Day 194: Allowing myself to be pushed to push myself to push others

In January 2020 I took a certified Life Coaching course. I became very excited about how powerful the coaching approach is in terms of assisting coachees in a relatively short time period to reach very high awareness of their life situation, to identify the obstacles, and to find solutions to overcome them. I found coaching to be something that I can deeply impact others by while allowing me not to activate my past selfish character of wanting to feel good by impressing others with the amount of advanced knowledge that I acquired. The fact that coaches are not supposed to be people who give advice, consult or teach and that their main purpose is to only mirror coachees, felt very liberating to me. However, there are some aspects of the coaching business that I do not like.

I learned from one of the coaches who is teaching his Natural Enrollment Method that establishing trust is an important part of the process to get clients. And it takes a lot of time to build rapport to the level where others become comfortable with opening themselves to you as a coach. So while coaching is very powerful it also requires readiness from the coachees to be vulnerable and courageous for them to get the most out of the coaching process. There must be a willingness to change and investment of time and money from their side in order for the coaching process to begin. And for that to happen there is a requirement from me to initially invest a lot my time and money in order to present the power of the coaching process to them and also to present myself as someone who is highly qualified for effective execution of such services and that I am also someone who they can trust with absolute certainty in terms that I will keep whatever they share with me to myself.

In recent months due to the Coronavirus or Covid-19 global event, I found it hard to get enough clients for my coaching business. One factor was my own fears about how far the changes within society will go and how that might influence me personally in a negative way. So all the media information that portrayed the virus as something very dangerous and the quarantine and economy shutdown as something justified definitely distracted my ability to focus on running a coaching business. Instead of investing my time in promoting my services, I spent many hours in research what is actually going on behind the scene of supposed global virus pandemic. And I have been occupied a lot by sharing interesting discoveries about what is the most probable truth all over the social media networks. I also had doubts that I would actually be effective with my coaching services to assist others since the global situation has been changing very fast and has impacted everyone extensively.

What I also noticed is that with the coaching business I definitely am pushing myself out of my comfort zone and consequently I have been experiencing a resistance. A point that I find most challenging is the energetic addition to feeling good. A great number of my past activities have been driven by wanting to prove to others that I am better than them in terms of my knowledge and skills. Consequently, in order for me to maintain my status as a superior being, I did not allow others to reach my level of excellence. That manifested in the form of being envious towards others, analyzing their activities and exposing any of their imperfections, and bullying them for that. So while I am now pushing myself to genuinely assist others to become the best version of themselves, I sometimes experience energy lows due to the persistence of the previous wiring of my mind.

Coaching has also introduced a new dynamic to my life in terms of scheduling. Previously I have been working on projects where I did not have to be so strict with time. For example, when I was doing a creative job and someone ordered me to produce some design or a photo, those were projects that took days, weeks or even months to complete. So just one client kept me occupied for a long time and I had the freedom to work on the project whenever I felt inspired during the day and thus not having to look at the clock very often. And in regards to working for my father, I fit his needs the most if I am available for him as soon as he calls me and to work as long until what he needs from me has been completed. Thus I find it more comfortable if there are others who contact me and give me work because they know what to expect from me and I can take all the time that is needed for me to complete the works to a level that I am satisfied with. And I preferred to have as much free time as possible after executing my creative work until I would be given the next order.

