Day 192: My greatest fears

Within one of the recent chats of our Desteni support group for self-perfection, we were discussing how to face the emotional challenges related to the Coronavirus or Covid-19 global shutdown. It became clear that what the majority of people are afraid of the most is not becoming infected with the virus and becoming sick but something else. One of the biggest fears, in general, is, of course, dying however since the death statistics were not as bad as presented in public media, that was not the main issue. The main problems that people saw were related to a lack of food that could cause starvation and as it was also evident from popular memes, the biggest fear was lack of toilet paper, lol. Except that in Slovenia the product that people have purchased the most was actually the yeast. I am now also going to look at what my biggest fears for me personally are in relation to the recent global situation.

So as I wrote in my previous blog post, the biggest change for me was that the source of income from my father that I have been relying on was gone and thus I was not able to pay for the rent anymore. However, in relation to that, the actual fear was that the landlord would lash out on me with anger and thus disturb my inner peace with a projection of his emotional energy. Or maybe he would even demand that I move out of my current apartment. And this situation was also related to my feeling of shame and discomfort since several years ago I was also not able to pay for the rent for several consecutive months. I still owe him that money and occasionally the landlord still brings this point up and I feel uncomfortable about that. In a way, I did pay him for that missing rent however it was in the form of alternative digital currency that was expected to become convertible to fiat currencies very soon however that did not happen to this day. So regardless of him having the funds on his account he, equally like me, is not able to use it in a practical way. And also a girlfriend of the landlord that lives nearby has several months ago made an attempt to convince the landlord to make me move out due to her predictions that I will not be able to pay for the rent due to her false perception that my monthly income was far less than it actually was. Thus I am also uncomfortable that her predictions became true although the actual cause now is something very different and also she could not predict that. I have read that currently, one-third of the people in the United States can no longer afford to pay for the rent so knowing that I am not the only one with such a challenge does assist me a bit. And what I see is that beneath this feeling of shame and discomfort there is my old main pattern of fearing to be judged by others and not wanting to display any of my mistakes publicly. My father at the end of each year has been proudly announcing to the world that he is completely debt-free and I also wish to be able to say that however in recent years I was not able to do that.

What is also related to the lack of money is my dependency on social support money for the past several years that is also something that I am not proud of. Because of that my father is seeing me as a looser and has shamed me many times and I do not want to experience that ever again. However, I am not so much concerned about what my father says since I have realized that he is speaking from his own insecurities about himself that he compensates with a craving for attention from other people and the need to be recognized in public as a good person. And I also do not want money to be the main focus in my life since it is just an arbitrary means of exchange in ways that are hard to wrap the head around it. Some people are allowed to create money out of thin air in abundance while others are not allowed that and are even prevented to get it enough to support themself with it properly. Besides that, there are constant periodic financial crises that create worldwide depressions. So regardless of how much money someone has, it can all be taken away in a moment by some completely unexpected event. Consequently, I also do not want to be attached to money while I actually have always been able to find ways to have my basic needs met. And I am researching options and development of global events that have the potential to turn the money into something more stable and fair.

The next point that is also related to money and survival is the vaccination agenda and 5G network. I watched many documentaries that explain how the existence of coronavirus has been deliberately blown out of proportions in order to enforce mandatory vaccination. And that many of the cases where people got sick or even died were connected to the rollout of the 5G network that influenced the human body in a negative way. Then also how if we allow the vaccination agenda and further implementation of 5G, each of us could become controllable and enslaved even more. Or also prevented from accessing your own bank account and food if not complying with the controllers. And how the 5G has been weaponized and can be used to target groups or individuals to disable their body functions or even kill them. Also, we could see how in a relatively short amount of time governments have taken legal measures and public media has focused on spreading mostly negative news that resulted in people's movement becoming restrained and their sources of income diminished, in some cases to zero. So the underlying fear in regards to this point is about the same scenario to be repeated in the future even faster and with even stronger negative consequences for me and others.

Besides initial ranting and raving I now also going to assist myself with the writing of some self-forgiveness and self-correction statements that I learned at the free online course DIP Lite that I also recommend to others:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that due to the current state of almost all people in the world being connected via the internet and making friendships on social networks with thousands of individuals from all over the planet, we now comprehend how similar and interdependent we are and thus we will not turn against each other ever again. I realize that while there exist technical potentials to increase the speed of self-realization, the actual process of real inner transformation takes many years of diligent work and many are still in the beginning stages of this process. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “I can now relax and have complete trust in the future of peace, happiness, and abundance.” to stop and breathe. I then rather keep myself open to any kind of event that might happen at any time and rely on my ability that I will always be able to find a solution to any challenge that I face in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone controlling me as something bad and unacceptable due to my perception that I am free, that I need to stay free, and that anything that will limit my freedom has to be opposed with maximum force. I realize that each of us is already living within many physical, mental and spiritual limitations and that sense or state of freedom is relative and can be practically lived only with consideration of the outflow consequences of acts of every single individual in existence since we all share one existence and every action has its consequence. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Every restriction enforced by others onto me is wrong and I will fight it and protect my current freedom!“ to stop and breathe. I then rather take time to see why the certain new limitation has been established, if it is for the long-term benefit of most living beings and to see how many freedoms I still have that allow me to move, create, express and to provide for my basic needs of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the character of a victim due to all the physical, mental and spiritual limitations that I currently experience and that since I am not able to be aware of all the existence and control every detail of it I demand to be taken care of by someone who has more control since I am entitled to be so. I realize that while I am experiencing certain limitations I also have many options to overcome them and expand myself which would be a much better use of time and my potentials than not moving and staying in a state of self-pity. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “You are so small, weak and insignificant so you have the right to be taken care of.” to stop and breathe. I then rather write down all my weaknesses and the options for becoming stronger in those areas and move effectively every single moment in order to become more able and respond to everything that I am facing in my life.

In regards to this blog post, I also suggest listening to these supportive audios from the Eqafe website where Every Question is Answered for Everyone:

The Unpredictability of Life
Who's Responsible for the Enslavement of Mankind
How I Justified taking Control of Existence
Justifying Control on the Premise of Unity
When the Creators Lost Control
My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak
Unpredictability of Consciousness
Money Consuming our Minds
Master of War
Everything Must Be Just So
What Is Inner Control
Freedom of Expression
What Does it Mean to Redefine Freedom
Practicality within Redefining Freedom

Day 190: Trying to be prepared for what could happen in the future

In the last couple of days, I noticed how I have become increasingly anxious. This has been reflecting in the form of frequent heath arrhythmia and stronger tremors in the area around my heart. I had difficulties with relaxing enough to fall asleep in the evening and even though the day I occasionally had pressing episodes where my breathing became more difficult. Yesterday while I was sitting in the backyard garden and had a vegetable salat in the sun I felt like my heart was slowly giving up and I got scared about dying soon. I called a doctor on the phone and based on my answers to her questions she concluded that my heart is just fine and what I am experiencing is mind-related. Then I also borrowed a blood pressure measuring device from one of my neighbors. The results showed that my blood pressure and pulse are normal. That assisted to calm myself down pretty much, however, I realized that I need to take additional measures to protect myself from too much stress.

