11 October 2010

2010 - Second date with the new girl

This weekend the girl who contacted me over dating web site five weeks ago, visited me for the second time after we met for the first time one week ago. Since our first meeting, we talked on the phone and decided to meet again in two weeks, but then she sent me the message this sunday morning, that she is not able to wait that long. So I said, no problem and that she can come over in the evening, since I had some business to do yet over the day.

She arrived at about 7pm, we talked at the expanded sofa in the living for a while and then I suggested both of us to get naked to explore each other's physical bodies. We started to kiss, touch and caress each other's bodies slowly and gently, since I wanted to enjoy ourselves this way as long as possible. I laid down on my back and instructed her to research my body, and then we swapped positions. After I while I focused on her cave of wonders and made sure with my tongue, fingers and rubber vibrating dildo, that she experienced the greatest orgasmic pleasure possible. When she could not stand it anymore, I joined her with my own magic stick and we came, hugging each other tightly and kissing passionately, to magnificent finish. Then we took a shower in a row, and I prepared a dinner. We then watched together some Desteni members vlogs, blogs and the latest South Park cartoon episode on my notebook, while lying and holding each other on the sofa. At about midnight we went to bedroom and slowly fell to sleep while hugging each other gently.

I have set the alarm clock to wake me up at 6am, and after few snoozes, I finally woke up, went to the bathroom, shaved myself, brushed my teeth and returned to bed. I intended to read some blogs until she would also wake up, but I noticed that she already stated to open her eyes, searching for me. So I laid down the computer and squeezed myself to her body. She had to go to the bathroom and returned swiftly. We continued to kiss and caress each other and we got intimate for the second time nicely and slowly, and she wondered how is it possible for me to hold for such a long time. Finally I also let myself to came and then we remained embraced tightly for quite I while. Since we could not just lay all morning, I suggested to stand up and to take a shower, and so we did.

I prepared a breakfast, we ate, tidied up and lied down on the sofa again for a while. Since it appeared to be a sunny sunday, I suggested we go out for some sightseeing. We went with my car to the nearby Radovljica city, firstly we went to the old square, took a look of Museum of apiculture, and then I showed her our sport park with the swimming pool, since she got 11 years old daughter who is a swimming champion. Then continued with the car to Bled city, a world-famous tourist attraction and congress centre, since it has a lake with an island and the church on the middle, and the magnificent castle on the rocks high about the lake. The lake is surrounded with the hills and high mountains, the nature is very green, so no wonder why many of couples from all over the world select Bled to be their wedding place.

We parked the car under the hill where there is a ski slope in the winter and tobogganing in the summer and then we took a walk around the lake, which takes about 1 hour to finish. In between we visited my friend's gallery Deva Puri which currently hosts the largest artwork exhibition of deceased Slovenian painter Maksim Gaspari, known by the motives of Slovenian folklore. After finishing the tour around the lake, I invited her to a lunch at the Bled shop centre. Since it became quite late, we decided to return to my place. She has a bit more than 2 hour of ride to her home, and she wanted to arrive there still in the daylight. So we parted about 6 pm and I told her that I will call her about the future plans. While this was so far just a story about how our meeting looked from the outside, the main reason for writing this blog is to share my thought and feelings about this whole event.

When she wrote me a first message about 5 weeks ago, she titled it "The love at first sight". This immediately made me consider that she is projecting her expectations based on my picture-presentation in my dating web site profile. So when we talked then on the phone I explained her that I am involved in the research how mind influences our lives and that she should expect from me quite a different experience and attitude comparing to common reactions of the men. She said that she is very fun of that and that she has also read quite a few books that explain human behavior. So I said ok, and gave her a chance to meet me in person. She explained, that it takes her quite a long time to open herself to relations but then, she is totally dedicated and faithful to her partner. She parted 6 month ago with the guy who she met when she was 16 years old and she was living with him for 17 years, until he left her after some fight. She suspected that the fight was not the true reason, and that he already had another lover for some time before they parted.

So, after we spent two weekends together, I noticed that she is very quiet, not expressing herself much, and that I have to ask her directly in order for her to share with me what she thinks and feels. Before our first meeting, she expressed her concerns that I might not like her since her figure is not perfect. She indeed is a bit overweight, which in deed is not my dream body, but I did not allowed this to be too great obstacle in order for me to accept her. While too much weight is not practical, it's nice for bones to have some flesh, so the hugging and squeezing feels more soft and cozy. And when we took a quite fast walk around the lake, she surprised me by how she could cope the tempo, since it was not her to complain regarding the long walk, but it was my legs that started to hurt and I felt very heavy, tired and sleeping, constantly yawning and complaining.

