2011 - No more mercy in regards to my mind-fucks!

I decided to do more blogs in order to defuse as many subconscious reactive mind patterns, since I have noticed that my mind produces a lot of thoughts that I have been unable to stop by focusing on breathing. I remember to be more successful a few months ago, but now it is like I have accepted thinking as something normal. Due to occasional vertigo and dreams with great hight and and deep water, I have understood it like I have been pushing myself over capacity, trying to compare myself to others who are doing more blogs and vlogs and participate on the forums and making comments much more extensively. I also do not push myself with sleeping less anymore and will focus on that point later, after I feel that I am prepared to go step further. Regardless of how I want to progress much faster, I can not go over capacity of my physical.

I have done almost one blog per day, sometimes also two blogs per day in this holiday time, when I had not much other work to do. However whenever I do my blog, it takes around one hour to finish. First to write it, then check for spelling a few times, and finally share it on several different locations. I have concluded that writing blogs is the only effective way to defuse my mind patterns, since it is the tool where I am able to slow myself down successfully and expose all the points of my secret mind. In regards to this, writing is surely unparalleled tool, however I can only defuse small amount of point within one blog post.

I have noticed, how during the day, hundreds of small emotional reactions are triggered. For each reaction I feel a tiny itch, like a sting of a needle on the skin around my genitals. This reactions are so small and fast that I disregard them and continue with what I do at that moment. I consider them as something very tiny, too small to be worth of paying attention to. But there are numerous reactions like this during the day that compound more and more. Especially when I am exposed to some disturbing event, like watching some report of movie about how fucked up this current reality is, my skin around genitals becomes very itch and I feel the unbearable urge to scratch the skin. After I do the blogs, the condition normalizes, but if I do not blog for a few days, the condition gets worse.

Now I have been considering what to do to deal with this reactions more effectively. I wanted to write a blog post for every single small reaction, but then I would write all my day long, which is not doable, since other things also need my attention. Thus I will also do self-forgiveness verbally. Whenever I will feel the sting-like sensation, I will stop doing whatever I do and ask myself what thought are behind this reaction and I will speak self-forgiveness out loud. If I will not be able to see the secret thoughts, I will immediately start writing in order to bring my thoughts here with the more effective tool and then defuse the patterns.

NO MORE MERCY!
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2011 - About one man who impressed me a lot in past several years

There is one man who I also dreamed about yesterday and who impressed me a lot with his approach, but who is also running away from open contact with me lately. This man has a certain qualities that I admire a lot, however he has also made some actions that I am not a great fun of.

This man is in his fifties, has a house near our city swimming pool with large and robust forged iron fence around, a large slimy dog and about thirty years old son. He has been a manager of our local swimming club, who is the most successful in our country and the selector of our national swimming team. He has also competed in swimming when he was young and his son is also involved in swimming as a teacher. He moved to our region from other part of our country, which is know by its vineyards and a lot more calm people than here, where we all rush, compete and envy to each others.

We started to cooperate in business manner about five years ago and I have become official graphic designer and photographer for the local swimming club and I also shot events and made a lot of designs for the national swimming team and international swimming events, organized by the National Swimming Association of Slovenia. He is a great manager and organizer, he trusted me and gave me a full freedom to express myself as graphic designer and photographer, and there was never the problem regarding money. All my invoices have been payed in time and by the sum of money made, he was one of, if not the largest of my customers. He was very skilled at raising money from different sponsors that I also included and promoted in my design works for the club.

But a few years ago he stopped the orders. This was also the time when I decided to slowly redirect my services to psychological services. I found out that he started to order designs at some of the design student who was also the active member of the swimming club. I found out that this decision was made in order for the club to save money, since her designs were more cheaper, but also lesser quality. However the quality of her work was good enough for the club, and the club also wanted to support her since she was an active member of the club. I was disappointed about stopping working for the club, also since I was not directly explained about that decision, they have cut me off like I became useless for them.