During the coronavirus lockdown, I took a lot of care to handle the situation in a calm and peaceful way, paying attention to not overwhelm myself. I did physical exercises in the morning, took regular 1-hour daily walks, stocked myself with food and continued to work from my home. When I noticed the anomalies in regards to my heart I concluded that daily routine was not enough to ground me sufficiently so I went for a longer and more strenuous hike. I noticed that it assisted me a lot so I repeated it a week later and I decided to do it also on each of the following weekends. Additional measures were cutting down the time spent on social media, removing myself from online dating websites and focusing on my personal needs. I restarted to use the Nirvana app that is a companion software of the Getting Things Done methodology that I discovered years ago by reading a book about it. While in the previous months I did moderate planning of my activities, I have now with that app collected and organized all the projects, tasks and reoccurring events. It now helps me to avoid procrastination and laziness and it assists me in being much more productive each day so I am now much more satisfied with myself.

The following are the related statements of self-forgiveness, realizations, and commitments that I learned to apply at the free online self-perfection course Desteni I Process Lite and I suggest you to also try it out to assist with directing yourself effectively:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the discoverer and sharer of the deepest life secrets. I realize that while digging for and forwarding shocking information made me feel good and useful to others, I lack within that to find a way to monetize it and to provide a stable source of income for my basic needs. I commit myself to when and as I look at my passions to ask myself about the core reasons for doing that and to then look at how I can turn it into a business or or doing it as a hobby while providing myself an additional source of income to at least cover all of my monthly expenses.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can protect myself from all negative influences the most by researching how things in this world work which means spending a lot of time watching all the available documentaries about secret societies, financial and legal system and every interesting fact that I stumble upon. I realize that there are a lot of contradictive theories that are all very concerning and absorbing all this information has created many fears and insecurities within me. Thus I commit myself to only occasionally follow the sources of information that proved so far to be the most reliable and are in a form that takes as little time as possible from me to digest the infromation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that possession of a large quantity of information is the best way to protect myself from all the possible harm. I realize that while the expected result would have to be in me becoming more self-confident, the accumulation of information actually made my mind even more restless and every situation that I found myself in triggered a lot of thoughts about all kind of possible reasons why I am experiencing something and made me confused about how to respond to situations that I am facing in real-time. I commit myself instead of creating assumptions based on accumulated knowledge to rather ask people that I am meeting about what is their reason for doing something. And to also ask other people in the actual situations that I find myself in about what is the nature of any manifestation in my physical proximity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build my stability on the information that I gathered in the past instead of realizing that any information that I possess can become outdated and that it could also be false in the first place. I commit myself to when and as I am facing a situation in my life and my mind is trying to assist me by fetching all kinds of supposedly related information that I integrated in the past or trying to associate the current event with any of my past experiences, to stop and breathe. I then rather face every single situation as something completely new and not even slightly related to anything that I know about or have experienced in the past by doing real-time research based on what I can verify by tangible evidence at this present moment.

And here are some additional suggested educational audios to listen from the Eqafe website with Every Question Answered for Everyone:

Hidden in Secrets
Secrecy
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Secret Information
Technology Brainwashing & Body Influence
Self-Image and Fear of Others
Living Fear
Mental Hoarder

Day 189: How the new Coronavirus and Covid-19 influenced me

We are in the 2nd week of the new Coronavirus shutdown in Slovenia where we are not permitted to travel outside the municipality where we live, with some exceptions. The new government directive is that we must stay at home and go out only for shopping for groceries, occasional walks and to go to work if you are the lucky employee where the business has not been shut down. Now face masks are mandatory on all closed public spaces like stores for example. Public media present the picture of the situation where the hospitals are full of COVID-19 patients while those who have actually visited the hospital say that they are almost completely empty. I have noticed how I emotionally reacted in front of some people in this situation so I am going to do a few self-corrections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger when the security guard offered me to disinfect my palms in at the entrance of the store where I wanted to buy some groceries. Within that, I forgive myself for refusing to use the disinfectant with the justification that I do not know what its ingredients are and that it may actually harm me. I realize that the security guard has just been doing his job and that I could explain myself, accept or refuse his offer while remaining emotionally stable. I commit myself to when and as I visit a store and I am confronted with a new situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “What the fuck is now this? How far will the forcing of things onto me go on? How more strict will the situation become in the future?” to stop and breathe. I decide to constructively analyze the situation, stay stable, ask questions about the reasons for the change, asses possible threats and then decide about my response while considering others as equals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become annoyed when the grocery shop assistant told me to use the plastic gloves to pick the fruit and then me telling her that I do not believe in what public media is telling us about the danger of viruses. I realize that she was also just doing her job, following instructions of her superiors with thought that this will bring more safety. I commit myself to when and as someone tells me to do something in regards to virus scare and my mind is producing thought like: “I am allowing no one to command me and to tell me what to do!“ to stop and breathe. I then consider also the point of view of those who are telling me things and maybe decide to obey their suggestion since things like wearing gloves can not harm me and is a very small nuisance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with the fear when noticing how people have panicked and went on a mass grocery shopping. I realize that I allowed myself to be afraid of food running out and me having to starve while the government explained that they have food reserves that are enough for several months. I commit myself to when and as I observe compulsive buying in the stores and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look how people are smart and stocking themselves just to be safe so learn from them and do the same1” to stop and breathe. I then rather consider trusting the government and buying for myself only what I need for the next several days since if I would overbuy, I would contribute to the store going out of items for those who currently need them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to fear that the deep state members will use this fake coronavirus pandemic to enforce compulsory vaccination and that I will be chipped and become a slave where my health will also deteriorate due to vaccination and 5G network. I realize that I am creating such fear due to the projection of a negative future in my mind. I commit myself to when and as I notice the new events happening in this world and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look at all the catastrophes that the deep state will certainly use for their depopulation agenda!” to stop and breathe. I then consider the possibilities of all kinds of scenarios, but pay attention to not overthink and rather remain calm and respond only to actual threats that manifest themselves in my close proximity that I am actually able to protect myself from in a practical way.

