20 March 2017

Day 153: Pain in the knee due to polarity backchat

Couple of days ago I went to my regular 1,5 hour hike on the nearby Kalvarija hill at Maribor city in Slovenia where I currently live. It was a warm sunny spring day and I decided this to be my first barefoot hike of this year. There are grapevines planted all over that hill and several week ago they trimmed them and left excess twigs piled along the bottom footpath where I usually start the hike. Usually the piles of wigs were removed soon after cutting but this time they have mulched and spread across the whole width of the path. When I walked barefoot over the part with mulched twigs it was quite painful and I became angry at the vine caretakers who obviously did not think about how the path would now become troublesome for barefoot hikers. During the hike I noticed that my right knee became more and more painful and towards the end of the trip I almost started to limp. The pain persisted through the whole next day so I decided to schedule a session with one of the kinesiologists at Desteni who are trained in pointing out the exact mind patterns that cause the pains in human physical body.

The first available session with a kinesiologist was the following afternoon. In the mean time I had a short chat with my flatmate who is also walking Desteni I Process course for self-realisation. While talking about what could be the cause for the pain in my right knee besides resentment towards the vine caretakers I remembered also another business related event from the previous day. And when I went to bed that evening, I kept the palm of my right hand over the painful knee in order to alleviate the unpleasant experience. The next day I had no more pain and when I had the kinesiology session, the practitioner asked what my problem was and what I think could be the cause for it. While describing both theories that I was able to think of, she pointed out that it was the business related event that was the cause of the pain thus I am now writing this post to look deeper in this point in order to pay it all the needed attention for not to be triggered again.

I have been a leading promoter of Spurt debt-free global currency for more than one year now and the moment when it will become fully convertible to other currencies is approaching fast. Individuals will be able to pay off all debts, self-liquidating line of credits for housing and sustainable projects will be available thus it is a social currency, partially something like Equal Money System that I have been also promoting for the last 6 years. It is planned that all Spurt users will eventually receive MasterCard or Visa debit card that will enable them to pay for the groceries and other monthly expenses directly in fiat currencies. Recently the Spurt management announced that those who have opened their Spurt accounts before January 1st 2017 will received debit card with 5.000 EUR and those who will open their Spurt account by the end of March 2017 will receive debit card with 1.000 EUR preloaded, without any subtraction from their Spurt account balance. So Spurt company will basically give this money as a reward for being patient until the Spurt will become fully convertible. And the only thing that is needed to open Spurt account is to send 50 EUR deposit via PayPal or bank transfer that immediately converts to 50 SPU and to fill out the online registration form.

When reading about this news I could not believe it since who would just give so much money for any new currency user without any other additional requirement. But just to be completely sure I called the Spurt director and had a Skype chat with her. She confirmed this fact but also expressed worry that this offer could attract many greedy people who will not understand the value of Spurt and how to directly use it to do business without need of being convertible at all. She wanted me to promote Spurt in such a way to firstly explain all other benefits of using Spurt and only when they see the value in it shall I also inform them about additional bonus in form of prepaid debit card. I think that requirement then triggered a massive polarity backchat within me where I wanted to tell the whole word about how they can generate 950 EUR profit by investing only 50 EUR however they would before that need to firstly become excited about the sole value and usability of Spurt. And the challenge is also how to persuade others to open their Spurt account without being able to tell any kind of date when Spurt will become exchangeable and when exactly debit cards will be available.

The polarity backchat in my mind that triggered was thus about where on the one hand I accessed feelings like joy, excitement, cheerful, hopeful, creative, daring, fascinated, stimulated and optimistic and on the other hand I was experiencing emotions like scared, helpless, anxious, bewildered, insignificant, inadequate, embarrassed and overwhelmed. Because one downside of all this is that some people have already behaved nasty and have been frequently sending me messages asking about when Spurt will become convertible. And the other point is that I wish for everyone to be informed about this opportunity in order to profit at least 950 EUR but due to limited time and capacity I will be able to reach only several thousand people among 7 billion humans on this planet. In regards to that fact I have created a believe that I will be personally responsible for lose of profit for everyone that I will not succeed to inform and effectively convince to open their Spurt account by March 31st 2017. So I have become happy about the good news however thinking about how to deliver and perform to achieve desired outcome created overwhelming self-criticism related to perfectionism.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed by thinking about the upsides and downsides of a Spurt business opportunity due to my belief that this is a special opportunity that will permanently solve economic problems of humanity. I realise that despite of marvellous promises how Spurt will be able to deliver in the future it is not the one and only solution to current global problems as many other alternative currencies are being developed and there are massive actions being taken like global currency reset and neutering of the malicious banking leaders. I commit myself to when and as some amazing news is announced by Spurt management and my mind start to produce thoughts like: “Wow, this is so fantastic that I have to immediately tell that to whole world or I will be personally responsible to cause harm to others due to leaving them ignorant about this!” to stop and breathe. I then engage in promotion of great news with awareness that any news will have a limited reach and that whatever solution will be offered it will not be able to miraculously solve all our problems since we all must change all of our mind patterns for which it takes a lot of time and persistence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a tendency to present news in a way where I give it much bigger meaning that it actually has due to my pattern of trying to impress others and in that way receive their attention. I realise that by such action I create attachment where I try to control how others will respond and consequently also the fear of being judged by others if they will not recognise equal value in the information that I am bringing to then. I commit myself to when and as I receive some information where others may benefit from and my mind produces thoughts like: “I have to inform everybody about it immediately with great enthusiasm and let them know how valuable I am as a person who is bearer of the most awesome news on this planet!” to stop and breathe. I then consider all of my options, my limited time, the minds of others, their limited time and share any good news as factual as possible without any personal desire for attention from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself by repeating a pattern of creating polarity energy reactions of good and bad feelings where I would get excited and experience uplifting positive energy by imagining amazing future situation and then soon after that experiencing a heavy depressing feeling due to imagining what all hard physical movement, technical problems, refusal and criticism will I probably experience while trying to manifest the Utopian world. I realise that a better future for all is definitely possible however in this dimension of physicality and time it takes patience and persistent movement of many individuals who work together as one. I commit myself to when and as I am introduced with a vision of idilic future where we all live in harmony and abundance and my mind is producing thoughts like: “This will never happen since I am just a individual among many other people who will have little to no effect on this world so why even give it a try.” to stop and breathe. I then consider all the options to improve this world with awareness that if I collaborate in a global group where we share the same principles a synergy can be created and effects of my work will be multiplied many times over resulting in powerful global transformation where desired change can be manifested with great certainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overthink when dealing with life challenges where I go in my mind and allow all sorts of imaginations and thoughts that separate me from what is here. I realise that while imagination can be used constructively and self-directed thoughts are supportive, nothing within my mind will become true if I do not ground myself sufficiently and take practical action in this physical world. I commit myself to when and as I want to find a solution and I notice that I am only constantly thinking about positive and negative future possibilities to stop and breathe. I then use the mind only for initial stage of imagining things and follow through by making physical notes, action plans, calendar appointments, reminders and timelines in order to gain stability in the attempt to effectively manifest my goals in this physical reality. 
In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Facing Choice from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

