Day 190: Trying to be prepared for what could happen in the future

In the last couple of days, I noticed how I have become increasingly anxious. This has been reflecting in the form of frequent heath arrhythmia and stronger tremors in the area around my heart. I had difficulties with relaxing enough to fall asleep in the evening and even though the day I occasionally had pressing episodes where my breathing became more difficult. Yesterday while I was sitting in the backyard garden and had a vegetable salat in the sun I felt like my heart was slowly giving up and I got scared about dying soon. I called a doctor on the phone and based on my answers to her questions she concluded that my heart is just fine and what I am experiencing is mind-related. Then I also borrowed a blood pressure measuring device from one of my neighbors. The results showed that my blood pressure and pulse are normal. That assisted to calm myself down pretty much, however, I realized that I need to take additional measures to protect myself from too much stress.

During the coronavirus lockdown, I took a lot of care to handle the situation in a calm and peaceful way, paying attention to not overwhelm myself. I did physical exercises in the morning, took regular 1-hour daily walks, stocked myself with food and continued to work from my home. When I noticed the anomalies in regards to my heart I concluded that daily routine was not enough to ground me sufficiently so I went for a longer and more strenuous hike. I noticed that it assisted me a lot so I repeated it a week later and I decided to do it also on each of the following weekends. Additional measures were cutting down the time spent on social media, removing myself from online dating websites and focusing on my personal needs. I restarted to use the Nirvana app that is a companion software of the Getting Things Done methodology that I discovered years ago by reading a book about it. While in the previous months I did moderate planning of my activities, I have now with that app collected and organized all the projects, tasks and reoccurring events. It now helps me to avoid procrastination and laziness and it assists me in being much more productive each day so I am now much more satisfied with myself.

The following are the related statements of self-forgiveness, realizations, and commitments that I learned to apply at the free online self-perfection course Desteni I Process Lite and I suggest you to also try it out to assist with directing yourself effectively:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the discoverer and sharer of the deepest life secrets. I realize that while digging for and forwarding shocking information made me feel good and useful to others, I lack within that to find a way to monetize it and to provide a stable source of income for my basic needs. I commit myself to when and as I look at my passions to ask myself about the core reasons for doing that and to then look at how I can turn it into a business or or doing it as a hobby while providing myself an additional source of income to at least cover all of my monthly expenses.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can protect myself from all negative influences the most by researching how things in this world work which means spending a lot of time watching all the available documentaries about secret societies, financial and legal system and every interesting fact that I stumble upon. I realize that there are a lot of contradictive theories that are all very concerning and absorbing all this information has created many fears and insecurities within me. Thus I commit myself to only occasionally follow the sources of information that proved so far to be the most reliable and are in a form that takes as little time as possible from me to digest the infromation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that possession of a large quantity of information is the best way to protect myself from all the possible harm. I realize that while the expected result would have to be in me becoming more self-confident, the accumulation of information actually made my mind even more restless and every situation that I found myself in triggered a lot of thoughts about all kind of possible reasons why I am experiencing something and made me confused about how to respond to situations that I am facing in real-time. I commit myself instead of creating assumptions based on accumulated knowledge to rather ask people that I am meeting about what is their reason for doing something. And to also ask other people in the actual situations that I find myself in about what is the nature of any manifestation in my physical proximity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build my stability on the information that I gathered in the past instead of realizing that any information that I possess can become outdated and that it could also be false in the first place. I commit myself to when and as I am facing a situation in my life and my mind is trying to assist me by fetching all kinds of supposedly related information that I integrated in the past or trying to associate the current event with any of my past experiences, to stop and breathe. I then rather face every single situation as something completely new and not even slightly related to anything that I know about or have experienced in the past by doing real-time research based on what I can verify by tangible evidence at this present moment.

And here are some additional suggested educational audios to listen from the Eqafe website with Every Question Answered for Everyone:

Hidden in Secrets
Secrecy
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Secret Information
Technology Brainwashing & Body Influence
Self-Image and Fear of Others
Living Fear
Mental Hoarder

Day 157: Crick in my neck

Three days ago I got a pain in my neck. I could also say that the pain was located on my shoulder because the centre of the pain was vertically positioned near the back of my spine on top of the shoulder however more towards my left shoulder. It started to appear four days ago when I had a chat with my DIP course buddy and increased the next day after I had a chat with my flatmate about the struggle that I am facing with. And it is about being attracted to different sources of information and way of explaining how this existence works. But what troubled me the most was that if I would want to fully understand what each of the sources are actually saying, I would have to dedicate my time to completely integrate the information. And this could be the reason for the pain as the reflection of feeling burdened by the challenge of wanting to understand the truth about the functioning of the whole existence. I also found the audio that explains the crick in your neck as related to pattern of looking up to people and looking down on other people and yourself contributing to inequality within leader-follower relationships.