Here are some suggested related audios to listen:
The Evolution of Viruses (Part 1)
The Evolution of Viruses (Part 2)
Fighting off Viruses
The Virus and the Body
Mind + Virus Versus Body
The Evolution of the Common Cold
Flu, Fear & the Future

Day 170: Wanting to control what others think about me

Recently I and other members of Desteni group for self-perfection had a chat about the word control. This made me reflect also about what and how I want to control in my life. What I realized was a pattern, inherited from my father about wanting to present myself as an immaculate, spotless and good person. The consequences of such a tendency are constantly doing things from the starting point of wanting to positively impress others and fearing any criticism. Related behavior is also working mostly alone and only in a small environment where it is possible to directly control objects and co-workers. The root cause of such personality is low self-esteem, bad self-image, constant self-criticism and not realizing that we are able to control only so much in our lives. And also identifying self mostly with our picture representation and not with who we are in our secret minds. This results also in masking ourselves in different ways, like grooming and dressing in order to produce a visual image that others would admire.

Lately, I have watched a lot of documentary TV shows about law enforcement and customs officers where they have identified activities of breaking the law. They then hunted down and punished the people who were responsible for unlawful acts. That reminded me to also some of my past experiences of attending the court hearings, getting a ticket for driving over the speed limit and parking where it was not permitted. And what I noticed from documentaries was how records of past misconducts were kept about every individual and how it influenced the actions of law-enforcement officers. However incriminating records can be produced also in many other ways. Basically, now everyone can create a post on social media, write a blog, publish a newspaper article and thus write something bad about an individual and thus influence the public image of anyone. And of course, I also do not want to be someone who is targeted by some derogatory information, especially if it is not true.

What I noticed about myself through the experience of first hypnotic regression to my past life, was that I felt being crucified without doing anything wrong. However, the second regression exposed that I am someone who is in case of self-protection also able to kill without mercy. So I am basically now walking the process of identifying what actions that others have sentenced me was I actually responsible for by breaking the laws of life. And for which actions I have been sentenced wrongly by others breaking the laws of life and then projected their own crimes onto me. Here is where I have to be very careful about my self-honesty. Because one thing is being accused of breaking the law, created by men in form of national legislation however one can despite not breaking any man-made law be a criminal in the eyes of life. Since every single time, we do not consider others as one and equal and act from the starting point of self-interest, we are guilty of a crime against other living beings.

My recent experience was also something where I have been challenged by the law of men and the law of life. From the perspective of the law of life, I wanted to attract and employ people who would resonate with me on a very deep level. My public call for applications included some unusual questions and someone made a complaint that I had broken the law of man. This resulted in the start of the inspection process that took a lot of my time, created additional costs and delayed the employment process. During the hearing, I had to present the evidence about my actions and to explain myself. Within this experience, I learned how careful I had to be about using words since they would be then interpreted by another person who has the power to decide if I broke any law of men and also if I am to be punished by only a warning or also by having to pay money. Also, any record of being convicted could prevent me and my organization to apply for public grants and participate in other similar development opportunities.

During this process that took several weeks, I after long time noticed how the energy of fear wanted to take a grip of me again. I felt in form of pressure in my head and a foggy mind and when I attended one public event it also accumulated to the point of me experiencing small vertigo. That was an indication that I need to look at this point as soon as possible and to take back the power that my mind has been challenging. So I am now going to look at some points where I abdicated self-responsibility in regards to laws of life and correct myself in order to become a more supportive part of this existence:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear any confrontation with representatives of the law of men, believing that receiving an invitation to get inspected is already an indication that I failed. I realize that the legal system is not only inspecting those who act suspiciously but is also randomly checking out individuals who perfectly comply with all laws of men. I commit myself to when and as I receive an invitation from representatives of the law of men and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You are now in deep shit and this is just the initial phase of being convicted for some crime!” to stop and breathe. I then respond to the invitation within the realization that employees of the public system also just do their job and have yet to gather evidence and prove that I broke any low of men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in an activity before I have in detail read and understood every law that is related to that activity. I realize that by not understanding the law completely I can without awareness break a law and thus enabling others to prosecute me in a lawful way. I commit myself to when and as I engage in a particular activity and my mind is producing thoughts like: “There are so many laws out there that it is impossible to know them all so best to just do your best and check only those laws that others have indicated that you broke them!” to stop and breathe. I then slow down, take time to understand all the necessary laws since at least here in Slovenia legislation is not so complex as in some other countries.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to be careful enough within my communication with others despite my inner voice of life telling me that others might understand the nature of my writing very different than what I actually wanted to express. I commit myself to when and as I am communicating with others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just quickly write your thoughts and if someone will understand them differently, it will be completely their fault!” to stop and breath. I then rather slow down, become one and equal with those who will read my writing and use such words where the possibility of misinterpretation is diminished to the minimum level that I am able to achieve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to make mistakes, especially in cases where others are point them out. I realize that I am not perfect and that making mistakes will continue to be part of my life since it is a natural part of learning. I commit myself to when and as someone has pointed out some of my mistakes and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You should be ashamed of yourself since other have discovered that you are a bad person!” to stop and breathe. I then rather thank them for showing them my imperfections within the understanding that others can play a role of a mirror and thus assist me in speeding up the process of self-realization. But above all, I commit myself to primarily listen to the voice of life within me that is pointing out my mistakes in the most gentle and the least consequential way possible.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within the DIP Lite free online course and to listen to the following related educational audios from Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence:

Who am I as Control
What Is Inner Control
Consequences of Inner Control

The Unpredictability of Life

My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak
Your Clothes Control Your Life
Everything Must Be Just So
Freedom within Control
Leadership: Control Versus Guiding
Controlling Your Life or Allowing Direction to Unfold

Day 164: Fear due to increased public exposure

Recently I have become a candidate for Slovenian parliament on behalf of one of the new political parties. The president of the party sent me a friendship request after I liked their Facebook page. Soon after that, we had a personal meeting at my home where he invited me to become their candidate and represent their agenda in the parliament possibly or even become a minister. I definitely am interested in politics since I want to make this world the best place for all. In the recent years, I joined one of the newest political parties in Slovenia, however, there was no real movement. My friends and I even attempted to establish our own political party, however, we lacked the motivation and resources to even gather 100 signatures of supporters to register it. I did not research much in detail how the political system in our country works and I have never imagined becoming a member of parliament. I wonder if I have what it takes to be in such demanding, responsible and exposed position. And I sense how a kind of subconscious fear started to creep in due to the potential of being scrutinized by public media.