This guy, the manager of the club at that time, decided to run for the mayor office and also became the mayor of our city a few months ago. He really does know how to impress people, how to please them, is good at handling money, making connections and providing the progress. He never deletes anyone from his phone address book and is able to direct attention effectively in order to reach the goals. His campaign was great, he made himself available for anyone in person, had a nice web site and published special editions of the newspaper, to present his program and himself as a reliable and capable person. But there are also some points that he did not excel at the way I expected.

The first point was his cold attitude of cutting me off the swimming club without giving a try to even speak to me one word about it. Then while he was at the pre-elections stand, we talked and he complained how his eyesight is getting worse. I explained him that this is due some mind patterns that he holds to and that prevents him to see the full picture. I suggested him that he invites me to his place, so I can introduce him the Desteni solutions of self-realization and also the political solutions that are very important to understand if he really wants to support all the people as one and equal while playing the role of a mayor. He gave me his word that he will invite me even before elections, but he did not fulfill his promise. I then sent him an email and have also visited the office of the mayor after he was elected, but he did not invite me for a meeting yet.

So this man has been at some points a role model for me, since he was a very successful at his job, was able to raise money, payed all the bills in time and appreciated the work I did. However he is very goal-oriented, supported competition and elitism, and was not able to be really intimately and opened share himself with others. His communication was very narrow oriented, only to have the effect in fulfilling his self-interest. Of course he also provided for others, but only for those, who he saw as a part of his equation to assist him at reaching his goals. I am sure he will also be successful at his function as a mayor, but his narrow view and limited understanding of himself and the world will prevent him from taking care of all the living being equally, so he will be facing many difficulties and will unconsciously do a lot of harm to others if he does not decide to become totally self-honest and start to see the bigger picture.

In my dreams he came to me, very high spirited, ordered my photography services and telling me that my photos will be awesome fantastic, that people will be amazed when they will see them and that we will perform a fantastic show for the people. He came with great enthusiasm and trust, believed in me and my professional abilities, knew how to raise my spirit, how to inspire me and present me a picture of delightful future, so I could feel very good and was looking forward to engage and produce excellent photos. But regardless of his positive attitude, I knew deep inside that there is something wrong, that I am not able to communicate with him as one and equal, since whenever I started some conversation that was outside his field of interest, he would not be able to pay attention to what I was saying, looking around and trying to escape away from me.

Thus I have recognized that his as a faker, who does not really give a damn about what is best for all. I have imagined how I would be able to support him to perform his political function with consideration of the needs of every single living being on this planet, but he decided not to listen to me. He proved that he can not be trusted and that there is no point of loosing any more time by trying to arrange a meeting with him. This is why I have decided to enter the politics also myself, since it is hard to find someone who is completely self-hones and is willing to listen. Many have large ego issues and are failing to make the necessary change that would stop this system of abuse in this world. Slowly but surely, I will do my best to be the one that can be trusted completely and to work for the benefit of all life equally.

1. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be fooled by nice word of others, feeling good when they would praise me and my work, instead of realizing that those people are masters of emotional manipulation and that their starting point is only self-interest.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that becoming rich is the goal that I also need to achieve and that money is the result of being committed and obliging person, instead of realizing that money in this system is the result of deceiving and exploiting others, and that what matters in self-honesty at all times, since we are all inter-connected, a part of one reality and in the long run, all can be provided only if we cooperate and share all the resources equally.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself the feeling of resentment after I lost my swimming club business, since I also changed my suppliers many times without explaining them why. What I must do is let go of all my past, any single attachment to my work, remain here in breath and maintain awareness that the change is the only constant in this reality and that I need to accept it the way it is, without any expectations of how reality must be.
   
   
4. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to admire any person, defining it as something more than myself and producing the feeling of adoration, instead of realizing that I am equal to any person, that I can also achieve any goal if I want to, and that what it counts is not what goals anyone achieves, but what is the person as the living being, how it is aligned with the principle of equality and how it supports all life as one and equal.

