Day 208: Female attraction and me

I have already written a lot about my relationship with females. And the pain in my right testicle that reoccurred yesterday after a very long time is showing me that it is time to look deeply into this point again. I can already conclude that the reaction of the body is the result of my increased communication with three women in recent days. That triggered a lot of thinking about the possibilities of a relationship with any of them and how would it influence my life. In such relationships, I find things that attract me and things that I do not like. And it is also about the prediction of how my life would change according to my observation of other people that entered relationships and experiences in my past relationships with women. The major decision here is whether to have kids or not at my current age and the habit of living alone.

The first thing is that I do not have a strong desire and mission to be a father in terms of having my own human offspring. I could say that the primary reason for that is that I do not identify myself very much with the physical body that I am incarnated in. While some consider their own children as part or extension of themselves, I see kids pretty much as separate beings. I see how kids in the first months and years after they are born need a lot of attention and would redirect the attention from what I am currently doing. And since I am making myself as useful as possible to make this world the best place for all I wonder if having children would significantly decrease my ability to function in such ways. So currently I am functioning more from a position of a holly father meaning that I treat every living being in existence as one and equal, as part of me or as my children. So from the position of awareness that all that can exists is me, I am primarily a father to my creation as one and equal. From that perspective, I have no desire or need to replicate myself even more or to create additional parts of myself in separation from myself. I enjoy solitude and simple life where I can rest and relax any time I desire. So I see any relationship with a woman as something that would create a disturbance of my peaceful life.

Some would argue that it is important for every real man to create a family. Some try to show how it is possible to be a father to human children and at the same time create a relationship with own children from the perspective of oneness and equality. Yet I see that this is only possible if there are certain preconditions existing, where one has a certain kind of mind, ability, and motivation to be a good provider. And also the environment with a lot of economic opportunities plays a role in that. So my current position and location, my past, my structural resonance, my physical environment, and also the current global pandemic are far from ideal parameters for me to engage in a role of a human father. I however am active at a project that is expected to manifest a system that will remove the lack of any basic necessities and then I would definitely reconsider experiencing myself in raising a human child.

There certainly are temptations in regards to women since I am experiencing myself in a male human body that has been programmed to respond to the opposite sex. Sensations such as the experience of orgasm and physical touch definitely create thoughts and imaginations of how it would be if I had sex with a woman again. However, I also see how any sexual act with a female would then create a bond that deepens with every additional sexual act. That can then trigger things as possessive relationship, jealousy and all kinds of drama that I definitely do not want. So I would certainly be up for a relationship with a woman that treats me as one an equal, that is emotionally stable, that possesses a high level of common sense, and that fully trusts me and never suspects me of anything that I actually have not done.  Interestingly I have not met such a woman yet and all that cross my path are far from such ideal.

But then since all are part of me and if I see some woman in a struggle, I of course definitely want to assist her the best way I can.  This especially goes for the females that live in my physical proximity and that are my good friends and colleagues. I understand their struggles and support them with listening, counseling, and coaching. With any of those females, I imagine how a relationship with them would be since some have engaged in a conscious relationship with men for the purpose of supporting each other to grow and expand. However after being in two relationships that later three years, I know how slowly people change, and if both are not fully committed to removing all points of separation, the conflicts occur on a regular basis. So I definitely do not want to compromise myself again by entering into a relationship with a woman that just wants to stay as she is, unless if she has already sufficiently become whole and gained high self-awareness.

From how I understand that women function they are much more emotional and internalize all experiences, especially sex. After all their bodies play the role of soil where new life grows. Men are much freer since they just eject seed and there is no much consequence of sex on their physical bodies. However, the woman can become pregnant which results in a massive bodily transformation that takes 9 months, and then they are also responsible to feed the baby with their milk for months and years. So it is logical that women treat sexual intercourse much differently than men. They also had to suffer monthly menstruation pain and bleeding and have constantly count the number of remaining eggs. And I see that women have also a stronger drive to experience themselves as birthing and raising babies.

In an ideal world, I would definitely like to see a system implemented that would secure the safety of survival and excellent health for women and men so that both parents could fully dedicate themselves to raise kids at least for the first key 7 years of their offspring childhood. It is definitely my vision and mission to create such a world and hopefully, it will happen sooner than later. Actually, my desire is for all living beings to co-exist in harmony and abundance. However, I am aware that I am just one of the billions of beings in existence and that I have a limited capacity of transforming this world into the best place for all. So in order to make the best use of my abilities and to leverage all my potentials with utmost effect, I must carefully select what to focus on.