The political party that I started to represent has a very advanced program and not a lot of people resonate with what it stands for. It consists of members that show by their own example how it is possible to change and how to live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle. Established political parties have a lot of control over public media and use it as a tool to diminish any new party that starts to compete with them. So the strategy of our party is to address that 60% of the population that do not attend elections since none of the programs of existing parties is attractive enough to them. And we are also instructed not to criticise anything from the past or other political parties. The plan is to connect with local organic stores, Yoga societies, and similar organizations who are able to fully resonate with our program and will definitely vote for what we stand for. We are also the only party that is equally represented in terms of sex since we have one female and one male president and one female and one male vice-president.

Our party so far has participated only in one public confrontation which was hosted by our national TV station. Presidents of all political parties in Slovenia were assembled in the studio and given just a couple of dozen seconds to answer questions of the hosts. Our male president was also there and was given a visibly shorter written review of his speech than presidents of other parties. Three days ago we had the first party meeting in the middle of capital city forest park where all the candidates for the parliament were presented and the event was covered by the national TV. I found out that our female president was during this event quite in shock because she had an interview where one of the reporters asked her a question about the party where the program of the party was diminished and made fun of. That made me think how well I would respond if being in the same position since I definitely do not want to be laughed at or made fun of by public media.

In past decades I went through a radical personal transformation from a very shy unsocialized introvert who could barely speak and feared criticism into an outspoken blogger and vlogger who mastered many fears and is willing to expand even more. Despite producing over 500 vlogs in the past 3 years I have been noticed by media only several months ago and invited to 3 interviews at one of the Slovenian commercial TV stations. However, I was able to speak even about the most advanced esoteric knowledge which surprised even myself. Of course, at those interviews I have been speaking about that I was an expert at and was not expected to memorize a lot of specific information. However, as the politician, I assume that I would be expected to learn many historical data about our country and to know the constitution, country and international laws by heart. And memorizing a lot of exact data is not what I am very fun of. Also until now I have studied politics more from a global and secret esoteric perspective and did not follow local political happenings very much.

So now I will be facing some of the subconscious and mind patterns that can trigger reactions of fear using tools learned at the Desteni I Process online courses:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously when interviewed by public media. I realize that when one is becoming more of a public figure media will want to know more about them in order to satisfy the curiosity of the masses. However, even such influential people as the president of USA is being ridiculed by even most popular comedy shows and yet he proves how it is possible any opinion from whoever not to be taken personally. Thus I commit myself when someone, especially a reporter of the most influential media is interviewing me and my mind is producing thought like: “It is inappropriate to ask me any disrespectful questions in the attempt to trigger an emotional reaction in me.” to stop and breathe. In such cases I stay true to myself, speak openly based on the principle of equality and what is best for all and not care what others think about me since most are their projections of own limiting mind patterns, limitations, and separations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that becoming member of parliament is a function that I will not be able to handle due to current lack of knowledge of national legislation and international politics. I realize that whatever challenge I have faced so far, I proved to myself that I am capable of acquiring necessary knowledge and skills in order to perform my function with great excellence. And above all, I have been in the past years developing a strong integrity which is the most important quality in a political position so I definitely have something to offer. Thus I commit myself to when and as I think about becoming a politician and my mind is producing thought like: “You have little experience in politics and you are definitely incapable to know or learn what it takes to be part of a parliament!” to stop and breathe. I then rather start to study parts of the legislation and the current political situation with my own pace and prepare myself in the best way possible to be as ready for my job as I am capable of.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried what my father will think about me and that he will be ashamed of me if I go into politics and then make some mistake that will be blown out of proportions by media. I realize that while my father still wrongly considers me an extension of him and wants to be proud of me, it is his responsibility to face his lack of self-confidence and projections of his inferiority onto me. Thus when and as I am facing to be portrayed by public media as a loser and my mind produces thoughts like: “Oh no, what will my father think of me!” to stop and breathe. Then within awareness that parents are the one that instills the most limitations into their children, I disregard my family relationships based on self-interest and act from the starting point of what is best for all life in the long term. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a serious person that has to be addressed with all the respect, especially when I am in a role of a politician on highest position. I realize that better than respect based on the position it is far more sustainable to earn the respect of others by your own deeds and action that are best for all. Thus when and as I am in conversation with someone and my mind starts to produce thoughts like: “They better respect me and talk to me according to my formal position or I will show them how nasty I can be!” to stop and breathe. I then rather communicate with anyone with consideration of their own state of mind and within the realization that we will all die and leave our bodies and physical possessions behind. The only thing that will count is how much we have made progress in facing limitations of our own mind, how much we have transcended our self-interest and what is the long-term outflow of our actions on other living beings while we were making decisions in this physical realm.

For all who are in a political position or are planning to enter the politics but have fears, I recommend to take the free online course DIP Lite and listen to many supportive audios from Eqafe related to politics especially the one titled What Your Mind Doesn't Want You to Know About Fear of Authority.

Day 160: Worrying during work tasks

Not so long ago I join a international NGO that needed a logo for their new brand. Initially I became part of their internal graphic design team where each of us contributed with our logo design suggestions. After a while the organisation management got tired of waiting for us to come with a acceptable logo and decided to outsource it to one of popular international design contesting websites. Each of internal designers got payed in our cryptocurrency but of course not as much as the designer that eventually won the contest. When the head of NGO then provided us with the source file of the selected new logo, I noticed that it was not in expected vector format that can be infinitely scaled but only a bitmap file in medium resolution, usable only for website and small printed publication. I volunteered to take over the task of vectorisation since I worked in pre-press for over 10 years and converting images from pixels to vector lines is what I am very skilled at.

During the process of vectorisation I had a massive backchat about many things. Firstly I was dissatisfied with the NGO leadership that did even not educate themselves about how final logo format should be before they organised the design contest. Then I was disappointed about my logo not being selected despite of me being very professional in terms of making sure that it would be scalable, applicable and easily reproducible. I was unhappy about spending so much money on designer who was so unprofessional that he or she did not provide the logo in clean vector shape.

After I continued with inspecting the source file of the logo I noticed that the elements that were to represent a plant were so unnatural that people would notice and criticise it when the logo would be reproduced on some larger canvas. I started to wonder if I should take the initiative and do the corrections that I considered to be in the best interest of the organisation or if I should stick strictly to the original shape. Of course I could send such questions to the NGO leaders but they were very busy and had quite long response time. And many projects were stalled and could not move on before the logo was prepared so there was also a time pressure. 

What I was asking myself during the vectorisation process was if my work will be accepted, recognised and rewarded or if it will be criticised and refused. So I was quite worried about many things and I felt confused and anxious. I was also not sure about what is the procedure to become clear about the things that I wanted answer to since I was not clear about the roles in the NGO or who would be the most appropriate person to query. I wanted to do a good job however all the thinking created a depressed feeling and heaviness around my eyes.

