Day 192: My greatest fears

Within one of the recent chats of our Desteni support group for self-perfection, we were discussing how to face the emotional challenges related to the Coronavirus or Covid-19 global shutdown. It became clear that what the majority of people are afraid of the most is not becoming infected with the virus and becoming sick but something else. One of the biggest fears, in general, is, of course, dying however since the death statistics were not as bad as presented in public media, that was not the main issue. The main problems that people saw were related to a lack of food that could cause starvation and as it was also evident from popular memes, the biggest fear was lack of toilet paper, lol. Except that in Slovenia the product that people have purchased the most was actually the yeast. I am now also going to look at what my biggest fears for me personally are in relation to the recent global situation.

So as I wrote in my previous blog post, the biggest change for me was that the source of income from my father that I have been relying on was gone and thus I was not able to pay for the rent anymore. However, in relation to that, the actual fear was that the landlord would lash out on me with anger and thus disturb my inner peace with a projection of his emotional energy. Or maybe he would even demand that I move out of my current apartment. And this situation was also related to my feeling of shame and discomfort since several years ago I was also not able to pay for the rent for several consecutive months. I still owe him that money and occasionally the landlord still brings this point up and I feel uncomfortable about that. In a way, I did pay him for that missing rent however it was in the form of alternative digital currency that was expected to become convertible to fiat currencies very soon however that did not happen to this day. So regardless of him having the funds on his account he, equally like me, is not able to use it in a practical way. And also a girlfriend of the landlord that lives nearby has several months ago made an attempt to convince the landlord to make me move out due to her predictions that I will not be able to pay for the rent due to her false perception that my monthly income was far less than it actually was. Thus I am also uncomfortable that her predictions became true although the actual cause now is something very different and also she could not predict that. I have read that currently, one-third of the people in the United States can no longer afford to pay for the rent so knowing that I am not the only one with such a challenge does assist me a bit. And what I see is that beneath this feeling of shame and discomfort there is my old main pattern of fearing to be judged by others and not wanting to display any of my mistakes publicly. My father at the end of each year has been proudly announcing to the world that he is completely debt-free and I also wish to be able to say that however in recent years I was not able to do that.

What is also related to the lack of money is my dependency on social support money for the past several years that is also something that I am not proud of. Because of that my father is seeing me as a looser and has shamed me many times and I do not want to experience that ever again. However, I am not so much concerned about what my father says since I have realized that he is speaking from his own insecurities about himself that he compensates with a craving for attention from other people and the need to be recognized in public as a good person. And I also do not want money to be the main focus in my life since it is just an arbitrary means of exchange in ways that are hard to wrap the head around it. Some people are allowed to create money out of thin air in abundance while others are not allowed that and are even prevented to get it enough to support themself with it properly. Besides that, there are constant periodic financial crises that create worldwide depressions. So regardless of how much money someone has, it can all be taken away in a moment by some completely unexpected event. Consequently, I also do not want to be attached to money while I actually have always been able to find ways to have my basic needs met. And I am researching options and development of global events that have the potential to turn the money into something more stable and fair.

The next point that is also related to money and survival is the vaccination agenda and 5G network. I watched many documentaries that explain how the existence of coronavirus has been deliberately blown out of proportions in order to enforce mandatory vaccination. And that many of the cases where people got sick or even died were connected to the rollout of the 5G network that influenced the human body in a negative way. Then also how if we allow the vaccination agenda and further implementation of 5G, each of us could become controllable and enslaved even more. Or also prevented from accessing your own bank account and food if not complying with the controllers. And how the 5G has been weaponized and can be used to target groups or individuals to disable their body functions or even kill them. Also, we could see how in a relatively short amount of time governments have taken legal measures and public media has focused on spreading mostly negative news that resulted in people's movement becoming restrained and their sources of income diminished, in some cases to zero. So the underlying fear in regards to this point is about the same scenario to be repeated in the future even faster and with even stronger negative consequences for me and others.