12 March 2017

Day 152: My relationship with money

For the last 4 years I have been living on the public social support money and have been making some additional income by working for my father. However this does not mean that I have become lazy. I have been actually very busy for 3 years doing the sales activity for overpriced learning software that no one was able to afford and then I engaged for 1 year in promoting a new digital currency where I did earn a lot of money however it has not yet become convertible despite the initial speculations that it will become liquid asset by the end of 2016. Now I am thinking about what to do because I am tired of doing businesses that other control and where promises of earning do not come true.

My relationship with money started of course when I was a child and parents would firstly start to give me pocket money. After I finished the middle school, I became employee of my father who started to develop our family business. However initially I did not receive any direct salary but had to ask my parents to buy me what I needed. It was only after I met my first girlfriend and moved out of my parents' house when I enforced my salary to be payed directly to me. After I broke off with my girlfriend, I started to work as a sole proprietor and a freelancer where I earned more than enough for my needs. However I never decided to create a big business and employ many people due to different reasons.

One thing was that I cherished the freedom of working alone where I could take brakes whenever I wanted and spend a lot of my free time for personal growth. I also was not exposed to environment where I could learn from others how to manage big business and many employees. And I have been influenced my father who also preferred to work alone and had ideology to earn only just enough to be debt-free and disregard situations of those who are not part of our family. In recent years I have also studied extensively how money is actually made in our society where firstly precious metals and stones were used as main means of exchange, then gold-backed currencies were introduced to global economy and where now we are using fiat currency that is created out of thin air and are not backed by any real assets. Not only that, but currencies like Dollar and Euro are debt-base and have been designed specifically to create inequality, scarcity and economic slavery. And some explain that even Euro that is used in our country is not a currency but technically a United States Military Script and legally when used one actually engages in a act of war.

So I have been lately torn between promoting the Spurt new debt-free asset-backed currency that has a stable nominal value but almost none practical usability and using Euro debt-based fiat currency without any backing where I would wage war agains others by using it. But this is not the only problem, because even when considering the benefits of many new digital crypto and non-crypto currencies, there is still a challenge of defining a value to any resource, product and service. Because in recent era humanity has been given highest value only to rare inanimate objects like gold and diamonds where life had none value at all and many beings have been killed for the sake of making profit. This is also why I am a strong supporter of the Equal Money System where life has the highest value and a dignified living conditions for all form of life are the top priority.

Money has in many ways been used as form of enslavement however I am happy to see that massive change is happening on a global scale where many global leaders have decided to provide prosperity to the whole humanity and do not want any more wars. Malicious members of global elite have been neutered and their secret undergrounds blown up. Chinese Red Dragon Family are distributing their massive stocks of gold around the world for the currency to become backed by assets again. Thus global currency revaluation and reset is on the way. Some say that despite that the popping of global financial bubble will not be able to be prevented and that we are to prepare ourselves for the time of big turbulence. And with potentials of the new plasma technology developed by Keshe Foundation abundance of electricity, any chemical element, physical body regeneration and space travel potentials beyond human imagination are being made available to all.  

