Day 190: Trying to be prepared for what could happen in the future

In the last couple of days, I noticed how I have become increasingly anxious. This has been reflecting in the form of frequent heath arrhythmia and stronger tremors in the area around my heart. I had difficulties with relaxing enough to fall asleep in the evening and even though the day I occasionally had pressing episodes where my breathing became more difficult. Yesterday while I was sitting in the backyard garden and had a vegetable salat in the sun I felt like my heart was slowly giving up and I got scared about dying soon. I called a doctor on the phone and based on my answers to her questions she concluded that my heart is just fine and what I am experiencing is mind-related. Then I also borrowed a blood pressure measuring device from one of my neighbors. The results showed that my blood pressure and pulse are normal. That assisted to calm myself down pretty much, however, I realized that I need to take additional measures to protect myself from too much stress.

During the coronavirus lockdown, I took a lot of care to handle the situation in a calm and peaceful way, paying attention to not overwhelm myself. I did physical exercises in the morning, took regular 1-hour daily walks, stocked myself with food and continued to work from my home. When I noticed the anomalies in regards to my heart I concluded that daily routine was not enough to ground me sufficiently so I went for a longer and more strenuous hike. I noticed that it assisted me a lot so I repeated it a week later and I decided to do it also on each of the following weekends. Additional measures were cutting down the time spent on social media, removing myself from online dating websites and focusing on my personal needs. I restarted to use the Nirvana app that is a companion software of the Getting Things Done methodology that I discovered years ago by reading a book about it. While in the previous months I did moderate planning of my activities, I have now with that app collected and organized all the projects, tasks and reoccurring events. It now helps me to avoid procrastination and laziness and it assists me in being much more productive each day so I am now much more satisfied with myself.

The following are the related statements of self-forgiveness, realizations, and commitments that I learned to apply at the free online self-perfection course Desteni I Process Lite and I suggest you to also try it out to assist with directing yourself effectively:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the discoverer and sharer of the deepest life secrets. I realize that while digging for and forwarding shocking information made me feel good and useful to others, I lack within that to find a way to monetize it and to provide a stable source of income for my basic needs. I commit myself to when and as I look at my passions to ask myself about the core reasons for doing that and to then look at how I can turn it into a business or or doing it as a hobby while providing myself an additional source of income to at least cover all of my monthly expenses.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can protect myself from all negative influences the most by researching how things in this world work which means spending a lot of time watching all the available documentaries about secret societies, financial and legal system and every interesting fact that I stumble upon. I realize that there are a lot of contradictive theories that are all very concerning and absorbing all this information has created many fears and insecurities within me. Thus I commit myself to only occasionally follow the sources of information that proved so far to be the most reliable and are in a form that takes as little time as possible from me to digest the infromation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that possession of a large quantity of information is the best way to protect myself from all the possible harm. I realize that while the expected result would have to be in me becoming more self-confident, the accumulation of information actually made my mind even more restless and every situation that I found myself in triggered a lot of thoughts about all kind of possible reasons why I am experiencing something and made me confused about how to respond to situations that I am facing in real-time. I commit myself instead of creating assumptions based on accumulated knowledge to rather ask people that I am meeting about what is their reason for doing something. And to also ask other people in the actual situations that I find myself in about what is the nature of any manifestation in my physical proximity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build my stability on the information that I gathered in the past instead of realizing that any information that I possess can become outdated and that it could also be false in the first place. I commit myself to when and as I am facing a situation in my life and my mind is trying to assist me by fetching all kinds of supposedly related information that I integrated in the past or trying to associate the current event with any of my past experiences, to stop and breathe. I then rather face every single situation as something completely new and not even slightly related to anything that I know about or have experienced in the past by doing real-time research based on what I can verify by tangible evidence at this present moment.

And here are some additional suggested educational audios to listen from the Eqafe website with Every Question Answered for Everyone:

Hidden in Secrets
Secrecy
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Secret Information
Technology Brainwashing & Body Influence
Self-Image and Fear of Others
Living Fear
Mental Hoarder