I have assisted the women that I have been in an intimate relationship with, women that I became friends with, and women that live and have lived in my close proximity. I spent a lot of time talking with them on the phone and during long walks and all of them did make some progress. And I also gained new perspectives by listening to their struggles and attempts to break free from their addictions and obsessions. However, all had so strong and deep patterns that it was impossible for me to imagine being with them in a long-term relationship. I realized that I would compromise myself if I would persist in wanting to save them regardless of the costs. I discovered that also I have a lot of limiting points to transform within myself and that the most important thing is to take enough time in order to work on my own personal process of transformation.

Within this, the main challenge for me is defining my relationship to my male human physical body. Because I see how it wants to express itself sexually and produce offspring. The question is how to make a deal with it in order for it not to feel sexually suppressed and to make it consider all the perspectives that my decisions are based on. And I also need to question to what extent limiting my sexual intercourses with women is based on my suppression of myself as a being and to what level I am justifying my current limitations as an excuse for my decision to live a life of solitude and dedication to a higher purpose. It definitely is a challenge to actually make any decision about anything since once a decision is made, a new outflow of events for the whole existence is being set.

Thus it all boils down to a question of how much to care about anything in existence. One extreme is to care about everything and everyone and to be careful not to even kill the tiniest insect if possible. And the other extreme is to not give a fuck about anything considering that existence is a constant interchange of creation and destruction. So there would be no use to create an attachment to anything physical since it will eventually be destroyed. And since I somehow have entered this physical human body and I am not able to simply leave it and go somewhere else, I am faced with decisions on how to best endure until its expiry date. It is a strange game that I as the creator, creation and the created am playing with myself however it looks like that there is no way out but to take full self-responsibility for what is here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing me to ignore the sexual attraction of my human physical body towards the females and to not direct it towards setting a clear and exact relationship between my body and the bodies of the females. I realize that there is no such thing as a wrong or right decision and that there are only consequences and the turmoil of not being decisive instead of directing every single part of myself based on the principle of what is best for all life. I commit myself to when and as I am faced with many options to take enough time to compare what might the outflow of events be and then to make an informed decision without looking back ever again or worrying that I made a wrong turn.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when and as I see a female physical body to blame it as responsible for the creation of the attraction due to projection of my own sexual desires and addiction to the orgasmic sexual experience. I realize that women are equal beings that face their own challenges related to their own body and sexual system that can be equally triggered by me as a male and they could equally blame me for simply just existing as a male. I commit myself to when and as I meet any human regardless the sex and my mind would analyze them as potential sexual partners, to stop and breathe. I rather consider them as one and equal with all their conditions that are connected to their human and non-human experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to blame destiny for bringing a specific type of woman into my proximity and to see the woman mostly as a burden for men since men need to provide for them at least during the sensitive months of pregnancy and early childhood of the newborn kids. I realize that such a perspective is a projection of my own inability to better provide for myself and to generate more money. I commit myself to improve my self-care so that I would be able to comfortably potentially enter into a relationship with a woman without having to worry about money issues. 

Suggested related educational Eqafe audios:
Relationship Success Support with Agreements
The Difference Between Male and Female Emotions
The Manifested Dimensions of Conflict
The Emotional and Feeling Body System
Sex and Relationships in Existence
The Relationship between Sexuality and Money

Day 120: Undecided due to unknown future

Several days ago I decided to start a new online project that I expect to become an additional source of income since I would be offering services that anyone can order online from anywhere in the world and I would also deliver the final product electronically. But then I started to wonder if it would be wise to create another project since that would divide my attention ever further. Also there is some competition in the targeted field and I am not sure if it would be worth the effort.

Recently I decided to move to another apartment and I picked preferred region, however moving would again mean a lot of stress and costs. I want to sell the stock of my goods that were left from the online store and I organized an auction but no from the companies that I invited to participate bided yet. So I plan to call them on monday and urge them. Basically I will have to come up with some money in order to organize the move and also to pay some bills.

But what possessed me lately was the urge to find some compatible life partner. So I reengaged in online social and dating sites and started to connect with some people. It would be cool if I would find soon some partner which I could collaborate on the projects with and I already have one date in couple of days. There sure is a possibility that I would connect with someone very quick and maybe also move to her apartment or move together to some new location. So I am opened for any opportunity and am not fixed on moving to any particular location.