With enormous amount of information accessible over the internet and increasing number of opportunities, it has been a great challenge for me what path to choose. Learning about the new ways of removing any attachment to physicality and becoming emotionally non-reactive by using Keshe box in order to be able to travel space and aligning our physical body to every galactic environment had stirred my imagination. However each of those now discoveries is constantly being developed and there is large amount of information being produced on a daily basis that would require lot of time to digest and integrate. And the problem is also that lot of information is deliberately deceptive and so one can become quickly frustrated by conflicting claims. So in order to prevent going insane, one has no other option but to limit their field of study and operation and also use common sense to filter fake news.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to stop engaging in commercial activities in order to be payed in Euro currency due to learning that Euro is a military script and using it is an act of war. Thus since I want to be in peace and have also signed the Keshe World Peace Treaty I wanted to keep using Euro to the minimum and mostly use only a peaceful currencies like Spurt. I realise that even though using Euro is legally an act of war, it is still the main financial mean of exchange that most people in my and surrounding countries accept without any objection and that it would take enormous amount of time and resources before Spurt will become significantly recognisable in order to stop using Euro completely. I commit myself to when and as I want to earn Euros and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Do not accept Euro or else you will be waging war against others!” to stop end breathe. I then allow myself to accept Euros and understand the current imperfect reality in this world and the fact that we must firstly stop the war within us that we are waging war agains self and others by using energetic weapons of our feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted by all sorts of new information that I stumble upon when participating on Facebook and other web sites. I realise that while it is important to be open-minded and to understand the full picture of how this existence works, by trying to understand and control what is going on outside of myself, I will not be able to keep a sane mind. I commit myself to when and as I stumble upon a new fantastic discovery and my mind goes like: “You must research this in depth since this source might completely change your life and free you from all the misery that you experience currently!” to stop and breathe. I then check the new discovery only to the level of becoming aware of its existence and continue to discover what is within me since everything out there exists only as the manifested consequence of what I allow and accept to be within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for some tool outside of me like the Keshe Plasma Emotion Box that would assist me in changing myself faster. I realise that my human physical body already is The Box that reflects my emotions and feelings by pain and other sensations that I can experience and that it is everything that I actually need to change myself. When and as I hear about some scientific discovery that is promising for the man to understand the mind and I notice thought like: “You must research this since there must be a faster and more effective method that writing!” to stop and breathe. I then rather use the proven Desteni tools of introspection and become self-reliant within the process of looking within me and transforming myself. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be afraid of creating a big business and having to provide enough monthly income to pay the salaries because I see that global economic situation is very unstable. I realise that one can not know how the business situation will actually develop in real world situation and that all predictions are nothing but creation of my imagination. When and as I decide to employ any people and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Do not employ anybody since if there will not be enough income to pay for the salaries, they will tear you apart from anger!” to stop and breathe. I then with realisation that hiring and firing people is a natural process of every big business take on board additional help and let them go if necessary without hard feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that by creating an organisation with many employees I will loose my freedom and become overwhelmed with trying to manage the business. I realise that there are many owners of companies that employ hundreds of thousands of people however they still manage to organise their life the way they want. I commit myself to when and as I think about creating a large organisation and my mind goes like: “Are you totally crazy, this would be an act of suicide!” to stop and breathe. I then plan to grow my business step by step and distribute all the tasks among the employees so that I can direct the projects with a peaceful mind. 
In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Freeing your Mind from Money from The Soul of Money series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

27 February 2017

Day 151: Why does my father bother me so much

Yesterday my father visited me after almost 6 months. He came because he has been for last several days present at the nearby Ptuj city annual carnival as official ancient printer and scribe. While he attracts attention with his original long beard, mediaeval black coat and black headgear with feathers, he also carries an iPad in a case that looks like an old book that he made. He came to me with a reason to pick up an old suitcase that he ordered me to collect at city antique shop couple of days ago but also to download the videos that he recorded on the festival since his iPad memory was full. While I emptied his iPad he gave me some money and asked me what I have been up to. When I explained him how I started to network with local action group to start building urban gardens, he reacted as many times before, making clear that he actually does not care what I do as long as I earn enough money to survive.

His attitude towards me makes me angry because I would like to see for my father to respect me and be interested in what I do. However he mostly focuses on his own life and does not care for others very much. Thus also whenever he asks me what I have been doing lately, I already know that it is pointless to say anything because he actually does not want to hear that I am doing any progress in my life. What pleases him the most is hearing that I am struggling because I think that in a way he does not want any competition for attention and that he likes to be in a role of a saviour. When I did analysis how his sins in form of mind patterns transferred to me, I became aware that I also did not care very much for what he was doing. However when I started to show interest for what he does and would occasionally ask him what he has been doing, he would not want to explain it to me. And this is because of his other manipulation tactic because he wants to do things in secret in order to surprise and shock others with the final product, again just for the sake of getting attention. I hate him for being like that and cycling through the same behaviour patterns year after year.

So I have been wondering what to do about him and for me how to transform such patterns that I picked up from him. Several months ago I wrote him that I have decided to completely stop working for him and having any contact and that he should find some other person to assist him with computer related design tasks that I have been performing for him occasionally. But recently he again started to call me and ask me for design assistance. He explained that his designer got sick and that he urgently needs my help due to project deadline. I did restart working for him with expectation that his new designer will take it over when he gets better. But that waiting extended for many weeks and when I asked my father if his designer has already got well, he just mumbled something and I am suspecting that he actually might got in fight with him and that he would rather continue to work with me. Now I wonder if continuation of working for him will again be solidifying my old behaviour patterns that I worked on transforming within me.

Working for my father has some benefits for me since income from my work for him, combined with the monthly social support money is just enough to cover my monthly costs. But that also keeps me in the comfort zone where I have not much interest for doing some greater projects. Somehow this lifestyle fits me quite well since I do not have big responsibilities and provides me with a lot of time for my passion of spending many hours per day discovering even greater secrets of this existence. So in one way I am thankful that my father and I have such symbiotic relationship to support each other's passions. In one way I hate and also envy him for living the words 'ignorance is a bliss' and not giving much care for what is going on outside of his small mind bubble. And in one way I also admire him for being such a hard physical worker, constantly expanding and constructing physical projects, always having enough money and also learning how to benefit from digital technology. While he likes to build with his hands and creating something big from the physical substance, I on the other hand like to live a minimalistic life and create using virtual computer tools. So our field of interest, starting points and ways of expression are quite different, in many ways a direct opposite.

