30 November 2014
Two weeks ago I got cold and it is just now that I am getting completely ok. The situation started with getting unpleasant feeling in my throat and then it started to leak out of my nose. The phlegm was initially very thin and it gradually became dense. It irritated my nose and thus I started so sneeze and at the end due to change of viscosity it irritated my throat so I started to cough. A very common situation however I did not expect to get sick since I have been in perfect health in the past several years and was also proud about that. So when I got cold I felt embarrassed and ashamed. It was like I mismanaged my life and allowed the compromise my physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sick people are irresponsible losers and that if one is eating healthy and excessing regularly it can not get sick. I realize that there are also other influences that contribute to people getting sick. Especially now where the mind consciousness system has been inverted and viruses can access deeper levels of the human bodies, getting sick has become more frequent occurrence than before. I commit myself that when I see myself and others getting sick and my mind would start judge myself and other, convincing me that one is completely responsible for own health, to see this as mind deception and return by awareness back here by focusing on my breath. I understand that there also other influences that can harm our health and despite of eating healthy and exercising regularly, our physical bodies can become compromised by outside influences and thus a disease develops.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be proud of my good health and to claim the credits for it. I realize that my physical body is a complex system of many microorganisms that collaborate without my awareness. I commit myself that when and as my mind produces thoughts about how cool I am because I am not sick, to see those thoughts as lies, to take a deep breath and return my focus back on my physical body.
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12 November 2014
Now what changed from my last blog post is that I evaluated all the outcomes in regards to my business or moneymaking options and decided not to start with activities of offering my design services. This is because the other project with educational product is moving quite fine so I decided to fully focus on it in order to invest my time more effectively. The marketing activities have reached a stage when I have in the past couple of days made a phone calls to kindergartens and arranged several meetings which three of them will be already tomorrow.
While designing a lead form and a leaflet for the meetings tomorrow I noticed how anxiety started to build up due to high expectations and fear of being turned down. Already during making phone calls with kindergarten directors, there was these fear of someone saying no. And this is because one single person is in charge of the whole kindergarten with the main unit and affiliating units all together. Consequently just one person has power to prevent me to access hundreds of leads. Sure there are quite a lot of kindergartens in the city and leads can be generated also in other ways, but this is the easiest and fastest way to get them. When I finished with design work, I felt a bit dizzy from the accumulated energy and also my eyes felt very tired. So I had to rest for a bit in order to recuperate.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to fear of being rejected by potential client. I realize that rejection is part of life in general, especially in sales business where the quantity of nos is usually much larger that the quantity of yeses. Thus I commit myself to when and as I notice my mind to create the image of the event where I am turned down, to take a deep breath and see this a mind's attempt to separate me from what is here. I then allow myself to actually attend the meeting, do the best presentation possible and then wait for the response where I would consider yes and no as equals and remain energetically stable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when designing the promotional materials to fear that I will make some spelling or composition mistake that clients might discover them when handing them the material which could eventually lead to them deciding that they do not want to collaborate with me because of a tiny mistake that they had discovered. I realize that mistakes are part of our lives since there is no such thing as total perfection and each one of us very limited in regards perception and awareness. Thus I commit myself to when and as I design some text document and my mind would produce thought of others judging me, to see this as a diversion of the mind and focus my attention back to by breath. After I complete the document, I check it carefully word by word and remove all the mistakes that I notice. Then I leave it as it is and give opportunity to others to discover possible remaining mistakes.
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02 November 2014
It is odd how I started to feel recently where I am not worried anymore about the lack of time to do all what I committed myself to do in a day. I have been regularly vlogging in Slovenian language now for 112 days and each week I would also record one vlog in English language. However I have not been doing any writing in the last couple of week. So now I have decided to also restart blogging however I did not want to commit to do only one or couple of blog post per month or week, I got incredible feeling that I will be simply able to write one blog each day.
I guess this is new feeling is the consequence of deciding to restart my graphic design services that I find very enjoyable since I am able to express myself and also earn money easily. In the past several months I have been focusing on developing a big project and was doing design work only for my father occasionally and the second source of money was from social support. I kinda did not want to do any other work since I wanted to focus on my big project.
However this big project was such that that it required a lot of planning, organizing, collaborating and especially waiting. I was not able to move to the next step until I would be given a certain feedback from involved parties so this held me in a state of dissatisfaction. However as a designer I am able to get several design projects that take many days to complete and I can fill my day with the work tasks and I feel very fulfilled since I am doing creative work and express myself.
So despite of deciding to get additional work besides the big project that I am developing, I am now so excited that I see myself willing to write also one blog post per day with great satisfaction. It feels like I was suppressing myself all that time and now the clouds cleared and the sun begun to shine.
Related audio interview recommended for listening:Finding my Calling in Life