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2010 - My lectures about Desteni and self-forgiveness announcement

There is a guy who created a Slovenian web site with content that expose world inequality, New World Order, Chemtrails and similar stuff. I met this guy in person firstly at the Slovenian conference "Let us create the world of peace of love" this summer, where I also introduced Desteni. After he has been following my FaceBook posts for several month, he has recently invited me to have a lectures about Desteni for young students in Slovenia and I confirmed his invitation with great joy. I am to hold the lecture at the Youth Center in Škofja Loka city on 9. February 2011 at 8pm.

The other lecture that I am planing to execute is on 2. February 2011 at 5pm at Vita Center in Naklo village which is the very popular wellness center not far from large Kranj city. I have been teaching Taijiquan a few years ago in this centre so I asked them if they are interested for me to hold a lecture there and they were very fun of that idea. This was the first available date and since I will have only 90 minutes time to speak, I am to introduce only the tool of self-forgiveness this time and share the rest of the information about Desteni in the next available dates. 

A few days ago Blaž came with his suggestion at Desteni Slovenija forum to create the flyers with the short information about what Desteni stands for in form of a questions and answers, written in the youth slang of his generation and his geographic region. He expects to gain attention from his schoolmates and other young people around were he lives and studies. I read what he wrote and I considered it cool for the described purpose, and I suggested also to design a flyer with the text in the common Slovenian language that would be acceptable and understood by people of all the generations in our country.

Now the point that came up regarding all this actions was how do we introduce ourselves to others, are we allowed to introduce ourselves as members of Desteni or members of Desteni Slovenia, or do we need to request any special permission from Desteni administration. I want to avoid any possible blame, finger pointing and judgement due to misunderstanding, since Vitan already suggested Blaž that he should not print his leaflets in the name of Desteni but as one of the individuals who are joined in the Desteni group. And I want to be sure if there are any objections about me introducing Desteni to groups of people in Slovenia who are searching for the ways to self-realize themselves.
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2010 - Facing my fears regarding politics

With my recent decision to go into politics, many thoughts and fears appeared. By observing the political arena in our country by watching TV news and political shows, reading newspapers, and by watching many videos and movies regarding American and world politics, like lectures of Lyndon LaRouche, who claim that the real power and agendas are hidden from the public, I became baffled about what is really going on and how the politics is truly shaping our world. Are word presidents just the puppets of the British Imperium and blackmailed by economic assassins and jackals and there is no way of running the country by principles of oneness and equality?

Our Republic of Slovenia has few days ago celebrated the 20th anniversary of independence from Federal Socialistic Republic of Yugoslavia and it has been 6 years since we become a part of European Union. The ruling political party is loosing public support and the opposition is gaining it. International watch has declared that Slovenia falling at providing true democracy, a lot of political end economic elite have become very wealthy and the recent very successful large companies are going bankrupt, for example our largest shop chain with technical good Merkur and our largest construction company SCT. People are loosing their jobs, government is making cuts and rebalancing budget and preparing to get additional loans to stabilize the situation in our country.

I am currently in the process of selling my apartment and moving to our capital city Ljubljana to enter the political arena. Now I am thinking what would be the best way for me to gain perspective how the political parties function, if I should join any party and which one, or if it is possible to be a member and participate in several parties at once to get the much larger picture how each party performs. Then I am asking myself if I should continue my study to gain some higher degree, like PhD and what discipline should I study to be most effective at my future political career.

Next I have been thinking if I am proper candidate, considering my emotional and intellectual state, physical looks and family background to be successful in the politics. Because if I look at people, who were able to climb to top government positions, they were mostly the ones, who were much more emotional stable and able to communicate with the public in very relaxed and amusing way, but who also expressed the power and who had great support from other influential people. I currently feel myself as not stable enough, still a lot of suppressed emotions, and with pretty delicate skin that is not making me the most photogenic.

