Day 132: Demolition of the invisible wall

Lately I have been bumping into invisible wall. I am not referring to a vertical structure that prevents me from accessing a specific location, but a mental wall, composed of a thoughts and emotions that prevents me from performing specific tasks that are needed in order to achieve certain business goals. These tasks are part of a direct sales activities and are such as generating leads, making phone calls, scheduling meetings, executing presentations, making sales, asking for referrals and following up. All these are simple physical activities that do not require big muscles, however they are strongly related to mental activities. Thus my challenge is to penetrate the invisible wall in my mind.

I have been engaging in many different sales activities in the past and I have been one of the most successful salesman, earning high commissions. So what has changed, what is now the difference? Well firstly the media is full of information about financial crisis. There are constantly reports about how government is facing a money deficit, how cuts and savings are necessary, how even banks do not have enough money, so constantly the media programming about how there is not enough money for even the basic needs of the people, let alone to be able to afford more valuable product like I am currently selling. Consequently my mind if producing thoughts that there is no point of even trying to make any sales since no one will buy as there is not enough money.

Secondly as one of the most prominent patterns is my accepted and allowed character that I play within relationship with my father. He wanted for others to consider him as a loving father that takes care for the basic needs of the family and protects his children from all the evil of this world. Thus me and my brother were not allowed to go out in the evenings and at weekends in order not to make friends with peers that possess bad habits and consequently start indulging in drugs and alcohol. And then he also started with family business where I have been executing work task on the computer as I have been instructed by him. So my life survival tactics have been developed in form of a person who is quiet, waits for instructions of others and then the money comes automatically and mysteriously as the reward for doing what I was told to.

The third thing is that I am selling a new product with high value that requires a lot of sales steps and managing a lot of information. Previously I did a small orders for just few clients and when there would be no orders, I would take break for several hours or even several days. I started to enjoy such free time where no one demanded nothing from me. Now I am developing a much larger business with network of hundred of salesman and many thousand clients that will need to be managed basically for all my life. This requires a robust information management system and a constant overview and situational awareness of all the business points in any time in order for the business to develop properly. So comparing to my previous life style, the new business venture looks like a suicide mission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as character of obedient and humble person that waits for the orders from my father and immediately executes any given task and then stops moving after the task is completed. I realize that while I am still doing some tasks for my father and he is still consequently assisting me financially, such relationship is not supportive for my life and prevents me from acting as independent person and manifesting my own projects. I commit myself to live my own life as my father does not exist anymore and as he does not support me financially anymore and to generate my own sources of income by building my own business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the media news about the financial crisis and lack of money. I realize that media is focused on the shocking negative perspectives of society in order to generate attention and also to infuse fear into the public since the media owners have their own agenda that is not for the benefit of all. I commit myself to when engaging in sales activities to proceed with sales steps without any imagination about how much money the person that I am contacting currently possesses. My mind is not able to know the financial situation of any person before I actually ask them and receive a reply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by managing a large organization one will have less free time to relax and do fun things. I realize that any owner of a business is able to hire professional managers that can run the organization effectively and thus creating a lot of free time for the owners. I commit myself to when and as my mind would enter a state of overwhelmingness to breathe, slow down, assist myself with writing and move forward with digestible steps. There will always be ways to solve any problem if one moves with the speed of the physical breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to use the tool of speaking and writing whenever I bump into the invisible wall of my mind. I realize that the mind will constantly create new walls in order to prevent me from moving forward and that they will not disappear on their own in time, but will exist and persist until I face them meticulously and deconstruct them brick by brick, thought by thought until the mind runs out of bricks and then only will I be free to move anywhere without any limitations.

Day 88: Self-forgiveness on perfectionism

Days 86 and 87 are in my Slovenian blog

I was collecting contact information from web pages of entities that I was to contact and I intended to create a Google Maps custom layers with the position indicators of that entities. However for the Google to correctly recognize the address and creates a location marker, the street name has to be full length and completely correct otherwise it will not show up. And what I have found on the web sites of around half of entities, were the shortened or declined street names that I then had to individually reference in the search engine and identify the corresponding full name.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to become angry at the web site content creators that shortened or declined the street names instead of realizing that this is usually done in order to simplify long street descriptions and make them more friendly and not to deliberately make my life painful.

When I stumble upon a shortened or declined street name and if I for the purpose of automated information processing need a full long name, I stay here, breathe effectively and utilize the search engine until I get the required for of information.

A few days ago after a short but heavy rainy storm, a leak appeared in the wooden ceiling of my new apartment and the water drops created a big puddle on the floor.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to be angry at my landlady who did not inform me about the leaking ceiling instead of realizing that she could believe that the leak has been fixed.