Initially I expected that it would be most supportive for my pain in the neck to write with focus on the point of overwhelmingness however it seem that it would be best to write about who I am looking up to and also down on. Which totally makes sense because in my life it was my father that I started to follow and look up to and I guess all children start with their parents being the first examples where they copy most of their behaviour patterns from. The problem is when the parents do not consider their children as equals but look down on them and even suppress them due to fear that children will become more than them and will thus loose the power of controlling them. And such was exactly the case in family of my parents where especially my father wanted to be something more and did often criticise me for every single small mistake that I made. This resulted in me not developing sufficient self trust and habit of looking inside me for a reference point about my decisions in life.

The message that my father has been embodying is to be productive in terms of accumulating a lot of physical proof of your ingenuity so that it can be shown to the world for the purpose of others looking up to you and thus feeling good for being something more. Such starting point of course prevented him to strive for excellency in terms of perfecting his attitude towards his work thus the final products show mediocracy and carelessness. For example when he is creating replicas from medieval ear he does not make effort to strictly follow the use of materials and designs that were used at that time. He usually adds something that does not belong there and cuts corners to save cost and time. So he is not striving for high quality but mostly for the quantity. And if I look at where I have copied such pattern from him I see that while I am focused more on creating the future and am using technologically advanced tools like computers, I too lack the perfection in studying how this existence functions and am to some extent superficial in my research. I do not go in depth and am not investing enough time and effort to integrate the information more effectively.

And there are some other points that prevent me from integrating information from sources that I stumble upon. First is that I have studied many traditions and authors that explain how this existence works and later I have discovered information that proved them wrong. The reasons were because they have misinterpreted their experiences, they were fooled by the creators of the existence or they were their agents that incarnated here specifically to deceive humanity and redirect us towards the dead end. Thus I developed the mistrust and suspicion about everything that I see, hear or listen since the levels of deception can exist beyond by awareness. Also what I learned is that while some pieces of the message seems to be valid, all the messengers that I have been studying from are not without faults. They are equally individuals in the process of self-perfection and sometimes something that they do or say is far from being valid.

As I learned, we have all ben preprogrammed to be followers to some extend and are constantly searching for someone to look up to. And we lack the ability to look into ourself and find a reliable point of self-trust for the purpose of always being able to distinguish the truth from deception. Thus I have also wanted to find The Source, The Leader that I could follow blindly and just unconditionally absorb all the information without having to use any discernment. However as I realised this is not the possible way of existence to function since we must all learn to develop self-responsibility and instead of relying on someone outside of us to develop real self-trust and ability of common sense. We must not just learn from one single source out there but must research them all end keep what is good. While there are some who lead the path of discovery about how this existence works, it is not enough to simply accept their teachings. We must reach the same awareness by walking the equal path of researching and testing and coming to our own conclusions. We can not gain the same awareness just by becoming their dedicated followers.