However if I look at the political elite in our country, especially the prime minister, who has been also working as a model in his previous career, I see that he is deliberately using words to emotionally manipulate with the people, and that this is what also other politicians do and have been doing in the past. I am wondering if people would be able to response to common sense or have they become such mind systems that raising their emotions and national awareness would be the necessary approach in order to move the crowds and bring the change that is best for all. This is certainly something that is needed to be tested in practice.

I am planning to visit all influential political parties in our country and get to know the top politicians. Generally I see that our politicians do care about our nation but some have let the greed to take over and there is too much individualism and too little cooperation. We fight and argue a lot, the feeling of envy has become our national characteristic and nobody really knows why. Perhaps the small size of the country, measuring only 20.000 square kilometers with just 2 million citizens is one of the reasons. We are so small that almost everyone knows each other and there is hard to hide somewhere. But we are also the only country with world "love" in its name and we have never invaded and other country in the whole known history. Sadly that our tourist board is using "I feel sLOVEnia" slogan and emotionally manipulating foreigners to visit our county, but this has become established practice in all the advertising industry.

Maybe our small size would be the important factor at implementing equality system very quickly, as also other people, who are trying to bring some change here, are expecting. So far this has been only the thinking and projecting, but what will actually happen, depends mostly from my physical movement, sticking to the principle, breathing and staying emotional stable in the future. There is no way to know how thing will turn out, especially since all the world has become so tightly connected and a lot of things can happen in no time.

America is going down, China is rising, and has recently became the second largest economic power in the world. I see China has some potential to connect the world countries more effectively due to the communist system, but it also has a very high temper, a lot of anger and internal suppression. Will we be able to connect world-wide and start to cooperate, or will 3rd world war have to eradicate the old systems that do not want to change and integrate? The information technology is giving us support to raise our awareness, but there is a lot of tendencies to control and direct the crowd using press, television and internet. Who and what will prevail, that is the question, and only time will prove.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not breathe effectively.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that thinking is something normal and acceptable and that by thinking I am doing no harm, instead of realizing that thinking is the most profound and deceptive trap ever made.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and project the movie in my mind about what might happen in the future, based on my current information and pictures that I have seen and thus producing fear that this my actually come true, instead of shutting off my deceptive mind projector and sending him somewhere far away for eternal holidays, and allowing myself to be here and acting only in accordance with what is physically present in every moment of my breath.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make assumptions of how politicians are, creating their personalities and predicting how they will respond to me, based only on some pictures and words from the media, instead of allowing myself to meet everyone in person, and then only acting according to how will they actually respond when we meet in flesh face to face.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that the world is run by some higher power, fearing of some secret societies and conspiracy theories, instead of realizing that the world system is constituted from the people like me and that I am equally influential and capable of introducing change as anyone else.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I need to be deceptive and to become emotional manipulator in order to make this world a better place, instead of giving myself the opportunity to be totally honest and treating others as one and equal and remaining stable and sticking to the principle of equality no matter what others might think or how they might react.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget that any deception and dishonesty is unacceptable and is the reason of why this reality is so fucked as it currently is and that only unconditional honesty at all times is what will eventually liberate us from the prison of the mind and bring heaven on earth.

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2010 - Analyzing my dreams of deep water and great hight

I had I dream while I was waking up today. It was at the sea beach and I was part of some group that had vacations there and we had a delicious free meals and we were able to swim and jump into the water from different hight. The weather was warm and sunny, and the access to the water was from the pier or from coastline escarpment. There was no slow increase of the depth of water and it was about 1,5 meters deep right at the coastline and it slowly increased in depth every meter away from the shore. So you could jump into the water on your foot and there was no danger of getting hurt. But if jumping from greater hight, you had to push yourself off the jumping spot and land a few meter away from the shore in much deeper water.

