Day 146: Self-criticism of my belly

Several years ago when I used to do a lot of mountain biking, my friend and I took a trip with our mountain bikes to the nearby Stol (Chair) mountain. During the downhill we stopped in the forest for a short rest and I asked him if he can take a picture from the side with me posing on my bike. After I downloaded the picture and looked at it on my computer my belly took most of my attention since it was like protruding forward and it did not looked attractive to me like I imagined it would. My goal was to give an elegant pose but I was ashamed of my posture the way it looked on the picture . So I did not post this photo on social media because I thought that others would criticise me.

After that I have for many times occasionally observed my belly in the mirror and wondered how I usually look from the side to the other people. I wanted my belly to be nice and attractive, especially to girls, of course. In many movies there are scenes where girls admire six-pacs of the guys and how it is suppose to be sexy. However I recently also stumbled on one article that explains how most of the women like men with the bigger bellies however I am not sure if they explained why. There is also a character of Santa Claus that has a big belly and is associated with a kind personality. And my father also has a big belly and he used to joke that a responsible lord has to keep his tools under the roof. There was also one viral video that showed a guy with big round protruding belly who hit it with his palm fast and it turned into a six-pacs. This obviously demonstrated that also bodybuilders are able to relax the belly muscles so that it looks protruded and round and when they decide to expose their six-pacs, they have to make an effort to activate their belly muscles. I also wondered if my spine has deformed in a more obvious S shape since I have been sleeping on my belly from my early childhood. Despite of all this worries about how my belly could look in the eyes of others, I never gave it much attention like becoming obsessed with going to gym or wanting to have a six-pacs to impress girls. However it does somehow persist in my subconscious mind and it influences my self-image.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to have a six-pacs in order to become attractive and get girls. I realise that I had several girls and none of them complained about my belly. And as some research explained, some girls prefer big bellies oven plain ones or even six-pacs. I commit myself to when and as I observe a photo of me where my belly is protruding and my mind produces thoughts like: “Look at that big ugly belly! You should be ashamed of it and if you will do nothing about it, you will not be able to attract any girls.” to stop and breathe. I then continue to observe the photo of me and not allowing any emotional reaction to take over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my belly to bellies of other people, especially those who are actors in the movies and models in the fashion magazines. I realise that movies and magazines tend to promote a certain ideal of beauty and physical perfection and ignore the fact that humans come in various and very different shapes and sizes. I commit myself to when and as I observe myself on the photo or in the video and my mind goes: “What a geek, your body looks so strange that it would be better to hide yourself from the public in order not to create a disgust in the eyes of other!“ to stop and breathe. I then continue to observe pictures of me within energetic stability and awareness that it is natural to be different from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine that my posture is bad and that my spine is crooked without even visiting a doctor or chiropractor in order to confirm the extend of how much if at all the shape of my spine is off from the optimum and if there are any concerns and needs to be adjusted. I realise that if my posture would be so much off I would received at least one comment from my friends about that so I should be just fine. I commit myself to when and as I think about the shape of my spine and my mind is producing an imagination how my spine is crooked to stop and breathe. I then refocus to something more important in my life or decide to schedule an appointment with s specialist to provide me with a real facts about the condition of my spine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a physical image of my body is so much important due to promotion of visual ideals in the public media. I realise that in any relationship physical image plays a very small role comparing to the whole spectrum and dimensions of interactions and collaboration that two life partners perform during the whole day alone and together. I commit myself to when and as I go in my mind and start to use my imagination to compare my physical body to any body of actor or a model, to stop and breathe. I then rather do some practical work with full acceptance of the way how my physical body witch I am temporarily incarnated in my current human experience looks like and with awareness that it is just one current dimension of who I am as eternal living being. 

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audios titled Self Image and Imagination from the Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 145: Embarrassed in front of the dancing class

A similar memory that I walked in my previous blog post is being embarrassed by a dancing teacher in front of other classmates. Around age of 30 one of my female friends asked me if I would be willing to be her partner at tango dancing class. I liked this girl quite a lot and considered her a potential life partner. I did made several attempts to hit on her but she responded with letting me know that she does not enjoy the way I approached her. So I was very happy to see that she invited me to a dancing class with hopes that this might be a gathering that will being us closer together.

A couple of years before that friend invited me to a tango dance class I have attended many basic standard dancing classes at private music and dancing school called Tango. However that did not mean that the school was specialised in giving tango dancing lessons, that was just a name that the founder of the school picked out. We did have a couple of standard tango dancing lessons while I visited that school but I did not have any opportunities to practice dancing afterwards.

When my girlfriend invited me to a tango dancing class she told me that it will be just a couple of sessions in span of one weekend. When we arrived at the dancing hall for the first time I noticed that she was surprised to find out that the kind of tango that will be taught was not a classic but the Argentinian tango. She kinda missed that detail of information. And what we found out very soon was that there are big differences between those two kinds of tango. Not only that but we realised that it was also not a beginners class but a very advanced class. So we struggled very hard to keep with the pace of the lessons or better to say, we were unable to fit in.

And there was also a very unpleasant experience for me where I failed to fulfil the ideals of the dancing teacher in the most basic matter. It was the occasion where dancing teacher wanted to check out the way how our bodies move. So the first thing that he instructed all class participants was to form a very big circle. Then each one of us was to walk diagonally across the floor from one side of the circle to the opposing one. When the participants would finish the walk, they would receive an applaud and the praise about their grace of movement was given to them.

Eventually it was my turn to do the walk. So I stated to move my body and I took the long walk across the hall while others would watch me carefully. However when I arrived at the other side, the dancing teacher started to lough loudly and criticise the way I walked. He said that I absolutely do not know how to walk and that had never seen anyone walk more clumsily than me. I was very shocked and started to feel ashamed since never before anyone told me that there was something wrong with the way I walked. And I became also angry about the dancing teacher since I considered it wrong to behave in so insensitive way towards his dancing class attendees.

That event created quite a deep impression within me and after that when I would walk down the street I would often think that other are observing me and judging the way I walk. And there was also a related event several years later when I visited Desteni farm. Once when I had a conversation with Bernard he would with strong voice criticise the way I walk wanting to somehow show me that by waking as the way I did I am showing some kind of personality that was not in the best interest of all. And several years later I was also interviewed by some private TV channel and they also recorded some scenes of me while walking in the forest. However I never saw the recording of that interview and I am even not sure that it was aired at all. That created additional backchat and increased thinking that I am walking so strange that other even do not want to publicly show the recording of my walk.

