Day 209: Too much on my shoulders

I have been making myself busy as far as I remember and I never get bored. In the initial years of my life, it was my parents who directed most of the things that I was doing, also because we had our own family business. Later I decided to break away and express myself as a professional creative in the field of visual communications. After relationship conflicts made me start reflecting on myself my priorities changed dramatically. In the last couple of decades, I have become more and more selective about what I do and what are the expected outflow consequences of my actions. I carefully decide how to spend every single moment of my life and do my best to contribute to changing this world into what is best for all life. However, a couple of weeks ago I started to feel pain in my shoulder area which is the indication that I fell out of my usual inner balance. So the purpose of this blog post is to gain awareness of what is going on inside of me and to make necessary corrections in order to regain inner harmony.

About a year ago I joined a global movement that resonated with me greatly. Amongst all of the organizations that discovered so far, I estimated that it has the potential to bring the biggest positive change to this world. So I decided to make myself useful in the best way I could considering my abilities. I started to develop a local chapter for that organization which involved the creation of a website and pages, channels, and groups on several social networks, developing a CRM system, and building a mailing list. A lot of work was also with translation from English to Slovenian language. That organization is producing daily news report videos in the length of around 15 minutes and to translate just one of them and to publish it on our website as an article and to then share it on the social networks, takes me around 6 hours. And there are also long Zoom videos that I translate and are from one to even two hours long which takes me a couple of days to translate.

Just in terms of translation, I wonder about the impact and the point of doing such work. It is hard for me to estimate how many Slovenians will benefit from my translations and how it would impact my nation in the long term. The population of our country is just around 2 million which is relatively small compared to some countries where our whole country would fit just in one district of one of their cities. This alone makes me wonder about the point of us having our own language and why do we not adopt English as our main language. In regards to this, some say that the Slovenian language is one of the oldest if not the oldest language on this planet, very similar to Sanskrit and that all the other continental languages developed from it. However, since we are all now communicating globally with increased speed, different languages have become points of separation. And those of us who are in non-English speaking countries have so much additional work to do and spend so much time just with translations that we have much less time to do other things. So just because some countries have implemented English as their main language, they can invest much more time in developing projects and can achieve more than others.

But there are also some benefits from doing translations. When reading, listening, or watching one integrates information just to a certain level. However if one is doing a translation of a body of information, they slow down, take information apart and assemble it again which results in the information being integrated and understood with much more detail and clarity. So while the translation is a time investment for me, I also personally benefit from that process and my awareness expands. Since there is so much information it is of course not possible for me to translate it all and I already experimented with creating a team of translators that would assist with that task. There were some members from or local chapter that volunteered to also do the translations however I took the responsibility of then checking the result of their work. However, the process of me reviewing the translations and performing the edits that I found necessary took me approximately the same amount of time like if I would do the translations myself.

The occurrence of pain in my shoulder area correlates with me being invited into a new translators group on Telegram where I would assist also with doing translation of the content on the new websites related to the global movement that I am now part of. So it looks like I have started to imagine how my workload would significantly increase and that it would definitely be over my capacity. And besides doing the translations, I am currently administrating our website, Facebook page, two Telegram groups, and a channel, writing new website content, doing the graphic design, programming of the online forms, maintaining the CRM system, managing email campaigns for hundreds of subscribers to our newsletters and translations, and many more. I am investing on average over 10 hours of productive work all 7 days of the week to move things forward and it looks like I am doing 95% of all the work in our local chapter group. I have invited others to assist and to take on any of the things that are required to be done but not many responded. Not only that but some even expressed their concern that I am trying to take over our local chapter and use it for my personal benefits which is definitely not true. 

Other chapter members are holding onto many different excuses and justify why they do only as much or nothing as demonstrated so far. Some are busy with their regular jobs and family, some think that our mission is just to wait for the funding from the new global monetary system and then only engage in developing projects, some have concerns and doubts that the movement is legit and that what has been promised will actually be manifested. I cannot blame them since even I in the past joined many groups and movements that promised a lot and delivered a little. There are so many scams going on and we are in times where we are hearing almost nothing but lies on a daily basis from all the mainstream media. So I understand that many have trust issues and struggle with motivation to be part of some group and collaborate productively. Well from my perspective it is the responsibility of every individual to check all the available information, to make use of their intuition, and then decide whom to trust and whom not. I am ready for even the most trustworthy movement that I join to at some point fall apart and to eventually be exposed as deception. However, it makes more sense to me to at least contribute something to things that I currently see as most valid instead of wanting the proof and warranty that things are 100% reliable and that nothing can go wrong. They say a doubt can sink a ship so all the members need to maintain a high level of trust in order to be able to focus on what matters and move towards the goal.