There was also a very high building right next to the shore and it was about 10 floors high and it included the jumping platforms at every 3rd floor. You had to climb the stair and then wait for the people in front of you to jump first until it was finally your turn. I was at the jumping platform at the highest floor and it was finally my turn to jump. I looked down and it seems to me a very great distance to the water. I was considering if I was to jump, if it was safe to jump and that I could easily hurt myself or even die jumping from this hight. There were some swimmers just bellow my jumping area, they were swimming and jumping into the water from the shore level and they were not aware that there is a jumping spot right above their heads. I could easily hit someone while performing my jump and we could both get hurt.

There was also the point of judging the jumps. It was not like you were jumping just for your pleasure, every jump has been judged from others. The boy who jumped right before me performed a very still jump. He did not push off the platform to land in much deeper water away from the shore, but did just one step forward, enough to lose ground and fall into the depth. He grabbed his feet with his hands and pressed his head to his knees, in order to fall half-folded into the water, with his feet and head firstly touching the water surface, to produce as low diving resistance as possible. So his fall was not in the shape of arch, but just straight vertical line, remaining in one single body position almost right from the top and all the way down, until he would elegantly dive into the water. His point of breaking the water surface was just one meter from the hard stone coastline escarpment and if strong wind would blow from the sea to the beach, he would have smashed his head like a water mellon and died immediately.

But he was ok this time, and the judges gave him a very high score for his performance. And now it was my turn. I was considering what type of jump should I make. Should I also simply let myself fall down, should I push myself off and land more away from the shore to land in much deeper water, should I jump to my feet or should I perform a frontal jump, stretching my hands sideways from my body, and then positioning them in front of my head right before I would break the water surface. This would of course be much more elegant jump with possibilities of much higher scores, but is would be also much more dangerous jump. The angle of the body and the rotation moment would have to be just right for my body to reach the total vertical shape when touching the water. Since the hight is very large and it would take several seconds before I merry the water, I could miscalculate the proper force and rotate too little or too much, breaking the water surface flat, with much larger area of my body, and thus producing pressure to my skin that would result in pain and red skin or even injury of internal organs.

I concluded that this hight is too much for me and that I am too scared to jump, fearing of hurting myself. But I know that this fear is only due to lack of experience, so I decided to start jumping from lower hight and then slowly increasing the hight. At each level I would perform as many jumps as needed in order to totally remove all the fear and then I would go one level higher. This is the practice at all the sports. You start with smaller goals and then you push yourself higher and further. So I went down the stairs and got dressed and went to the dining room for a delicious meal and decided to continue with jumping from the level that is appropriate for me and then to progress slowly but surely.

And this is not the only dream that included water and hight that I had recently. A few days ago I had even more fantastic dream with diverse natural landscape, like Grand canyon and mountains like Mount everest in Tibet. The canyon was very deep, with crystal clear blue water, with many large lakes, and up above there would be high mountains with gorgeous views. I was part of the group that stayed in the cabin at some very hight and large mountain cliff and there would be a few kilometers of abyss bellow our cliff. It was very strange, but I needed to reposition our cabin to the new sport right to the edge of the cliff and there was a great danger of the cabin slipping on the rocks and falling into the abyss and crushing when hitting the hard rocks in the valley ground.

In the next scene of this dream I have been sailing down the river in the quite large white ship, crossing numerous gorgeous large lakes and straits in order to sail myself home. But there was a problem since I was in foreign country and whenever I would cross some strait to reach the next large lake down the river stream, I would have to pay a fee. I had the money but it was not it he local currency and I had great problems with exchanging the money and paying the fee. I imagined how nice it would be for all the world to have the same currency or if no one would charge any fee when crossing the regional borders, so we could al move freely and enjoying our life and the beautiful nature.

So if I try to analyze my dreams, I see that both include water and great hight. I remember that I have a history of bad experiences connected to water. For example when I was young and we had I school holiday at the sea, I would suffer unbearable pain in my ears. After I would come from the water, some water would stay in my ears and if the wind would blow, I would get an ear infection with tremendous stabbing pain in my ears. The doctor prescribed antibiotic pills and I would have to rest until I would get better. I had to become very careful to always wipe dry my ears and to protect my head with a cap over my ears whenever wind would blow, even in the middle of the hottest summer.

