05 November 2017

Day 161: My core patterns network

Lately, I have been thinking about the current state of my life, what I want to achieve and what are my limitations that prevent me in fulfilling such agenda. What I first noticed is that at this moment I am living a quite safe and comfortable life by staying in a small room where I live and also work using my computer. I receive some money from national unemployment support service and I do some design work for my father which brings me some additional money to cover my monthly bills. Then there is some debt that I have accumulated in recent years that I want to get rid of as soon as possible and for that purpose, I am collaborating on some international projects that have the potential to solve my current situation. However, I have noticed that collaborating with some groups is quite challenging since there is very limited amount of communication and many things are not clear. Consequently, I can not move on and have to wait for days or even weeks before moving to the next step. And that is just a peak of the mountain of all the issues connected to such projects.

The point is that I was able to earn a lot of money while having my visual communications creative business and when I was doing sales for the biggest national business directory. But after the financial recession and me doing some other kind of businesses where I wanted to develop a line of promotional products, creating a mutual business with my ex-girlfriend, selling some overpriced product, promoting MLM businesses and developing alternative currencies, things did not go so well as I would want to. I am quite tired of having to rely on someone else so I have now decided to take things again in my own hands and restart my original graphic design, web development, and professional photography services. I think that those are services that will always be needed by businesses in order for them to succeed in what they do and I also do not have to worry much about not being paid for my work.

But what I was wondering in regards all that is how much my core patterns influence my personal and business decisions and also my success in what I do. What I already became aware of is how the influence of my parents during my early years of childhood and also later years of working at our family company shaped me extensively. Thus I became introverted recognition-seeking perfectionist who best works alone using computers under the guidance of superior and is very critical in regards to visual presentation. I worked a lot in recent years in terms of redefining myself, overcoming my limitations and expanding my capabilities. I am skilled in working with computers, however, sitting behind the desk for long hours is not very ergonomic. Thus I desire to work in more of a natural environment where I can take regular brakes as often as I want and enjoy the company of plants and animals. However how to get there is the question and I see it also connected with a significant monetary investment.

Besides that after becoming aware of a lot of things about the history and the current state of existence I want to contribute as much as possible to improve the situation in this world. Primarily this means to continue and deepen my process of self-perfection which will require a lot of time. And possibly develop a farm to be an example of how to live in harmony with all living being as equals. Maybe even having my own family to raise the kids in the best way possible in order for them to continue the work of improving the human race. Of course, there are other possibilities of achieving such goal besides investing my own money. Such project could be manifested by using crowdfunding and public grants and even by excited private investors. So all options are opened it is only up to me how to conceive it and staying focused enough time in order for it to manifest in this physical reality.

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