Up to this day I am still asking myself what the hell is suppose to be wrong with the way I walk. And I also did never seen any video recording of me while walking. I wonder if the way I walk had changed in the past years due to progressing in the process of self-realisation. Maybe I did walked before in a way where it was shown that my body is very stiff and not very fluid in movement due to my past professional career where I would sit in front of computer for the most of the time. Maybe I now walk differently and no one has any reason to criticise my walk anymore. Anyway, I am recently careful to pay attention on my physical body while I walk and make sure that my walk is very relaxed, that I feel comfortable and that I do not allow myself to give any attention to the thoughts where I would think that others are observing and criticising the way I walk or look like. I have considered also to specifically made an effort to record the way I walk in order to observe how I actually move for my own self-reflection. But I do not consider this very important at this time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept the invitation from my friend to join her at a tango dancing class with expectation that she knows exactly what the class will be about. I realise that other people might not take proper time and focus to understand what some event is about and can come to a false conclusion. I commit myself to when someone invites me to some event and my mind produces thoughts like: “Just say yes and trust them since they must know what the event is about and that I will also enjoy it!” to stop and breathe. I then take time to do my own research and cross-reference if expectations of the one who invited me are aligned with the actual detailed description of the event plans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that if someone is in a role of a teacher they must follow a proper conduct of behaviour and be careful not to say anything that will make their class attendees uncomfortable. I realise that any person who is sometimes also in a role of a teacher is also in process of self-realisation and that I must not expect from anyone to be nothing but perfect. I commit myself to when and as any teacher makes a degrading remark about me and my mind goes: “They should not say that and hurt my feelings since they are a teacher and must respect me completely and unconditionally!“ to stop and breathe. I then within awareness that all are in the process of self-transformation and that none of the remarks is to be taken personally communicate with the teacher and support them as one and equal in realisation how they can improve their communication with other by taking full self-responsibility for their own mind projections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hurt by the remark of the native Argentinian tango teacher that laughed at the way I walked. I realise that in Argentina they have a very different culture where most of residents practice their form of tango from a very young age and thus they also develop a more fluid and gracious way of physical body movement. I commit myself to when and as some skilled professional criticises something that I have done and my mind comes up with thoughts like: “Oh no, I am such a bad person who should be deeply ashamed of what I have done!“ to stop and breathe. I then with full understanding of the whole history of that professional communicate with them and explain that we all have different past experiences that shaped us and that they should not expect from others to excel the sam way as they do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for previous comments about the way of how I walk to haunt me. I realise that some comments were made from the points of separation and some were made with intent to support me in developing myself. I commit myself to when someone is commenting the way I move and I start to think: “Poor me, does really no one love and accept me for who I am?” to stop and breathe. I then communicate with the person who gave the comment and ask for a detailed explanation in order to understand if they want to actually support me or if they are only projecting their own points of separation. If I see that the comments are manifestation of emotions like spite, envy or competition, I dismiss the comments completely. And if the comments proved to be supportive in terms of showing me how my specific body movement express my patterns od self-limitation, I take them into account and use them to correct myself with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go out for a walk to think about the possibility that someone is watching me and criticising the way how my physical human body moves. I realise that while someone might observe me when I am outside in the public, all judgments about my body movements are their own responsibility and have nothing to do with me. I commit myself to when and as I am outside and use my human physical body as medium of transportation or self-expression and my mind start to produce thoughts like: “Pay attention that you move in such a way that you fit into the crowd and not stand out in any way since others will start to criticise or even attack you!” to stop and breathe. I then if I am walking or running pay attention that my human physical body is as relaxed as possible and that it moves as naturally as possibly. And if I use my body to express myself while doing some movements that others might find strange, to disregard what others might think and express myself fully, following the natural flow of movements within complete oneness with my human physical body.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Embarrassment and Personalities from the Atlanteans series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 143: Why do my feet and legs feel cold?

You are reading the 7th consecutive blog post about cold feet or cold legs symptom that I have been experiencing for about last 10 years. For the full context of this process, I invite you to firstly read my previous related blog posts titled (1) The cause for cold legs where I discovered that one of the causes is separating me from myself by creating a constant self-criticism character, (2) Home remedy for cold feet where I walked the first contributing memory of my father painfully punishing me in my early childhood, (3) Solution for perpetually cold feet where I expanded the previous point of blame from perspective of defensive character that I develop in regards to my father punishing met, (4) Why are my legs always freezing cold where I faced the third important memory of being bullied by classmates during the first years of middle school, (5) Cold Feet Symptoms, Causes and Treatments where I went into my memory of not being accepted to middle school of photography and design and (6) Natural Cure for Cold Feet where I walked the timeline of being under pressure while working at my father's family business. In this blog post I will be facing the last event that I feel is relevant to my cold legs symptom which is breakup with my first girlfriend after three years of living together.

In the previous blog post I described how meeting a girlfriend was for me like an exit ticket from the tyranny of my father since at the time where I worked in his family business I was slowly conditioned into workaholism and I was not able to motivate myself enough to move out of the house to my own apartment and start developing independence. However when I met my first girlfriend at 24 years of age, moving to own apartment was much more easier since I did not do it alone. Moving to our own flat gave me also the practical reason to enforce eight-hour workday and a salary since before that I worked from morning to evening, even weekends, and I received no payment so I had to ask my father to buy me what I needed.

So when I started the first serious relationship with a girlfriend, I had a vision how we would be creating independent life and not allow any more to be pressured my any of our fathers. I expected from my girlfriend to watch my back and to deflect all attempts of breaking our unity. However while I was able to stand up for myself, she started to give in and continued to work overtime in each case where her father would demand from her to do so. And not only that, she also became a double agent and functioned as mediator between me and my father. I felt deeply betrayed because of that. Despite of all that, I continued to maintain the relationship with conviction that until at least one of the partners is dedicated to keep the relationship together, it will somehow work out. Those believes shuttered when after three years of living together, my girlfriend left me with explanation that she does not feel safe.

That event produced a devastating blow to me and I felt like I am incompetent partner and not able to be a good provider. After period of deep grievance and mourning, I decided to assure that such defeat will never happen to me again. It was the beginning of my dedicated research of psychology, human relationship and spirituality that has continued to this very day with great benefits for me. Eventually I realised that living alone in my own apartment and working as a freelancer was the necessary change that I definitely needed in order to have time and quiet space for introspection and self-reflection. If my girlfriend and I would have had kids, our lives would be very different and maybe we would eventually also break up which would produce even worse consequences for our children. I think that everyone should live alone and work without being influenced by their parents for several years in order to look at the inherited mind patterns and transform them as many as possible in order not to transfer them to their offspring.

