a very strange mode of the mind. When I finish all the important daily errands, I enter a state where I do not feel like doing anything. However since I do not want to be in that kind of state, I then do something just for the case of doing. This usually means using the computer for activities like browsing the web, checking email and social networks and watching movies. I kinda want to do something for so long until I would become again motivated enough for doing something important.

When I watch movies I notice that there is lot of drama and emotions involved and that actors frequently express anger or passion or other strong emotion. They act from the point of attachment to the past memories and not wanting to let it go. But I see myself like someone who is not attached on anything on this world and has accepted death as something inevitable. In some strange sort of way I already see myself dead thus I have nothing to loose and also no real fear about anything.

This kind of perception is in a way beneficial since it brings me a peace of mind, however it also renders me to become very passive from time to time, not wanting to do anything particular. So I must then do something to regain motivation and move myself into action. Sometimes also a quick nap or a meditation assists me in digest all the impulses and to come with and idea for the next step. Also writing a blog like this one is very helpful to materialize your thought and thus easily see and understand what is going on within you.

Basically I am quite satisfied with myself and making best use of my available time. However I tend to forget what all I have achieved today and in the past days. Sometimes it feels like I have done nothing, however that is not true. So it is important to acknowledge to myself what all I have achieved in oder to become satisfied with myself knowing that I am in fact moving effectively. It is so strange that it is best to track your progress graphically in oder to understand the score. However I see that this is a must if I want to effectively motivate myself and realize what I have achieved.

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