I started to wonder why I am having so much trouble with such a relatively simple task while some individuals in the organisation seem to deal with their task very easily. Then I finally realised that I remembered how my father constantly pushed and criticised me while I was working in his family visual communications company. I was the only one using the computer to scan the logos from the flyers or business cards that clients delivered and I had to vectorise them very accurately and as fast as possible.

The next step of my responsibilities was to engage in the pre-press, do colour separation and films for the screen-printing department that my younger brother was in charge of. And if I made a single mistake, which I occasionally did, but it was discovered only after several hundred pieces of deliverables were printed, it resulted in quite some material damage and massive anger that was clearly expressed by my brother and my father. So during my design and pre-process I was in constant fear of later being emotionally attacked and blamed for damages.

Despite my brother taking over our family business about 17 years ago, me not working there anymore and moving to different part of our country, I still occasionally do some design work for my father using Skype and screen sharing. Lately we go along quite fine but occasionally he still comes with his pattern of getting inpatient and emotions of anger that trigger unpleasant feelings within me. And I am getting so much tired of living in constant expectation when he will call me next and fearing that after I do something for him he will be unsatisfied with my work.

Such experiences engrained and rooted deeply into my body to the level where they influence also myself in unpleasant way when I am working for any other client or do other work that can even not involve computers at all. So I am now going to apply the tools of writing and sounding self-forgiveness and self-commitments in order to shatter crystallised patterns that limit my self-expression and creative potentials:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid about what others will think about the results of my work. I realise that despite my work is a sort of extension and a part of me, the feedback given by others is often influenced by their projections and different kind of reasoning. When and as someone criticise my work and my mind produces thoughts like: “Oh no, they do not like me as a being.” I stop and breathe. I commit myself to in such cases breathe effectively, listen to the feedback within emotional stability and see if I can improve the result of my work so that it will serve end users as best as possible in a practical way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pressured when engaging in a creative design process since it takes quite some time and inspiration to come with a good and fresh idea and then to also manifest it in a tangible form. I realise that despite of being pressured and not allowed enough time to creatively express during the period of me being employed by my father I am now my own boss and am able to take as much time as needed for me to be completely satisfied with the result. When and as I start with creative design process and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Time is money so you must hurry or the client will have to pay you much more money than needed.” I stop and breathe. I commit myself to find clients who value high quality design and are also willing to pay fair price for it so that I can focus on being creative without any kind of unnecessary pressure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed in cases when I do not know who in organisation that I collaborate with is responsible for what. I realise that the only solution for something that I am not clear about is to ask questions and get answers no matter how long it takes for me to be completely clear about whatever I need to know in order to move forward. When and as I am unclear about something and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Oh no, I will now have to spend time to write the questions and wait for the answers and thus the work will have to wait.” I stop and breathe. I commit myself to be aware that being clear about things is the most important in life and that I am diligent in making all the necessary questions and be patient at receiving the answers. And during the time while I wait for a needed answer for me to be able to move on with a project, there are always many other tasks that I can do, especially perfecting myself by writing mind constructs like in this blog post.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Worry Wart from the Life Review series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 155: Painful manifestation on my butt

I seat a lot since my work is computer related. When I do something creative on my computer or if I watch some movie, I can seat for hours without standing up and I do not feel any physical discomfort. Despite of my bottom pressing again the chair for a long time, there are usually no long-term consequences of that. However occasionally I get some painful manifestations around the rectum that persist for several weeks and during that time it is very uncomfortable for me to seat on the chair and work with computer. Those manifestations are hardly visible to the naked eye, but when touched with the hand they feel like a hardened parts of the skin, usually elongated, like a vain, a few millimetres thick and a few centimetres long. Sometimes they include also a special painful spot, like a pimple however it is more solid and deeper than a common pimple. Such part of hardened skin with a very painful spot also manifested on my butt a week ago and this time I decided to do a deeper research about the cause of it in order to prevent it from reoccurring in the future.

Those of us who are part of Desteni group and walk Desteni I Process course for self-realisation have the privilege of support from experienced New Kinesiology practitioners. So I also scheduled a Skype session with one of them and explained my problem. The first thing that she indicated is that the painful manifestation on my buttocks is related to my mental processes. However she immediately also asked me if I already went to check it with a doctor because even though she tested out that it is a mind point, it may not automatically heal itself if and when I look at the mind point. Then she specified that the cause is a projection, specifically projecting emotions or expressions such as hostility, anger, hatefulness, selfishness, distance and irritation onto a person. In such emotional experience I reacted with sadness, guilt, remorsefulness, depression, tiredness, feeling stupid, inferiority and isolation. And the next related point that she indicated was a backchat of hatefulness, anger, hostility, criticism, selfishness, sarcasm and feeling hurt.

When I checked my memory what sorts of events I experienced around the time when the painful manifestation on my butt occurred I immediately remembered a visit of a policeman at my home. That policeman called me on the phone a day before and explained that he wants to talk to me since he is investigating a probable case of illegal money pyramid. I remember that immediately after the call, I had a massive backchat throughout the rest of the day and I imagined all kind of possible scenarios that might take place when he will arrive the next day. I have been pondering how to answer his questions, starting with introduction of myself. My encounters with police were very rare and I face them only several times in my life during the common traffic checks and when I reported couple of cases to them. However never have I been under investigation for anything illegal. Due to me wanting to be an example of a good person that does not harm anyone I wondered how even came so far that someone reported my activities as having something to do with breaking the law.

My core pattern that I have been transforming for the last several years has been fear about being criticised by others which is connected to my desire of wanting to get attention by impressing others with sharing of advanced knowledge and information. And I am still a bit sensitive about what others think about me especially if they blame me for something that I did not done or they perceive me as the opposite of how I want to be experienced by others. The next point that made me react especially to a person who has been in a role of policeman was information that I got in a study group where we researched the secret history and functioning of global legal and money system. It was explain that contrary to public believe that police is to protect us they are actually protectors of the public legal system that was created for the benefit of the Crown and the Pope who have been controlling and enslaving the humanity through religion and money system. Because as explained, by issuing of the birth certificate, we are turned into a legal fiction called the Person and taken all the human rights in exchange for the benefits of the public social system.