Now I am going to face relevant points and change my established ways of dealing with this world by removing the unsupportive programs that I am running on and replacing them with a more functional pieces of code in order to become more supportive part of life:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are individuals existing who have all the answers about how existence functions and that I just need to find them and all my problems will be solved. I realise that I can not be sure if such individuals exists and that instead of just searching for someone that knows it all it would be best to learn from those who can explain this existence to a very large extend and combine the information to get the full picture. I commit myself to when and as I am wondering about the secret of the existence and my mind in producing thought like: “I must find the personalised manifestation of the god who will answer to all my questions!” to stop and breathe. A then learn from what other wise people have also provided explanation about and use such knowledge to expand my awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that awareness is a gift of god and that god created some of us with lesser awareness and some individuals with higher awareness. I realise that that I am increasing awareness by researching and learning and that while we all have our unique characteristics those who have reached high level of awareness have evidence that they have also walked a long and dedicated path of research and experimentation where they used own ability of discernment to separate facts from deception and created their own understanding about how this existence functions. I commit myself to when and as I want to know the deepest meaning of life and my mind goes like: “I must just believe that I am a good person and god will eventually enlighten me and gift me with higher level of awareness.” to stop and breathe. I then use the god's gifts in form of already available knowledge and use it as best as possible to discover the secrets of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up to individuals who have achieved a lot in life and making them more than me while believing that I will never be able to reach their level of greatness. I realise that by creating such inequality I am making me less than others and thus the consequences like the crick in my neck are created. I commit myself to when and as I am learning about the people who have achieved great things in life and my mind is saying: “You must become humble in presence of their greatness and admire them due their incredible achievements!” to stop and breathe. I then research their life path and all things that influenced them in order to become capable of such achievements within understanding that we are all different with unique life path and we can all excel in our own way to expand ourselves as much as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be great and be admired by others in order to fell good and receive what I want from others in my life. I realise that by such desire I equally create inequality and by looking down on others I equally create also undesired consequences that can be experienced as the crick in my neck. I commit myself to when and as I decide about what I want to do in my life and my mind is like: “You must learn about the most advanced knowledge available so that others will look up to you and think that you are a genius.” to stop and breathe. I then continue to satisfy my curiosity about the secrets of life while understanding that we are all parts of the same existence and that I must also stay humble and share my discoveries with others in order for all to improve their lives as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a hoarder of knowledge and information in order to accumulate as large amount of advanced knowledge as possible and display it in front of the world in order to be admired and to feel good about my achievements. I realise that life is not about quantity but about quality and that we can all live in abundance if we share available resources including knowledge equally. I commit myself to when and as I want to know more about things that I am still not clear about and my mind is telling me: “Gather all kinds of information from as many sources as possible in order not to miss something that could be very important!” to stop and breathe. I then with understanding that each of us has a limited time available and that it is not possible to absorb all information out there to rather search for the most reliable sources of information and make sure to integrate the information to the level where I will be able to retain them in my memory for a long time and be thus able to share them with others and function as a useful member of our society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance when I study different sources of information due to understanding that there are all kinds of illusions and deceptions out there and that eventually all information that I now think is the truth can later be proven to be a lie. I realise that the nature of evolution is expansion of awareness where previous concepts and perspectives are eventually overwritten with a new understanding of reality. I commit myself to when and as I learn about this existence and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Use discernment and be careful about sharing the information since in time it can be proven as false and other people will judge you and be angry about you so protect yourself and keep quiet!” to stop and breathe. I then rather share my current discoveries with others and allow to be proven wrong since only by sharing our perspectives we are able to assemble peaces of information into a full picture and attain complete awareness about the whole reality of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am incapable of distinguishing between what is real and what is not and that I will be able to discover the truth of reality only by listening to individuals who are speaking eloquently about the nature of creation. I realise that we all have a reference point within us that can be used for discernment and if applying complete and total self-honesty we can attain the capacity to always know what is truth and what is deceptions. I commit myself to when and as I am researching this reality and my mind is telling me: “Reality can never be understood fully since only god possesses such ability and you are definitely not god!” to stop and breathe. I then within realisation that we are all parts of the same creator and made by his own image and thus also gifted with capacity of reasoning I continue to develop the capacity of self-honesty in order to always be able to rely on my inner guidance when having to distinguish facts from false information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated when learning about something new and I am not completely clear about certain points. I realise that askKing is the King and that I am always able to ask questions and receive additional explanations so that eventually I can attain complete clarity about the subject. I commit myself to when and as I am digesting a new body of information and while stumbling about some point that I am not clear about an my mind is going like: “It is pointless to ask questions at this moment and waste time because there is so much additional information available and you will probably get your questions answered by simply continuing to digest the rest of the information available.” to stop and breathe. I then rather write down my questions to become completely clear what I am not sure about and make the effort to verify if answers to such questions actually are provided in some other body of information that already exist because there is always also a possibility that such questions have not been answered yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance about sharing my perspectives to others due to fear that others will start asking me a lot of questions that I do not know the answers to and thus I will feel embarrassed. I realise that others questioning me is actually a blessing in disguise because they push me to expand myself where eventually I become the beneficiary due to increased awareness. I commit myself to when and as someone is asking me a question and my mind is like: “Oh no, they have discovered some fault in me and I must be ashamed of not being perfect.” to stop and breathe. I realise that we all have yet to discover many things and by others asking me something they are actually assisting me to quantify the process of self-realisation so I am from now on receiving and answering any question with great appreciation and gratefulness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for the ultimate source of information about all the existence and then be disappointed when I discover that the source has lacked to explain many things that I would like to know about. I realise that there are different reasons for that. One is that each source has a limited capacity of serving information and each source must decide what information to present based on the priorities of the receivers of the information. Then even if the source has all the answers about this existence, the source may act within awareness that many recipients or the humanity in general are not yet capable of handling them and would cause the overwhelmingness, panic and other undesired and harmful consequences if much more advanced information would be shared. I commit myself to when and as I study from certain source of information and my mind goes like: “I see that this and that is lacking to be explained thus this source is no good and I should better find another one that already has all the answers.” to stop and breathe. I then make best use of the available information and fully integrate them and then also equally share them with others with consideration of the capacity of understanding in order for me equally not to create harmful consequences for others. 

