- I forgive myself for allowing myself to think that Desteni I Process is like ordinary school where you receive some knowledge and information and then you are done, instead of realising that the process is about becoming self-directive in changing yourself towards what is best for all and that this process never ends.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to blog and vlog from starting point of presenting others the tools and information about Desteni, instead of using blogs and vlogs to support myself and change myself firstly in order to become valid of presenting Desteni to others.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to hide myself behind computer and use the internet as the game where I play the director and direct others in order to get familiar with Desteni, instead of realising that I in the real world am not yet capable of treating others as one and equal as me, so I need to sort myself out firstly.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to compare my age with age of others and believe that I am more self-realised than people who are younger than me, instead of realising that age is not the valid indicator of the level of self-realisation and that I have due to my past way of life, became trapped in my mind extensively.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to compare the length of my process with the length of others and believing that one automatically gets self-realised in time, instead of realising that time has nothing to do with level of self-realisation and that what counts is only the quantity of effective mind deconstruction that one has walked so far.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself that it is not important if I change or not, and that what is best for me to do is only focusing on spreading the Desteni message, instead of realising that Desteni is not about talking the information, but actually becoming the living statement of equality and what is best for all.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to make excuses of what I need to do as priority tasks before I fully start focusing on my process, instead of realising that this is only a deception of the mind, trying to prevent me from facing myself here and now.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to perceive others, especially women from starting point of self-interest, analysing their physical body, their knowledge, ability, financial status and self-realisation level and comparing this qualities to what I have accepted to be as acceptable standards, instead of simply accepting the person without any judgement, as one and equal to me, and living this life by supporting each other equally in every single breath.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to believe that my girlfriend needs to be younger than me, and the fear that others will judge me and point fingers on me, if my girlfriend is older than me, instead of realising that this believe is just a part of social programming that I have been exposed to, that it has nothing to do with practical life, and that the only valid indicator if two are to live together, is the ability to walk and support each other as one and equal.
- I forgive myself for allowing myself to want to change others and judging others for not changing themselves, instead of realising that change can not be enforced or taught from point of knowledge and information, so the only way of changing others is by me becoming the living change firstly and teaching others by living the change practically.
08 April 2011
2011 - Going deeper in my mind-patterns
After my last blog post, where I asked for additional support, I have been given very detailed support that have assisted me a lot in realising my procrastination at going deeper into my mind and releasing my unconscious mind patterns. I have perceived that my process is adequate since I have done all the Desteni I Process assignment in time. I associated it with public schools programs where you pass if you do all the assignment and then get a degree. So I relied on my buddy to direct me and tell me what I need to do, and focusing the rest of my time to promote Desteni and other personal and business stuff. But after others have expressed their perspective that I am not changing, I have started to realise that in eyes of others my process is not adequate at all. They expected me to be more active in effective self-correction and are pushing me into focusing more on my process and slowing down at spreading the Desteni message. They have told me, that Desteni is not about doing certain things in certain way, but changing yourself to what is best for all. So it is not important what I do, but who I am at what I do. I am still trying to live certain personality and present myself to others as some acceptable part of society, while my true self is not changing at all. I was not aware of that and I am thankful for others to expose my self-deception. However I have decided to face myself fully and do what it needs to be done in order to become acceptable part of this reality, in order to become a supporter of all life from the totality of what I consist of.