Now is the time to look at these described events and take back my power by applying self-forgiveness for the points where I abdicated self-responsibility and created character of victim:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that I myself as a single person do not have enough will to find my own apartment and demand a salary from my father in order to start developing my independence while I was working for him. I realise that I am the only one who is needed to change current situation in my life and that I do not need to be in any kind of relationship with some other person who would act as additional motivation. When and as I feel that I am not comfortable with how situation in my life is and my mind is creating thoughts like: “Now is not the right time for change, best to wait until you meet some other person that will assist you in making the change together!” to stop and breathe. I then take full control of my life and do the necessary change with awareness that I am the only one that I am waiting for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to have specific expectations about the person that I am in relationship with and holding on to relationship with hopes that other person will eventually change and align with our agreement. I realise that some humans have deeply rooted mind patterns and that it takes years to transform them and that some do not want to change even if supported with great effort. I commit myself to when and as I engage in a relationship to clearly express my expectations and minimum standards of behaviour and to set a deadline about how long I am willing to tolerate deviations. If the other person does not respect our agreement, is consistently and for significant period of time breaking the agreement, I commit to end the relationship and move on. I realise that my integrity comes first and I am not allowing anyone to compromise my core principles and life vision. There are a lot of people in this world and best to find someone who is aligned with me to satisfactorily level.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel betrayed and sad if after a specific period of time I separate with a person that I have been in relationship with. I realise that I will be in life meeting many people and I will create with them certain relationship that will last as long as I need to realise some points and learn something and then we will go our separate ways in order to meet new people that will assist us to gain additional realisations. I commit myself to when and as I break up with someone and my mind produces thoughts as: “You are a bad and incompetent person and you have screwed up a precious relationship and you should be ashamed about that!“ to stop and breathe. I then fully accept the situation with realisation that coming together and breaking up is a perfectly normal part of life and that eventually death will part us from everything and everyone in this physical existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that physical intimacy is something essential for my physical body and that I absolutely need some sex partner in form of another human being. I realise that my physical body is constantly touching something like the ground, the chair, the bed, and primarily the clothes that I wear. Then instead of looking for someone to be gentle and to caress my body, I can give such sensations already to myself in form of Abhyanga full body massage with warm oil or go to a massage to some professional. Also if I feel that my body needs to move or stretch itself, I can do some yoga asanas, go dancing, hiking, visit a gym or masturbate. When and as I sense that my body is craving for some physical sensation, and my mind is saying to me: “You need some girlfriend that will hug you, have sex with you and perform different sport and social activities with you!“ to stop and breathe. I then see what king of intimacies and activities I have projected onto someone outside of myself and rather look how I am totally able to satisfy those needs by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to walk the process of self-transformation for many more years in order to clear additional mind pattern before I decide to have children. I realise that there are many layers of mind patterns within each of us and that one lifetime will probably not be enough to clear them all. I commit myself to when and as I contemplate about having children and my mind is telling me: “You are still full of shit so best not to have any children since you will transfer all you current limited believes to them and thus you become a criminal!“ to stop and breathe. I then in case of me meeting a proper partner to have kids with to be open to create my own family since children are also a cool support and assistance as they mirror your own patterns and thus enable quantification of the process effectively.  

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Long-term Melancholy after Relationship Breakup from the Life Review series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 62: I received the Knowledge

Today I received the so called Knowledge. This is a couple of techniques that Prem Rawat Maharaji is teaching and whoever accepts this Knowledge is must pledge not to reveal this techniques to anyone else and not to share its experiences with using the knowledge with anyone. So I will also not reveal what I have been taught but only discuss my backchat about his issue.

Now this Knowledge is about peace, about breath and it is to be practiced at least one hour per day in order to “give it a fair chance”. Since there are many of techniques for achieving peace and tranquility I wonder which one to use and what is the most effective? There is only 24 our in a day. And if one is sleeping for 8 hour per day, there is only 16 hours left. One hour is thus 1/16 or about 7% ob daily effective time. Also many of these peace techniques are part of the White Light deception and can seem very nice and peaceful, however it transform people to inactive state where sure the individuals who practice techniques become peaceful, however they also do not care about others and the consequences of their actions.

From my experiences it is quite easy to calm down, to take self-responsibility for your emotions. So becoming peaceful within is not something that can be a major goal for me. I am more interested in other aspects of this reality that are mostly unnoticed by New Age and spiritual aspirants. Thus I find Desteni I Process and Equal Money System as the most complete solutions to biring peace and abundance for all living beings. It is more important to specifically transform your thinking and behavior pattern with full awareness and self-responsibility and to change the world system by political means than simply doing some breathing and attention focusing techniques without practically changing anything. 

Day 54: Price attitude

Day 53 is in my Slovenian blog

Today I sold my other iPhone 4 that I used for a backup in case if my primary mobile phone device breaks. However I did not use it much, so now I decided to sell it. I created online ad on one of the major online service for selling previously owned goods in Slovenia. Just couple of minute after I placed the add, I started to receive phone calls, SMS messages and email from the people who were interested in buying my iPhone. I was amazed about how people had different approaches and what they put priority to.

My iPhone was 2 years old and I checked my competition by going through the rest of the ads for the iPhones. I found out that for my model of the phone the ads were 200 to 300 € for the device. Since my device was as new and without any physical damage, I decided to put the price of 240 €.

One of the first prospects was I younger boy who wanted to buy the phone for his girlfriend. He lived just a block away and wanted to buy the phone immediately but for the maximum price of 190 € which was not enough for me. 

However a couple of hours later I man in his forties called me and said that he would like to buy the phone for his wife if the device is really in such good condition as I stated in the ad. I confirmed and he came with his car from a city one hour of drive away and payed for the full price of 240 € that I offered.

What surprised me was that he explained why he decided to buy the phone from me. He said that he checked the ads and that he did not want to buy the phone that had too low price from since he associated lower price with the lower quality and worse condition of the phone. So he was willing to pay for a but more and to take one hour drive in order to get the better phone.

What alined with his statement is also that he was driving a good brand and model of the car so he was a very successful person. So one can see that the attitude towards others is very important since if you put the priority on the price and nothing more, that you resonate fear and you are not able to generate much income. However successful people put the priority on the quality and are able to generate enough money to buy products of good products.

What goes around come around. So let us all change our thinking patterns so that a dignified life for all will be the priority. Check out the Desteni I Process and the Equal Money System as the effective practical solution to achieve abundance for all humans, animals and plants on this planet.

Day 2: Influence of other being on my life

Since I have started to listen to Desteni videos, especially vlogs and interdimentional interviews, I realized, how much each one of us has been influenced by the structure of systems in this reality that extends beyond what human physical senses can detect.

Similar to electromagnetic radio, TV and mobile phone signals that we can not see, however they do in fact exist, how can we know what other systems and frequency transmissions we have been and are exposed without ever noticing. We may perceive that we have a free well, that we live in a free world but we can not know how extensive we are influenced by many intangible things.

Out thoughts appear in our minds without knowing how they are produced, where they come from and if anyone else is producing them and thus controlling us. Some say certain thoughts are from devil, some from angels, some from god or higher me, so the question is then how to know the origin and starting points of this voices in our heads and the emotional energies that are produced as the result of the following of those thoughts.

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to take my thought for granted without every really investigating where they come from and how they influence my life.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be directed by outside influences without making sure that starting point of each of my action is what is best for all.
   
   
3. I forgive myself not to stand up and take full responsibility for my life but instead allowing to be directed by thought and energy polarity of positive and negative feelings.
   