Since anything can happen in next several days I am also procrastinating with developing the new project and searching appropriate new place to move to. Also I am waiting for the confirmation of the new legal entity that I filed documents for one week ago. When the papers will be received, I would be able to move very fast in direction of developing current projects. And almost any day I also connect with a new potential business partner globally so the opportunities and potentials are wast.

All this makes me hard to decide which point to prioritize and in which direction to move. I slip into state of mind where I just want to fast forward the time and research the new potentials. However since I can not speed up time, I make myself busy by surfing the web, watching movies, hiking and other stuff. I am aware that I could use the time to do all sorts of useful things, but I am so restless inside that I want to distract myself and just kill the time.

I feel confident that everything will turn out just right and that whatever will happen could be turned around somehow and make something that would enable me to move on towards my goals. I do not allow myself to experience fear or anxiety. I know that I will be able to make it regardless of what will happen. I have always had a lot of ideas and I made good use of them. I know that even if I loose everything, I can simply connect with other people, share my concerns and desires and they will assist me. I have even made peace with the death already so basically nothing is able to frighten me.

Writing all this down, I see that I just needed to sort out my thought and that I am fully capable of moving myself towards my goals. After I finish this post, I will clean the kitchen and work on the new project. Writing really assists and it is cool that I have started to use this tool to support myself.

Day 119: Moving again

It has not been even five months yet since I moved to current small studio apartment and I have made a decision to move again. It was relatively nice to live here in the neighborhood of medium to high class people on the suburb of capital city Ljubljana with nature and hills nearby. However some points started to accumulate that resulted in decision to place myself in a new environment again.

The apartment was quite practical due to being very narrow and long, allowing me to have the business office in front and kitchen way back which was very nice for my business needs. However shortly after I moved in I noticed that roof was leaking, the internet connection was slow, the lighting was poor, especially in the kitchen and bathroom, and now I also got the information that the ceiling has poor thermal isolation and that in the cold winter it is freezing inside in spite of heating being turned on fully.

Then also the landlord who is older woman lives just next door, meaning that I need to pass right her doors and porch in order to enter my apartment which is not very convenient. Firstly I expected that I will be in very good relationship with the landlord since she also studied spiritual books very intensely, however in time it turned out that she is not really very open-minded but part of a certain international spiritual group with such philosophy that prevents her to act grounded and consider this physical reality as something that has to be considered as primary point.

And the third reason why I am to move out is that I initially thought that living in the capital city will enable my business and non-profit projects to manifest faster, however it turned out that in the big cities, people are generally very nervous, full of fear, pressured with high rent prices and lack of time so it is not ideal place where my plans could be achieved effectively. I got information recently that it is generally best for any sales, especially if they are school and education related, to work outside big cities, especially in the northeast part of our country.

So while being born and living most of my life in northwest part of Slovenia and for the past four years living in the center of the country, I plan now to experience also life in the northeast region. I see this as kind of adventure and opportunity to gather more life experiences by meeting new people there. Also a lot of good friends live now in the surrounding of my future planned place of permanent residence so there will be many benefits.

Day 98: A kitty cat

A friend brought a kitty cat to my apartment and it was very fun watching the young animal how it researched the rooms, played with the hanging plant and showed off towards tit's own mage in the mirror. Who would thought that such a small being can be so interesting. It made my day and I laughed watching it and caressing it's furry body was a very nice feeling.

I like cats since they are very clean animals. They lick their fur clean and they do not smell. However there is a downside to cats. They have a very smelly piss and shit. And kittens are no exceptions. So when it made its thing somewhere on the floor of my apartment I was not pleased at all. If I would to keep it I would have to train it to make it's need in the specific place or take it outside. 

Well the plan was not to keep it in the first place since the friend just took it with me for a visit. We then drove to a new farm of our friends who had not yet any cats ant they were very happy to keep it. There friends had two children age about 7 and when they played with the kitten the day when we delivered it, I was shocked about the way how they treated it. They were spinning it and throwing it the air like it was some kind a toy and not a living being.

I was glad that father gave the child a lesson by grabbing him and pushing him in the same manner as he did wit the cat. The child felt very unpleasant and it started to cry but it got the lesson very clearly. Humans are so separate from the reality, living in our minds and not capable of real compassion towards fellow living beings. I would like us to treat animals in the same way we treat fellow humans or even better. There are a great audio recordings about Pets and Owners in the Eqafe.com store that I recommend listening in order to increase understanding how animals perceive us. 

