Day 128: Gained new momentum

It is odd how I started to feel recently where I am not worried anymore about the lack of time to do all what I committed myself to do in a day. I have been regularly vlogging in Slovenian language now for 112 days and each week I would also record one vlog in English language. However I have not been doing any writing in the last couple of week. So now I have decided to also restart blogging however I did not want to commit to do only one or couple of blog post per month or week, I got incredible feeling that I will be simply able to write one blog each day.

I guess this is new feeling is the consequence of deciding to restart my graphic design services that I find very enjoyable since I am able to express myself and also earn money easily. In the past several months I have been focusing on developing a big project and was doing design work only for my father occasionally and the second source of money was from social support. I kinda did not want to do any other work since I wanted to focus on my big project. 

However this big project was such that that it required a lot of planning, organizing, collaborating and especially waiting. I was not able to move to the next step until I would be given a certain feedback from involved parties so this held me in a state of dissatisfaction. However as a designer I am able to get several design projects that take many days to complete and I can fill my day with the work tasks and I feel very fulfilled since I am doing creative work and express myself.

So despite of deciding to get additional work besides the big project that I am developing, I am now so excited that I see myself willing to write also one blog post per day with great satisfaction. It feels like I was suppressing myself all that time and now the clouds cleared and the sun begun to shine.

Related audio interview recommended for listening:

Finding my Calling in Life

Day 127: Preassure reaction to mind pattern

For couple of weeks I have been occasionally experiencing strange physical reaction in regards to certain mind pattern. The reaction manifests as s feeling of pressure or cramp, located under on the left (hearth) side of my body, in hight of the the third rib and vertically aligned with the nipple. The pressure point feels like it is around one centimeter under the skin with radius of about three centimeters. This pressure like feeling activates when I allow myself some sub/un conscious pattern of anxiety and it lasts for several minutes. It is in a way cool indicator of mind patterns that allows me to become aware of them and deal with them. This feeling is a bit annoying since it feels like someone is pressing my chest and I do not want that. So I will look into it in order to remove the mind pattern that triggers this reaction.

I noticed that this reaction is triggered by very subtle, hard to define thoughts of various origin, but generally a sort of anxiety or fear. It triggers most often in the gym where I exercise regularly each morning at 6am. There is not many people there at such early hour and sometimes if I arrive right when they open, I am totally alone. Despite that my mind still manages to provide me some kind of worrying thoughts that develop feeling of anxiety and then also this pressures manifestation occurs.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to allow my mind patterns for so long time that they integrated deep into the physical tissue of my human body and became quantum physical reactions that are very hard do identify and stop. I realize that procrastination with allowing of some thought results in a very nasty consequence thus I commit myself to stop my thoughts immediately when they emerge.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted myself to indulge in the feelings of energies, especially energies of warmth, softness and sexual energies. I realize that if I allow energies they become directive principle of my life and suppress my self-expression. Thus I commit myself to practice moderation in activities like resting and watching movies.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to think that is is sufficient to do daily vlogging and that blogging in not necessary to effectively advance in my process of self-realization. I realize that writing is the only tool with the power of slowing myself down and becoming aware of all tiny subconscious patterns that are necessary to be walked. Thus I commit not only to record one vlog per day but to also write one blog per day.

Suggested related material to look at:

The Nature of Anxiety

Deconstructing your anxiety

Anxiety Support By the Atlanteans - Part 1

Anxiety Support By the Atlanteans - Part 2

Reliving the Anxiety of the Past

Day 124: Continuation with blogging using new sequence

It has been many months since I last wrote in my English blog. The last blog post had sequence number 123 but then I wrote only in my Slovenian blog and the last post there is currently Day 198. In the middle of July 2014 I also started with regular daily vlogging in Slovenian language. I started to sequence them with Day 1 and at the time of writing this post the last one is already Day 47.

I record now vlogs every morning where I would wake up around 6 AM and run to the gym which is about 20 minutes away from my home. At the start of the trip to the gym I would record about 10 minute long vlog where I would share my realizations and Desteni perspective on a selected topic. When I return from the gym, I would sometimes also edit the video by inserting links and screenshots and then upload it to my YouTube channel. The final phase would be adding the video description, adding active links and finally sharing on social networks.

The whole procedure for one single video takes abut 1,5 hours each day. This gave me a feeling of satisfaction and believe that I have done a significant part of walking my process so I was not motivated much to also do any additional blogging besides my weekly DIP Pro assignment. So for 47 days since I started with daily vlogging I did not write a single blog not in English not in Slovenian language.

Then a couple of days ago I decided to restart with more regular blogging and I committed myself to write at least 4 blog posts per month, mostly in English language. And I would make also one English vlog per week or 4 per month. I already made my first English vlog after many months and I decided to also sequence the starting with Day 1. So I will be progressing each of my vlogs and blog posts with separate sequencing and will thus not jump any more from Slovenian to English blog and back as I have been doing so far.