Besides initial ranting and raving I now also going to assist myself with the writing of some self-forgiveness and self-correction statements that I learned at the free online course DIP Lite that I also recommend to others:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that due to the current state of almost all people in the world being connected via the internet and making friendships on social networks with thousands of individuals from all over the planet, we now comprehend how similar and interdependent we are and thus we will not turn against each other ever again. I realize that while there exist technical potentials to increase the speed of self-realization, the actual process of real inner transformation takes many years of diligent work and many are still in the beginning stages of this process. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “I can now relax and have complete trust in the future of peace, happiness, and abundance.” to stop and breathe. I then rather keep myself open to any kind of event that might happen at any time and rely on my ability that I will always be able to find a solution to any challenge that I face in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone controlling me as something bad and unacceptable due to my perception that I am free, that I need to stay free, and that anything that will limit my freedom has to be opposed with maximum force. I realize that each of us is already living within many physical, mental and spiritual limitations and that sense or state of freedom is relative and can be practically lived only with consideration of the outflow consequences of acts of every single individual in existence since we all share one existence and every action has its consequence. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Every restriction enforced by others onto me is wrong and I will fight it and protect my current freedom!“ to stop and breathe. I then rather take time to see why the certain new limitation has been established, if it is for the long-term benefit of most living beings and to see how many freedoms I still have that allow me to move, create, express and to provide for my basic needs of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the character of a victim due to all the physical, mental and spiritual limitations that I currently experience and that since I am not able to be aware of all the existence and control every detail of it I demand to be taken care of by someone who has more control since I am entitled to be so. I realize that while I am experiencing certain limitations I also have many options to overcome them and expand myself which would be a much better use of time and my potentials than not moving and staying in a state of self-pity. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “You are so small, weak and insignificant so you have the right to be taken care of.” to stop and breathe. I then rather write down all my weaknesses and the options for becoming stronger in those areas and move effectively every single moment in order to become more able and respond to everything that I am facing in my life.

In regards to this blog post, I also suggest listening to these supportive audios from the Eqafe website where Every Question is Answered for Everyone:

The Unpredictability of Life
Who's Responsible for the Enslavement of Mankind
How I Justified taking Control of Existence
Justifying Control on the Premise of Unity
When the Creators Lost Control
My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak
Unpredictability of Consciousness
Money Consuming our Minds
Master of War
Everything Must Be Just So
What Is Inner Control
Freedom of Expression
What Does it Mean to Redefine Freedom
Practicality within Redefining Freedom

Day 96: Money Money Money

Days from 92 to 95 are in my Slovenian blog

I was thinking lately about my mind patterns in regards to money. I asked myself why I was not able to generate wealth with the same ease as some others did. So I decided now to write these points out and see what I discover and realize within that.

As every child I became used for parents to provide for everything I needed. My father was firstly employed in the factory but then started our family business. Even though I was formally employed in our company I have not been receiving salary but had to ask parents to buy me stuff or give me some allowance. Only at age of 25 when I moved to my own apartment and won to work only 8 hours per day, I started to receive salary.

And also then my parents pressured me to continue to work at our or their company and supported me in buying my own apartment. At age of 27 I registered my own business and started earning money on my own. Since I had no expenses with the rent, I generated enough income very easy. I worked just for couple of hours a day and earned enough for the food and invested the rest in the research and development of the projects that I liked.

Three years ago I decided to sell my apartment and move to Ljubljana capital city. I decided for a big apartment where I would live and also work in my studio. The rent was very high and also additional monthly costs. However due to large sum of money from the apartment sale I did not worry about running out of money soon. However now after three years of investing in projects and spending money on travel and networking, I got myself unprepared for the fact that all the money is gone.

I kinda lost track of how much money I have and how much money I need to generate in order to stay in the big expensive apartment. Also the economic situation did its toll and from the business services that I offered there were not enough clients to cover all the expenses. Thus I recently decided to move to smaller and cheaper apartment. Now I am thinking what I have to do in order to improve my financial situation and raise myself high up from the ashes. 

During my regular walks in the nearby hills with the woods I find myself surrounded by plants and think about how Mother Nature is giving us all what we need for free. And we the humans then put price tags on things and sell them to each other. All the land is owned by someone and if you want to have stuff, you have to have money. This fact about money and putting price tags to things that are free seems to me very bizarre and unnatural.

Thus I also find very difficult putting the price tags on my services and deciding what the values of my products should be. I would rather do things for free but this is unrealistic in the system that we currently have. So even though I would rather change the system into something like Equal Money System where a dignified life is unconditionally guaranteed for all, I have to consider current state of reality and then create changes within and as the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to give up due to believe that current world system is all fucked up, that humans are parasites and that it is best for the world for all humans to die out instead of realizing that self-pity and blame is unproductive and I just waste my life and potentials.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed not to track my incomes and outcomes and thus not being aware of my current financial status instead of realizing that tracking money flow is the foundation of successful human life in the current system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that if I charge money for my services I within this take money from other people and thus they will have less money instead of realizing that the function of money is to exchange products and services and that money is a recyclable medium.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to perceive that people do not have money due to financial crisis and thus bearing to charge money for my services to others instead of realizing that currently there is only about 13% rate of unemployment in our country which means that 87% people have jobs and thus also money and that I can also sell my services to basically anywhere in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate business success and wealth with stressful life instead of realizing that rich people manage up to 50 different companies however they use methods of time and priority management where they delegate their employees and thus have even more time freedom that working alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to indulge in watching movies for many hours per days, thinking that that would relax me and free from the anxiety of my life challenges instead of realizing that watching pictures is dumbing my brain down and turning me into even more lazy person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rich people are corrupt and have gathered their money only by criminal activities instead of realizing that everyone's life story is different and that some could be involved in some dirty business, however there are also a lot of hones and supportive ways of making money where a great value is added to society and this world.

