Day 107: Bernard Poolman died

Days from 99 to 106 are in my Slovenian blog.

It came as a shock when I noticed a blog post that Bernard Poolman died. His daughter Cerise Poolman published that he passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning, 11 August 2013 (SA time) and that his heart stopped beating.

Bernard was my dear friend and a role-model. I had privilege to meet him when I visited Desteni farm two years ago. Based on the work he had done, he can from my perspective be easily compared to Jesus or Buddha. I did not expect him to go so soon, since he was working on the extensive life research and I expected that he has access to knowledge that would enable him to live forever. However I learned that the dimensions of existence that he researched and influenced also demanded from him immense effort so he suffered great pain end pressure while dealing with all the systems.

He influenced and supported me in a very unusual, but effective way. After years of visiting many spiritual workshops, retreats and paying thousand of euros for Reiki, Angelic and other alternative medicine therapies that did not work at all, Bernard assisted me greatly. When I was at the dinner table in the Desteni farm kitchen, we had a conversation. I did not said to him verbally, however in my mind I was saying to him: “Here I am now. I have come here for you to destroy me. Now do it!". And he did. He destroyed me with greater intensity that I ever imagined.

By destroying me, I mean destroying my ego, my false self, my mind that I tried to destroy myself for many years but nothing worked. I knew that gurus and healers are fakers. They just stroked my ego and I required a firm hand to beat the hell out of me. Bernard had his ways, only few people understood why he was doing thing the way he did, but he was exactly what I needed. He was not afraid to speak what he wanted to convey, all he wanted was the truth and what is best for all. He stood up for all living beings bravely and heroically.

My most prominent point was fear of judgement from others. I feared expressing myself and thus developed quiet, introverted personality who was hiding behind computers and cameras. Bernard discovered this right away and gave me a lesson that I will never forget. Now, thanks to his support, I fear no more. I stand up firmly and do not care what others think. And I also learned to support others in similar ways that Bernard supported me. Some are so caught in their minds, so possessed with love and light that need a firms shaking before they realize their bull shit fakery.

I will continue the fight he started, I will keep beating the hell out of me and out of others, until all evil will be removed from this world. The destruction of life must stop, the mind must stop. We have lived in separation for too long. It is time that we learn the lessons, open our eyes and realize what we are doing to self and others. We can do much better than this. We can create a world full of abundance and prosperity. We can create heaven on earth. And we will!

2012 Polarity feeling emotional mind energy exposed

I have been feeling very down and heavy in past several days. It felt like I weighted twice the normal weight, I just wanted to rest and was not able to do much work. This was because I have been exposed to information from TV news about financial crisis, recession, prices of gas going up and similar concerning events. Together with not having enough money to pay for my rent on time, I felt quite depressed and started to consider what are the options to go out of these heavy feelings.

I could have done some self-forgiveness, but I was soo down that I could not even type or speak the words. I searched for the solution and then I remembered that some physical exercise could move and release those energies. Since I am in the center of capital city of our Slovenia country, I am not very fun of running on the streets and woods and mountains are quite far away. I wanted to come with a solution that I would be able to use daily and that is very practical. Thus I remember that a rebounder was suggested as the jumping up and down an the elastic canvas is an exercise that also what has been recommended by NASA.

I searched local web site for used sports equipment and someone has been selling a 1,5 meter diameter round used rebounder for just 30 euros which I considered to be a very cool price. I immediately called the guy on the phone and asked if I may come and test the piece. He confirmed, I jumped into my car and in 20 minutes I was already doing the test jumps. What was also cool is that the device flopped twice so it fitted into my car very easily. When I returned home I washed all the pieces since they were slightly dusty due to outdoor use and soon I was already jumping up in the air like crazy.

I can say it assisted me a lot since a smile came to my face and I started to feel much more relaxed. Similar exercise are also what at Desteni was suggested within the Structural Resonance Alignment course and they also have a quite large trampoline at Desteni farm in South Africa where I payed them a visit last year. I now keep my rebounder as for of first aid right in the middle of anteroom and I use it several time a day. The next day after first use I experienced pain on top of my shoulders and on the belly. I was warned that after first use some muscles would hurt since this exercise activates many muscles, including some new ones that one does not use in usually.

In addition to this physical exercise I also took advice to stop listening only news about destruction and degradation on this world, and to watch some comedy movie or similar that would bring me joy and laughs. Thus I started to watch the YouTube clips of Talent Shows where different people would perform singing, magic and other variety acts. I enjoyed those clips a lot and I would watch day for couple of hours late into night. I started to become possessed with energy of good feelings and it was hard for me to stop watching those movies. So thus I started to slowly drift to the other polarity of emotional energy. Some acts moved me so much that even tears started to emerge from my eyes.

This is my pattern of exchange between bad emotions and good feelings that direct my life instead of me directing myself without influence of any energy. I noticed that when I have enough money I feel relaxed and I spend a lot and at that time I just want to enjoy and do not care much about future plans to establish the proper money flow in order to constantly have enough money for my needs. Only when it is almost too late, when it is the last chance to start digging myself out of deep shit, I became motivated enough by the fear of loss so that I take action and do something in order to earn some money again.

This time I decided to sell my video and photo equipment and I made an effort to prepare the ads and collect the emails of all the video production companies in our country. The next day after I sent them an email with my offer, several people already expressed interest in some pieces of my equipment. Thus I was able to transform my belongings into money very quickly. I learned lately that one should not be ashamed to sell some possessions that one does not need so it can be invested into projects that would soon bring back even more money. And I am also prepared to move to cheaper apartment and do whatever necessary in order to fix my life.

So the only thing that is completely detrimental for avery individual are mind patterns of constant worry about what all bad things might happen in the future and being afraid of loosing objects of possession. Some people who are currently very successful have gone bankrupt in the past but they raised themselves up again and rebuilt their lives again. Thus it is not important how many times you fall but that how many times you stand up. Of course going bankrupt is not a magic formula for success and I also have no intention to completely waste all my money but for some they need to go through this experience in order to change their thinking and behavior patterns.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself a good feeling when I have enough money and feeling of safety and thus not having motivation to move myself as life, instead of realizing that energies are what destroy life thus it is necessary to direct myself in every breath and do what is best for all and release any accumulated energy of bad or good feelings and emotions.

And this is a very supporting video from Sunette Spies in regards to becoming emotional when watching some movie scenes that I highly recommend: