06 December 2010

2010 - Vertigo research continued

This is a continuation of my previous blog Repeating strong vertigo research in order to find out the reasons for occasionally experiencing strong vertigo.

I decided not to visit the doctor to check my blood since I am currently short of money and I have not payed for health insurance for a few months now, so this examination could cost me some money which is not necessary right now. I have concluded that my vertigo is not caused due to chemical imbalance in my blood, nor do I experience any tooth or other pain, accept some pain in the neck.

The last vertigo happened after intensive working with computer. I have two days in a row spent selecting, copyright stamping and uploading 75 photo galleries to my FaceBook business page in order to promote my professional photography services. I pushed myself to do this very extensively, since I need to earn money as soon as possible, so I worked all Thursday and Friday, sitting in front of the computer from 10am to 4am, that is 16 hours per day. I did occasional pause, prepared something to eat and danced a couple of times, but it seems that the strain has been too much after all, so the Saturday morning my body gave me a lesson.

The vertigo before the last one took the control of my body after spending two days with some girlfriend. The meeting with a girl should be fun and result in relaxation, but the way how I experienced the meeting was full of stress and frustration. Surely we had sex and I enjoyed physical intimacy, but the way I interpreted all that activities was full of fear, judgement and frustration. The whole time of I was thinking how spending time together is just a waste of time and money, totally unproductive and without any possibility of long-lasting agreement. I did not express myself and shared my thoughts, since the girl was not able to handle what I stand and wish for, and thus I suppressed myself. I endured all the trouble of going out just for the sake of sex. So the next day, after the girl left, the vertigo grounded me as never before.

Today I pushed myself again since I wanted to process as quickly all the videos at the new DIP Beginners forum. After watching about 30 videos one after another, the vertigo started to emerge again. I had to stop and lay down for un hour or so, and then I stabilized myself again. I decided to quit watching videos for today in order to avoid any further complications.

My actions of pushing myself were based on idea of being a self-directive principle and thus directing my physical body in order to do the stuff that needed to be done. As I read in the Desteni material, every pain, resistance or feeling of tiredness is produced due to participating in the mind consciousness system and allowing to direct by body, instead of me directing my body in very single breath. So I pushed myself and did not allow and physical discomfort to distract me from what I was doing. However what I missed is to take care of the diversity of body movement and actions throughout the day, since I spent almost every day in my apartment, sitting in front of my computer. The second thing that I missed were subconscious thoughts that compounded more and more and this all this resulted in the vertigo. So I have to be more careful about those points in the future in order to support myself as one and equal with my physical body more effectively.

In regards to vertigo being related to biting/squeezing teeth together, I wish to share some incredible story. A few years ago I attended some meditation group meeting in our local public library basement room. That day we were to learn a special relaxation technique, developed by some person who had an accident and could not move any part of the body, except the jaw. The doctors predicted that he would not recover and would have to spent the rest of the life lying in the bed. But after a while he got some inner guidance that told him to start slowly and gently opening and closing the jaw repeatedly. After practicing this technique, his body slowly came back to life, until he completely recovered and was able to move fully, like before he had the accident. So I also started to experiment with that tool in and I am making sure that I am not biting my teeth together and thus producing any tension.

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