2010 - Emotional manipulation and projection

I still got a nasty feeling in my belly, which is indication of fear that has been accumulating these days. I feel like everything I do lately, whatever way I turn, I always make someone mad. Well, it is not like I interact with many people, but with those that I interacted lately with, there was always some kind of trouble.

First there is the bank, who surprised me in January this year with the notice that they will cancel my bank limit. And not since I would be a bad client, but simply since I decided for a different taxation method witch did not require to keep accounting books anymore. So even though I had generated enough revenue in the last year, the bank did not take this into account, and considered me as someone with not enough income. So I got very shocked when they canceled my bank limit, witch was quite large, and turned it into credit, that I now need to pay back in quite large sum every month.

Then also my intention to earn my living solely with counseling did not turn well. I invested a lot of time, money and energy into promotion, designed, printed and distributed leaflets, made a web site, provided different online payment and communication methods, invested in online advertisement, but this all did not bring proper results. The financial crisis made people to save money, so I went into debt more and more every month, until I had to stop to avoid total bankruptcy. I had a feeling like time passed very quick, the whole months went by like in seconds. It was the last time for me to stop.

And there was also quite tuff experience doing Structural Resonance Alignment lessons that also required money, time and very focused attention. It is cool that we paused for a couple of months, so that monthly expenses dropped a little. A lot of buzz was also in regards to friend with whom I went out every weekend to chill out and dance and we also visited fitness twice a week. I got tired of his small talk about girls, sex, the smell of his cigarettes, and constant arguing about total nonsensical topics. So we split a few weeks ago and we did not speak since, even if we live in the same building. Another friend, witch I get bye much more nicely with, has been escorting me in the past few weeks. But I decided also to drop the fitness a week ago to save even more money.

Then for the pas two weeks I worked for my some close relative and experienced a lot of stress, since he is a great emotional manipulator. As if I had not enough already, then some people started to harass me, from whom I would expected this the last, regarding the process they were suppose to be in. So a lot of people and the system attacked and pressured me lately, emotionally, morally, legally and financially. I did have some flirts and short term relationship, but this only took additional time, energy and money from me. I got tired of all the emotional reactive people, competitive economic system and exploitative money system. Sometimes I would rather give it all up, sell the apartment and go somewhere. But I could land even in greater troubles anyway. So I decided to stand up and take appropriate actions heare and now.

I made today a new temporary web site for my business and I also installed very cool forum on the Desteni Slovenia web site. I granted administrator privileges to one member and let him to do the fine tuning. I will let some time for heads of some Desteni Slovenia members to cool down and to start living equality and not producing separation anymore. And I know this will take quite some time, since some have very explosive mind patterns to defuse. Some might even not make it, since they lack of appropriate self-direction and self-will. But this is how it is and you can do nothing for the one who accepted and allowed the energy to be larger than life. The process takes self-responsibility and not all can be saved. And things will become even more tough in following years, many more and even larger challenges.

So no time for whining and weeping, there is a lot of work to be done in order to bring heaven on earth. First I need to focus on solving my financial situation and then go further. It will be interesting to see how the Desteni Income Plan recruitment will develop. I have not met many people from Slovenia who would qualify, since they have to be interested and stable enough in order to walk the process in the long term. This is a life commitment, so recruits have to be picked very carefully in order not to fall after few months or years. But since there are not many recruiters available currently and new people from all over the world join Desteni, I expect all recruiters to fill their 10 people capacity very soon. I am looking forward to see, if this all will develop according to the plan.

In the meanwhile I need to ignore all the people who claim to be Destonians but do not walk the talk. Since Desteni is something never seen before, with fascinating interdimensional portal, many are attracted to Desteni from the starting point of defining it as something more, very special and precious, so they become fanatic protectors and attack other in order to prove, that they found the Jackpot and have by joining Desteni became something more. But as long you do not walk the process for extensive period of time, and allow yourself to emotionally react, you have not yet became real Destonian. If you act just from the knowledge and information, you can not yet understand what oneness and equality is about. Desteni is a group of people who stand for equality and that equality has to be lived in every breath practically. Just claiming that you are the part of the Equality group does not make you one. You become a part of this group by becoming the living example of emotional stability and self-movement towards what is best for all.

1. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be afraid of the people who claim to be Destonians, but do not walk the talk, and are thus not real Destonians. They are not actually the part of Equality group (yet), so they have nothing to say, and need to first walk the process for themselves in order to be able to contribute to equality.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel good when I support other people, since I perceive myself then as someone more, wanting other people to think how great I am, instead of supporting people as one and equal and not allowing any kind of emotional movement inside me.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing myself to build for myself a perception that the events in the future will get worst and that I will suffer even more, instead of realizing that future does not exist, that it is only this moment that is real, and that I need to walk breath by breath, remaining here and not allowing any thinking about how the future might look like.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be influenced by anybodies opinion about me and my actions, since no one is totally able to walk and direct me as one end equal with me, we are all in the process, so I need to just listen other people's opinion without any energetic movement, and decide for myself if their suggestion is valid, considering the starting point of what is best for all and equality equation 1 + 1 = 2.

I stand alone for all life, for what is best for all until this is all done. I immediately stop every single thought and emotional reaction. I take action and forgive myself any energetic movement. I support myself effectively and give support to others as one and equal to myself. I walk the talk and do not allow myself to act from knowledge and information. I comment as much as my current realization goes and do not allow myself to try to make any good impression. I breathe effectively and feel my body and continue the process of birthing life from the physical.
.