I commit myself to read books every morning every evening as suggested my successful people since leaders are readers and reading is very important to develop focus and become more effective in this world.

I commit myself to keep detailed record of all my incomes and outcomes to the last cent and do weekly and monthly stats of my income, outcomes and profit since this is a must for every person who wants to live successful life in the current money system.

I commit myself to associate with wealthy people and get advise about what they do in order to I also become equally successful since if you want to become someone, you have to mimic these people.

2011 - Silverpoint time share holidays & vacation club

A week ago some man called me on the phone and invited me to come to presentation of Silverpoint holidays program at Vila Bled hotel and they will give me a gift in form of dinner for two persons or something similar if I come. I explained the man that I am not going on holidays very much and that I am now focusing on projects to make myself and this world a better place. The man said that he is also interesting in knowing more about my projects, so I decided to come in order to spread the information about Desteni solutions to practically manifest heaven on earth.

So yesterday I went to Vila Bled which was the residence of the president of the ex Socialistic Federal Republic of Yugoslavia with name Josip Broz - Tito. Firstly some young woman registered me and checked my contact information and then some other young woman escorted me out to the next building with nice panoramic view on Bled lake, island and castle. Then we went to a big room with a lot of small round tables where singles or couples would chat with one of the representatives of the Silverpoint company. And there were a lot of big vertical posters, positioned all around the walls with attractive pictures of the Silverpoint holiday resorts around the world. So also the girl who was assigned to me and me picked one free table, fetched a drink and started the conversation.

She introduced herself, explained that the presentation will take about 90 minutes (in fact it took 3 hours) and that I their offer is valid only for today, so I will have to decide immediately if I want to take it or not. Then she continued by asking me some questions about my holiday habits and filled them by hand in the paper form. When we were done with profiling my vacation preferences, she started to give me details what Silverpoint is about. She showed me a lot of pictures of their resorts and made a financial compartment in order to convince me that their offer is the best in terms of financial savings and also in terms or superior quality of holiday resorts.

The point of Silverpoint is that you decide for a membership by which you become a life-time owner of one of the apartments in one of their resorts. And then you pay each year only a maintenance fee of about 300 €. So you then have the opportunity to go to that resort any time in whole year or rent your place to other people to use it while you are not there. And the best point is that you can exchange your apartment with any other location in Silverpoint network, so you that you are able to go to any Silverpoint resort in the world. The philosophy is to save money by not having to pay for all the fees, advertisements and manipulation costs that travel agencies charge, since Silverpoint actually buys the resorts and thus by owning it the costs of holidays dramatically reduces. They also take care that their resort are top quality, so at least 5 or even 6 stars.

While their female representative was explaining all this things to me, using words like 'beautiful', 'positive energy' and 'nice feelings' I started to explain her that beauty is only the accepted definition and when you define something as 'beautiful', you automatically also define other things as 'ugly' and thus create the separation and inequality in this existence. And in regards to feelings, they are all the energy, created by friction or conflict between reality and your accepted and allowed believes, ideals and definitions in your mind. So why creating the definition of some environment to be 'ugly' and 'exhausting' and then needing to have some 'beautiful holidays' somewhere far away, when you can simply breathe effectively, remain here and accept the current reality the way it is?

The concept of time-sharing locations is great, but why not sharing every single resource in this world equally among all living beings? I explained her that if she is really interested in providing everyone with the best and cheapest holiday experience, she should research and support the Equal Money System. This is a concepts where we would not need to buy propriety and then share it, since there will be no actual ownership anymore. And you will not need to work in exhausting conditions and fight to earn your money, since all your needs will be covered by the system. When her supervisor, that was an English speaking gentlemen, joined our table, I also explained him the Desteni vision of practically creating the heaven on earth, but he would not want to listen or take the my Desteni leaflet, arguing that he is fine with believing in god, doing some small charity and that changing this world is pure illusion.

But what is here impossible to do in this world? Silverpoint proved that when enough people join and support some solution, the quality of life increases and prices drop dramatically. So this is exactly what we are doing at Desteni. We are creating a global network of people who work together for the ultimate 'holidays' that will last from birth to death. We want to "own" the whole world and then we will have the whole planet available to share among each living being equally, so there will be no more scarcity, no more hunger and wars, but peaceful co-existence in perfect harmony. But firstly, the same way as the Silverpoint members, we have to invest in this paradise, and the Desteni I Process is the way to do it. We remove everything what separates us in our minds and then we remove all the laws that separate us from earth resources. So if you want to invest in the 'cheapest and most luxurious life-time holidays', I invite you to join Desteni that will enable the full unlimited expression of life on this world.
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