At the business of coaching, there must be people who order the coaching services in order for themselves to be pushed out of their comfort zone. In order for this to happen something has to happen for them to motivate them into desiring to be pushed out of the comfort zone by the method of coaching. And for me to sell the coaching method in general and then me as the coach that others would want to hire, I have to initially push myself out of my comfort zone. So I am also pushing myself to be in groups of people like Destonians that push me to increasingly push myself to push others and thus we have become many who are pushing each other out of our comfort zones in order to break free from of our limitations and to expand ourselves as much as possible. Consequently, we would in time not push each other down anymore due to desire to be more than others but push others up to the level where we can coexist as equals and live our utmost potentials.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my father as someone that I must maintain my relationship with my whole life since I owe him for raising me and that I have to take care for him when he will be older and less capable similar than he took care for me when I was a todler and also less capable of taking care for myself. I realize that my relationship with him is based on him wanting me to feel like I owe him by him telling me many times that I have not repayed yet even for the milk that he purchased for me in my childhood years. I commit myself whenever my father wants me to do something and my mind produces thoughts like: “I have to serve him fast and well since I owe him my life.” to stop and breathe. I then with gratefulness for what he has done for me consider how I can fulfil his current needs however without allowing him to extort things from me by diminshing me and making me feel bad since that is just his projection of his own lack of self-trust and feeling of inferiority as the consequence of his childhood experiences that include loosing his father at a very young age.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to consider opinion of my father as more important that opinions of others and consequently doing mostly things which I can impress him with. I realize that by me wanting to impress my father I am equally diminishing myself like he is diminishing himself by wanting to impress others and consequently I am responsible for this limiting pattern of selfish interest and energetic addiction to continue in our bloodline. I commit myself when and as am deciding what to do, and my mind produces thoughts like: “Do something that you will be able to impress your father positively as much as possible with so that he will be proud of you.” to stop and breathe. Instead of that I decide for activities where I consider all life as equal and that have a long-term consequence outflow that are best for all being in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I would not be able to handle big projects since I get exhausted alreday by doing small projects, especially when I do design activities for my father. I realize that feeling of exhaustion comes from the negative energy of feeling heavy as the polarity of my desire for the positive energy of upliftment that is generated when I feel proud and as someone more after I have done something for my father and he then praises my work, especially in front of other people. I commit myself when and as I do things for other people, especially for my father and my mind it producting thougths like: “Do things in such a way that you will be able to feel good about yourself since positive feelings are what life is all about.” to stop and breathe. Within the realization of how any energetic experience, regardless if being negative or positive, is exhausting my physical body and eventually creating the feeling of polarity oposite, I decide for my starting point for doing anything to be creation of something paractical and tangible, that contributes to making this world a better place for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present my advanced knowledge and computer skills to my father with intention to impress him and intimidate him in order to maintain my superiority towards him instead of realizing that I am by such attitude being the same kind of bully that he has been many times towards me in the past. I commit myself when and as I communicate to my father and my mind is producing thought like: “Show him that he is not able to grasp everthing that you are capable of knowing and doing so that he will be able to admire you.” to stop and breathe. Instead of that I decide when and as I communicate with him to become one and equal with him in terms of using vocabulary that he is able to understand and to also take time to teach him computers skills so that he can increase his capability of independently using the latest gadgets and devices. 

Some additional related Eqafe supportive audios:

Pushing and Pulling Time
Moods Ruled My Life
Daddy Issues
Despite My Best Intentions
My Life of Absolutism
Inequality and Separation in Your Mind
Pride
Discovering self Pride
Losing Self Value Through Validation
Asking for & Accepting Help

Day 193: Tricks and Traps of being a Grammar Nazi

Recently I read a finalized document with a list of words in relation to some projects created by other authors. Some words were singular and some were compound words of two singular words. However, all of the compound words were missing hyphens and thus they were grammatically incorrect. I then posted my observation to a chat group with the authors of the list and started to explain how using the hyphens is important in order to convey the message correctly and avoid misunderstandings. I compared writing words similar to the writing of mathematical formulas where if separators are committed, the final result of the formula will be different than expected. I attached a Quantum Language video with a clear explanation of how low grammar skills make you vulnerable to manipulations from the legal system and how using the correct grammar can empower you.

However, I was pointed out that I can not expect everybody to comprehend words in the same way as I do and that this is beyond my control. I rephrased their answer and what came out is that I was misunderstood because I started to explain the importance of using hyphens and presenting them as a mathematical equivalent instead of just simply explaining that I suggest some grammatical correction of the word list. When I looked at why I decided for a more complex explanation I realized that previous to that I have pulled up a recent memory where I noticed someone else also avoiding hyphens when writing compound words. So I associated both events and compounded it myself in my mind as something that needs to have a deeper explanation because I saw it as a repeating pattern. And I considered the list of words as a document that others will use to learn how to correctly write compound words and thus damage with long-term consequences would be created. Besides that, I already expected from the authors of the list to be more responsible in terms of using correct grammar so I emotionally reacted with disappointment and outrage.

What also came up in the further discussion was that during communication with other members in the groups one should not be so careful about every single grammatical mistake. Because members are from all around the world and each of them is on a different level in terms of language skills. So the point of working together is not to perfect the language but to achieve other the goal of the group that is beyond the vocabulary. That reminded me of the event where year are I have been speaking to a friend of my father about some advanced discoveries and I have perceived my way of communication with him as something that is very normal. However, he told me that he does not comprehend what I am saying, despite us speaking the same language. That surprised me since I could not see at that time how I did not make any effort to level my way of communication to match the vocabulary of the person that I am speaking to. In the past years, I already discovered that one of my characters or behavior patterns is trying to impress others with the advanced secret knowledge that I have gathered. And I have not been only sharing the knowledge for the purpose of impressing others and feeling good about my superior know-how but have also used more advanced vocabulary and grammar for the same purpose.