Considering all upsides and downsides of our relationship the biggest question is to what extend should I live aligned with the expectations of the society that family members must have the best relationships between each others and be always willing to assist each other. And I have to decide if keeping working for my father is currently the best way of supporting my development or if it will diminish and limit me at the process of expanding myself. The question is if my desire to live my current way of life is the consequence of being regularly in touch with my father or will I be able to handle all interactions with him without any emotional reactions and triggering past memories and expand anyway? Or would it be the best to again cut off all the connections with my father so that he is completely removed from my mind which would enable me to focus on my process and projects development with greater efficiency?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry about my father because he wants to impress others with what he does. I realise that I am using the same pattern when communicating with my father where I try to impress him with knowledge, information and my latest achievements. I commit myself to when and as I communicate with my father and my mind produces thoughts like: “I must let him know what I have achieved and learned lately so that he can be proud of me.” to stop and breathe. I then continue with assisting him without and desire to impress him or wanting to be more than him.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tired and demotivated in socialising with others with justification that others will not be able to understand how I see this world in many of its dimensions. I realise that feeling of tiredness is the polarity opposite energy that is the consequence of positive emotions of feeling good that I have been striving for. I commit myself to when and as I feel depressed as the result of me allowing the thoughts like: “The world is too complex and there is no point of explaining what I see so best not to even try to explain it.” to stop and breathe. I then decide to live words like: Patience, Humility, Compassion and in graduate steps take enough time to explain to others how I see this reality and what are the solutions for the current problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that some people are beyond the ability to understand and that the best way to deal with them is to cut them off and end any further communication with them. I realise that even to people with very small capacity to understand I can give at least a small piece of information that they would be able to grasp and expand by. I commit myself that when and as I meet someone who seems to have very limited capacity of understanding and my mind goes like: “This person is so dumb that there is no point in wasting any time for trying to explain him anything.” to stop and breathe. I then consider the fact that we are all in this together and that no one is free until we all are free and give the opportunity to anyone that I meet in order for them to benefit from my interaction with them at least in some small way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up due to belief that there is no information received from others that I can totally rely on and share it with others without any danger that after some time it will be proven to be fake. I realise that while any second hand information can be fake, there is a lot of first hand information available and my personal experiences that I can totally rely on and are completely safe to share. I commit myself to when and as I want to assist others with useful information and there are thought popping up like: “Better not to say anything since there is a possibility existing that information is not true and others will accuse me of being a liar and will attack me with everything they got!“ to stop and breathe. I then decide to express my gratitude for being assisted by many individuals with very supportive insights by me equally sharing my perspectives and realisations with others so that the network of support will be able to expand much more and that we will be able to solve the problems of this existence as fast as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live only on public social support money and by doing some occasional work for my father due to believe that there is so much that I must yet learn before I will be able to assist others with sharing useful information and that I must not waste my precious time by doing some job or additional business activities just to get a bit more money. I realise that with what I have became aware of so far I have the potential to assist others greatly and that I can easily turn my helpful activities into business where all my needs will be more than covered. I commit myself to when and as I think about assisting others in a professional way and my mind tries to shut me down with thoughts like: “There is already so many information about everything available via books and internet that it is absolutely no point in adding anything to this already too overwhelming body of information!” to stop and breathe. I then decide to slow down, structure my approach and be as useful as possible for the whole humanity by actively moving in this reality and assisting others as much as I feel that I am capable of.
In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Sins of the Fathers from Life Review series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

20 February 2017

Day 150: The origin of excessive self-criticism

Initially this blog post was to be about how I experience myself towards men because in my previous blog I walked how I experience myself towards women. However after my Desteni I Process course buddy reviewed my previous post, she indicated that I only brushed some of the related points and suggested me to expand on those points in the following posts. So this writing will be expansion of the pattern of excessive self-criticism that is becoming more and more prevalent with increasing responsibility within my professional work. I have been in position of leading Slovenian promoter of Spurt alternative currency for almost one year now and since some predictions about when the currency will become convertible did not fulfil yet, people are pressing on me and some even accusing me of lying and walking away due to disappointment. And I definitely do not want to be labeled as a liar and loose my integrity.

I perceive myself as a good person with a sensitive heart and I experience minor hart arrhythmia several times during a day. However I am successfully able to stop it by focusing on my breath and in case when I feel that my hearth is being weakened too much due to stress and worry, I take a brake, do exercise, go out in the nature and recuperate. However I currently live a quite stressless life style and spend most of the time alone in my room where I can rest and have a peaceful retreat whenever I want. Most of the communication that I do with other people is via Facebook and if someone tents to bully me too much, I am able to simply block them and the situation is solved. I am having hard time to imagine how to handle strong personal attacks face to face. And this is especially because I know that some people are in low state of awareness and can get so emotionally possessed that they are incapable of hearing and understanding what is being said to them. So in liv events people can even physically attack and even kill you.

Cool examples of people that are masters in handling live personal attacks are politicians, especially presidents. I admired previous US president Barack Obama how he was able to handle people with directing his words and keeping his cool and the new president Donald Trump is even greater example of immunity to deepest public mocking. He even participates in TV comedy shows that targets his strange hair, orange tan, the way he speaks, his small hand and every single mistake that anyone can find in order to target him. And despite all of that, he remains centred, relaxed and focused on achieving his goals. This is definitely a level of self-confidence that also I want to achieve since I want to improve the current world system which means that I plan to become a public personality and in limelight of all sorts of media that will question everything that I do.