Sometimes in my early years I also totally lost my hearing ability on my left ear. I do not know exactly when this happened, but when my parents noticed that I am not responding to their calls as usual, they appointed me for a hearing ability check in the hospital. They established that I became deaf on my left ear, but the hearing on the right ear is still perfect. I made myself believe that I unconsciously became deaf on one ear in order to enjoy the silence while sleeping. Our house was not far from the railway road and I did not like for noise of trains to annoy me. So I concluded that becoming half deaf was to support me in order to be able to sleep with the head resting on the bed the way that the hearing ear would be covered and thus reducing the surrounding noise.

I remember how I needed complete silence in order to be able to fall asleep, and every single tiny noise would cause for me not to be able to fall into sleep for hours. Like in the army for example, when we were all sleeping in the room together, there was I clock on the wall, making tick-tack noise, and I was not able to fall asleep until I would stand up, remove the battery from the clock and thus removing the source of annoying repeating sound. This is obviously very silly, but this is just the way I functioned. I also asked the lieutenant to speak orders more loudly when we were marching in the row. After they inspected my hearing ability in the army, I was sent home only after one month of service, so this is another example of my hearing inability convenience. Otherwise I am able to hear perfectly when I am with other people, so most of my friends and people I meet do not know that I am deaf on one ear.

Now to continue with the symbolism, I came to conclusion that water represent the unconscious mind and that my fear of diving deep into the water represent the fear of facing myself with my accepted and allowed unconscious mind patterns. Regardless of how I might think that I am a brave nice child, I have to admit that I have been fighting all my life in order not having to face myself or the systems down below, under the surface of my awareness. In fact I have allowed myself to be quite naughty and evil guy, constantly doing some damage to myself and others. I was not willing to face this points, so I had to be punished and my physical gave me quite a number of painful lessons. I can not believe the extent of self-abuse that I have been allowing. I mean, how much do I need to suffer before I will get to the common sense.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be mind-fucked and enduring pain, instead of getting it and correcting myself according to the reality of this existence.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that physical pain is the result of some force from out there, attacking me for no reason and that I am suffering unjustly, instead of realizing that the physical is supporting me in my path of self-realization.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have thoughts and to think, since thoughts are the product of mind-conscious system, created with the intend to steal my attention from being aware of what is reality, which is only the physical in this very moment.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to jump from too great hight, meaning setting too high goals and then failing due to fear, instead of setting smaller goals that I am capable of realizing at this stage and then progressing slowly in accordance with my newly gained realization.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk alone, protecting my ego, choosing the hard way and abusing myself, instead of slowing myself, allowing myself to be supported from others and giving them equal support, so we could sort his reality much more quicker and establish heaven on earth.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the personality of scared poor child that needs a lot of love and support, constantly requiring the attention of my parents and others, sucking the energy of others like a fucking vampire, instead of standing as one and equal to others and supporting them equally as they are supporting me, becoming life, instead of the zombie, organic robot and a dead system that is abusing life.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of support of others, projecting the experience of past failed support of my parents and others, instead of realizing that the Desteni support is different, that people here are really standing with me as one and equal and that I absolutely need the support since I have been deceiving myself extensively so far and am thus not even able to trust myself at this stage.

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2010 - Reactions in regards liking on the FaceBook

One of the noticeable reactions that manifested as itching sensation on my skin today was when I was liking the new posts of Destonians on my FaceBook latest feeds. I decided to click all the "I like it" buttons on the feeds, starting from the top and moving down all the way to the feed that I liked the last time. It all went fine when I was liking the Desteni Productions new videos that others shared since I have already watched them, but when I liked some FaceBook feed that I have not read yet, I felt the itching sensation on the skin. This was clearly due to the suppression of my secret mind that launched some concerning thoughts.