When I notice some damaged part of the apartment that does not perform as I expect, I breathe effectively, stay here and peacefully communicate with the landlady in order to remediate the problem as soon as possible with mutual satisfaction.

I am preparing to sell some products via direct marketing and I am procrastinating with my outdoor activities since I perceive myself not to be ready and skillful enough in executing effective presentation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the feeling of fear of rejection and loosing money since I perceive that I am not skillful enough instead of realizing that rejection in this lin of business is around 90% even if you are the most skillful communicator so it is purely a numbers game.

When I go out and make presentation of the product, in case of rejection I remain here, breathe effectively and understand that not every product is appropriate for every person at time of presentation and even if the person likes the product, they could be lacking of money or have different priorities in life. Thus I can always come around at a later stage and reattempt the sale. Many sales require around five attempts until the customer finally says yes and this is the true nature of this business.

Day 38: Additional challenges in regards to the new job

This morning I also had a visitor to my office who very resonated with the projects and groups that I am involved with. He was very excited about all the potentials and wanted to know what is the next step. So I gave him some additional materials that he will be able to research. Then also I young boy returned some educational material that I lent to him a couple months ago and he said that the reason for the return delay was due to discovery of cancer at his family. Since he believed in the modern medicine I enlightened him about the lies, deceptions and the corruptions that is especially dominant in the pharmaceutical industry and suggested him to read the Natural Cures book. And the information that shocked me yesterday that our Slovenia country currently holds the world record in the level of corruption based on the research of Ernst & Young. However in spite of the extreme amount of the FaceBook post that criticize the elite who apparently completely robbed out our country, and talks about financial crisis, current level of unemployment is still only 12% and that means that 88% of people have jobs. So this is definitely a stimulating information that would motivate me in being more confident about my sales activities.

In spite of all my effort to clear all the accepted and allowed negative believes about how the world state is, about the lot of money being too much temptation for anyone to handle, it seems that the mental pressure accumulated in the middle of my spine and it gives me not yet painful, however unpleasant feeling that distracts my attention, especially when I go to bed. Today in the afternoon I finished some new promotional material and planned to go out and do some new house visits, however in spite of nice weather, I started to feel a little dizzy. I had to lay down into bed and rest. From time to time I also experience heart arrhythmia if I think about certain things. I guess I worry to much about how things could come out. In most cases I simply focus on my breath and forgive myself the thought and the pulse stabilizes. However today when lying in bed, I felt like the pressure would be to low and my hearth would stop beating. Maybe this is because sometimes I just want to give it all up. I ask myself why do I bother doing all this, is there really no life possible without worries. Can there really be no place on earth where people are nice, the food is in abundance, and all can simply enjoy and express themselves?

Yesterday I watched a documentary titled Slaves of Dubai that exposes terrible working conditions of about 2 million imported workers from India who were promised a good salary, however immediately after arrival to Dubai, their passports were taken, they now have to work in very harsh conditions for low salary and most of them have not been payed for several months. I also watched a few war movies in the past few days that made me think about how stupid we are since we have to fight each other. And today I watched a movie about the Canadian supersonic military jet Arrow that was terminated purely due the egotistic political interests. This movie made me think how big some are able to dream and how great thins are possible to achieve it he pople work together.

I went then out in late evening when it was already dark to run across city park and streets. I wanted to relieve the accumulated tension in my back. I was surprised about the quantity of young visitors in the park and then soon find out why since the music started to become louder and louder. There was some rock music band having a concert and thousands of people occupied the park. However I did not want this to distract me and continued with the running towards the city center.

So it is quite silly in some way observing my mental resistances. I could be very glad for all that I have received in my life. Some have nothing to eat and suffer pain, diseases and war. However some control multibillion projects and employ thousands of people. I am now to decide what I want out of my life. I want more, however I will have to change from within. I think that currently what stopps me from moving forward is my bad feeling about charging others. My believes that one has to work hard and suffer in order to get the money. My new business could bring me good money if I do the work correctly and I am in a way already lazy due to thinking that I will be able to earn a lot of money very easy. It is a moral thing where I ask myself what is fair and what not. Why can some have to suffer for a couple of dollars per day, and some can earn or win millions in no time? Where is justice, where is equality? Is it justifiable that those who do more responsible jobs are to earn more? Are those who have low income really fully responsible for their low income? I there a god who controls everything? Is there a law of karma, the low of attraction or creation? Breathe!

Day 37: Resistance to the new job finally overcamed

Today in the morning I had a meeting with a new interesting person who is also very in self-research and improvement. Two hours of conversation went by very quickly and I was to face again the next step of my sales activities. I was to restructure the presentation narrative and then also realign the presentation flip-chart graphics which I also did. I took me a lot of decision making how to design all the material for the best impact. In the afternoon when I was to go out and arrange in-house visits, the storm clouds accumulated and rain with thunder stoke from the skies.

