28 June 2020

Day 197: Changing my response to conditions that pressure me

In relation to my previous blog post, I am here continuing with looking at the accepted and allowed believes that I am limiting myself and losing my personal power with which is also being reflected in my still slightly persistent lower back pain. So when I am looking at the timeline of the back pain starting to occur, I see that it relates to me starting offering my coaching services in January 2020 which I decided for exactly with the starting point of empowering myself and being able to establish a more reliable source of income for myself. I created my business website, placed signs about my new services to office windows and the main building entrance, and started to discover what marketing strategies would work best for that line of business. There were three coaches who contacted me which coach new coaches how to be very successful at the coaching business however I did not want to focus on doing international online coaching like they are doing it. I wanted a real human connection and thus planned to go out and personally visit the local business managers and offer my coaching services to them.

Just when I had a plan to start going out on a daily basis and presenting myself to potential clients, the coronavirus shutdown occurred and my plans went down the drain. Many businesses in my local area closed down and I could not reach the owners as I initially intended. I considered the personal approach as something that would establish rapport much more effectively and I find online communication much more limiting in that respect. And the global shutdown was also something that was new and created a lot of insecurities in the lives of people. I considered coaching as a tool to support others at looking and finding solutions in themselves easier. However, I felt like I would not be able to help others during the corona situation effectively since their inner world became very unstable. It looked to me like my coaching services for others would be a waste of their and my time because the global situation out there has been constantly changing. Thus any solution that my clients would come to based on the coaching with me could soon become outdated. This is why I rather focused on doing my own research about what I and others could expect in the future based on the hidden global political agendas that were not reported in the mainstream media.

In other words, I used the global shutdown to retract, to be still, and to observe what the future will bring. However, I noticed now that some took different tactics and have seen the coronavirus crisis as a business opportunity. Slovenian business incubators even had lectures with titles like: “Never Waste a Good Crisis“ and encouraged the creation of startups that would focus on solving the new problems created by the global shutdown. Some people have thus worked on import or production of face masks and some have developed solutions in terms of how to work and study from home for example. Many have reacted to such activities with disgust since they treated the government measures as an act of war on people and everyone that would make a business out of it as an unethical war profiteer. And I also did not want to be seen as that. Even when I posted on my Facebook profile that I am offering a free initial coaching session to everyone who needs to find a new economic solution for themselves, most people placed a strong negative comment bellow it. Thus I saw others as being in shock and due to their fear of survival and that it was pointless for me to try to talk to them with common sense.

I was also influenced by the suggestions of other coaches never to execute a free coaching session. They saw it best as only to have a short free preliminary chat with a potential client in order to see if they are a good fit. And when offering free coaching others would not see it a valuable and would also not be sufficiently actively involved in their part of the coaching process in order to have the desired effect. I considered that since I have already in the past years produced over 500 vlogs that people can use for free to support themselves that it is fair that when I have professional coaching with others to be paid and thus fairly compensated for all my past efforts. I even had a perception that by me calling my contacts and offering coaching to them I would only disturb them even more and that leaving them in peace would be best to do. Because being left alone by others and having a quiet time is something that I personally enjoy as the necessary healing process after the period in my life where I suffered a lot.