2012 - My blog process timeline 2010 - 2011

This is a copy of my English blog process timeline in years 2010 - 2011 as posted on Desteni forum for easier overview:

2010 - September
2010 - My first blog post
2010 - Why took me so long to start writing myself to freedom

2010 - October
2010 - Masturbation stop day 30, getting more realization, dating
2010 - Second date with the new girl
2010 - Having vertigo the whole day
2010 - Feeling better, processing posts, feedbacks, choosing celibacy
2010 - The history and future of me and Desteni
2010 - Pointing fingers and blaming
2010 - Finished working for some close relative
2010 - Emotional manipulation and projection
2010 - Defusing anger points in regards driving a car
2010 - Fear in regards to working as self-employed
2010 - Birthing myself from the physical
2010 - The starting point of my blogs and vlogs

2010 - November
2010 - Facing point in regards to reading posts of others
2010 - Business and group relationships getting better
2010 - Consequences of mentioning my father in my blogs
2010 - Pain in my back after subjugation to my father

2010 - December
2010 - Breath orgasm instead of masturbating
2010 - Repeating strong vertigo research
2010 - Vertigo research continued
2010 - Masturbation point research
2010 - Girlfriend relationship mind construct
2010 - The emotional December girl
2010 - Defusing reactions regarding YouTube
2010 - Defusing reactions regarding YouTube continued
2010 - Reactions in regards liking on the FaceBook
2010 - Analyzing my dreams of deep water and great hight
2010 - Facing my fears regarding politics
2010 - My lectures about Desteni and self-forgiveness announcement

2011 - January
2011 - About one man who impressed me a lot in past several years
2011 - No more mercy in regards to my mind-fucks!
2011 - Exposing secret mind related to submissive personality
2011 - My chat experience with founder of Wikileaks Slovenia
2011 - Sound Money - The gold standard is not the solution
2011 - Sold apartment, girlfriend visited, holidays at Desteni farm
2011 - Contract closed, climbed the hill, researched sexual intimacy
2011 - Zeitgeist Moving Forward - Movie review
2011 - Considering farming in order to relieve my butt
2011 - Got money from selling apartment, bought ticket to Desteni farm
2011 - How physical supports me with itching and vertigo in detail
2011 - Message to the girl who is madly in love with me and the vertigo
2011 - Curing cancer effectively with sodium bicarbonate and iodine
2011 - Continuing with moving out, spreading the message of Desteni
2011 - Bought new photo equipment, met new interesting people
2011 - Our country Slovenia soon facing bankruptcy
2011 - Finally moved out to my father's place, who became 60 years old
2011 - Another strong but short collapse, moved furniture to basement

2011 - February
2011 - Alcohol and celebrations, ex-apartment prepared for takeover
2011 - 2010 with Shaman, Kiesha Crowthe - Lecture video review
2011 - My first Desteni speech over, tomorrow will have the second one
2011 - The second Desteni speech executed, upgrading my computer
2011 - Support for Relationship Demon possessed females
2011 - Valentin travelling to Desteni farm in South Africa report

2011 - March
2011 - Dream about innocence, unconscious mind and self-responsibility
2011 - Valentin's impressions after returning from Desteni farm
2011 - First week after returning from Desteni farm report
2011 - Running out of time for doing all the things that I plan
2011 - Group of Slovenian people with a kid who can see aura
2011 - Landmark Education / Forum - a Destonian perspective
2011 - Walking process alone vs. walking in the group

2011 - April
2011 - How disaster in Japan influenced me
2011 - Backchat 24. March 2011
2011 - How to give an effective support
2011 - Going deeper in my mind-patterns
2011 - Fear attacked me again, stronger than ever
2011 - Exposing nasty tricks of my ego
2011 - I got my first recruit
2011 - Observing myself from point of all existence
2011 - Opening of Theosophic library in Celje
2011 - Attending Studio 12 video production workshop
2011 - Silverpoint time share holidays & vacation club
2011 - Moving forward, slowly but effectively

2011 - May
2011 - Bulding self-trust
2011 - Broadcasting equality
2011 - My grandmother > Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction
2011 - Facing fear of future challenges
2011 - Corruption of legal system in Slovenia
2011 - I finally moved to our capital city Ljubljana

2011 - June
2011 - Make-up Artistry
2011 - How I met Desteni
2011 - Evil wins when good people do nothing

2011 - July
2011 - Equality Store development report
2011 - A new family member joined

2011 - August
2011 - Priority management
2011 - There is no other choice but breathing
2011 - Focus only on the positive - start canning the air!
2011 - Robin Hood Tax

2011 - September
2011 - Perfectionism as the most prominent evil in my life
2011 - Improving my interaction with others for better success

2011 - October
2011 - What about families in an equal money system?
2011 - Facing my reactions in regards to psychology study

2011 - November
2011 - What can I do to support the Equal Money System?
2011 - What if I don't want to work for 4 years in EMS?
2011 - Isn't Equal Money System the death of individualism?

2011 - December
2011 - Destructive nature of love as feeling

I invite you to also check out my Slovenian blog process timeline, my vlog process timeline in Slovenian language and my vlog process timeline in English language.
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