   
4. I commit myself to research all the intangible influences on me and my life and exposing them for what they are.
   
   
5. I commit myself to stop the influence of thoughts, emotions and feelings by focusing on my breath whenever I notica a thought in my mind without me being its creator.
   
   
6. I commit myself to direct myself in every single breath aligned wit the principle of equality and what is best for all.

Day 1: Understanding energy

After completing DIP Lite free online course where I established a habit of daily writing, I am now joining the 7-years daily blogging challenge for Life. This means that for the next 7 years I am committing myself to regularly each day write at least a short blog post that will assist me in realizing and changing some of my thinking and habit patterns that are not based on the principles of equality and what is best for all. Since I already am having two blogs; this one in English language and the other one in Slovenian language, I decided to write every first day in my English and every second day in my Slovenian blog.

So for the first entry of my 7-years Journey to Life challenge I will start by realization how extensively energy of the mind controls my life. For example in the past days I have been involved in a new business launch preparation activities where I was to to a lot of thinking, planning and decision making. By trying to estimate and predict what would be the consequences of different decisions, I tried to figure out the one that would lead to desired results.

Within this thinking I noticed that I started to feel more heavier and heavier until I lost the will to work and I had to take some rest. Usually a 20 minutes nap in my bed assist with recuperating myself until I would become motivated again for the work. While resting I notice that I start to thing in a subconscious way where all the thought and ideas come together and then subconsciously I come to some conclusion that launches me up and gives me a new momentum. Within that I start to feel light or weightless and I immediately go to action.

Common people could say this kind of working process in normal and usual, however I have watched a couple of days a video titled Self Change through Self Movement: DAY 332 where it was explain how this process of work is very limited and that there are better ways to move yourself in this reality. It is in fact living in a polarity of positive and negative energy instead of releasing oneself from the influence of mind energy in totality and directing yourself in every breath as life.

And while doing research on education, I realized how extensively I was influenced by playing the computer games, working with computer, watching TV and practicing masturbation in my childhood years and how this made me extensively addicted to mind energy and need for mind stimulation. I became more and more isolated and not very socialized, satisfied by my own bubble of reality where computers and TV screen became my world of choice within I could enjoy the stimulation of pictures, sounds and feeling of achievement.

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the computer and TV screen to become my main door to experience reality of this life instead of realizing that most of people do even not have electricity and thus no computer.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have accepted allowed watching movies to become my favorite way of relaxing when starting to feel tired instead of realizing that it only creates more stress in my mind and filles me with additional pictures of scenes and more information that I then have to process and digest.
   
   
3. I commit myself that when I star to feel tired I take a deep breath and do some proper rest and work with information that is here and move myself within this physical reality.
   
   
4. I commit myself to do more research within physical interaction with other people by attending social event instead of being lazy and only observing people via computer and social networks such as FaceBook.

Finished DIP Lite

For the past couple of months I was not writing my blogs. I decided so since I did not stabilized my financial situation yet and I had to focus. I was afraid that writing blogs would take precious time that I could use by focusing on my projects.

However I was aware of the necessity of continuing of my process of self-realization, thus I decided to try out the new free online course Desteni I Process Lite or DIP Lite for short. I started the course November 16th 2012 and I pushed myself to basically do one lesson per day. I finished the last lesson yesterday, so it takes at least 4.5 months or about 135 days to finish it. I thank my buddy Yogan Barrientos for approving my DIP Lite assignments during the course.

During the course I was supported to develop a habit od daily writing thus today I am happy to say that I restarted writing my blog with the assistance of the daily writing habit that I developed during DIP Lite course. I will now direct myself to do my daily blog writing regularly in order to enforce this very supportive habit. I then plan to continue the Desteni I Process by starting the DIP Pro course.

Past several times was a very turbulent period for me, since I accepted two design web projects for the customers that came out not to be the best match for me. I learned now to importance of creating and signing detailed agreement for every single project in order to avoid misunderstandings. However I am glad that I have put those projects behind so I can now fully focus on my new business.

2012 Improving communication and understanding

Miscommunication is a big problem in this word, especially since there are so many languages out there. But even when two people speak the same language there are still many occasions when they can not understand each other. Even when we thing that we understand other person, this could in fact not be true.

If we want to understand the cause off all this, we need to go back in our childhood to the moment when we were born. We could go even more back in time, since the baby starts to hear sounds even when still being in the mothers womb. So from very early period of embryo development, we start to build associations and give meaning to physical feelings, sounds and pictures.

Artwork by Matti Freeman

This is the way the consciousness and our personality is being created. However since we have different experiences, we build different associations to the same objects, sounds and pictures and this is where points of separation are being created. For example two people can have different understanding of the same word and also different emotional reactions associated to this word.

The biggest problem among this are emotional reactions, attached to certain sounds and pictures. If we allow ourselves to emotionally react, the energy takes over control of our physical body and we are unable to stay here and direct ourselves as we want to. Thus self-forgiveness of any associated believes, ideals or any other perceptions is the primary suggested step to make in order to start living here as one with all life.

The next step is vocabulary purification or unification. If we do not have the same definitions that is meanings associated to the sounds and pictures, we are unable to communicate effectively. If we look at other living beings, like animals, we can see, that they are able to understand each other more clearly than humans are able to understand each other. This is definitely worth of consideration.

Improving communication is definitely a challenge that can be solved with different solutions. One could be development of a brand new spoken language that would be used all over the world. Some attempts like Esperanto has been made, but it is not the most effective way of understanding each other. Also a non-verbal way of communication is an option, like it is currently used by people with hearing and speaking disabilities.

However until we unite as one nation, as citizens of planet Earth and all speak the same language, we can start improving communication by removing our mind reactive behavior and focus attention on what the other person is in fact trying to communicate instead of allowing our mind to distract us by backchat and emotional reactions. Also when attempting to communicate a careful selection of world and precise description of the subject is very important in order for message to be delivered as intended.

So when starting communication it is important to breathe, slow down the mind, speak clearly and take time to bring proper message to other person. And when receiving the message it is important not to react on every single word, based on our vocabulary definition, but to firstly check an double check using questions to come to clear confirmation that what your perception of received communication is aligned with what other person actually wanted to communicate.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to speaking fast in order to save time and thus compromise the quality of communication with other people instead of realizing that it is not quantity of information that counts but the amount of clearly transmited pieces of information.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to hear or read the words spoken or written by other people and immediately reacting based on my own perception of what the other person is saying instead of firstly making sure that my understanding what other person was communicating is correct.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to immediately to react to all messages that I defined as love & light deception by posting Desteni material as comments and replies instead of taking time to understand the perpective and understanding of the person that posted the message and directing the communication as one and equal with other person until mutual understanding of all facts is achieved.
   
   
4. I commit myself to slow down and take all the necessary time and detailed vocabulary while communicating with others in order to effectively expose all points of separation, illusion and deception until we become able to understand each other clearly and realize the necessity of supporting all life here equally.

.