So the first thought that came through my mind after the policeman announced his visit was how shall I answer if he asks me if my name is Valentin Rozman. Because if I give him my full name as it stated on my birth certificate and my national ID card, legally I am confirming to be a legal fiction and will be handled as such. I started to project knowledge and information gained in the research group and created an enemy construct about the policeman. In my mind he was an evil representative of enslavement and abuse system with powers that he can use to arrest me and put me in jail. And because I was not skilled in legal terminology I would not be able to answer him in the way where my natural rights as a living human on land would be effectively protected. So I became quite scared and afraid what will happen when and as I face the policeman, especially because he will come to me in regards to a money related charges. About the operations that I have been involved in I have mede sure that all is legal and have several months ago contacted all the respective government agencies for them to confirm that everything that I have been doing is aligned with Slovenian legislation. Despite of knowing that the policeman will not be able to find any evidence of a criminal activity because all that I do is aligned with the law, I was still very uncomfortable due to possibility that he will be able to find something that I have missed to see.

When the next day the policeman came, I was surprised that he was not in the uniform, he just came in without introducing himself or asking me about my name and only after we sat down behind the table, he showed his badge and asked me about my birth date and place. He actually never asked for my name or any identification document. Then he explained that he came just to checked a few facts and that there is no person who suffered any damage due to my activities. He just needed to do some research on behalf of government financial agency in order to confirm that all is according to the law. We had quite a nice three hour talk where I enlightened him about many things that he was not aware of. Like that the fiat money system is actually the biggest theft in human history despite of being totally legal. All went fine however during the chat I noticed that I was still quite tense and in a slight emotional reaction because I did not consider the policeman as an equal but someone who is superior to me and is also in role of a someone who is violating natural rights despite of him probably thinking that what he does is for the good of the whole society.

After our chat I also sent him the proof of my previous communication with financial government agencies and their answers and I expect that this case will be closed soon. Now it is up to me to write some statements in order to transform my patterns of projecting blame and anger towards policeman and thus taking full self-responsibility for all the related reactions that me and no one else is responsible for:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label the person who announced his visit only as the policeman and not as an equal human being who is only temporary acting in a role of a policeman. I realise that I was the one who actually violated natural human rights of the human who came to me by not treating him as equal being. I commit myself to when and as a human comes to me and introduces themselves as a representative of certain organisation and my mind produces thoughts like: “Oh wow, this human has special right and powers and I must submit to him!” to stop and breathe. I then communicate with them with awareness that all beings are one and equal as life and that we do only express ourselves though different body interfaces and play certain roles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no difference between the functioning of police in the United States and here in Slovenia. I realise that despite there are some general legal overlays that consider each country on this world equally, there are considerable differences about the legal system and functioning of the police in Slovenia. I commit myself to when and as I meet the policeman in Slovenia and my mind goes: “Remember the videos about how nasty police in the US treat the people so you have to equally be afraid of the police in Slovenia!” to stop and breathe. I then communicate with the Slovenian police not just with understanding that they are much less aggressive than in US but to also understand that they are humans like me and want to be equally treated with respect and kindness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a good person that has done nothing wrong and that I must not be approached with any allegations. I realise that despite of someone doing only good to others and treating them as one and equal, they can still be attacked and accused by others due to different fears, misunderstandings, unclarity, caution and projection of past experiences. I commit myself to when and as someone is treating me as a suspect of doing something wrong and my mind is producing thoughts like: “I feel deeply insulted for someone even thinking that I am capable of harming others since I am the guy who does nothing but good to others!” to stop and breathe. I then continue to listen what the accusation are calmly and explain my perspective without taking it personally and understanding that until others will also not take full responsibility for their participation in the mind, I will still have to face the consequences of their points of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my responsibility is only to work on transforming my own mind patterns and after that my work is done and I can enjoy life in peace and happiness. I realise that this this is not true because we are all one and in this together and that no one is free unless we all are free. I commit myself to when and as I meet someone where I see that they are struggling with their mind patterns and I get thoughts like: “This is their own problem and I must not assist them but only leave them alone to face themselves!” to stop and breathe. I then support them the same as I have been supported by others in order to give forward what I have received within patience and persistence until all beings will transform their mind patterns to the level where we all will be able to live in harmony and abundance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in massive thinking about all possible sorts of scenarios of how the meeting with someone could look like immediately after someone announces that they want to meet with me. I realise that it is futile to think about how some event will look like in the future because such thinking is only separating me from what is currently here and is not assisting me in any way possible. I commit myself to when and as someone schedules a meeting with me and my mind starts to create all sort of imaginations about how the meeting might look like and what the results might be to stop and breathe. I then while waiting for the time of the meeting focus on being productive with what is here and prepare practically for that meeting and nothing more. The fact is that many scheduled meetings even do not take place since something can change and any meeting can thus be delayed or canceled even just a few minutes before the scheduled time of the meting.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Working Through Your Blame from the Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 144: Ashamed in front of the whole primary school class

This is continuation of my previous 7 blog posts in order to analyse all the memory impressions from my past that contributed to my cold legs syndrome. I am changing the titles to from now on be aligned with the point that I am walking and not with the syndrome itself. So while I thought that I have finished with all the relevant points regarding this condition, my Desteni I Process buddy checked the situation and saw that there are still 4 more relevant points left for me to walk. Thus I have checked my memory and did find additional ones that could play a significant role.

It happened to me in last years of the primary school where after the end of a class one of my classmates suggested to have a singing performance. Maybe his parents were part of some music band or were music teachers or member of his family simply enjoyed singing. Obviously he assumed that such is the case in every family and that anyone would be able to sing at least one song by hearth. So it was decided to place one of the class desks in front of the blackboard and each of the classmates will step on the desk and sing one song in front of the whole class. And so they did until it was my turn. However in our family none of members ever sung any song and I never tried to remember the lyrics of any popular songs. I objected and wanted to be skipped but my classmates persisted. They simply could not believe that I would not be able to sing even one song. They encouraged me to go on the 'stage' until I gave in and stepped on top of the desk in from of the blackboard. I tried to remember lyrics and melody of at least one of the songs but I was not able to. I stood there in front of the whole class and started to feel more and more ashamed and as someone who does not fit in. Eventually I stepped down with great embarrassment and I wondered if my classmates would now think of me that I am a total looser. And I never wanted to experience such embarrassment again. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be ashamed if I do not know how to sing and know any song by hearth. I realise that some sing a lot and know many lyrics and can not imagine that others have different talents and pastimes. I commit myself to when and as someone asks me to sing a song and my mind produces thoughts like: “Oh shit, I am in deep trouble since if I do not sing at least time, they will think that I am a looser!” to stop and bring myself back here by focusing on my breath. I then explain them in a calm way as many times as needed so that they are able to understand the fact that I have not been yet developing my singing skills. If they react with spite or do not want to understand this, I keep calm within since their emotional reactions are their own responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think that I will not be accepted by my classmates if I do not do the same things as the rest of them do. I realise that we are all unique individual beings and that public educational system does not allow us to express as such but shapes us to be similar to each other and rewards us for doing exactly the same as other do. I commit myself to when and as I am in a group situation where I am to do exactly the same thing as others do and my mind goes: “Oh no, what will others think about me if I do not comply? I fear that they will label me as a geek and make my life hard!” to stop and breathe. I stand my ground and do not allow others to manipulate me into doing something that I do not want to or I do not know how to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel bad if others in the group that surround me laugh at me due to me not performing as they would like me to. I realise that one can never satisfy all desires and expectations of others and that it is impossible to excel in all fields of expression that exist. Especially in a group environment a special relationship dynamics develops where individuals loose empathy very quickly. I commit myself to when and as I am in a group while they do not treat me as one and equal and my mind start to think: “Better to do something to make them feel good or else they might attack and hurt me!” to stop and breathe. I rather communicate with them directly and clearly and support them with realising how they are acting from the point of separation and that it is best to treat others as one and equal.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Losing our Voice from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 134: Correcting myself for the better future