The thoughts were asking me if I am in titled to like the posts of others that I have not watched or read yet. This is the point of self-honesty and following certain principle. I want to be totally hones, you know, the typical nice guy, reliable and stable in application, and every single action of mine is connected to some principle. The principle I followed was to like only the content that I processed. I wanted others to understand that when I like some content, this action is a indubitable evidence that I processed the liked content. This point is of course again the part of my perfectionistic personality construct.

But when I reached the first content that I did not process yet, I had to make a decision. I was either to process the content and then like, or skip the content and not like, or to like it regardless of me not processing it. The memory appeared about how I noticed that Cathy regularly liked my posts and the FaceBook displayed the notifications that she liked several posts one after another in several seconds. This is why I concluded that she just browsed my wall and quickly liked my post without actually watched or read every liked content. So I concluded that she is not liking the content based on the principle of confirming that she actually processed it, but only to give me a formal support.

I understand liking some content either on YouTube or FaceBook can have different starting points. Some do like only the content after they have processed it, but only if they actually liked the content, some process the content and then like it in order to show support, and some do actually not process the content fully but like it anyway. Of course there are also those who process the content and do not press the "I like it" button, even if they actually like it. There are many Desteni administration instructions about how to support the ranking and exposure of our content, so I can not know for granted if everyone that liked my content also actually gave the effort to process it fully. With regards to Cathy this is the impression I got.

So when I stumbled upon the content that I did not process yet, I was in dilemma what action to take. Would it be valid to simply like the post of Destonians even if I did not process it? Does everybody expect and prefer for others to like their content only after processing it? I want to be hones and not to deceive other, so what would be the best way for me to proceed? Of course I could contact everybody about their point of view regarding this question, but that would take a lot of time and then I would have to keep record about what every single one preferred in order to act in accordance to their expectations.

However I did not stop and come to any conclusion but I continued to like the posts, including the ones that I did not process. This was my unconscious procedure and thus produced suppressed friction and hot energy that I felt like an itching sensation on the skin. Fucking nasty feeling that I would like to avoid. So this blog post is to defuse the inner conflict in order to stop my emotional reaction regarding this point. In order not to be in dilemma what my liking of some content would mean, I need to come to clear decision and stick to that decision in order to establish myself as a stable and reliable part of this reality.

The most prominent decision would be to like only the content that I actually processed and actually liked. But there is also the argument that it is best to like every Destonian content simply because we should give each other maximum support possible due to pressing the like button is not such physically hard or time consuming and you assist others for their content to receive better ranking and exposure. Bernard in some video explained that "not liking something is always point of ego, since what is best for all is not debatable". Until we establish the equal system, it is best to use all possible support options in order to promote equality and follow the Desteni instructions since I am not able to clearly see what is best for all at this stage.

So I am going to like YouTube videos, Desteni process blogs and FaceBook posts from the starting point of supporting fellow Destonians to get better ranking and exposure and thus promoting equality system with best effect possible. So my action of liking some Destonian content will not indicate that I actually processed the content. I might have done so, but I also might have not. The only indication that I actually processed the content will be by comment. I am going to post the comment, at least the word "Watched" if the content would not bring any strong point on the surface, and I will comment more extensively on the videos and blogs that I find very relevant and supporting regarding the points in my process. This is how the Desteni instructions are and if someone will think that I actually processed every liked content, then the wrong impression will exist until someone explain what our agreements are. However I will continue to use the like function as it was intended to be used by their creators for the content of Non-Destonians.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to suppress the points and moving forward without stopping and clearing the points and thus producing friction and energy that is harming my physical body and time-looping, instead of realizing that I can not escape from facing and defusing every single point of accepted and allowed belief that is not aligned with the principle of equality and what is best for all.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to label as liked only the content that my mind likes, and not what is agreed that is best for all, instead of realizing that my mind is a one-dimensional trap and that beauty and attraction of perceived harmony due to alignment with the Golden Rule and Fibonacci Sequence are only the deceptive bars of the mind-consciousness prison.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to assume that the actions of others mean certain thing, instead of making the connection with the relevant person and actually finding out what is really going on by asking the direct question.

