16 October 2016

Day 136: Tolerating my mind

Recently I listened one of the latest interview from awesome Eqafe online information resource titled Tolerating Your Mind that is part of The Crucification of Jesus series. Then I also received a demand that I need to produce at least 4 blogs or vlogs in English language in order to qualify for Desteni I Process course sponsorship. I managed to produce about 4 vlogs per month in the previous months but they were all in Slovenian language that they are not able to cross reference. This created a backchat like: “How will I able to manage to produce also 4 blogs and vlogs in English language besides content that I produce in Slovenian language?” and “If I will manage to produce only 4 blogs and vlogs in English language, would it not be a great loss to people who understand only Slovenian language since I am one of the rare individuals in Slovenia who produces Desteni related content in native language?”. And my existing backchats are: “How much of public content should I produce in addition to all the private writing within the DIP course assignment that I need to do?“ and ”Where will I get time to walk additional process for the points that are not part of my current DIP course assignments and are too sensitive to share them in the public?”.

Within the Tolerating Your Mind interview it was exposed how many that walk Desteni process do not do sufficient blogging and vlogging. And since some of us, including me, are walking the process already for many years, it is expected from us to be an example and walk the process even more effectively than those who are newcomers. So even if we do equal amount of the process that the newcomers, we are actually doing less than others. And I agree that we should be involved more in practically walking the points and sharing precious information and tools to others with greater results. I was reminded before about my point of only hoarding the information for myself but not giving forward to others enough. And this brings me to the question of why is that? Is it only the lack of time or are there some personal points that makes me feel uncomfortable when being in the limelight? From the process that I have done in the past, I can say that it surely is more the latter and that it is thus important to walk the points of self-judgement and fear that are part of my assignment within the Agreements - Redefining Relationships that I am currently walking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to tolerate my mind as it is something benevolent that only occasionally creates emotional reactions. I realise that there are many deep mind layers that prevent me from activating many potentials that are within me. I commit myself to when and as my mind produces backchats like: “You do not need to blog and vlog anymore since you have already achieved the quantum phase of the process!” to understand the fact that I have not walked fully even the conscious layer of the mind. Thus when such thoughts emerge, I stop and breathe and commit myself to do much more writing in order to speed up my personal process of transforming mind patterns.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to stay in my comfort zone of my apartment where little to no patterns of mine are challenged and thus creating an illusion that if I almost never emotionally react that my process is close to being done. I realise that when I go out and meet new people, especially a big crowd, a get a lot of backchats and emotional reactions that make me uncomfortable in the public or when dealing with a specific individuals. I commit myself to when and as my mind create a backchat like: “It is enough to focus only or the law and money projects that will improve this world since you have achieved sufficient level of emotional stability!” to stop such thought by focusing on my breathing. I commit myself to continue with walking of my personal transformation process in order to consequently become also more effective with other projects that I am involved in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to manage my personal and group projects almost only by using my mind, believing that I will manage to analyse, organise all execute all tasks simply by thinking, and discarding tools of speaking and writing. I realise that practical results show the contrary of what I think as I ofter am in state of overwhelmingness and using entertainment like watching movies, eating, sleeping and masturbation to relax myself and escape from such overthinking. I commit myself to when and as my mind would produce backchat like: “Why bother to waste time by writing since mind is much faster and you could solve more points in equal time only by thinking!” to disregard such claim as false and focus on my breath. I commit to reserve time where I would write my backchat in order to slowly and meticulously analyse it and come to realistic practical solutions of how I will visibly move forward. I also commit to do better planning, especially with use of tools as GTD - Getting Things Done methodology explains.