Day 49: Social experiments

For the past couple of days I have been watching YouTube movies of some guys and group of guys who shoot movies like candid camera doing unexpected things to people and recording their responses. Some of them are also intended to teach what are effective and ineffective ways of picking up girls. This made me question myself what to do now after I split with my last girlfriend.

My past life was focused on doing things for the school, for the business, and I never really experienced a typical phase of intense dating and having sexual experiences with different women. I have been intimate with several women but those were like random events and mostly not consciously initiated from my side. I dated mostly girls that were ok, but none of them was not so attractive as some that I have observed in my life but was too scared to talk to.

I am now pushing me to overcome this fear of talking to girls I like by learning some effective approaches that some guys from YouTube demonstrated. It is all about being hones, confident and expressing power. The looks are not so much important as persistance and not showing any fear. Today I went on the streets for the first time and initiated conversation with different people. I did not stumble upon any very attractive girls due to some rainy storms however I created a friendship with five people that I never met before. I will continue experimenting tomorrow.

Day 24: I decided to brake up with my girlfriend

In the previous post of this blog I wrote how the visit of my good friend opened up my eyes and assisted me in becoming aware how detrimental a relationship is where your partner is constantly telling you that it can not be done, that you will not succeed, that money is root of all evil and a lot of similar limiting and unsupportive claims. One can try consciously telling itself that these statements are not true, however when hearing them every single day for several times, they slip to the subconscious and unconscious mind and start to sabotage you without being aware of.

Yesterday I decided to have a talk with my girlfriend and told her that I suggest to part. She agreed and told me that she also expected me to come to this decision sooner or later since she also was not very committed to our relationships and desired a different lifestyle. I am planning to prepare myself for political an leadership activities and I need a capable and supportive partner who does want the same. However my girlfriend did not want even to dress different, but was always in casual new age clothes and wanted to live without any big responsibilities in the nature and do some agriculture or similar activities.

Our relationship was beneficial for both of us, we learned and realized a lot. I gain experience about how is to be fully physically loved and accepted and I saved here from previous violent relationship and showed her how man can communicate and act peacefully. However now is time to move one. I need a more supportive environment, friends who build me up, who see the solutions instead of problems, who realize that each one of us has power to achieve incredible things and that with dedication and focus we can relatively quickly turn this world into what is best for all.

So today my girlfriend is moving out to her parents place and will focus on finishing the exams for her high school of cosmetics before she graduates in one or two months. My business will thus also stop offering her massage services and I will from now on focus on counseling, educational and informational products that support life. I plan to develop my connections with groups of successful and responsible people that I have been involved in and use my time and abilities to create as big social impact as possible.

I see what are my next challenges and there are a lot of mountains to climb yet. I am looking forward to transform myself to more open, collaborative and successful person, meet new people, expand my perspective and activate unlimited potentials that await me. There are people out there with mentality that speed up creative process to unimaginable levels and there are possibilities that no one would ever dream of.

Day 23: Toxic relationship

Days 21 and 22 are in my Slovenian blog

Yesterday I good female friend came to a visit for a business presentation of the new product that I am selling. It was agreed that I do the presentation also for my girlfriend at the same time. While doing presentation, my girlfriend made a few remarks in relation to my presentation that I did not find very constructive and supportive. But instead of me saying anything to her about that, it was a visiting friends who initiated quite extensive dialogue with my girlfriend and reflected her extremely negative, mediocre and unsupportive attitude.

Later the visiting friend shared her story about how she recently decided to brake up with her boyfriends since he was pulling her down. Before she met him, she had no problem earning a lot of money, however after meeting her boyfriend, her ability to keep money wend down extremely fast. Her boyfriend constantly programmed her with believed that having money is bad, that all rich man are crooked and that it is best to live simple natural life without need to have a lot of money.

Her boyfriend had opinion that he is just being realistic, that his opinion is total true and this influenced also his girlfriend. She tried everything possible to keep her head above the water, but even though she had been aware that money by itself is just a tool, on the unconscious level she adopted the mind patterns of her boyfriend to the extent where she lost the ability to create and attract money. Only after she broke up, she was able to clear the limiting believes that she accepted from his boyfriend and now the money started to accumulate again in her life.