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2010 - Defusing reactions regarding YouTube continued

I was surprised how many points popped-up when I started to write about my suppressed reaction regarding YouTube. I learned that only while writing, one is able to slow the mind enough to effectively expose all the secret mind. This has been especially clearly shown while walking the first SRAT mind construct with assistance of Andrea. I have become overwhelmed with the amount of points and information that is to be dealt with. The way I learned to do things in my life is very perfectionistic and this is easier to achieve in regards to physical word than walking some tangible unconscious mind networks. What blows my mind away is also the responsibility for everything that exists in this world. I feel like I am over capacity and this also results in occasional strong vertigo. As I would like to see myself with the mind unplugged, the thoughts constantly run thought my head and the breathing is not effective. I somehow need to find the balance in my life in order my head not to explode from all the  information.

Now back to the point about my recent YouTube emotional reaction. I reacted the moment when I became aware that I did not click the "I like it" button on the several videos that I just watched. I became angry about myself, since now I would have to suffer the labour of reopening all the already closed videos. This is in fact a very little job to do, but I want to be as effective in my life as possible and I became mad when I am not excelling at every point. A see the origin in this kind of perfectionism in my father, who pushed me extensively for many year when I was working at pre-press department of our graphic company. I already wrote about this point, but I seems that it has rooted so deep that I will have to defuse it over and over again until it is finally completely defused.

1. I forgive myself for allowing myself to become angry at myself when I noticed that I forgot to like some YouTube videos, going into my mind and projecting my personality of perfectionistic guy that does not make any mistakes, instead of breathing, remaining here and taking the necessary steps without any emotional reaction.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing myself to live the personality of perfectionistic guy, since there is no such thing as perfection, everything in this reality is relative, and every definition is purely the result of one point connecting with other point.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that I am better than others since I have copied all the positive moral principles from my parents and gained extensive mind knowledge, instead of realizing that all the mind knowledge is useless, that nothing that I learned is valid, since the reality is always here, changing, and it exists beyond the comprehension of the limited mind.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for allowing myself to project myself into the future, imagining what everything I will need to do to solve this reality, going into my mind and allowing my life anergy to become drained out, feeling exhausted and having to rest, instead of remaining here, breathing effectively and walking one point after another.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that I need to rescue this existence, imagining how I will go into politics, becoming the president of our country, and then giving up, imagining that collaboration with other people would be to much to handle, instead of allowing myself to walk step by step and facing every situation and anyone if face here in the moment of actual contact.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be afraid of other peoples support, holding to an idea that I am perfect, that I do not need support, and defining any support as attack to my already established perfection, instead of realizing that I am in deep mind-fuck, deceiving myself extensively and running away from actually facing myself.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for allowing myself to check the length of my blog post and counting the number of self-forgiveness, comparing the length of my blog post to blog posts of others and thinking about finishing with this blog, instead of allowing myself to continue writing with any secret-mind thought that pops-up.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for allowing myself to become angry about myself when counting the number of self-forgiveness lines and concluding that I need to write some more lines since I compared the number of lines with number of lines at blogs of some other Desteni members, feeling that I am underachiever and that I need to push myself more, instead of realizing that whatever number of lines I write in this blog is cool, since they are the result of my current ability to face myself and I should not allow myself for any opinion of others regarding this point to influence me emotionally in any way whatsoever.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for allowing myself to copy the behavior pattern of my father of being a loner, self-dependent person, living and working alone and not allowing myself to collaborate with others effectively, instead of realizing that separation is the root of all evil in this world, and that we can only exist if we support each other and exchange our insight fully and openly.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that life is about achieving goals, setting and reaching one goal after another and becoming depressed, instead of realizing that life is never ending story that can be lived only by being fully present here and taking one point after another, considering what is best for all and supporting every single living being equally.

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