Now if I look what made me to become so sensitive to criticism and why I am also criticising myself a lot, let me start with my early age. One of the factors was that I was the the oldest child and they are generally expected to become a responsible example for the rest of the younger brothers and sisters. Then there is a public education system that systematically suppresses self-expression, individuality and forces you to become obedient part of society that respects authority. However what created excessive self-criticism was the projected low self-esteem of my father that escalated especially after I finished the middle school and became employee of his family graphic business.

So the first problem was that my father did not treated me as unique being with own self-expression and did consider me mostly as the product that was shaped by his own image. This is a common mistake that parent make since they ofter consider their children as a better version of themselves and want them to experience what they lacked to experience and prevent them to experience all the bad thing that they experienced when they were a child. This then creates tyranny and suppression towards their children that can be in the same way transferred from generation to generation. My father wanted me to excel in order to show my achievements to others. An when others would praise me he would feel like they are praising him personally. So in his eyes there was no difference between me and him and whatever I have done it was like he did it. Consequently also every criticism that I received was felt by him like he himself is being criticised. Thus he wanted to make sure that I never do any mistake and criticised every mistake that I made violently.

Consequences of my mistakes got especially significant weight when I started to do design and pre-press work in our family graphic company. I was the one who did the typesetting, colour separation of logos and created films for the screen-printing department that was managed by my brother. He then collected the graphic films, prepared the screen for each colour and printed any object that was necessary to print in the screen-printing technique. The objects that he printed on were sometime very cheap like transfer paper or self-adhesive foil, however some times he printed directly to T-shirts, bags, umbrellas, lighters and other promotional products. Some of those objects were very expensive and if they were be printed with a mistake in the content of the print, it resulted in a quite high cost of damaged goods that our company was responsible for. Not only that the high valuable products were ruined but it also resulted in a lot of wasted time and anger by my brother since he had to do all the time-consuming process of preparing the screens and printing machines again.

Since I was the only employee who did the pre-press in our company among also other jobs like creating signs from self-adhesive foil, I was under a lot of pressure and was pressed to work as fast as possible. I had to type on the computer fast and it is hard to be accurate and not to do any mistake under such pressure. When I would do some typing mistake, my brother went to my father to file a complaint and my father would then come to me with anger and instructing me to type slow, pressing only one key at a time order to be sure not to make any typing mistake again. That confused me quite a lot since he somehow expected me to type slow and perform fast at the same time. Obviously when my brother came to him to criticise me, he felt like himself is being criticised and then he criticised me in order for he as me not to be criticised again.

So the problem in every business process is how to handle errors and mistakes that also result in high cost of created damage. When someone writes a book, there is usually someone that was responsible for proofreading and editing of the text before printing so that there would be no mistakes in the final printed book. I wanted to implement a similar protocol in our company but the problem was selecting or providing a person that would take such responsibility. Most of the time it was me that sent the final design to the clients in order for them to check the validity of design content. However it was discovered that clients in most cases did not notice the error because their eyes saw what their mind expected to see and not what was actually there. Our company never hired any professional proofreader so it was mostly I that made the effort to check if any error existed and from time to time I did miss some and the game of blame repeated over and over again.

The reason why relationships and working conditions in our company did not improve was because my father was not honestly interested in quality. All he wanted was to be praised and his most powerful tool was a surprise tactic. He wanted to feel good by making others feel good when he would present a product that others would be excited by. So when someone would place an order he wanted to deliver the product as fast as possible and with as less complications as possible for his own sake of immediate emotional gratification. That is why he did not supported my initiative to communicate with a client during the production process and was especially not fun of clients taking the responsibility to proofread the content before the printing. What my father basically wanted is just to take the order and as soon as possible to visit the client, ring the door bell and make clients extremely excited about the finished product so he could feel good.

Eventually my father even started with his own spin-off project of original Gutenberg wooden printing press reconstruction where he would be able to be in the eyes of the public even more often and receive live compliments at cultural and historical events. Lack of his focus to management of our company business eventually lead to my decision to leave the job and establish my own business. And even now, many years after that event, I am still occasionally doing some long-distance work form my father where he is showing that he still did not learn the lesson. He still rather keeps communication with clients to minimum with hopes to surprise them as much as possible. However many times clients are far from being satisfied with him since many expect close collaboration and being asked if something about their order information is not clear enough. My father rather risks creating a big disappointment of his clients instead of making sure that none of the mistakes are made due to misunderstanding and wrong expectations.

Soon after I left our family company my brother convinced my father to take over the business which he did. Now he is also in the position of doing the pre-press job so he has the opportunity to experience the taste of his own medicine. Now he has no one to complain to for any design mistakes that he makes however we do not communicate much and I did not ask him what process he has implemented to prevent the mistakes and creation of costly damage. And I also after becoming freelance designer had to pay attention that the final product is correct. I made sure that clients reviewed the final drafts and that by signing they took full responsibility for any material cost that could manifest in the process of design reproduction. Eventually I transitioned to focus only on professional photography where there is no danger of creating a mistake in the content. I simply captured the picture of the reality as it manifested in the moment. However when I decided to do also the wedding photography, I was again challenged a lot because there were important moments in the ceremony that I was not allowed to miss and also the processing of the photos had to be very different that in documentary photography.

The question here is how much I was responsible for the mistakes that I made in my life. Because as I already became aware of in my previous posts, I played an energetic emotional polarity game with my father, similar like my father and my mother did. I wonder how many times I subconsciously made a deliberate typing mistake in order to retaliate for emotional abuse of my father and how in such cases have equally gave priority to experience emotional energy of self-pity instead of removing all energy addictions and actually creating a sustainable solution for the production problems in our company. And how much I enjoyed to be the only one who did the design and pre-press work in our company in order for only our family members to be in the key production positions instead of expanding and allowing also for other people to become employees and support the production for the mutual benefit of all workers and clients equally.