At the same time as the storm raged, my mind lost its stability. A slight fear and dizziness appeared in my head and was disappointed due to estimation that I will not be able to execute the visits that I planned. I lied down on the bed and started to think about how long will it take me to even start the new job properly and when I would actually make the first sale. The whole process is takin so long, too long. I started to imagine how I will give myself another day to prepare myself even better for the presentation. I said to myself that tomorrow would be the day. However it turned out different.

After on hour of resting in the bed, my head became stable and the rain stopped. I still had about two or three hours left before in would become too late for the home visits. So I sad to myself that it would be the best to make some visits today and thus brake the ice even if I would achieve best results. Most important is to move forward and to gain as much practice as possible. So I dressed up, packed all the presentation and went on the road.

I targeted a small new neighborhood that I knew from before when I was searching for my own apartment in the town a year ago. I found the blocks very nice and expected a lot of young families to live there which is my target population. I started to ring the bells and made the talks. Many of them, about 70% were not even at home which is a usual percentage. I visited two blocks and then decided to stop for today. I did not manage to do any presentation, however I handed out couple of business cards and couple of people were willing to talk to me if I visit them at some other time which is also cool.

In the evening I had a chat with my mentor who evaluated my approach and corrected me for the better effect in the future. I realized how what I said created resistance in other people and what is best to be said in order to collect as much orders as possible. The main point in pre-presentation talks is not to give to much information, but just a little in order to create curiosity. I also met a girl who I found very attractive and now I am thinking if I should do anything to check if she is available and if I should try to  make a connection or if I should focus on business for now.

Anyway, I made progress and I am satisfied with my achievement. I will now push myself every day a step forward until I became excellent and very successful in sales. It is not just about money, what is cool about direct sales is that one develops communication skills and overcomes many fears and resistances that prevent oneself to fully express itself. Physically moving and making live conversation with others is an effective tool for self-realization. Thus I also suggest others to engage in sales activities and experience all the beneficial effects of direct marketing.

Day 36: Resistance to the new job slowly ending

In the past two blogs I wrote about the resistance that I experience towards starting the new job of selling a new product via in-home presentations. Today was the first working day and I planned to go out and meet people in their apartments. In the morning I had a meeting with my friend at my place where we supported each other in regards most effective selling approaches. I then went to the local print shop and made some additional flip-chart graphics and also the badge with my picture and name that is suppose to be a very effective ice-braker when other will see me on their doorsteps. However I still did not found myself ready enough to go out and also the weather was not very appropriate since it rained.

Well the rainy weather could from one point be seen as advantage since people are at their apartments far more probably than in sunny weather. However it is not very easy for me to make the home visits in the rain since I also have to bring an umbrella and it is much more cold and slippery outside. I almost died once when I visited a customer a couple of years age in the evening and tripped. This definitely brings up a very disturbing memories. 

Then bottom line is that I just did not feel confident enough for doing the presentation today. I have not yet assembled all the quotes and flow of presentation that would make a good impression and convince the prospects in buying the product. So I will now structure all the point by condensing them down to titles and then expand them into paragraphs. I will reorder the flip-chart presentation to best follow the paragraphs. At the end I will prepare all the possible questions and objections and the best answers and explanations.

I will then practice the complete presentation in my mind and rewrite the complete scenario using blue ink and white paper to commit it to my long-term memory until it will be totally internalized. Then I expect to be fully prepared for the battle and will accept victory as the only outcome. Well I realize that someone could say NO in spite of me fully excelling however I want to be prepared for all possible scenarios and perform well. The main objective is to present the product by showing all the benefits for the prospect. I must be totally confident in the quality, functionality and value of the product while breathing effectively and staying emotionally stable. I realize that any question that prospect makes is just for them to make sure that their decision is the best.

Today I also read the book titled ”So you would like to sell?" for the second time. Is is short but very effective book on sales. To calm down, remove stress and clear nervousness, I made myself a first hot bath after several months and I enjoyed it very much. I then remembered a couple of additional techniques for diminishing stress. One is rebounding and the other is sauna. Jumping up and down on a mini trampoline is a simple but very effective exercise that benefits the whole body. And I remember how sauna assists in removing the toxins from the body and how also prevents the backchat. The heat in sauna stops the mind, one is unable to think but only be here, present in this moment.

From becoming overwhelmed by thinking about how I will be able to arrange all the information I found assisting to firstly imagine all the procedures in my mind while the physical body is resting. While working with computer one has to besides thinking what to do also think how to do it, what button to press, what software to use, what kind of document, what font, how to design the information and bunch of other things. So all these thinking drains the mental resources and distract attention from what actually has to be done. Thus imagining all the necessary steps firstly in the mind and doing some handwritten notes will assist me in completing the project.