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Crick in Your Neck from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to many about life and this existence.

Day 148: Energy, frequency and vibration

People who consider themselves spiritual ten to use specific word in order to communicate their progress and how they see change in this world. Many of them use the quote of Nikola Tesla who said: “If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” Some talk also about the higher dimensions, about love consciousness, chakras, photon bands and increasing power of light that will expose the darkness. Positive thinking and positive energy is according to them the answer to solve current problems of humanity. They define this world as nothing but illusion since when we look the matter under the electronic microscope is is comprised only by small particles and a lot of space. Such definitions and explanations have confused me and made me wonder how to define myself and what to do since this world still seem to my human body senses as a very solid manifestation of reality and it did not go away just by becoming introduced to the quantum physics. And how practically shall I then open my hearth chakra, increase vibration and become the being of light since I can not see any doors, frequency modulator or energy switch? This was so intangible and impractical that it was driving me mad. Because if this world is only a hologram where we experience life lessons and we return to reality when we leave our physical bodies, is it then death not the only exit after one has reached such enlightenment and would it then not be the best to just kill myself as soon as possible to escape this illusion?

Luckily several years ago I discovered an interesting source of information that explained also what is going on in the afterlife and how the system of reincarnation works. And then also how it has been changed in order to stop the suffering in this world. Then also that energy is not the primary manifestation that created the illusion of substance but that it is the other way around. It was the substance as the embodiment of sound that created itself into energy and frequency. And that explanation enabled me to ground myself and a more practical way to work on the process of identifying and removing all point of separation. Also in the Bible it is said that “in the beginning was the world“ so if the words have the power of creation, I am able to use the words to recreate the existence into something that is far more desirable. But before that I must also understand what world actually mean and to align my definitions according to the real meaning. Because I realised that it is not only the negative energy like fear that paralyses but that also the positive energy like love has an equal effect. All the energy that is created by the vibration as manifested conflict and separation within the substance is what is possessing and blinding us and moving us away from each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this world as illusion and wanting to escape from it by killing myself. I realise that the problem is not with the world that I find myself in but in my relationship with it and how I experience it. I commit myself to when and as I find myself in a challenging situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “What is the point of all this of this world is not real? Why just not go home to the afterlife and enjoy the bliss of heaven?“ to stop and breathe. I then continue to move myself it his world and contribute to make it better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that problems of this world can be solved by increasing my frequency of vibration and light within me. I realise that while objects in this world do resonate and one can measure the frequency and intensity of many things, there are actual words behind the actions of everyone of us. I commit myself to when and as I experience trouble and my mind goes: “Just sit down, open your hearth chakra and imagine for the energy of love and light to emanate into all the existence!” to stop and breathe. I rather look deeper into my subconscious mind and name the game by finding appropriate words that describe the movement within me that create conflict between me and this world and then forgive all points of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that this existence would fix itself quickly and thus becoming restless and impatient. I realise that in this dimension of time and space there are laws that govern how fast something manifests that I am not able to change by using only wishful thinking. I commit myself to when and as I see how slow things move and my mind is saying me: “You should become angry and express your anergy of dissatisfaction!“ to stop and breathe. I then move myself slowly and patiently with the speed of the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will die before I achieve anything substantial in my life since time is passing so fast. I realise that every single thought, emotion, word and action of mine count since everything creates consequence and ripple effects. I commit myself to when and as I see how much I have achieved in my life and my mind steps in with thoughts like: “You are running out of time so better hurry to create something that other will remember you by!“ to stop and breathe. I then continue to perfect myself with awareness that the best way to fix this world is by firstly improving myself and become a practical example for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to control the events in this reality and becoming disappointed when they do not turn out as I imagined. I realise that I am only one of many individuals that influence the events in this existence and that the only thing that I am able to control is myself and the attitude towards myself and the outer manifestations. I commit myself to when and as I observe what is going on outside myself and my mind goes like: “Look at all this suffering and distraction! You must become very sad since you are powerless and very small part of existence.” to stop and breathe. I then continue with participation in this world with awareness that the most important is for me to do my best and encourage others to do the same. 