That story made me also consider relationship with my girlfriend. I can easily conclude that she has extremely limiting believes about money and wealth and that she definitely influences me unconsciously. There is also a strong correlation between the time where she entered my life and the time where I started to loose my customers and ability to earn money. It has also been strange to me why all the extensive marketing that I made for my end her business services had no effect and why almost all customers came just once and never returned. I gave her to distribute hundreds of promotional flyers and not even one person called yet.

I am asking myself what is holding me in relationship with my girlfriend and why am I allowing all this destructive and limiting influence. There are definitely things that I like about my girlfriend, like the way she admires me, mostly my body attributes, how we enjoy sex, and how we both tend to research secrets of life. However she is a very stubborn person and every feedback or perspective that I express to her, she accepts as personal attack, does not engage in constructive dialogue, but just fights back and protects her current thinking and behavior patterns without any willingness to change.

When reflecting her patterns of constant criticism of others, exposing only the negative perspective, feeling sorry for herself and fearing of loosing money, she did not consider this as opportunity to change, but started to protect her ego by telling me and others that we are the negatives and that she will not allow to be yelled at and tolled what to do. She consideres herself as a brave working and totally honest girl, who does the best. It is just others who simply do not understand her and see her inner beauty.

I supported her for almost 4 year now, mentally and finically and waited and waited until she would be ready to start her process of inner transformation. She read a lot of spiritual books and told me, how Osho basically saved her life due to constant strong mantal attacks from her parents. I have met her parents and experienced myself extreme level of verbal abuse that she had been exposed to. I admire how she in spite of all the shit that she took in her life, she is relatively sane. However within the context of our relationship where I push myself extremely to transcend my own limiting mind patterns, she is the one that does not want to do the process and is pulling me down.

When entering any relationship I understand that there are some issues by harmonizing the lives of two people who have been living separate and are now together. There is always a question about what is the reason for mutual attraction, what inherited behavior patterns to tolerate and when to see that the magnitude of destructive behavior is too high for a long lasting harmonious relationship. I decided that in my case this tipping point has been reached and I will not longer tolerate the current ways of interaction with my girlfriend. Yesterday's visit opened my eyes. I see now that I have been compromising myself by allowing a person in my life with too limiting mind patterns.

I have been tolerating mental abuse from my girlfriend for too long and this also reflects on my ability to sell my products and earn enough money to cover my monthly expenses. I can simply no longer afford to go even more in debt. I understand that my believes are my responsibility and I am doing my process in order to transcending them, however my girlfriend is obviously influencing me to that extend that she is able to program me with limiting believes faster that I am able to clear them out. I want a more supportive relationship that would not be based only on some sweet words and physical admiration, but deep mutual understanding and willingness to change extensively in order to not only create a harmonious relationship, but also change the world system to what is best for all.

2012 Recent experiences of extreme pain in regards to my father and borrowed money

A week ago I also went to visit my father in order to talk about the money that I lent him about a year ago. Hi promised that he will return it to me by the end of past year which did not happened. In January this year I asked him how come that he let me down and where the money went to. He answered that he needed the money in order to buy the material for his handicraft business in order to prepare for this year's tourist season. He is already retired, but still active in mediaeval reenactment and history of print.

I was not fun of hearing that he invested my money is his own business instead of returning me the money as he promised in order for me to support development of my own business. So a week ago I visited him again with intention to check out the current financial status. He said that he expects to return all my money by the end of August this year, which I found unacceptable. I need money now and I have already started to sell my video and photography equipment in order to get the money.

I learned that basically everyone owns a lot of staff that it can be sold and thus converted to cash, and I also decided to sell some stuff that I do not need at this moment in order to cover my monthly expenses. My father own a wan, a motorhome, an apartment, a workshop and many of machines, devices, computers, old books and many more things. So I explained him that from what I see he could easily sell some stuff and get the money, so the excuses that he can not return my money is not real.

In fact I explained him that since he did not return my money, I had to sell my almost new video and photo equipment for at least with 30% of discount, thus I am loosing money since he does not return money that I lent him. I started to blame him for my money loss which in a way is true. However there is also many things that I could done different in order to protect my interest. I simply trusted him that he will return the money so we did not put it in writing and agreed about the details of what would be the consequences of he not returning me the money.

The next day something happened that I then defined to be as manifested consequence of the backchat in regards to this point. In the morning when I got out of my bed, I experienced I slight pain in my back. I had an appointment that day with some potential business partner, but the pain was not strong enough for me cancel the appointment. So I packed my heavy bag with the products samples and drove half un hour away to the house of that person. We sat down in her dining room and started a conversation. After about an hour of sitting, I got up and it that moment I experience immense pain in my back.