In a similar way, the legal system works since it uses vocabulary and grammar that is quite different than how common people communicate. They even have their own Black's Law dictionary where definitions of the words are different than in common dictionaries. My language research was thus also for the purpose of protecting myself from any legal attacks by others. However, I have never pushed myself so far to really excel at grammar, not in Slovenian, nor in the English language. Previously my motivation was self-centered and energy-based and I commit myself to change this. I commit myself to slow down and to perfect my Slovenian and English language skills for the purpose of better communication and collaborating together to bring a better world and to also use Quantum Grammar to effectively establish agreements and protect those who are not able to do so due to their weak language skills.

Additional supportive audios in regards to this blog post:

The Value in Vocabulary
The Nature of Words
How Language Substantiates the Mind
Language: the Sceptre of Creation
Encoding Communication and Programming Relationships
Who am I as Language
Equalizing to Language
Unconscious Effects of Reacting to Language
Is Your Communication Sound

Day 181: How my curiosity became superiority

I grew up in quite a supportive family environment where I was able to develop many physical and intellectual skills. My parents assured a pretty balanced life for me and my brother since we spent a lot of time hiking in nature, however, we also got to use a lot of different toys and the latest electronic devices. I enjoyed learning, discovering new things and experimenting. There were also some limiting factors of my over-protective father who was not skilled at showing emotions and had was not enough skilled in verbal communication. So instead of patiently verbalizing his thoughts, he used physical force to punish me and my brother if we did not obey him or produced some damage. That, of course, imprinted as traumatic experiences and resulted in resentment towards him. However, if I compare my childhood experiences with my classmates, they were much better than the experiences of others.

I see that my father tried to be the best parent that he could and was a very capable provider in terms of physical assets. He made a lot of innovations and has strived to excel at everything that he decided to be involved in. And everything that he provided for me I took for granted. He was proud of himself and also proud of my achievements. I can relate to Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory in terms of how nerdy and unsocialized I was. Not really to the extent as in the TV series, but somewhat similar. I stood out in middle school because my father provided me with the best study accessories and even making a custom wooden suitcase to transport them. And I was so nerdy that I stayed in the computer classroom many hours after the class ended.

It is well known that children are naturally curious and they especially in the first 7 years learn things very fast. I see that my father provided me with an environment where I was able to expand myself to a great level. However, what I lacked was a balanced development of some other skills since I was not encouraged very much in the fields of arts, music, and social skills. I was not so much raised for the purpose of someday starting to function as an independent part of society and to treat everyone as equal. The priority was mostly about becoming superior to others so that my father could be proud of me. Or better to say so that he could be proud of himself by treating me and my achievements as the result of his contribution.

Thus being used to be praised by my father and his friends, I could not understand why my classmates did not treat me in the same way. Instead, ob receiving appraisals, they expressed their envy, hate and bullied me. I am only now starting to comprehend that it was because I actually did not care much for anyone else but for myself and about how to impress my father. Since my motivation was only to be superior to others, I also judged and criticized others in order to make them superior to myself. I have been very self-centered and evil to others. And even now, after all these years, I still have to make a great effort not to communicate with others from the point of superiority.

Striving towards perfection is still something that drives me to this day. I am attracted to discovering all the secrets of existence. Oddly creating a family or a stable income was not part of that perfection equation. I am justifying that by defining myself as me being the whole of existence and others being are part of me thus all are my children, brothers, and sisters. And no matter how much money and possession I got and how I make my living it does not matter since we are all one. However, that conscious definition does not yet reflect in my practical life. Since every time I have a tendency to impress others, to show my superiority and not to treat them as equal, I fail to apply the realization of oneness and equality.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to limit my curiosity to mostly those things that I can use to impress others, especially my father. I realize that doing things just to get attention and approval of others is conditioning myself to be in constant fear of others not liking what I research and do. I commit myself to when and as I stumble of some new information and my mind produces thoughts like: “You should research this because it will make you smarter in the eyes of others!” to stop and breathe. I then rather consider how many personal resources studying the information will take and to what extent I would by sharing such information be able to assist others without any self-interest.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel good and superior when and as I share any information with others. I realize that such positive feelings are the result of my internal conflict when and as I define myself and information that I possess as superior and others as inferior to me. I commit myself to when and as I am communicating with someone and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You should share some very special information that they do not know yet about!” to stop and breathe. Instead of that I rather understand the context of the conversation, state of the mind of the people that I am communicating at that moment and then share information that actually is beneficial to at least someone of them while staying emotionally stable.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when communicating with others to use advanced vocabulary and use the voice tonality of a superiority character. I realize that even with just using words that others can not completely understand and by using a specific tone, that I still communicate from a point of superiority and thus am creating resistance within others. I commit myself to when and as I communicate with others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Use some very complex word and speak it with utmost self-confidence!” to stop and breathe. I then rather become one and equal with the ones I communicate with, use only the words that I am sure that they understand and keep a humble tone of voice.