Following the initial ranting and raving, I now progress towards the writing of the specific self-correction statements which I then speak out loud in order to shatter the crystallized mind patterns in my shoulder area that started to create friction and consequent pain in my human physical body tissue:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to focus on doing the translations by myself due to the belief that there is very little hope of finding high-quality translators to do the volunteer work instead of systematically working every day to find them. I realize that whatever my mind is creating as an excuse in order to keep me in the same pattern is pure self-deception. I commit myself to when and as I have a translation project to complete and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Better to do the translation by yourself since all the good translators are already very busy with translating other things and you will not succeed to get them on board as volunteers so best to wait until you will start becoming financed.” to stop and breathe. I then move myself every single day in order to send inquiries to translators and see how they will actually respond.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spend most of my time on the local chapter development projects tasks execution due to my enjoyment in combining my skill of graphic design, website development, and English language instead of developing skills of project management and delegating tasks to others. I realize that I am moving towards projects becoming larger and more complex so it is necessary to work on team building since it is not possible to do everything by myself. When and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just do as much as you can do by yourself and wait for others to find their own motivation to join the team and let them equally take initiative in researching what needs to be done and then work on tasks independently.” to stop and breathe. I then move out of my comfort zone of not wanting to communicate much with others, invest time in exciting others for the projects and direct them towards the practical development of the projects.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define translations of uncensored news as a very important component for the organic growth of our mailing list and to mostly focus on sharing translation teasers on online social networks. I realize that there are more effective ways of expanding the email subscription base since a relatively small percentage of all the social network group members have subscribed so far. I commit myself to when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just keep sharing the translation teasers on social networks and trust the fate that the right people will join.” to stop and breathe. I then slow down and take time to research best practices of how to create a big mailing list and measure the effects in order to find out what works best.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the technology as a buffer between myself and other people due to seeing others as not taking responsibility for their mental processes to the level of becoming able to communicate with me as one and equal. I realize that I am allowing my past traumatic experiences of being bullied and treated unfairly by others to hold me back from connecting with people on a more personal level. I commit myself to when and as I am considering working with others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Rather communicate with the others via social networks and emails so that you can quickly block anyone that has become possessed by the polarised patterns of thinking.” to stop and breathe. I then decide to develop a more intimate relationship with people and maintain the high self-trust that I will be able to direct the communication by empowering others to align themselves with the principle of what is best for all.

For all who want to learn how to support themselves with writing, I suggest starting walking the

DIP Lite free online course.

And here are some links to supportive audios from Eqafe related to this blogs post that I also suggest you listen to:

Biting off More than You can Chew

Under pressure

My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak

Who am I as Control

Developing Communication and Expanding Relationships

Everything Must Be Just So

Avoiding People

Lead as an Example in Your Business

Physical Communication

Day 192: My greatest fears

Within one of the recent chats of our Desteni support group for self-perfection, we were discussing how to face the emotional challenges related to the Coronavirus or Covid-19 global shutdown. It became clear that what the majority of people are afraid of the most is not becoming infected with the virus and becoming sick but something else. One of the biggest fears, in general, is, of course, dying however since the death statistics were not as bad as presented in public media, that was not the main issue. The main problems that people saw were related to a lack of food that could cause starvation and as it was also evident from popular memes, the biggest fear was lack of toilet paper, lol. Except that in Slovenia the product that people have purchased the most was actually the yeast. I am now also going to look at what my biggest fears for me personally are in relation to the recent global situation.

So as I wrote in my previous blog post, the biggest change for me was that the source of income from my father that I have been relying on was gone and thus I was not able to pay for the rent anymore. However, in relation to that, the actual fear was that the landlord would lash out on me with anger and thus disturb my inner peace with a projection of his emotional energy. Or maybe he would even demand that I move out of my current apartment. And this situation was also related to my feeling of shame and discomfort since several years ago I was also not able to pay for the rent for several consecutive months. I still owe him that money and occasionally the landlord still brings this point up and I feel uncomfortable about that. In a way, I did pay him for that missing rent however it was in the form of alternative digital currency that was expected to become convertible to fiat currencies very soon however that did not happen to this day. So regardless of him having the funds on his account he, equally like me, is not able to use it in a practical way. And also a girlfriend of the landlord that lives nearby has several months ago made an attempt to convince the landlord to make me move out due to her predictions that I will not be able to pay for the rent due to her false perception that my monthly income was far less than it actually was. Thus I am also uncomfortable that her predictions became true although the actual cause now is something very different and also she could not predict that. I have read that currently, one-third of the people in the United States can no longer afford to pay for the rent so knowing that I am not the only one with such a challenge does assist me a bit. And what I see is that beneath this feeling of shame and discomfort there is my old main pattern of fearing to be judged by others and not wanting to display any of my mistakes publicly. My father at the end of each year has been proudly announcing to the world that he is completely debt-free and I also wish to be able to say that however in recent years I was not able to do that.

