26 December 2010

2010 - Defusing reactions regarding YouTube

I am continuing with defusing the small points of suppressed reactions that instantly manifest as pinching itching points on my skin around genitals. The most recent reactions I experienced a few moments ago was after I watched several ITD videos and I did comment them as "Watched" in order for Desteni administration to follow my progress and I also noted the channel and video names and links to my "Record of participation" Google Docs Spreadsheet in order to inform others about my progress and to be able to check if I already watched certain video, however I forgot to click the "I Like it" button on the videos I just watched.

I always make sure that I note the video channel and title name and URL and make at least the "Watched" comment and click the "I like button" in order to support myself and others as instructed, but this time I forgot to press the "I like button". I usually watch the videos as a batch, so firstly I collect the links of the videos to watch. In this occasion the links were the part of ITD course PDF, so I clicked all the links for every single video to open in the separate tab in my Chrome web browser. Then I would quickly click the tabs and click on the videos in order to stop the auto play of the videos. Next I would copy and paste the channel names and video titles and URLs and paste them into the spreadsheet. After that I would comment all videos as "Watched". I usually never just watch the videos since this would be for me too much waste of time. So I pick something to do that does not need my hearing or mental attention, like washing dishes, ironing the laundry or eating a meal. Then I start to play the first video, close the tab after finish and play the next video, until every opened video has been played to the finish.

I usually also click the "I like it" button somewhere in the stage between opening the video and closing the video browser tab, but sometimes I forget. This is due to not fully understanding what functions of the YouTube are triggered when the "I like it" button is pressed. I understand that it helps to rang the video higher and I also read somewhere that the video you like is displayed somewhere in some list so other can also watch the videos you liked, but I did not made the effort yet to check what actual and full consequence of pressing the "I Like it" button is. I did not care to research since I believed that this function does not play a major role and would not contribute drastically at my Desteni process of self-realization. I just continued to walk in the blind regarding this point which is totally based on ignorance, laziness and not taking full self-responsibility. I am afraid that finding out what this function means would result in larger knowledge and thus larger responsibility and that I would then have to use this function more regularly and would thus result in having to spend even more time to do what I have to do, and I am already short with time.

But really, this is just bullshit. I have been pressing the "I like it" button so far almost always and only in some occasions I forgot to do so. What could possible change if I would take the time and research the full functionality of liking some video? It is simply laziness, since I like watching the videos and I find reading the text much more harder. So I simply did not want to read the text. In is not specifically connected to what the text is about, I just prefer watching the videos over reading the text. I also procrastinate reading other texts, like SRA and ITD PDFs because I need to be still and focus my eyesight and decipher what the character symbols stand for in order to understand the message. And listening is so much easier, message is delivered with much less effort and I can also do other stuff and move my body in between.

The other point that prevented me from researching the full functionality of liking the video is that the relevant information is sometimes hard to find. Like I wanted to search for the info about the latest YouTube upload video length and file size limit and there were no relevant hits when I searched the dedicated YouTube help and forum section. Only after I Googled the question, some results popped-up and I had to eliminate the out-of-date ones in order to get the wanted information. And at the end the information was not official and I could not trust it, so I was disappointed. Even official YouTube disclaimer when you upload the video only displays something like "Now you can upload videos that are more than 15 minutes in length" and it does not say anything about what are the actual restrictions. Even the information that I Googled out was more detailed, specifying that the only limit now is the file size. And I did not even make the effort to remember or note that number since I found it so large, something like 2 GB and the videos that I am shooting are much smaller so I did not find it crucial to remember this info, also due to constant change of the YouTube system limitations.

So due to the frustrating experience of YouTube user support being so ineffective, I projected my fear also onto point regarding "I like it" button and I did not want to make an effort in order to check if there is possibly any easier-to-reach information regarding this function. This kind of projections are unacceptable and illusional. I need to stop projecting my past experiences into this moment, removing my laziness and move myself without any excuse when some point appears in order to solve the point instantly. Otherwise the point will pile-up, I will time-loop and make my process much longer then necessary.

Now at this moment of writing the blog, I am starting to experiencing pain, since I have been lying on the back on the sofa and typing this blog post for almost an hour and the weight of my body is pressing on the sofa due to gravitation and squeezing the muscles to the point where the pain has become unbearable. I need to move and change the body position in order to release the pain. And this is also one of the big points that prevents me from blogging more. Typing for hours is so uncomfortable and painful, and it sucks extensively. Sometimes I wish I could fly, become weightless and move more freely, also through the walls. This would be great. Like a ghost. Thus I wonder how it would be if I die, also wishing to die and experience myself without the constant bonds of earths gravity. While watching interdimensional interviews I wonder how dimensional being are experiencing themselves. However since I heard that the earth plane is the only place that enables ones full self-expression, I understand that I am to be at the end very grateful for this experience, since where time and space does not exist, I can not imagine how I would experience myself or if here-after is even more fucked-up experience as here on earth. So I am finishing with writing this blog post and I will continue in the next one.

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