2012 Analysis of all the opportunities that I have been exposed to

Two days ago I participated at great event in regards to one of two MLM business that I joined couple of weeks ago. This business just started in our country but two leaders of our group managed to create a very spectacular event that exceded even my wildest imagination. It is not that the size of the show was something that I never seen before, I just did not expect this level of excellence to be presented in such early development stage of this business. There were fabulous drum and singing acts involved, gorgeous slide and light shows and also the most luxurious models of Mercedes, Ferrari and Porsche cars were put in the middle of the stage and hall. This certainly impressed all the spectators, including me, who was also invited to the stage as one of the company distributors.

The next day we had a seminar for the distributors where one of the first European diamonds and millionaire taught us about the fastest way to earn a lot of money in this business the fastest way possible. Then also two of other leaders from abroad gave lecture about different points in that business. The coolest thing is that the leaders of our group also managed to come to agreement with leaders of the other group from the same business in our country so that we could work as one big family in order to reduce costs and increase overall effectiveness. What made me think the most was the fact that one can build their distributor network and become a diamond very fast if one fully dedicates to that business for couple of next weeks and focuses all the time and resources on supporting its downline.

This business opportunity has thus been presented to me as a very lucrative way of building a big passive residual income but one has to make some sacrifice and deliberately become totally blind for all other things in life for next couple of years on order to become millionaire. This fact made me consider about what I want to achieve and experience and if this would be the best way to reach these goals. Since my long term goal is implementation of the Equal Money System that would unconditionally guarantee a dignified life for all living beings in this world, and because it will take a lot of money to get into politics and change the system, this seems a cool opportunity to reach this goal faster.

There is also another MLM business that I started about 8 months ago that is also a very cool way of creating a large passive residual income. In comparison to the latest business, the first one is more about education, becoming an effective and responsible manager in you life, but it came out that it takes couple of months before you actually put your first dollar in your pocket versus the latest business where you are able to transfer commissions every single week. And in the first business the product is information in foreign language that many of people in our country do not understand, however in the latest business, the product is a much more healthy form of beverage that almost all people consume on daily basis in large quantities thus you can sell it to a lot more people than the first one.

And there also other money making opportunities that I could use. The primary one is of course my own business where I could offer services of graphic design, photography and counseling, not to mention the Equality Store online shop that i developed for the support of Equal Money System. However there are not many of Equal Money supporters currently and at Desteni they also opened Eqafe online shop with downloadable products that became the main focus in terms of creating their income. As an affiliate I could also participate in promoting Eqafe products and thus earning some money but I am not sure how much income could I generate and how to successfully market the products. The fact is that each one of has has a limited time and I will have to decide what will be my priorities in the future in order to support myself effectively and at the same time create a future that is best for all.

What troubles me the most is that I can not know how things will develop in the future and what path would lead to best results. World situation is a very unstable and everything could change very quickly. World economies could crash, natural disasters could happen, thus nothing is certain. What also troubles me is how the businesses that I am going to participate in will influence my life and lives of others. I realized that every business means building a strong relationship with customers and the line of product and the consequences of the consumption of this product will also influence the way and the sort of people that I will meet and how those people will then start to perceive me. And there is also the different mentality or awareness of associates connected to each of different businesses. So it is quite challenging for me to decide where to invest my time and money.

From what I currently see is that all of two MLM businesses will in the first couple of months or years take money and time before the income becomes larger than expenses and one can do this kind of businesses only if additional source of income has been established or if some money has been saved. I have invested thus far a lot of my money from selling of my apartment in all these businesses and now I have also started to sell all of my video and most of photography equipment to cover all my monthly costs and investments in the MLM businesses. So in order to establish for myself additional source of income I now decided also to restart my counseling services. Since I am now located in the center of our capital city I expect a great demand for my services and a stable income. The only thing that I need to do now is to invest time in redesign of my web site and promotion of my services.

It seems that the best way for me will be to prioritize my counseling business where I could also sell some Desteni or Eqafe products and the products from two of my MLM businesses to my counseling customers in regards to current situation, interests and goals in their lives. Since the rent for my large apartment is very high and since the woodblock floor is old and cracks, I also consider moving to a different apartment with stable floor and lower rent, at least until I also become a millionaire.
.

2012 Polarity feeling emotional mind energy exposed

I have been feeling very down and heavy in past several days. It felt like I weighted twice the normal weight, I just wanted to rest and was not able to do much work. This was because I have been exposed to information from TV news about financial crisis, recession, prices of gas going up and similar concerning events. Together with not having enough money to pay for my rent on time, I felt quite depressed and started to consider what are the options to go out of these heavy feelings.

I could have done some self-forgiveness, but I was soo down that I could not even type or speak the words. I searched for the solution and then I remembered that some physical exercise could move and release those energies. Since I am in the center of capital city of our Slovenia country, I am not very fun of running on the streets and woods and mountains are quite far away. I wanted to come with a solution that I would be able to use daily and that is very practical. Thus I remember that a rebounder was suggested as the jumping up and down an the elastic canvas is an exercise that also what has been recommended by NASA.

I searched local web site for used sports equipment and someone has been selling a 1,5 meter diameter round used rebounder for just 30 euros which I considered to be a very cool price. I immediately called the guy on the phone and asked if I may come and test the piece. He confirmed, I jumped into my car and in 20 minutes I was already doing the test jumps. What was also cool is that the device flopped twice so it fitted into my car very easily. When I returned home I washed all the pieces since they were slightly dusty due to outdoor use and soon I was already jumping up in the air like crazy.

I can say it assisted me a lot since a smile came to my face and I started to feel much more relaxed. Similar exercise are also what at Desteni was suggested within the Structural Resonance Alignment course and they also have a quite large trampoline at Desteni farm in South Africa where I payed them a visit last year. I now keep my rebounder as for of first aid right in the middle of anteroom and I use it several time a day. The next day after first use I experienced pain on top of my shoulders and on the belly. I was warned that after first use some muscles would hurt since this exercise activates many muscles, including some new ones that one does not use in usually.

In addition to this physical exercise I also took advice to stop listening only news about destruction and degradation on this world, and to watch some comedy movie or similar that would bring me joy and laughs. Thus I started to watch the YouTube clips of Talent Shows where different people would perform singing, magic and other variety acts. I enjoyed those clips a lot and I would watch day for couple of hours late into night. I started to become possessed with energy of good feelings and it was hard for me to stop watching those movies. So thus I started to slowly drift to the other polarity of emotional energy. Some acts moved me so much that even tears started to emerge from my eyes.

This is my pattern of exchange between bad emotions and good feelings that direct my life instead of me directing myself without influence of any energy. I noticed that when I have enough money I feel relaxed and I spend a lot and at that time I just want to enjoy and do not care much about future plans to establish the proper money flow in order to constantly have enough money for my needs. Only when it is almost too late, when it is the last chance to start digging myself out of deep shit, I became motivated enough by the fear of loss so that I take action and do something in order to earn some money again.