What is also related to the lack of money is my dependency on social support money for the past several years that is also something that I am not proud of. Because of that my father is seeing me as a looser and has shamed me many times and I do not want to experience that ever again. However, I am not so much concerned about what my father says since I have realized that he is speaking from his own insecurities about himself that he compensates with a craving for attention from other people and the need to be recognized in public as a good person. And I also do not want money to be the main focus in my life since it is just an arbitrary means of exchange in ways that are hard to wrap the head around it. Some people are allowed to create money out of thin air in abundance while others are not allowed that and are even prevented to get it enough to support themself with it properly. Besides that, there are constant periodic financial crises that create worldwide depressions. So regardless of how much money someone has, it can all be taken away in a moment by some completely unexpected event. Consequently, I also do not want to be attached to money while I actually have always been able to find ways to have my basic needs met. And I am researching options and development of global events that have the potential to turn the money into something more stable and fair.

The next point that is also related to money and survival is the vaccination agenda and 5G network. I watched many documentaries that explain how the existence of coronavirus has been deliberately blown out of proportions in order to enforce mandatory vaccination. And that many of the cases where people got sick or even died were connected to the rollout of the 5G network that influenced the human body in a negative way. Then also how if we allow the vaccination agenda and further implementation of 5G, each of us could become controllable and enslaved even more. Or also prevented from accessing your own bank account and food if not complying with the controllers. And how the 5G has been weaponized and can be used to target groups or individuals to disable their body functions or even kill them. Also, we could see how in a relatively short amount of time governments have taken legal measures and public media has focused on spreading mostly negative news that resulted in people's movement becoming restrained and their sources of income diminished, in some cases to zero. So the underlying fear in regards to this point is about the same scenario to be repeated in the future even faster and with even stronger negative consequences for me and others.

Besides initial ranting and raving I now also going to assist myself with the writing of some self-forgiveness and self-correction statements that I learned at the free online course DIP Lite that I also recommend to others:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that due to the current state of almost all people in the world being connected via the internet and making friendships on social networks with thousands of individuals from all over the planet, we now comprehend how similar and interdependent we are and thus we will not turn against each other ever again. I realize that while there exist technical potentials to increase the speed of self-realization, the actual process of real inner transformation takes many years of diligent work and many are still in the beginning stages of this process. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “I can now relax and have complete trust in the future of peace, happiness, and abundance.” to stop and breathe. I then rather keep myself open to any kind of event that might happen at any time and rely on my ability that I will always be able to find a solution to any challenge that I face in my life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone controlling me as something bad and unacceptable due to my perception that I am free, that I need to stay free, and that anything that will limit my freedom has to be opposed with maximum force. I realize that each of us is already living within many physical, mental and spiritual limitations and that sense or state of freedom is relative and can be practically lived only with consideration of the outflow consequences of acts of every single individual in existence since we all share one existence and every action has its consequence. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “Every restriction enforced by others onto me is wrong and I will fight it and protect my current freedom!“ to stop and breathe. I then rather take time to see why the certain new limitation has been established, if it is for the long-term benefit of most living beings and to see how many freedoms I still have that allow me to move, create, express and to provide for my basic needs of survival.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live the character of a victim due to all the physical, mental and spiritual limitations that I currently experience and that since I am not able to be aware of all the existence and control every detail of it I demand to be taken care of by someone who has more control since I am entitled to be so. I realize that while I am experiencing certain limitations I also have many options to overcome them and expand myself which would be a much better use of time and my potentials than not moving and staying in a state of self-pity. I commit myself when and as my mind is producing thoughts like: “You are so small, weak and insignificant so you have the right to be taken care of.” to stop and breathe. I then rather write down all my weaknesses and the options for becoming stronger in those areas and move effectively every single moment in order to become more able and respond to everything that I am facing in my life.