But the things that bother me is asking me, if I want to have I child. She explained that she wants to have I second child, and that her ex did not want to have another one as long the first one would not grow up. She also considered to accept her ex back, but she told her that the only option is if she moves to his place and joins him and his new girlfriend. And all that she does is repeating cycle of going to work and cooking and tiding when she returns from work. As she would not have any life of her own and devoting herself to be in the service of others. So I see, she has quite a few similarities with my first ex girlfriend, which we lived together for 3 years. She is very introverted, humble and complaisant, and considering herself only in a role of a obedient worker, mother and a housewife. I have a hard time to picture her living with me as an agreement since she understands almost no english and she is not very fun of using computers. And since computers are my life, and I want to be with someone that would also study Desteni material and be involved in the self-realization process, I have quite a few doubts about our common future.

I see her as a personality who does not stand up for herself, giving her energy to others, not allowing herself to express, drinking the life energy from her partner and others by playing the role of the good mother and helpless victim of the hard work. She would need to transcend this points in order to be a proper agreement in my life. Even though I enjoyed myself with her sexually very much, I noticed that a consider the time of being together with a girls quite wasted. Since while we spend time together by touching, talking and watching each other, I am allowing myself not to do anything to stop the hunger, war and suffering of billions of living beings. I have been now in the process of releasing myself from energy addictions for quite some time now. In the time when I had the firs sex with that girl, I was in about 30 days since I stopped masturbating, and I had no great desires to experience sex. However I did execute sexual intercourse with her in the evening and in the morning, when she came to visit me for the first and now for second time. I did it mostly because she felt lonely, being single for six months, so I arranged her to feel nice and accepted. She reported how she remained joyful for several days after our first meeting and how everybody noticed and praised her regarding that.

So I treated this girl as one and equal, not allowing myself any thought of judgment to appear while we were together, and made sure, that she would enjoy herself while visiting me. But I did not do that from the starting point of seducing her or because of falling in love with her, but simply because I wanted to express unconditional love, and I would treat this way every girl who would come to visit me, as I have proven this many times before. I treat everyone the best I can, but if I would want to consider any girl as my agreement or long-term partner, just enjoyment of intimacy is for me not enough at all. I have learned to be alone for the past 7 years, and I enjoy being single ver much. It is very practical to have my own place, arrange it and do whatever and whenever I want in any given moment. I have my peace, silence, and unlimited potentials. And I spend most of my time in front of computer, working, researching, learning, transcending myself and doing stuff that would make the world a better place for all. So these are my primary points at this moment, and any relationship would distract me from doing this. Sex is not what drives me any longer, and as much I enjoy experiencing orgasm, I have dedicated not to be driven by the energy anymore and to stand up for life, world equality and for what is best for all.

I consider my time too precious to spend it for relationships. I do have fun of meeting new people, and I am not immune to attractive female bodies, but I direct myself not to be driven by this pictures. I am opened to meet now people, especially girls, however the main motivation for that is to spread the information about Desteni and the practical solutions for current problems in the relationships and in the current global system. I enjoy having sex, but I even consider to stop intercourse before I get to the point of orgasm and ejaculation. So I may participate in the sex long enough for my partner to experience orgasm, however I would hold myself through all that time and stop soon enough not to experience orgasm also for myself. I find very important to deprogram/de-associate females or pictures of female bodies from the addictive energies of orgasm. And this is simply because I have been watching porn for many years and started to define pictures of young female bodies with the pleasant energy of orgasm. I noticed that I get turned on very quickly and easily simply by watching some erotic movie scenes or observing attractive females, even very very young. I understand now, how practicing masturbation can from time really turn someone to become child molester or even rapist.

I stop myself to be energy addict, I de-associate pictures of female bodies in the movies, magazined and in the flesh from addictive orgasmic energy. I stop all thought and fantasies regarding women, I consider every person, regardless of the sex, as equal and one with me. I stand up as life, and focus on what is important and necessary to do at this moment, considering the current situation on this planet, to bring solutions for dignified life for every living being. I will contribute for Equal Money System to be implemented as soon as possible, to equalize global system and to free all beings from current suffering. I accept in my life only those who are willing to transcend own personality and stand up for life as well, or they may simply continue with their own life style and let me do what I consider to be best for all. This is how I decide and this is how it will be.

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