This time I decided to sell my video and photo equipment and I made an effort to prepare the ads and collect the emails of all the video production companies in our country. The next day after I sent them an email with my offer, several people already expressed interest in some pieces of my equipment. Thus I was able to transform my belongings into money very quickly. I learned lately that one should not be ashamed to sell some possessions that one does not need so it can be invested into projects that would soon bring back even more money. And I am also prepared to move to cheaper apartment and do whatever necessary in order to fix my life.

So the only thing that is completely detrimental for avery individual are mind patterns of constant worry about what all bad things might happen in the future and being afraid of loosing objects of possession. Some people who are currently very successful have gone bankrupt in the past but they raised themselves up again and rebuilt their lives again. Thus it is not important how many times you fall but that how many times you stand up. Of course going bankrupt is not a magic formula for success and I also have no intention to completely waste all my money but for some they need to go through this experience in order to change their thinking and behavior patterns.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself a good feeling when I have enough money and feeling of safety and thus not having motivation to move myself as life, instead of realizing that energies are what destroy life thus it is necessary to direct myself in every breath and do what is best for all and release any accumulated energy of bad or good feelings and emotions.

And this is a very supporting video from Sunette Spies in regards to becoming emotional when watching some movie scenes that I highly recommend:

2012 My first introduction of self-forgiveness experience

At Desteni we walk the process of self-realization where we use some tools in order to clear our minds from accepted and allowed points of separation. One of basic tools is called self-forgiveness and I am going to explain here what this tool is about, how it works and how it influenced my life.

I have been testing many self-realisation practices from about year 2000 after I broke up with my first girlfriends and wanted to find out why that happened. I read hundreds of books on personal relationship, psychology, spirituality and metaphysics in order to understand how human mind works. At that time also an itching rush developed on my skin around genital area that started to itch whenever I experienced a conflict situation. I thus also researched Western, Traditional and Alternative medicine.

Many specialist from Ayurvedic and Chinese medicine examined me and prescribed drugs and some practices with no effects. Also many expensive Reiki and Angelic healers had no power to assist me. Even after many years of Yoga, Meditation and Tai Chi practice nothing changed. The same was with my involvement in Buddhist and Hare Krishna religious groups and participation on many Rainbow and Holistic camps. Couple of regressions in my previous lives, Numerological and Jyotish astrological analysis produced the same blank results.

It was only in year 2009 after I firstly joined Structural Resonance Course where I begun to understood how mind-consciousness system works, how the emotional energies are produced when I saw the potencial to create some real change in my life. I found out that the rush on my skin is the manifested consequence of my own allowed and accepted believes of separation that destroy my physical body with the energies of the mind. And I learned also that I am able to become aware of those believes with assistance of writing and that I am able to defuse them by using the tool of self-forgiveness.

When I was firstly introduces to these knowledge and tools, I knew that this is the key that I have been searching for my whole life. Many things have been presented to me before with promise of salvation, but it was all deception. Here at Desteni there is no single deception and it is all about oneness and equality for real. I was able to finally realize that there is no one outside of me who is guilty of what I am experiencing in my life and that there is no one outside who can save me. I have created my experience and only I can change my experience.

So I started to walk the process of self-honesty and using the self-forgiveness in my daily life. Whenever I would experience energetic reaction inside me, I would stop, search for the definition of separation that was in conflict with reality that I experienced and I would forgive myself this illusional definition. Soon my skin condition improved and I can tell you that self-forgiveness works like magic. However, here is no magic, no tricks, it is just clear understanding of how mind works and taking full self-responsibility for your creation. In just few months my problems went away faster than all fake old and new age practices in past ten years combined.

But one has to undersand that the process of self-realisation takes many years even using this tool of self-forgiveness. There are many layers of conscious, subconscious and unconscious layers of the mind to be walked. After digging deeper and deeper some new reactions of vertigo and nausea appeared recently and I also started noticing many tiny subconscious skin irritations that I will yet have to remove. However due to extreme ease of use and massive effectiveness of Desteni tools like breathing, writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, I recommend everyone to start using and applying these magnificent tools as soon as possible.

Forgiveness is deception since it is you who create resentment towards others due to self-accepted and allowed definitions of separation and polarity oppositions. Thus you can not forgive anyone but yourself for deceiving yourself and blaming others for what you have created and projected onto others. All the problems in this world will be solved if we take it all back to self. We are the creators, but thus far we blamed others for what we created. Only when we take back self-responsibility for what we created, we regain ability to change this reality so that we can all live here a dignified life, full of abundance and real freedom of self-expression for all. Join us!
.

2012 Changing friends and business opportunities for best effect

A lot of things happened in past several weeks in my life. I quit friendship with some friend that I supported extensively in past months due to his fight with his father and being without job and money. I allowed him to spend many nights on my couch, gave him the information and books on how he can improve his life and change his thinking and behavior patterns, and I also lent him one of my notebook computers for many occasions. However he almost never fulfilled his promises about when he will come to appointment with me and he procrastinated with bringing my computer back for weeks. Since he did not want to change and take responsibility for his actions, I decided to end relationship with him completely.

I demanded from him to return the book, computer and the bag that borrowed him and I insisted until I got all things back in one single day. The book was extensively worn off, the computer power adapter was broken, computer slightly damaged the bag torn, and I had to push him hard to get all these things back. And after that he became very spiteful, accusing me for creating damage to him, demanding to remove all the photos from Equality Store that he volunteered as a model for caps and hats, or he would charge me a lot of money in spite of me designing and printing his business cards for free. Thus I learned that assisting those who have intense spiteful and irresponsible behavior patterns is futile. 

However in past weeks I also created many new friendships with enthusiastic people who want to take responsibility for their lives and are doing many project to improve the society. By these people I have been exposed to some very perspective business opportunity with potential of bringing me a very high residual income in next months or years. It is about a product that has in past three years made more profit than Amway with 50 years of tradition and is coming now to Europe. Official launch in our country will be only in three months, but we have already begun with pre-launch and network building activities. I expect that this business will bring me enough money for not having to worry every month about covering large fixed expenses so I will have time to support world equality projects more extensively.

Thus just after six months of purchasing all new video and studio photo equipment I decided to sell it all for the second time. I could of course continue offering photography services, but I got tired of transporting all the equipment, spending hours alert and catching all the importnat moments with camera and then sitting days in front of computer, retouching hundreds of photos. I will keep only camera body, some lenses, flash and tripod and all the studio equipment must go. This way I will make more space and investment money for my new business that I expect to be more lucrative and will be best also for future implementation of world equality system due to creating connection to much larger number of people in our country.

It is a tuff decision and by selling almost new equipment, I will again loose a lot of money, but I expect this to pay off in a long term and that this is a decision that is best for all. For many years my decisions are not any more about what is best for me or my good feelings, but how I can apply myself to change myself and the world system in order to guarantee a dignified life for all. Thus personal sacrifices have to be done in order to break from own limitations and change oneself and the money system. Many people see my decisions as act of indecisiveness, but they see only what is going on the outside and do not see my final goal, large picture and global agenda that I am involved with.