In regards to this blog post, I also suggest listening to these supportive audios from the Eqafe website where Every Question is Answered for Everyone:

The Unpredictability of Life
Who's Responsible for the Enslavement of Mankind
How I Justified taking Control of Existence
Justifying Control on the Premise of Unity
When the Creators Lost Control
My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak
Unpredictability of Consciousness
Money Consuming our Minds
Master of War
Everything Must Be Just So
What Is Inner Control
Freedom of Expression
What Does it Mean to Redefine Freedom
Practicality within Redefining Freedom

Day 189: How the new Coronavirus and Covid-19 influenced me

We are in the 2nd week of the new Coronavirus shutdown in Slovenia where we are not permitted to travel outside the municipality where we live, with some exceptions. The new government directive is that we must stay at home and go out only for shopping for groceries, occasional walks and to go to work if you are the lucky employee where the business has not been shut down. Now face masks are mandatory on all closed public spaces like stores for example. Public media present the picture of the situation where the hospitals are full of COVID-19 patients while those who have actually visited the hospital say that they are almost completely empty. I have noticed how I emotionally reacted in front of some people in this situation so I am going to do a few self-corrections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger when the security guard offered me to disinfect my palms in at the entrance of the store where I wanted to buy some groceries. Within that, I forgive myself for refusing to use the disinfectant with the justification that I do not know what its ingredients are and that it may actually harm me. I realize that the security guard has just been doing his job and that I could explain myself, accept or refuse his offer while remaining emotionally stable. I commit myself to when and as I visit a store and I am confronted with a new situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “What the fuck is now this? How far will the forcing of things onto me go on? How more strict will the situation become in the future?” to stop and breathe. I decide to constructively analyze the situation, stay stable, ask questions about the reasons for the change, asses possible threats and then decide about my response while considering others as equals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become annoyed when the grocery shop assistant told me to use the plastic gloves to pick the fruit and then me telling her that I do not believe in what public media is telling us about the danger of viruses. I realize that she was also just doing her job, following instructions of her superiors with thought that this will bring more safety. I commit myself to when and as someone tells me to do something in regards to virus scare and my mind is producing thought like: “I am allowing no one to command me and to tell me what to do!“ to stop and breathe. I then consider also the point of view of those who are telling me things and maybe decide to obey their suggestion since things like wearing gloves can not harm me and is a very small nuisance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with the fear when noticing how people have panicked and went on a mass grocery shopping. I realize that I allowed myself to be afraid of food running out and me having to starve while the government explained that they have food reserves that are enough for several months. I commit myself to when and as I observe compulsive buying in the stores and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look how people are smart and stocking themselves just to be safe so learn from them and do the same1” to stop and breathe. I then rather consider trusting the government and buying for myself only what I need for the next several days since if I would overbuy, I would contribute to the store going out of items for those who currently need them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to fear that the deep state members will use this fake coronavirus pandemic to enforce compulsory vaccination and that I will be chipped and become a slave where my health will also deteriorate due to vaccination and 5G network. I realize that I am creating such fear due to the projection of a negative future in my mind. I commit myself to when and as I notice the new events happening in this world and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look at all the catastrophes that the deep state will certainly use for their depopulation agenda!” to stop and breathe. I then consider the possibilities of all kinds of scenarios, but pay attention to not overthink and rather remain calm and respond only to actual threats that manifest themselves in my close proximity that I am actually able to protect myself from in a practical way.

Here are some suggested related audios to listen:
The Evolution of Viruses (Part 1)
The Evolution of Viruses (Part 2)
Fighting off Viruses
The Virus and the Body
Mind + Virus Versus Body
The Evolution of the Common Cold
Flu, Fear & the Future

Day 170: Wanting to control what others think about me

Recently I and other members of Desteni group for self-perfection had a chat about the word control. This made me reflect also about what and how I want to control in my life. What I realized was a pattern, inherited from my father about wanting to present myself as an immaculate, spotless and good person. The consequences of such a tendency are constantly doing things from the starting point of wanting to positively impress others and fearing any criticism. Related behavior is also working mostly alone and only in a small environment where it is possible to directly control objects and co-workers. The root cause of such personality is low self-esteem, bad self-image, constant self-criticism and not realizing that we are able to control only so much in our lives. And also identifying self mostly with our picture representation and not with who we are in our secret minds. This results also in masking ourselves in different ways, like grooming and dressing in order to produce a visual image that others would admire.