I learned from the success club that I am member of that the false information that most people holds in the low income class all life is the believe that time for thinking and time for the practical execution of projects have to be in balance or equal. However the most successful people prove this to be wrong. The most important thing is thinking or planning and this is to be 99% without asking much about how the objectives would be achieved. The most important point is to come with a “what” and let flow of the actual events to create the “how”. This is because one is never able to be aware of all the potentials in existence and possible outflows of all the events. So let us see how all this will turn out in the following days.

2012 - Valentin moving forward

I have noticed, how I slowed down in my process of self-realization in the past several months. Some of the reasons was the relationship where my partner was not willing to walk in the process with me equally, and some of the reasons were my occupation with the school and development of Equality Store. I recently dropped the school and ended the unproductive relationship, so I am now pushing myself again towards more effective process.

The major points that made me procrastinate is the question of setting the priorities. We all have limited time and time management is important in achieving desired results. I learned that something like time management is basically not possible since outflow of actual events is the product of many people and variables, so time-framing is not very effective way of executing points. More effective approach is priority management. In stead of slicing available time and assigning certain projects to certain time-frames, it is much better only to define daily priority points and make the time-frames more loose or practically non-existent.

Then in regards to setting priorities, there are priorities in regards to personal life, professional life and global development. There are some personal desires that I want to fulfill, like being in supportive relationship/agreement, there are goals to earn enough money in my line of business and there are priorities in regards to changing this world system so that it will guarantee a dignified life for all humans, animals and plants.

So far I have not been applying time or priority management very extensively. Sure I have been using computer calendar to write down my appointments and meetings, but most of my life happen very spontaneously. I allowed my thoughts and emotions to direct me, to produce new ideas that would drive me in different directions throughout the day. This was in a way exciting, but not very effective in terms of reaching desired goals. Until I had enough money, I lived very relaxed and worked in a very unpredictable ways.

Now, when I see that my money reserves are running out, the fear of survival has started to direct me towards more effective way of life. I learned some managements techniques that I plan to apply in my life and I am continuing with learning even more. What I found out is that writing is indispensable tool for personal and also business effectiveness. The thought that occupied my mind in regards to this point is how much to write and what kind of writing to use? Writing with computer can be faster and one can share the content on the web very easy, but handwriting, especially using white paper and a pen with blue ink is suppose to be the most effective way.

Writing can be done to communicate certain information with others in a business way, but here we use writing as a tool to communicate with self and come to self-realisation. Self-talk is what is also recommended for professional use, one can do it silently, but speaking out loud is even more effective. But since this self-talk does not bring any money, I am thinking about how much time to dedicate to self-talk and self-realisation and how much to more money-making activities. Balancing those two points is crucial for overall success in everyone's life. And decision when to use handwriting and when computer typing is a big question that I will have to deal with constantly.

I prefer typing on my notebook computer since I can do it everywhere and then share the content on my blog and forum. The downsides of working with computer is that requires to be handled in a very careful way, enough power has to be provided, and it is proven that what one types on the computer does not stay in ones memory very long. In order to remember things better, handwriting is the best way to write. A paper notebook does not need any power, it can be much smaller and handy, but handwriting is much more slower. The desire to do things faster is why I procrastinated using paper and pen so far. But I plan to change my habits in order to do things in my life in the most effective way.

It is strange, how I perceived that I would write about other points when I would start to write about the reasons for procrastinating, and now those points seems irrelevant. Like the physical pain of my body due to force of gravity while writing for long time in the same position. Now I see that I am easily able to the position of my body and prevent any pain. And due to past business experiences I developed enough self-trust not to be afraid of not being able to earn enough money. I have been always able to see many potentials so all that was necessary was to move my ass and walk long enough until the effects became a reality.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thing that all the points that accumulated in my life are too overwhelming to face and that is best to get involved in money-making actions, instead of realizing that the mind is that makes life overwhelming and that stopping the mind is a priority point in regards to becoming able to live here practically an effectively in every moment.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about things, believing that thinking is what will make points clear and that it will bring me to best solution, instead of realizing that thoughts in my mind are there only to distract me from what is here and that thinking always leads only to more thinking and time-looping.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for myself, believing that other things are more important to do, instead of realizing that my process is the most important thing in my life and that other things will be resolved more effectively if I put the process of self-realisation as the main priority.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not wanting to write due to constant hurry of moving myself somewhere forward, instead of realizing that life can be lived only in this moment, without any expectations and desires about the future.
   
   
5. The next time I see my mind move, I stop, breathe and start writing until the point is cleared.

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