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled The Creation of Energy from the The Secret History of the Universe series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 19: Expectations breed excitement and disappoitment

Days 16 to 18 are in my Slovenian blog

Throughout my life I have been doing different things. Every time I discovered something new, I became very excited and wanted to share my findings with others. I explained to others the magnificent details of the things that I found amazing. However in a while I went to the next step by discovering something that was even more exciting than the previous thing. It was like climbing the top of the mountains. Every time I would reach a peak, I would with enthusiasm share the magnificent view from the top, however in time I would discover that there is an ever higher mountain nearby.

In time I learned that I can not possible know how many mountains are still out there in the existence and what mountain is the ultimate in height. Thus I started to share my discoveries with others with less excitement, like I would talk about any other thing. I found out also that even if I would explained my finding to others with biggest enthusiasm, some would not be able to understand the point fully and would not be able to get excited as much as I did. Some would even start to pull me down and claim that I am crazy and that what I found out must be a lie and would not believe it. In that cases I would then become very disappointed, sad and angry.

Similar point has showed up in regards to my business and sales. It is common knowledge that if you are a businessman or salesman, the success of the sales depends upon your belief or understanding about the quality of the product. You have to get excited for the product or service that you are selling. You have the understand the value and the quality of the goods and that customers would be very satisfied if they would possess it. So then you start to explain the benefits of the product to the prospects with excitement and passion with hopes that they would take it. Consequently successful presentation brings joy and happiness and if there are no sales, disappointment, anger and depression appears in ones mind.

However successful businessman and salesman have learned not to swap moods regardless of the result of the sales presentation. With practice one develops the ability of staying emotionally stable on every single occasion. This is achieved by understanding the reality of every single business which is that regardless of how valuable product you have, never will everybody want or be able to buy the product when introduced with the benefits of the product. So every time you try to sell something, there would be some that will buy it and some that would not buy it even if you present with all the glamour in the world. Always there will be acceptance and rejection.

This is so because firstly the purchase power and peoples's interest change during time. For example you might in one occasion present the product to someone and the person would absolutely like and want the product but at that time it would be broke, it would not have enough money to buy it and it would thus decline the purchase. Then in some other occasion, the person that you present the product would have more than enough money to buy your product but would not like it or need it at that time due to different desires or priorities. However the person's interest or priorities or wants and the person's purchase power or the amount of money they currently poses constantly changes.

So the main point in every sales is to be always aware that NO does not mean, NO NEVER, but just NO AT THIS TIME. The same person that currently declined the purchase due to lack of money could soon get enough money and buy the product later. Or some person who has currently no interest in the product could soon become very interested in it due to change in it's life circumstances. Thus it is important to always accept this reality and never get to excited in someone buys the product and especially never get angry and create resentment towards the person who currently does not buy the product. It is best to every single time allow the prospect to say NO without any bad feelings.

Based on this realization it is suggested to at the beginning of presentation to clearly express to the prospect that it is OK to say NO, that you really do not care if they say YES or NO and that you will be just fine and in total acceptance with any decision about the purchase that they made at the end. And this is not best only in sales but in any single situation in life. Even in personal relationships with others you experience acceptances and rejections. So it is generally in all times suggested to always be aware of the fact that sometimes the answer is YES and sometimes is NO. And in each case you are to fully accept the reality, understand that there are substantial reasons for that decision and that by not accepting the reality you just harm yourself by creating the energy of the good or bad feelings in you mind.