2011 - Dream about innocence, unconscious mind and self-responsibility

I had a dream tonight, about 5am, a night mare I can say, where I have been fighting the concept of innocence, conscious and unconscious mind and self-responsibility. I remember Sunette to be in the dream, and also Bernard. While I was lying on my bad and having this dream, I noticed how a vertigo started to emerge in my head and then I experienced a great urge to go to toilet. Despite my head spinning a bit, I managed to reach the toilet where I took a shit and piss. I did not experience any urge to vomit as usual when I experience vertigo. When I returned to my room, I drank some water. Then I went to bed and the temperature of my body increased and I started to sweat heavily. Again I experienced a great urge to take a shit, even greater than before, so I ran to toilet and a lot of shit came out of me and I was surprised that I still had so much shit in me. While taking a shit, this time a strong nausea also appeared, and I experienced immediate strong urge to vomit. So I immediately turned over, without having time to wipe my shitty ass, and emptied my stomach. It was mostly water that I drank before, but anyway. After that I felt pretty relieved and I went back to bed while still experiencing vertigo. Slowly the temperature of my body dropped and my head stabilized. Then I had a dream with some girl on the farm. We were in the mountains, where there were some caves with crystal clear water and very small, but deep lakes, and we were jumping in the water with a small dog and were diving naked and I observed the water surface from deep below the water. I slept till about 8am and then took a shower, since my head became stable enough to walk. While returning to my room I met Bernard and then I explained him the concept of my dream in the kitchen. He and Sunette commented on my experience and Bernard suggested me to write the dream and correct it in terms of taking self-responsibility, as he has done the same many times in regards to his dreams. Now to details of first and main dream.

Within dream I faced the memories where Bernard spoke with me, a few times with very strong energy, and introduced me to the perspective of myself that was mind-blowing. The first thing was that I was not allowed to us the lack of memory as excuse for what I have done in the past. And that included my past lives also on other planets. Then there were memories of points where Bernard, Sunette and other handled the physical pain and interpretations of the system that cause that pain. Observing these events made me think that there are dimensions of reality that I am unable to see, however they are suppose to be the manifestations of my subconscious and unconscious creation. So in the dream, I fought with these objectives where I was to take responsibility for something that I can not understand and see consciously. My justification was that I may be held responsible only for actions that are manifestations of my conscious mind, and not subconscious and unconscious. I tried to project blame towards Bernard ad Sunette, since I was not able to comprehend and have the same experience and understanding as they have. I was to be left alone and not charged with the crimes that I did not commit consciously.

But the fact is, that I was explained how mind works and that I am in every moment directed by thoughts that are automatically produced by my mind, which is my own creation due to long-lasting allowed and accepted accumulation of information and definitions. In time I have created this energetic entity of personality that has started to suppress me to the level where I almost completely diminished. Even though mind-consciousness system has been constructed in very subtle and deceptive way, it is still my responsibility for every moment when I participated in it. It was me who allowed to follow the thoughts and thus making them alive with my energy of attention. And since I was explained how I am in fact responsible for creating my ego personality, I can no longer be innocent. Thus I am no longer allowed to have the backchat without consequences. I need to stop any movement of the mind, breathe effectively and be here in the physical. Any projections of the past memories or thinking about the future without me actually directing the thoughts is not acceptable. However this is hard to be done due to my ego personality becoming so strong and infused with my physical, that I experience great unconscious physical fear that manifests as vertigo, heat, nausea and vomiting. However there is no other way to survive but to push myself through all of this, breathe through all uncomfortable physical experiences until I eventually birth myself as life as one and equal with all from the physical. I can not exist in this reality without becoming one with it and direct myself towards what is best for all living beings that are part of this reality. I can no longer exist as separate entity, only as observer, protecting only my self-interest and not giving a damn for others. The illusion of my individual mind-reality has to burst and be destroyed once and for all. It was the concept that could not stand the test of time in the first place. Existence can only be if all parts are aware of the full consequence of their actions, and direct themselves towards full support of all other parts of existence. Thus I as one part of existence need to take full responsibility of every single thought, feeling, emotion, voice or physical action, and support every single being as myself or I must no longer exist. No one that has any kind of intention to harm others will not be allowed to exist. So, this life is everyone's last opportunity to correct itself or to end its existence at physical death.