The pain was so strong that I could hardly breathe and I would rather die in that moment. It manifested not in the middle of vertical line in my back, but a few centimeters to my right, stretching about three decimeters from the level of my shoulder blade. I asked the person that I have been visiting to assist me with massage which she did. Then I asked her if I may lay down on her bed and she allowed. But it took half un hour for me to managed to lie down on the bed since initial attempts failed due to immense pain when trying to change the posture of my body. But finally I managed to lie down on my belly and rested.

After few hours of lying and being assisted with hot-water bottle on the pain area and additional massages, the pain decreased to the level where I would be able to stand up and go back home. Now, after one week I still feel a slight pain in that area so it diminishes very slowly. It was unusual experience, not the back pain that I experienced in the past, but as the vertical muscle at right side of my spine would be in cramp. I am not completely sure if the pain is connected to the point in regards to my father and money but this could explain the reason.

And yesterday another pain appeared in a very unusual place. In the evening I started to experience a pain on the inner side of my left left leg, a few centimeters above the ankle. At that time I had new pair of socks on and when I pulled the socks down, I noticed the dent on my skin around my leg from the elastic top of the socks. I started to wonder if the socks pressure was to strong and thus resulted in the swelling, but I am not sure. There was no visible change on the surface of the skin, but the area in size of an apple hurt if I would press it with my fingers.

I don't remember hitting my leg in that area that day and I see no great possibility for something to sting me in that spot so the cause for the pain still buffles me a lot. Today the area is still swollen and the minor portion of the skin is red. Could I have hit myself somehow and then forget this event? Strange things happen and make me wonder what to do in order to avoid any further pain and how to walk the process of self-realization in order be as effective as possible. I have a limited time and it is hard for me which way to move and how much time to invest in any activity in order to support myself financially and to be successful in terms of walking my process.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the feeling of anger and resentment towards my father for not returning my money instead of having the conversation based on facts and current situation and directing the point toward solution that would be best for both parties without allowing myself to create any energetic reaction.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply trust any person that everything that will turn out just fine, creating just a basic verbal agreement and thus allowing the possibility of misunderstanding and forgetting points, instead of taking time to specify all the details of agreement and putting in in writing so both parties have clear overview of what is expected and what will be the consequences if the agreement is not fulfilled.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to blame my father for causing the loss of my money since I decided to sold my video and photo equipment for much lesser price that I purchased it recently, instead of realizing that the decision of selling the equipment is solely my responsibility and has nothing to do with anyone else.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to properly record and manage the money incomes and outcomes in my personal life, not knowing knowing how much money I have and thus spending more than I can afford, instead of making sure that this point is clear so I can better plan my investments and ensure that I will not go into debt.

.

2011 - Destructive nature of love as feeling

I just finished a relationship that lasted for almost exactly one year. It started when one girl fall in love with me over internet since we had a lot of common interests. She then very persistently started to call and message me and wanting to meet with me. I in kind a way felt very flattered that someone has so much interest in me, but I was also aware that this kind of obsession is not the best foundation for any relationship. But since I did not want to pre-judge her, I gave her a chance and started a relationship with her.

When we first met face to face, I explained her that my interests are in self-realisation and making this world a better place for all. I told her that we can be only in kind a relationship that we call An Agreement. This is not a typical relationship where two people start living together and start supporting each other personality or ego, but the other way around. Partners are to expose each other's destructive behavior patterns and transform them so that they are not only best for that person, but best for all living beings on this world.

My girlfriend agreed that she is prepared to work on herself, analyze and remove all mind patterns that cause her to emotionally react and that also made her to define me as something more and thus created the energy that she calls love. You see, there are two kinds of love. One is fake love of the mind that is the energy feeling, and other is real love that is based on practical actions of doing onto others as you would want other to do onto you. So one can claim that it is in love with certain person, but his action prove the other way around.

I supported my girlfriend with nice and not so nice approach in order to start her process of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, but she was not able or did not wanted to grasp the material and do her process. Thus I decided to end this relationship since it was not supportive for me and influenced me in also slowing down my own process. So I am now moving on and I will be prepared to engage in new relationship or agreement only if the other person will be actually willing and able to walk with me in the process as one and equal.

For those who want to find out more about the process of self-realization that I have been involved in for about two years now, Google "Desteni I Process" or visit this URL > http://www.desteniiprocess.com
.