In the past several weeks I have been experiencing increased resistance to read and write. Soon after I would start using computer and check email and social messages, I would start indulging in YouTube videos, mostly war related, especially with sniper or tank ingredient. Also when checking FaceBook timeline I would get distracted by news, especially about technological advancements in robotics and military equipment. This would increase anxiety and fear about the future where some are predicting the start of World War III in 2016 and Elon Musk is warning about development of artificial intelligence that will wipe out the whole humanity. With all the global video and internet surveillance I have become quite worried about the future of humanity. With all the information overflow I am asking myself if I should follow the technological development and risk of becoming introduced also to the possible negative effects that creates anxiety or if I should ignore all the news all together and enjoy the peace of my ignorant mind.

So in order to distract myself from worrying I watch action movies on YouTube, till midnight or even a bit longer. I want to to forget about the unpleasant reality of this world. This resulted in postponing my business tasks so unanswered emails and contacts that need to be digitized started to accumulate. Consequently also the money income became more compromised and that created even more anxiety. Thinking about what is solution to this problem I came to conclusion that it would be best for me not to follow all sort of social media posts since it is mostly negative and depressing. I have remove the fear of missing out something important. There is so many information out there and it is constantly being produced in more larger quantities every day. One simply can not keep peace of the mind if it is constantly bombarded with all sorts of news. Selection is needed in order to absorb only the programming that is supportive for the personal development.

What I have also not done in the past weeks is to support myself with writing. Sure I did a lot of vlog, one in Slovenian language each of the past 320 days and also one per week in English language. However I see that no tool can assist in calming the mind as effectively as writing. So I commit myself to write each day in order to become aware about what I am doing and to have the ability correct myself. My priorities will be development of my business projects that have also the effect of improving this world. So regardless of what will happen in the future, I will make best use of my available time here on Earth to make it into what is best for all. I will develop my personal skills, slow down and do what is necessary to make the projects happen. I have allowed myself too much to get easily distracted with all sorts of new ideas that my mind is constantly producing. I need to focus on one or very small number of projects and persist in pushing them forward until they will become fruitful. Whenever I experience unrest, anxiety, overwhelmingness, fear, worry or similar feeling, I commit myself to immediately start writing and supporting myself. Writing will be my best friend that never lets me down and is always by my side as well as my breath that is of course also very cool companion.

So from now on I will be setting all my visions, goals and tasks in writing which will assist me in solidifying and stabilizing myself. Every day in the evening I will overview the past occurrences in the same day and prepare the plan for the the following day. I am also opening a special private blog where I am to write all the brainstorming and specific writing about my personal and professional life. No more thinking as I have realized that thinking is too abstract, too fast and it easily distracts me from what I want to achieve in my life.

Suggested related audio to listen:
In Fear of the Future

Day 132: Demolition of the invisible wall

Lately I have been bumping into invisible wall. I am not referring to a vertical structure that prevents me from accessing a specific location, but a mental wall, composed of a thoughts and emotions that prevents me from performing specific tasks that are needed in order to achieve certain business goals. These tasks are part of a direct sales activities and are such as generating leads, making phone calls, scheduling meetings, executing presentations, making sales, asking for referrals and following up. All these are simple physical activities that do not require big muscles, however they are strongly related to mental activities. Thus my challenge is to penetrate the invisible wall in my mind.

I have been engaging in many different sales activities in the past and I have been one of the most successful salesman, earning high commissions. So what has changed, what is now the difference? Well firstly the media is full of information about financial crisis. There are constantly reports about how government is facing a money deficit, how cuts and savings are necessary, how even banks do not have enough money, so constantly the media programming about how there is not enough money for even the basic needs of the people, let alone to be able to afford more valuable product like I am currently selling. Consequently my mind if producing thoughts that there is no point of even trying to make any sales since no one will buy as there is not enough money.

Secondly as one of the most prominent patterns is my accepted and allowed character that I play within relationship with my father. He wanted for others to consider him as a loving father that takes care for the basic needs of the family and protects his children from all the evil of this world. Thus me and my brother were not allowed to go out in the evenings and at weekends in order not to make friends with peers that possess bad habits and consequently start indulging in drugs and alcohol. And then he also started with family business where I have been executing work task on the computer as I have been instructed by him. So my life survival tactics have been developed in form of a person who is quiet, waits for instructions of others and then the money comes automatically and mysteriously as the reward for doing what I was told to.

The third thing is that I am selling a new product with high value that requires a lot of sales steps and managing a lot of information. Previously I did a small orders for just few clients and when there would be no orders, I would take break for several hours or even several days. I started to enjoy such free time where no one demanded nothing from me. Now I am developing a much larger business with network of hundred of salesman and many thousand clients that will need to be managed basically for all my life. This requires a robust information management system and a constant overview and situational awareness of all the business points in any time in order for the business to develop properly. So comparing to my previous life style, the new business venture looks like a suicide mission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as character of obedient and humble person that waits for the orders from my father and immediately executes any given task and then stops moving after the task is completed. I realize that while I am still doing some tasks for my father and he is still consequently assisting me financially, such relationship is not supportive for my life and prevents me from acting as independent person and manifesting my own projects. I commit myself to live my own life as my father does not exist anymore and as he does not support me financially anymore and to generate my own sources of income by building my own business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the media news about the financial crisis and lack of money. I realize that media is focused on the shocking negative perspectives of society in order to generate attention and also to infuse fear into the public since the media owners have their own agenda that is not for the benefit of all. I commit myself to when engaging in sales activities to proceed with sales steps without any imagination about how much money the person that I am contacting currently possesses. My mind is not able to know the financial situation of any person before I actually ask them and receive a reply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by managing a large organization one will have less free time to relax and do fun things. I realize that any owner of a business is able to hire professional managers that can run the organization effectively and thus creating a lot of free time for the owners. I commit myself to when and as my mind would enter a state of overwhelmingness to breathe, slow down, assist myself with writing and move forward with digestible steps. There will always be ways to solve any problem if one moves with the speed of the physical breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to use the tool of speaking and writing whenever I bump into the invisible wall of my mind. I realize that the mind will constantly create new walls in order to prevent me from moving forward and that they will not disappear on their own in time, but will exist and persist until I face them meticulously and deconstruct them brick by brick, thought by thought until the mind runs out of bricks and then only will I be free to move anywhere without any limitations.