Lately, I have watched a lot of documentary TV shows about law enforcement and customs officers where they have identified activities of breaking the law. They then hunted down and punished the people who were responsible for unlawful acts. That reminded me to also some of my past experiences of attending the court hearings, getting a ticket for driving over the speed limit and parking where it was not permitted. And what I noticed from documentaries was how records of past misconducts were kept about every individual and how it influenced the actions of law-enforcement officers. However incriminating records can be produced also in many other ways. Basically, now everyone can create a post on social media, write a blog, publish a newspaper article and thus write something bad about an individual and thus influence the public image of anyone. And of course, I also do not want to be someone who is targeted by some derogatory information, especially if it is not true.

What I noticed about myself through the experience of first hypnotic regression to my past life, was that I felt being crucified without doing anything wrong. However, the second regression exposed that I am someone who is in case of self-protection also able to kill without mercy. So I am basically now walking the process of identifying what actions that others have sentenced me was I actually responsible for by breaking the laws of life. And for which actions I have been sentenced wrongly by others breaking the laws of life and then projected their own crimes onto me. Here is where I have to be very careful about my self-honesty. Because one thing is being accused of breaking the law, created by men in form of national legislation however one can despite not breaking any man-made law be a criminal in the eyes of life. Since every single time, we do not consider others as one and equal and act from the starting point of self-interest, we are guilty of a crime against other living beings.

My recent experience was also something where I have been challenged by the law of men and the law of life. From the perspective of the law of life, I wanted to attract and employ people who would resonate with me on a very deep level. My public call for applications included some unusual questions and someone made a complaint that I had broken the law of man. This resulted in the start of the inspection process that took a lot of my time, created additional costs and delayed the employment process. During the hearing, I had to present the evidence about my actions and to explain myself. Within this experience, I learned how careful I had to be about using words since they would be then interpreted by another person who has the power to decide if I broke any law of men and also if I am to be punished by only a warning or also by having to pay money. Also, any record of being convicted could prevent me and my organization to apply for public grants and participate in other similar development opportunities.

During this process that took several weeks, I after long time noticed how the energy of fear wanted to take a grip of me again. I felt in form of pressure in my head and a foggy mind and when I attended one public event it also accumulated to the point of me experiencing small vertigo. That was an indication that I need to look at this point as soon as possible and to take back the power that my mind has been challenging. So I am now going to look at some points where I abdicated self-responsibility in regards to laws of life and correct myself in order to become a more supportive part of this existence:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear any confrontation with representatives of the law of men, believing that receiving an invitation to get inspected is already an indication that I failed. I realize that the legal system is not only inspecting those who act suspiciously but is also randomly checking out individuals who perfectly comply with all laws of men. I commit myself to when and as I receive an invitation from representatives of the law of men and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You are now in deep shit and this is just the initial phase of being convicted for some crime!” to stop and breathe. I then respond to the invitation within the realization that employees of the public system also just do their job and have yet to gather evidence and prove that I broke any low of men.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in an activity before I have in detail read and understood every law that is related to that activity. I realize that by not understanding the law completely I can without awareness break a law and thus enabling others to prosecute me in a lawful way. I commit myself to when and as I engage in a particular activity and my mind is producing thoughts like: “There are so many laws out there that it is impossible to know them all so best to just do your best and check only those laws that others have indicated that you broke them!” to stop and breathe. I then slow down, take time to understand all the necessary laws since at least here in Slovenia legislation is not so complex as in some other countries.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to be careful enough within my communication with others despite my inner voice of life telling me that others might understand the nature of my writing very different than what I actually wanted to express. I commit myself to when and as I am communicating with others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just quickly write your thoughts and if someone will understand them differently, it will be completely their fault!” to stop and breath. I then rather slow down, become one and equal with those who will read my writing and use such words where the possibility of misinterpretation is diminished to the minimum level that I am able to achieve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to make mistakes, especially in cases where others are point them out. I realize that I am not perfect and that making mistakes will continue to be part of my life since it is a natural part of learning. I commit myself to when and as someone has pointed out some of my mistakes and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You should be ashamed of yourself since other have discovered that you are a bad person!” to stop and breathe. I then rather thank them for showing them my imperfections within the understanding that others can play a role of a mirror and thus assist me in speeding up the process of self-realization. But above all, I commit myself to primarily listen to the voice of life within me that is pointing out my mistakes in the most gentle and the least consequential way possible.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within the DIP Lite free online course and to listen to the following related educational audios from Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence:

Who am I as Control
What Is Inner Control
Consequences of Inner Control

The Unpredictability of Life

My Life as a Bossy Perfectionistic Control-Freak
Your Clothes Control Your Life
Everything Must Be Just So
Freedom within Control
Leadership: Control Versus Guiding
Controlling Your Life or Allowing Direction to Unfold