I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to when wanting to solve some situation with someone to be bossy and to tell them what they should do. I realize that by just explaining my problems and demanding solutions I am creating resistance within others. I commit myself to when and as I have a situation to solve and my mind is producing thought like: “Just share your point of view and tell others what you see as the best solution that you see!” to stop and breathe. I then rather share my concerns, ask as many questions to understand the perspectives the best way possible and then support the solution that would be in the best interest of all.

Recommended online course and related audios:
Desteni I Process
The Elitist Mind
The Cure for Curiosity
Thirst for Knowledge
What I Thought Was Important
Great Expectations
Learning to Play Again
Facing yourself in the Face of Arguments
Redefining Humble & Considerate
Superiority of Ego vs. Superior Living of Self

Day 158: Pain in my left knee

I had pain in my knee for many times in the previous years due to my limiting mind patters. However it was always the right knee where the pain was located. Never before as far I can remember had I pain in my left knee. However several days ago for the first time ever I started to experience the pain in my left knee. I have been wondering what could be the cause for that and I had some ideas however I am not completely sure. I gave myself couple of days in order to see if it would go away because maybe I have successfully sorted things out in my mind, however it is still there and I could say it has even slightly increased. So now I decided to give it more attention to become aware about the cause of it by using the tool of writing and sounding self-forgiveness.

One of the probable causes for the pain in my left knee could be the discussion with one of Slovenian philosophers who invited me to have two long Skype chats about the god, responsibility and the origin of our thoughts that he recorded for his podcast series. Within the interview I was challenged to talk about the extent of personal responsibility and preprogramming of the existence. Because some scientific experiments were suppose to prove that other beings know about our intention a few moments before the though actually appears in our minds. And then also do we actually have any power of decision and creation since some can predict the future and thus prove that everything is already decided in advanced. So how can we prove that our thoughts are actually our own creation and not the thoughts that have already been created by someone else and then only served to us?

Before I started to write this blog post, I searched eqafe.com for interdimensional interviews by the keyword god. I listened to a interview that explains the difference between the real god as the physical and the creators of the mind who separated us as the beings from the physical by the controlling thoughts in order to keep us away from our awareness of who we really are. So the explanation is that automatic thoughts that are created by the mind are means of distraction while we as the physical beings are able to create our own thoughts from the scratch. Because god as the physical is created, creator and the creation. And the other question is the motivation for creation and destruction in the context of life and death. Because death exists only from the perspective of the mind and life as the physical has no beginning or end. The life as the physical only changes form or shape and thus can actually not be harmed. Which brings me back to my pain in the left knee that should not be there if I would become fully aware that I am part the eternal life as the physical.

What I want to say is that from the perspective of reality being the life as the physical why would I want to create anything and not simply stay still. And if I am the creator that created myself as the individualised being in this human physical body, why do I not have the full awareness about the history of the whole creation? The explanation could be that because I am part of the god almighty,  I also created unawareness of myself in order to experience state of separation from myself which is in reality a complete impossibility. Nevertheless here I am now in this physical body, experiencing the impossible and having to decide what to do about myself and what to create next, or rather to say, what to uncreate. Because I have become tired of existing in separation as the mind and would like to return home as life of the physical. I am tired of experiencing pain and lack of things that I need to sustain myself as this physical body and am ready to experience wholeness and abundance again. Maybe in the future I will get tired of oneness and desire the dive into separation again but I guess there is no other way of how existence is able to experience itself. It is constant cycle of inhaling and exhaling, creation and destruction, oneness and separation.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Is God Creator or Created? from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.