So one thing that I see as important is to remove all energy addictions and to actually perform based on the principles of what is best for all. And then to also understand that mistakes will happen from time to time since one is able in every moment to have control only about limited things in this existence. So forgiveness and especially self-forgiveness are necessary to be applied as often as possible. A fine example of such forgiveness has been demonstrated in the short Public Statement video by Dave Schmidt where he apologised for his assumptions and stepping over the limit. And I also want to develop more humility and ability to repent and to feel real shame for all actions where I acted based on self-interest and was directed by energy of the mind instead of principle of what is best for all. Because I also in quite large extend copied the pattern of my father where I wanted the attention from other people. The difference is only that I did not use physical products in oder to impress others but used high and very advanced knowledge and information to achieve the same result.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for being addicted to good feelings of being praised. I realised that I also developed similar pattern and thus I have no right to judge him. I commit myself to when and as I think about my father with thoughts like: “He is such an emotional manipulator and I am so much better than him!” to stop and breathe. I then rather focus on my own weaknesses and make sure that I remove them as many as possible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to punish my father by playing the game of self-victimisation, self-pity and giving up on myself. I realise that staying in such polarity role is only sabotaging myself since it limits my potentials and prevents my self-expression. I commit myself to when and as I interact with my father and my thought go like: “You are welcome to demand from me anything that you want but I will show you how much you have hurt me and how much I still suffer!“ to stop and breathe. I then communicate with him without any resentment, create mutual agreement and work for him equally as for any other being. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for not providing a system of proofreading while I was working for him. I realise that even when I have worked as a freelancer I did not collaborate with any professional proofreader and have made my clients responsible for any costs that might occur by reproduction of design with error. I commit myself to when and as I look at how my father managed our business and my mind goes: “He was so irresponsible for not providing a professional proofreading system!“ to stop and breathe. I then rather focus on my current work and make sure to provide a better system for my clients in order to prevent as many mistakes as possible. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to fear presenting myself in the public due to danger of being criticised. I realise that this fear does not originate in others behaving irresponsible but is result of my addiction to self-victimisation and projecting blame towards others. I commit myself to when and as someone criticises me and my mind goes: “Oh now, this world is so unjust and I am such a poor innocent victim!“ to stop and breathe. I then listen to words of criticism and admit that I was wrong if some mistake that I make has been exposed or I stand my ground and defend my integrity if I recognise the criticism as nothing but lies. 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear admitting that I made a mistake and to fear apologising myself. I realise that we all constantly learn by trial end error and that making mistakes is part of being alive. I commit myself that to when and as I make a mistake and my mind produces thoughts like: “Quickly hide what you have done and save face in order for your track record not to have any black spots!” to stop and breathe. I rather apologise for my mistakes, learn from them and not allow others to continue bullying me by repeatedly reminding me about all the mistakes that I made in the past.
In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Respect, Integrity, Trust and Honour from The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

14 February 2017

Day 149: How I experience myself towards woman

It came up with discussion with my Desteni I Process course buddy that it would be beneficial for me to write about how I experience myself towards man and towards woman. I started to write this post with intention to focus only on my experiences towards men first but then I noticed that I am actually writing how I experience myself as a man towards woman. So I will be writing about men in the following post.

Starting with my school memories I definitely felt like an outsider, someone who does not fit in and does not understand why others behave like they do. That is because firstly by father did not allow me to socialise, go out and mingle in the evenings and weekends due to fear that I will be bullied the same way like he was by his classmates. And than by father was also an example of individualistic person who was not able to work in a team due to his own low self-esteem and the need to prove himself, constantly craving for attention of others. The third factor was how I was treated as the first born son who was expected to be serious, responsible, intelligent and an example to my younger brother. Additional influence was the fact that my father started our family business where I was constantly pushed to work very hard and for long hours.

So until age of 24 my life has been so occupied with activities and directed by my father that I basically did not have any time to think about who I am, who I have become and to develop any ambition for my personal life as a man. Basically it did not matter that I was a male since all what counted in my life is how I perform as the oldest child and employe. In a way, my role towards my father was more like a pet. I was to listen and obey the orders and get treats and if not, I was punished. It was by pure coincidence that I met my first girlfriend during a visit of our business partner. What connected us was the fact that we were in a very similar position as the oldest child in the family and facing the same terror by our fathers who run the family business. It was basically a coalition to join forces in the fight for our freedom and human right. The problem was that I was conditioned so much that I lacked the strong many character that she needed and she was also emotionally damaged to the level where she was played by her father like a piano.

After my first girlfriend left me, I started to research human psychology and that pulled me into another rabbit hole of discovering the grater picture of existence. My self-definition as a man was then also put under question after I discovered that in my previous life I was a female. Understanding that I play only a temporary role as a men in this life influenced me in questioning how much I should identify myself with a male character since I am a living being beyond the two human sexes. I learned that sexes exist also on the level of primary beings that emerged from the planets. However some beings came into existence in a synthetic manner and I have not yet ordered my Sound Symbol & Beingness Signature Drawings in order to find out how I came into existence. The point is that despite of finding myself in my male human physical body, I did never put much attention into fitting any general definition of a male and presenting myself towards other as a male. My relationship towards other is more like towards fellow sexless children of god.