Day 131: Overcoming addiction to watching movies

A pattern has rebuild in relation to watching movies. It started about 20 years ago when I begun to work in the pre-press department of our family company. Computers were the main tool to do graphic design so I was sitting and watching the monitor from morning to late afternoon. When I would finish my daily tasks, I went up stairs into the living room and turned on the TV. Watching moves relaxed me and I would would watch them also on the TV set in my bedroom till late evening. This developed into such addiction that I finally decided to sell the TV set in my bedroom and also couple of years later, when I moved to my own flat, I decided not to have a TV set.

I still do not possess a TV set however I have a desktop computer with a very large screen and I watch many of the movies and video content with online availability. Recently I noticed that I increased the quantity of movies that I watch per week and I need to stop this since it interferes with my other responsibilities, especially business tasks. I am currently in the final stage of developing a new business where I would have to do in-home presentations for a very valuable product. There are couple of things that create psychical resistance in moving forward.

One is that I want the presentation to be prepared in such perfection that it would create the best impact and as much sales as possible. Every in-home visit is the final stage where hot leads have been funneled through many marketing steps, from creating a web site, advertising, collecting leads, making phone calls and scheduling meetings. Thus I want to make sure that every in-home presentation is properly done by explaining the client all the benefits and saving that they will get by purchasing our product. 

Second thing is the significant change of work tasks. Up to now I made my living mostly by doing a design work for regular clients. It was cozy to work in my nice home office and I did not have to do much traveling. My new job demands me to move much more since it is I who will be visiting clients on their home so I will have to plan trips, use the car, navigation and have to be dressed in a business suit in order to get the job done.

Third issue is the increased responsibility due to managing a much bigger project that ever before. As a designer I had not further requests after I delivered the order. The product that I will be selling now however will require many years of customer support and I expect to have many thousands of clients. So it will definitely require a quite different life style and mindset as before. I will have to get trained in team management and leadership skills and will have to handle much more informations.

All these issues contributed to creation of resistance which manifested as procrastination by watching movies. Now it is up to me to change this pattern and direct myself by becoming aware of this patterns and changing them by applying self-forgiveness and self-commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge in moves. I realize that moves can be addictive since they take one in the imaginary world where one has no responsibilities but to watch and enjoy the pre-programmed life scenario. Thus a moderation in watching is necessary in order to balance the fun and work responsibilities. When and as I am faced with a job task and my mind creates a thought that invites me to relax some more by watching a movie, I take a deep breath and stop. I use common sense to evaluate the priorities and then decide if situation qualifies for some movie fun time. I commit myself from this moment on not to watch more than one feature film per day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the feeling of anxiety about the complexity of the new business that I am involved in. I realize that no matter how big the project is, everything can be faced by slicing the elephant into a digestible pieces. When and as my mind tries to grasp a large quantity of information and creates a thoughts that this is too much and wants to create a feeling of overwhelmness, I take a deep breath and stop. I direct myself by chopping big tasks into small steps, define priorities, allocate required time and move myself based on the plan. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad due to need of wearing a uncomfortable business suit while making the presentations. I realize that suits are of different quality and while most are not very comfortable, custom tailored suits can fit the body perfectly and thus support the physical body effectively. When and as I am to change my clothes and my mind start to produce thought of associating business suit with the word uncomfortable, I take a deep breath and stop. While my current dress has become a bit tight, I commit myself to invest my first profits into buying myself a comfortable suit that would make my presentations nice and cosy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid that my in-home presentations will not be effective. I realize that every presentation that one starts to do will lack perfection initially and thus it is best not to count on doing the first sale very soon. When and as I am about to do a presentation and my mind produces thoughts of doubt about my ability to achieve success in sales, I take a deep breath and stop participating in the mind. I return myself here and respond to any questions that the clients might have until they are informed properly about all the benefits of our product.

Recommended related links:

When Worlds Collide - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination

Life Review - How I Justified my Life of Anxiety

Worry Wart - Life Review

Day 129: Facing fear of rejection in selling

Now what changed from my last blog post is that I evaluated all the outcomes in regards to my business or moneymaking options and decided not to start with activities of offering my design services. This is because the other project with educational product is moving quite fine so I decided to fully focus on it in order to invest my time more effectively. The marketing activities have reached a stage when I have in the past couple of days made a phone calls to kindergartens and arranged several meetings which three of them will be already tomorrow.

While designing a lead form and a leaflet for the meetings tomorrow I noticed how anxiety started to build up due to high expectations and fear of being turned down. Already during making phone calls with kindergarten directors, there was these fear of someone saying no. And this is because one single person is in charge of the whole kindergarten with the main unit and affiliating units all together. Consequently just one person has power to prevent me to access hundreds of leads. Sure there are quite a lot of kindergartens in the city and leads can be generated also in other ways, but this is the easiest and fastest way to get them. When I finished with design work, I felt a bit dizzy from the accumulated energy and also my eyes felt very tired. So I had to rest for a bit in order to recuperate. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear of being rejected by potential client. I realize that rejection is part of life in general, especially in sales business where the quantity of nos is usually much larger that the quantity of yeses. Thus I commit myself to when and as I notice my mind to create the image of the event where I am turned down, to take a deep breath and see this a mind's attempt to separate me from what is here. I then allow myself to actually attend the meeting, do the best presentation possible and then wait for the response where I would consider yes and no as equals and remain energetically stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when designing the promotional materials to fear that I will make some spelling or composition mistake that clients might discover them when handing them the material which could eventually lead to them deciding that they do not want to collaborate with me because of a tiny mistake that they had discovered. I realize that mistakes are part of our lives since there is no such thing as total perfection and each one of us very limited in regards perception and awareness. Thus I commit myself to when and as I design some text document and my mind would produce thought of others judging me, to see this as a diversion of the mind and focus my attention back to by breath. After I complete the document, I check it carefully word by word and remove all the mistakes that I notice. Then I leave it as it is and give opportunity to others to discover possible remaining mistakes.

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