Last weekend I went with my new friends to Vienna with a bus. We were on a VIP meeting in regards to new business and I met there very successful people, many of whom were millionaires. Even two days before, where I was introduced to this business, I felt slight nausea and vertigo that increased on Saturday event in Austria to the level where I would vomit three times on the bus back. I spent the whole Sunday in bed and it took another two days before I would be almost perfectly fine. I wondered what would be the reason for my reaction and connect this to my subconscious mind patterns of perfectionism and criticism in regards to money, wealth, selling and rich people.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to give up living in this world due to extensive corruption, financial crisis and natural disasters that I have been exposed extensively by observing news and participating in certain groups, instead of realizing that this is just a portion of events going in this world and that there is also many things worth living for.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to feel pity for myself, expecting for others to take care for me so I could just safely enjoy life and self-expression, instead of realizing that we are all equal living beings and that we can live here only if we take self-responsibility for our lives and also support others equally, thus firstly we need to become totally self-honest and then change the world system until the proper support is there for all live without fear of survival.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting the desire of not wanting to participate in current money system, earn money and become wealthy, instead of realizing that we can only change this system if we firstly accept it, become one and equal with it and earn a lot of money to have enough power and influence for necessary political actions that will remove the need for competition, war and starvation.

.

2012 Clarification about Global Information Network

This is to clarify why I am also involved in GIN and what is my starting point that I also posted at Desteni Forum:

I also shook hands and talked to Kevin Trudeau personally at Global Information Network meeting in Munich, Germany on 15. September 2011 and I am currently (February 2012) Level 2 GIN member and Bronze Affiliate. GIN has developed a very effective and precisely structured marketing and referral system and tools. I use GIN referral tool in form of introduction audio CD titled The Success Secrets That They Don't Want You To Know About as I way to approach new people that I want to connect with. Those who are very in love & light find introduction CD very "American", so I then refer them to Desteni in order to see if they find Desteni material more acceptable. And those who want to listen more, I hand them the next tool in form of 14 CD series titled Your Wish is Your Command. This seminar educates how to take responsibility for your life and master you feelings and emotions in order to achieve anything that you want in your life. I suggest also to develop similar tools at Desteni (physical CDs) since it enables one a face to face approach with others which is the most effective ways of marketing. There are already some audio CDs in the Equality Store that can be used for that purpose but creating a special audio CD and video DVD with specific invitation would be even more effective.

The GIN mission is to provide a support system for all people who are already capable in order to become even more capable and to achieve any goals, regardless of what they are, faster and easier. Members support members and exchange ideas and business opportunities. They have access to GIN web site with thousands of audios, videos and digital books on personal development, ways to make money, business skills, mental skills, martial arts, health and much more. Members also receive a free life-time membership to Natural Cures web site and free access to many GIN meetings, cruises and other events all over the world. The web site has also a social network, like a "GIN FaceBook" where one can communicate with other members. GIN has also a very cool affiliate program where one can earn a true residual monthly income. After you invite certain number of people that become members, you can stop referring and money keeps coming month after month and it can also be inherited by your children.

There are 12 membership levels in GIN and currently education program has been developed only until Level 5. What will be taught in the next levels, nobody knows. What many of Destonians are confused when introduced with GIN is that they are teaching a "Law Of Attraction" that we define as deception. However the LOA title is only used in the first level of education since people are already very familiar with popular books and movies like The Secret. But on the next levels members are taught that it is not really about attracting things in your life but to create them or how to become a responsible creator in your life. Members are taught how to become honest, sincere, open and responsible person and there are tests on each level to check your realisation. It is being said that if all people become responsible, current problems in the world will consequentially be gone. GIN at this moment has no political ambitions, however Kevin Trudeau is raising support to enter the politics and to stop degradation of human rights in the USA.

It is clear that GIN ignores less capable people and other living beings and does not support world equality as extensively as Desteni. However GIN members are very cool hot leads or prospects for joining Desteni. Thus some of Destonians also decided to join, integrate as high level members and spread the message of Desteni. Many people who I referred to GIN from Slovenia have become also a Desteni supporters, so GIN is a great platform for bringing people to the next level of realisation with help of Desteni. I see the possibility of even bringing Desteni I Process courses into GIN as it can become a standard education for members Level 6 or above. The accumulative effect of spreading both GIN and Desteni information will assist for people to be prepared enough for final implementation of an Equal Money System and then all things will change. A new video has been released recently on the front page of GIN web site titled Why You Should Consider Joining GIN which explains that this club is also for those who want to achieve "world peace", so it is not just for goals of self-interest but clearly also supports goals of making this world a better place for all.
.

2012 - My blog process timeline 2010 - 2011

This is a copy of my English blog process timeline in years 2010 - 2011 as posted on Desteni forum for easier overview:

2010 - September
2010 - My first blog post
2010 - Why took me so long to start writing myself to freedom

2010 - October
2010 - Masturbation stop day 30, getting more realization, dating
2010 - Second date with the new girl
2010 - Having vertigo the whole day
2010 - Feeling better, processing posts, feedbacks, choosing celibacy
2010 - The history and future of me and Desteni
2010 - Pointing fingers and blaming
2010 - Finished working for some close relative
2010 - Emotional manipulation and projection
2010 - Defusing anger points in regards driving a car
2010 - Fear in regards to working as self-employed
2010 - Birthing myself from the physical
2010 - The starting point of my blogs and vlogs

2010 - November
2010 - Facing point in regards to reading posts of others
2010 - Business and group relationships getting better
2010 - Consequences of mentioning my father in my blogs
2010 - Pain in my back after subjugation to my father

2010 - December
2010 - Breath orgasm instead of masturbating
2010 - Repeating strong vertigo research
2010 - Vertigo research continued
2010 - Masturbation point research
2010 - Girlfriend relationship mind construct
2010 - The emotional December girl
2010 - Defusing reactions regarding YouTube
2010 - Defusing reactions regarding YouTube continued
2010 - Reactions in regards liking on the FaceBook
2010 - Analyzing my dreams of deep water and great hight
2010 - Facing my fears regarding politics
2010 - My lectures about Desteni and self-forgiveness announcement

2011 - January
2011 - About one man who impressed me a lot in past several years
2011 - No more mercy in regards to my mind-fucks!
2011 - Exposing secret mind related to submissive personality
2011 - My chat experience with founder of Wikileaks Slovenia
2011 - Sound Money - The gold standard is not the solution
2011 - Sold apartment, girlfriend visited, holidays at Desteni farm
2011 - Contract closed, climbed the hill, researched sexual intimacy
2011 - Zeitgeist Moving Forward - Movie review
2011 - Considering farming in order to relieve my butt
2011 - Got money from selling apartment, bought ticket to Desteni farm
2011 - How physical supports me with itching and vertigo in detail
2011 - Message to the girl who is madly in love with me and the vertigo
2011 - Curing cancer effectively with sodium bicarbonate and iodine
2011 - Continuing with moving out, spreading the message of Desteni
2011 - Bought new photo equipment, met new interesting people
2011 - Our country Slovenia soon facing bankruptcy
2011 - Finally moved out to my father's place, who became 60 years old
2011 - Another strong but short collapse, moved furniture to basement