Of course I do experience sexual needs and like to have sex with women, however my primary life mission is not focused on finding a wife and having children. I enjoy being alone and when I am not in a relationship with a woman, I use masturbation purely as a tool to satisfy my sexual needs to the level where they do not distract my attention form passionately progressing towards discovering all the secrets of life and existence. I did made myself available by creating profiles on many online and mobile dating web sites and I do respond to any request in timely manner. And I also do searches and send messages to the profiles I like. However I just recently restated with more active online dating activities after about 3 years of being single again. I definitely learned many things from my past relationships and I have changed and raised my criteria and minimal standards about the women that I am willing to start dating. I am not interested anymore in emotional drama and until some girl who is willing and capable to walk a relationship with me as one end equal contacts me, I prefer staying single.

Currently I am also developing new business plan for myself that will hopefully provide me with a stable income. Well I learned that things in business do change faster than ever so I do not expect any business to be stable for ever, but at least I want to develop some business to a level where I will be able to pay of my debt and have my monthly expenses more than covered. This is also why I am currently not willing to spend more time to date in terms of also physically going out or approaching females that I meet in person. Being now age of 43 I find myself in a bit strange relationship position. This is because most of women my age already are in a relationship or are separated and have their own children. I know that children demand a lot of attention and that there is a totally different relationship dynamic when dating a woman with a child, especially if their ex is still alive and is paying visits to his ex female partner and their children. And for the single girls of my age it is so that they mostly look exhausted and old, their ability to safely birth children is running out and they have set their ways. Considering that my partner will have a lot to catching up to do and that I do want my own kinds without any additional baggage, I will obviously have to get a much younger girl which is also a challenge of its own since not many are looking to date much older guy.

I see having enough money as a basis to fulfil my dating and relationship plans regardless what kind of woman I will hook up with. However on the other hand I also do not feel the rush of making money because I enjoy living current comfortable life where my basic needs are met and I feel free and without any much stress, able to learn and discover new things. Being single has also its own benefits and considering that god is one and that we are all parts of the god, finding us in the illusion of separation, moving back to oneness, I wonder why even bother with creating attachments to any life partner in a human physical body that has a relative short life span. Bottom line is that I am committed to bringing us together so I am not lonely and am free to bond with any individual that I meet. Regardless what life will bring, I know that it is my sole responsibility to feel fulfilled, to forgive myself any illusion of lack and that whatever will happen, I plan to leave this physical existence with as little regret as possible.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled The Outsider from the Life Review series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

06 February 2017

Day 148: Energy, frequency and vibration

People who consider themselves spiritual ten to use specific word in order to communicate their progress and how they see change in this world. Many of them use the quote of Nikola Tesla who said: “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” Some talk also about the higher dimensions, about love consciousness, chakras, photon bands and increasing power of light that will expose the darkness. Positive thinking and positive energy is according to them the answer to solve current problems of humanity. They define this world as nothing but illusion since when we look the matter under the electronic microscope is is comprised only by small particles and a lot of space. Such definitions and explanations have confused me and made me wonder how to define myself and what to do since this world still seem to my human body senses as a very solid manifestation of reality and it did not go away just by becoming introduced to the quantum physics. And how practically shall I then open my hearth chakra, increase vibration and become the being of light since I can not see any doors, frequency modulator or energy switch? This was so intangible and impractical that it was driving me mad. Because if this world is only a hologram where we experience life lessons and we return to reality when we leave our physical bodies, is it then death not the only exit after one has reached such enlightenment and would it then not be the best to just kill myself as soon as possible to escape this illusion?

Luckily several years ago I discovered an interesting source of information that explained also what is going on in the afterlife and how the system of reincarnation works. And then also how it has been changed in order to stop the suffering in this world. Then also that energy is not the primary manifestation that created the illusion of substance but that it is the other way around. It was the substance as the embodiment of sound that created itself into energy and frequency. And that explanation enabled me to ground myself and a more practical way to work on the process of identifying and removing all point of separation. Also in the Bible it is said that “in the beginning was the world“ so if the words have the power of creation, I am able to use the words to recreate the existence into something that is far more desirable. But before that I must also understand what world actually mean and to align my definitions according to the real meaning. Because I realised that it is not only the negative energy like fear that paralyses but that also the positive energy like love has an equal effect. All the energy that is created by the vibration as manifested conflict and separation within the substance is what is possessing and blinding us and moving us away from each other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this world as illusion and wanting to escape from it by killing myself. I realise that the problem is not with the world that I find myself in but in my relationship with it and how I experience it. I commit myself to when and as I find myself in a challenging situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “What is the point of all this of this world is not real? Why just not go home to the afterlife and enjoy the bliss of heaven?“ to stop and breathe. I then continue to move myself it his world and contribute to make it better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that problems of this world can be solved by increasing my frequency of vibration and light within me. I realise that while objects in this world do resonate and one can measure the frequency and intensity of many things, there are actual words behind the actions of everyone of us. I commit myself to when and as I experience trouble and my mind goes: “Just sit down, open your hearth chakra and imagine for the energy of love and light to emanate into all the existence!” to stop and breathe. I rather look deeper into my subconscious mind and name the game by finding appropriate words that describe the movement within me that create conflict between me and this world and then forgive all points of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that this existence would fix itself quickly and thus becoming restless and impatient. I realise that in this dimension of time and space there are laws that govern how fast something manifests that I am not able to change by using only wishful thinking. I commit myself to when and as I see how slow things move and my mind is saying me: “You should become angry and express your anergy of dissatisfaction!“ to stop and breathe. I then move myself slowly and patiently with the speed of the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will die before I achieve anything substantial in my life since time is passing so fast. I realise that every single thought, emotion, word and action of mine count since everything creates consequence and ripple effects. I commit myself to when and as I see how much I have achieved in my life and my mind steps in with thoughts like: “You are running out of time so better hurry to create something that other will remember you by!“ to stop and breathe. I then continue to perfect myself with awareness that the best way to fix this world is by firstly improving myself and become a practical example for others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to control the events in this reality and becoming disappointed when they do not turn out as I imagined. I realise that I am only one of many individuals that influence the events in this existence and that the only thing that I am able to control is myself and the attitude towards myself and the outer manifestations. I commit myself to when and as I observe what is going on outside myself and my mind goes like: “Look at all this suffering and distraction! You must become very sad since you are powerless and very small part of existence.” to stop and breathe. I then continue with participation in this world with awareness that the most important is for me to do my best and encourage others to do the same. 
In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled The Creation of Energy from the The Secret History of the Universe series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

