2011 - No more mercy in regards to my mind-fucks!

I decided to do more blogs in order to defuse as many subconscious reactive mind patterns, since I have noticed that my mind produces a lot of thoughts that I have been unable to stop by focusing on breathing. I remember to be more successful a few months ago, but now it is like I have accepted thinking as something normal. Due to occasional vertigo and dreams with great hight and and deep water, I have understood it like I have been pushing myself over capacity, trying to compare myself to others who are doing more blogs and vlogs and participate on the forums and making comments much more extensively. I also do not push myself with sleeping less anymore and will focus on that point later, after I feel that I am prepared to go step further. Regardless of how I want to progress much faster, I can not go over capacity of my physical.

I have done almost one blog per day, sometimes also two blogs per day in this holiday time, when I had not much other work to do. However whenever I do my blog, it takes around one hour to finish. First to write it, then check for spelling a few times, and finally share it on several different locations. I have concluded that writing blogs is the only effective way to defuse my mind patterns, since it is the tool where I am able to slow myself down successfully and expose all the points of my secret mind. In regards to this, writing is surely unparalleled tool, however I can only defuse small amount of point within one blog post.

I have noticed, how during the day, hundreds of small emotional reactions are triggered. For each reaction I feel a tiny itch, like a sting of a needle on the skin around my genitals. This reactions are so small and fast that I disregard them and continue with what I do at that moment. I consider them as something very tiny, too small to be worth of paying attention to. But there are numerous reactions like this during the day that compound more and more. Especially when I am exposed to some disturbing event, like watching some report of movie about how fucked up this current reality is, my skin around genitals becomes very itch and I feel the unbearable urge to scratch the skin. After I do the blogs, the condition normalizes, but if I do not blog for a few days, the condition gets worse.

Now I have been considering what to do to deal with this reactions more effectively. I wanted to write a blog post for every single small reaction, but then I would write all my day long, which is not doable, since other things also need my attention. Thus I will also do self-forgiveness verbally. Whenever I will feel the sting-like sensation, I will stop doing whatever I do and ask myself what thought are behind this reaction and I will speak self-forgiveness out loud. If I will not be able to see the secret thoughts, I will immediately start writing in order to bring my thoughts here with the more effective tool and then defuse the patterns.

NO MORE MERCY!
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