2011 - February
2011 - Alcohol and celebrations, ex-apartment prepared for takeover
2011 - 2010 with Shaman, Kiesha Crowthe - Lecture video review
2011 - My first Desteni speech over, tomorrow will have the second one
2011 - The second Desteni speech executed, upgrading my computer
2011 - Support for Relationship Demon possessed females
2011 - Valentin travelling to Desteni farm in South Africa report

2011 - March
2011 - Dream about innocence, unconscious mind and self-responsibility
2011 - Valentin's impressions after returning from Desteni farm
2011 - First week after returning from Desteni farm report
2011 - Running out of time for doing all the things that I plan
2011 - Group of Slovenian people with a kid who can see aura
2011 - Landmark Education / Forum - a Destonian perspective
2011 - Walking process alone vs. walking in the group

2011 - April
2011 - How disaster in Japan influenced me
2011 - Backchat 24. March 2011
2011 - How to give an effective support
2011 - Going deeper in my mind-patterns
2011 - Fear attacked me again, stronger than ever
2011 - Exposing nasty tricks of my ego
2011 - I got my first recruit
2011 - Observing myself from point of all existence
2011 - Opening of Theosophic library in Celje
2011 - Attending Studio 12 video production workshop
2011 - Silverpoint time share holidays & vacation club
2011 - Moving forward, slowly but effectively

2011 - May
2011 - Bulding self-trust
2011 - Broadcasting equality
2011 - My grandmother > Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction
2011 - Facing fear of future challenges
2011 - Corruption of legal system in Slovenia
2011 - I finally moved to our capital city Ljubljana

2011 - June
2011 - Make-up Artistry
2011 - How I met Desteni
2011 - Evil wins when good people do nothing

2011 - July
2011 - Equality Store development report
2011 - A new family member joined

2011 - August
2011 - Priority management
2011 - There is no other choice but breathing
2011 - Focus only on the positive - start canning the air!
2011 - Robin Hood Tax

2011 - September
2011 - Perfectionism as the most prominent evil in my life
2011 - Improving my interaction with others for better success

2011 - October
2011 - What about families in an equal money system?
2011 - Facing my reactions in regards to psychology study

2011 - November
2011 - What can I do to support the Equal Money System?
2011 - What if I don't want to work for 4 years in EMS?
2011 - Isn't Equal Money System the death of individualism?

2011 - December
2011 - Destructive nature of love as feeling

I invite you to also check out my Slovenian blog process timeline, my vlog process timeline in Slovenian language and my vlog process timeline in English language.
.

2012 - Valentin moving forward

I have noticed, how I slowed down in my process of self-realization in the past several months. Some of the reasons was the relationship where my partner was not willing to walk in the process with me equally, and some of the reasons were my occupation with the school and development of Equality Store. I recently dropped the school and ended the unproductive relationship, so I am now pushing myself again towards more effective process.

The major points that made me procrastinate is the question of setting the priorities. We all have limited time and time management is important in achieving desired results. I learned that something like time management is basically not possible since outflow of actual events is the product of many people and variables, so time-framing is not very effective way of executing points. More effective approach is priority management. In stead of slicing available time and assigning certain projects to certain time-frames, it is much better only to define daily priority points and make the time-frames more loose or practically non-existent.

Then in regards to setting priorities, there are priorities in regards to personal life, professional life and global development. There are some personal desires that I want to fulfill, like being in supportive relationship/agreement, there are goals to earn enough money in my line of business and there are priorities in regards to changing this world system so that it will guarantee a dignified life for all humans, animals and plants.

So far I have not been applying time or priority management very extensively. Sure I have been using computer calendar to write down my appointments and meetings, but most of my life happen very spontaneously. I allowed my thoughts and emotions to direct me, to produce new ideas that would drive me in different directions throughout the day. This was in a way exciting, but not very effective in terms of reaching desired goals. Until I had enough money, I lived very relaxed and worked in a very unpredictable ways.

Now, when I see that my money reserves are running out, the fear of survival has started to direct me towards more effective way of life. I learned some managements techniques that I plan to apply in my life and I am continuing with learning even more. What I found out is that writing is indispensable tool for personal and also business effectiveness. The thought that occupied my mind in regards to this point is how much to write and what kind of writing to use? Writing with computer can be faster and one can share the content on the web very easy, but handwriting, especially using white paper and a pen with blue ink is suppose to be the most effective way.

Writing can be done to communicate certain information with others in a business way, but here we use writing as a tool to communicate with self and come to self-realisation. Self-talk is what is also recommended for professional use, one can do it silently, but speaking out loud is even more effective. But since this self-talk does not bring any money, I am thinking about how much time to dedicate to self-talk and self-realisation and how much to more money-making activities. Balancing those two points is crucial for overall success in everyone's life. And decision when to use handwriting and when computer typing is a big question that I will have to deal with constantly.

I prefer typing on my notebook computer since I can do it everywhere and then share the content on my blog and forum. The downsides of working with computer is that requires to be handled in a very careful way, enough power has to be provided, and it is proven that what one types on the computer does not stay in ones memory very long. In order to remember things better, handwriting is the best way to write. A paper notebook does not need any power, it can be much smaller and handy, but handwriting is much more slower. The desire to do things faster is why I procrastinated using paper and pen so far. But I plan to change my habits in order to do things in my life in the most effective way.

It is strange, how I perceived that I would write about other points when I would start to write about the reasons for procrastinating, and now those points seems irrelevant. Like the physical pain of my body due to force of gravity while writing for long time in the same position. Now I see that I am easily able to the position of my body and prevent any pain. And due to past business experiences I developed enough self-trust not to be afraid of not being able to earn enough money. I have been always able to see many potentials so all that was necessary was to move my ass and walk long enough until the effects became a reality.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thing that all the points that accumulated in my life are too overwhelming to face and that is best to get involved in money-making actions, instead of realizing that the mind is that makes life overwhelming and that stopping the mind is a priority point in regards to becoming able to live here practically an effectively in every moment.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about things, believing that thinking is what will make points clear and that it will bring me to best solution, instead of realizing that thoughts in my mind are there only to distract me from what is here and that thinking always leads only to more thinking and time-looping.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for myself, believing that other things are more important to do, instead of realizing that my process is the most important thing in my life and that other things will be resolved more effectively if I put the process of self-realisation as the main priority.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not wanting to write due to constant hurry of moving myself somewhere forward, instead of realizing that life can be lived only in this moment, without any expectations and desires about the future.
   
   
5. The next time I see my mind move, I stop, breathe and start writing until the point is cleared.

.