30 January 2017

Day 147: Wondering about the meaning of life

In the last several weeks I have been struggling with decision what to do. Obviously there are things that I am able to do in the context of existing in this dimension of time and space via my human physical body. However in terms of taking full responsibility for the long term consequences of every single decision that I make to all existence I am lacking the capacity to see all outflow of events. Not only that, but if I consider other dimensions of existence beyond or outside of this time and space, it is even harder to comprehend the meaning of life. Or even to define what life is and what everything that exist is. It is a philosophical dilemma regarding the core meaning and functioning of existence.

This experience of mine is obviously related to my tendency of wanting to do things perfectly, to do it right, which is also related to the fear of being criticised by others in case of doing something wrong. And the qualities that disable me from doing it right is related to ability of knowing or remembering everything that happened in the past in the whole existence which begs the question why forgetfulness exists, how memory functions, is it actually possible to erase memory and forget and finally, if it is not possible, how is came that I experience something that is actually not possible? How can truth/reality exist while lies/illusion also exist? Because I am becoming tired to hear some information which is presented as truth and after some time it is being exposed as lies and deception. This creates experience in me of being very sad and disappointed about the whole existence of such polarity and I am questioning the purpose of it and the origin of its creation. It is related to so much suffering, pain and destruction. However on the other hand if this is only a temporary experience and just an illusion and projection, like a movie, why giving it much attention since it is not real?

Such questions came to me since I watched several movies where such existential points have been integral part of the script and they obviously carry and important message. The other major influence have been videos by Dave Schmidt where he talks about Annunakis, UFOs, aliens, history of this planet, power of gold, separation, duality, global money system and many other related points from a very detailed and interesting perspectives. Since some information shared are not aligned with other sources, I am here again questioning what information is correct and which is wrong. However due to limited time that I have in this dimension of existence and other limitations, is is very hard to verify all the information and nothing can be trusted, even my own memories that also proved to be inaccurate many times before. So the only think that I can do is to move based on how the existence manifest itself in my close proximity and interact with it using my human physical body or I can decide not to act or do anything at all.

Other component that describe me is patience or lack thereof. Meaning that I want all to be done immediately and when I hit the wall, I go into experience of disappointment and wanting to give up. Basically I experience myself as many entities are pulling myself constantly to all kind of directions, each of them persuading me that their path is the best. So I am asking myself in what direction should I move or what is the point of moving at all considering the possibility that by every movement in any directions I am actually distancing myself from self. Thus, considering that this picture manifested reality is just a projection of illusion that can in fact not exist, why should I participate in it at all. However despite considering not to participate in it, am I able to end it and how, and what will then exist and how will I experience myself and define the meaning of my existence if I actually do end it? Such thinking makes me tired and it create tendency to distract myself with something in order not needing to face with such questions and decision.

Other philosophical question is also the concept of one and many. This relates to conclusion that origin of all the existence is one single point from which many individualised forms of entities separated and came into existence. Thus what is my purpose and existential history as one of such individualised forms of entities any my relationship to the source and other entities that I experience as separated from myself? And then again, if we have come to existence as many from one and are now returning back to one, what is the point of returning if that one will again decide to become many and again create the separation? And finally, how the one came into existence or what is the origin of the one? Is it actually possible to understand the existence or must we accept that there simply are things that no one, even the one is able to understand? Because explanation can only exist in relation to question and using the concepts of space and time. Then also, can a question come to existence if the one who is asking the question does not already know the answer in order to decide if the answer received is truth or false? Since what is the point of asking if the knowing of the truth does not already exist within the one who is asking?

Thus, using logic that everyone of many is part of one, pretending that is separate and forgotten that all is one, thus I see no other option to understand that I am also part of the one and thus the one itself, who has separated into many due to let's say loneliness in order to play or masturbate with itself in the dream and illusion of something that it is fact impossible to exist. And I as the one have also created a opponent, the voices as thoughts of my mind and energies of emotions and feelings that challenge me constantly and try to keep me in this state of delusion as long as I decide not to face them and recognise them also as my own creation. So I am here, facing myself and wondering if I should forgive myself this separation that I am existing in or not. Because what is the point of removing the separation and returning into oneness if I will then become bored again and initiate another cycle of separation? Is it then not best to just keep this separation going and experiencing this dream and make it into something?

But then if I decide to keep and continuously mould this existence of separation, what should I do with it? What again should be the reference point of making any decision? Well, obviously I as current individualised entity as someone in this human physical body do not want to experience any lack and pain. So I will move myself towards defining my strengths and weaknesses and improving them in order to expand my abilities and interacting with others with awareness of equality and oneness. Thus I will be playing this game of lies until all veil of deception fall and the truth will finally become visible to all.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audios titled Questioning Life from the Life Review series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.