My general perception was that many people have lost their jobs, a lot of businesses have closed, even permanently, and that there is a general panic going in our society. Yet I saw also that many kept their jobs, some businesses have flourished more than ever due to increased demand, and new jobs have opened as the response to the corona crisis. While many people are not much picky in terms of what kind of work they do, as long as they are able to perform it and earn good money with it, I am not so very used to work just to get me bye. One reason for that is that I have been employed by my father right after secondary school and after that, I have been self-employed and have been doing what I preferred. So the decision to do some work that does not resonate with me was from my perspective an act of giving up on myself and becoming a failure. And I was also concerned about what would others think about me if they notice me working some common and low-paying job. However, considering the current much more drastic global situation I am wondering if I should look for other opportunities just to generate sufficient money for the rent and food. Yet from another perspective maybe the corona lockdown has been enforced exactly for the reasons of population self-diminishment and giving up on doing what my life mission is would be their victory and my loss. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive the coronavirus shutdown as an act of war on people and anyone that created profit by it as an immoral war profiteer. I realize that I am unable to know what were all the contributing factors that resulted in our government ordering us to stay at home and to wear a mask and what is the real agenda behind it. I commit myself when and as I see a massive change in a social situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “This must be a result of the satanic global elite wanting to enslave humanity even more and kill us as many as they can so you must not participate in that plan in any way!” to stop and breathe. Instead of going into a self-victimization mode and refusing to accept the new reality, I rather see the new opportunities that have opened up and decide how to make the best of it for me to apply my personal potentials in order for the outflow of my actions to be best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to financially rely on my father and expect that he will always find a way to get enough money for me in case if I am in financial trouble since he was able to do that all the times before. I realize that also the situation in his life can change dramatically like it actually did due to coronavirus shutdown and that eventually, he will die someday, so relying on him is not a sustainable option. I commit myself when and as I think about the possibility of not having enough money to cover for my monthly expenses and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You can always count on you father to get the money since he is very capable and proud and will never allow you to starve.” to stop and breathe. Instead of counting on my close relatives to assist me, I rather establish additional sources of income and create financial reserves in order to be safer in case of even more drastic unpredictable situations than the current global shutdown.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live my life with the attitude to demand from others to provide a stable and reliable social system where I can relax, enjoy and express myself without fear of survival or going into a self-victimization tantrum whenever I notice that my current level of living comfortability has been even slightly diminished. I realize that I have become quite spoiled and also attached to what I have and experience on a daily basis instead of taking life more lightly, like a sort of game, where we all leave our human physical bodies eventually anyway. I commit myself when and as I notice my comfort zone being threatened and my mind is producing thoughts like: “I demand freedom, safety, and a guaranteed survival since I am entitled to it!” to stop and breathe. Instead of acting like a child, I man up, take care of my survival according to all the available options and do best to make this world best for all, allowing myself to enjoy the experience and live relaxed, without emotional attachment to anything.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue using memories of my past negative experiences and traumas to limit my expression and ignore all the abundant opportunities and potentials that are available to me. I realize that by stepping out of my comfort zone there is so much more that I can do and achieve. So I commit myself when and as I look at life and my mind is producing thoughts like: “The past is what you are and do not even try to do anything that is not a reflection of your suffering and trauma!“ to stop and breathe. Instead of constantly projecting what has happened in the past onto what is here, I end all projections and live my full potential.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid of having a lot of followers and pupils, believing that I would not be able to handle the number of their comments, messages, and the influence of their opinions, especially the negative ones. I realize that this has been the reason why I have not expanded more in terms of executing lectures, seminars, and talks and have rather kept my business services small. I commit myself when and as I plan my business activities and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Keep it small so that you will be able to manage all the interactions with every client personally since other people are not reliable in terms of collaboration on the projects.” to stop and breathe. Instead of fearing to work with others, I learn how others are able to successfully run big operations so that also I will be able to direct a team of people for the mutual benefit.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be outraged and shocked by experiencing consequences of the coronavirus global shutdown due to the belief that humanity has reached so high level of awareness and that we are being so connected via the internet that surely no global catastrophe can ever happen again and we will be able only to increase the quality of life for all living beings on this planet. I realize that changes are the only constant in life and that I also like to innovate and experience new things, especially the ones that challenge me and help me grow. I commit myself when and as I look towards the future and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look what kind of misery the humanity has caused in the past so be very afraid what will happen in the future.” to stop and breathe. Instead of looking into the future with fear, I decided to look at it with excitement in the anticipation of wonderful surprises that destiny is entertaining me with and making my life incredibly interesting.

Related Eqafe educational audios to listen:
Under pressure
Waiting for my Life to Happen
What Are You Waiting For?
Taking Feedback Personally
Practically Working with Failure and Success
Tension in Working Environments
Working Friendship Reactions
Bringing Yourself Down when Others are Down
The Greatest Challenge is You
Sharing Responsibility vs Abdicating Responsibility
Practicing Responsibility Sharing
Losing Our Passion for Life in Routines
Adapting to Having Less Money
Working Through Your Blame
Chasing the Dream
I Don't Want to be an Employee
Who am I in Resistance
Uncertain Future
Work and Play

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