Self-forgiveness statements:

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the feeling of envy towards Bernard, Sunette and other for possessing ability to experience, see and understand the systems and dimensions, instead of realizing that these abilities come with great responsibility that I can not even imagine, and that possessing certain abilities has nothing to do with self-realization, and is not the requirement or indicator of self-realization, since it is about all living being in this existence to self-realize together, as equal and one.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel pity for myself due to experiencing vertigo, instead of realizing that this is the consequence of my past participation in the mind and that I need to handle it as release of all energy that I have compounded through the time.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel uncomfortable when someone would ignore me due to expectation of everyone on the farm to treat me as one and equal, instead of stopping my desire to be noticed, understanding that how others react has nothing to do with me, and that it is my responsibility to be stable within, regardless where I am and who is in my presence.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel ashamed for other to see me how I vomit, have vertigo and similar conditions due to my desire of being perfect and wanting to present myself to others as perfect, instead of realizing that I am far from perfection, that I am separated from all life extensively, and that I will need to walk a long path and experience all sort of accumulated consequence in order to actually become self-realized.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others for not being perfect, constantly observing everyone and noticing any mistake, instead of realizing that judging others is in fact self-judgement, and that I need to accept others as one and understand that we are all in the same process, and that it will take a lot of time for everyone to gain perfection in terms of self-expression as one and equal with every living being.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to comprehend the thinking in term of voices in my head to be equally valid as speaking, instead of realizing that allowing and accepting any undirected voice in my head is the result of separation and will result only in abuse, thus it must be stopped immediately.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for wanting to be special, caring only about my own self-realization and ignoring others, instead of realizing that self-realization is in fact the realization that we are all one and equal, all interconnected and interdependent and that self-realization can only be achieved if we all support each other in realizing this fact.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel good if someone else gets hurt and experiences pain and interpreting this as their deserved punishment, instead of realizing that many of pain that other experience is the result of my creation and thus I am responsible for it, so I need to help others equally as myself in order to sort out this shit that I have allowed and accepted, otherwise it will turn back to me sooner or later.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear others, instead of realizing the fear of others is actually fear of myself due to accepted and allowed abuse in this world and not taking self-responsibility for doing anything practical to assist in solving the problems that all living being experience in this moment.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to speak out loud and expressing myself vocally due to lack of my self-esteem, instead of realizing that communicating vocally as physical is necessary and only valid way of communication in order to fully express my every single perspective and not using secret mind, as the mind is the place of deception and abuse, thus every single thought has to be spoken out loud for everyone to hear and not be afraid of any more abuse from my side.
    
    
11. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am pretty much enlightened, instead of realizing that I am full of fear of others, constantly fearing to be hurt or to loose my money and property, thus in my secret mind I attack, abuse and destroy others as first in order not to give them any chance to harm me in any way.
    
    
12. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am totally cool and ok, intend of realizing that I am a very nasty and deceptive fucker, who use intelligence and knowledge to protect self-interest and leave others in deep shit.
    
    
13. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the feeling of hate towards myself for being the nastiest fucker, intend of realizing that I have to accept myself firstly the way I am, and then immediately utilize the tools of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to remove all the bullshit that I have accepted and allowed in my life.
    
    
14. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that everyone is self-responsible for current life experience, and taking care only for my satisfaction, instead of realizing that this perception is a White Light deception that creates illusion of everyone being separated and without any influence and need for responsibility towards others, but in fact we are all interconnected and we all influence each other thus we all are equal responsible for current situation in the word.
    
    
15. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek approval of others and fearing judgement of others due to lack of uncertainty, instead of realizing that I others can not baby-sit me for ever, and that I need to stand up and take self-responsibility by utilizing common sense, basic equality equation and principle that is "1+1=2" and "What is best for all".
    
    
16. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for others to tell me what to do, instead of realizing that there is enough shit in the world that need to be cleared, thus I need to stand up for all life and direct myself in every moment towards making this world a better place.
    
    
17. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be lazy and the feeling of tiredness, since tiredness comes from participation in the mind and perception of separation, instead of realizing that by breathing effectively and being aware of all fuckness that currently exists in the world, I am able to motivate myself towards actively participating in co-creating heaven on earth.
    
    
18. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself that I do not do enough to bring a change in this word, instead of realizing that the process will need a lot of time and that firstly I need to take care of myself and become a stable point, and then only will I be able to move faster and more effectively.

Self-corrective application:

1. When I notice that someone has some abilities, different from mine, I do not allow myself to compare myself with others, I breathe and remain here, since we have all different appearances and expressions, but are all the same as life.
   
   
2. When I experience any physical reaction, I understand that in that moment I can do nothing but to remain calm and breathe through, since it is all just a matter of time until it will go away.
   
   
3. When I meet other people, I do not expect from them to react in any particular way. I accept any reaction as their own creation and responsibility. I breathe and remain calm and do not allow for any emotion, word or act of others to influence me in any way whatsoever.
   
   
4. When I see people in trouble and distress, I consider them as one and equal and assist and help them to overcome their problems, without allowing any energetic movements before, during and after assistance.
   
   
5. When I notice my mind move, I immediately stop my participation in my mind. I breathe and focus on what is physically here, since the physical is the only valid reality. If the voices in my head are persistent, I assist myself with writhing, do mind construct, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.
   
   
6. When I communicate with other people, I make sure that my mind does not move, and then I push myself to speak directly and clearly as me as the physical.
   
   
7. When I feel tired I consider other people in the world who live in scarcity, hunger and war and push myself to be active in birthing myself as the physical and supporting equality system that will enable dignified life for all living beings in this world.
   
   
8. When I don't know what to do, I apply mathematical equation 1+1=2, common sense, principle of what is best for all, and ask the members of equality group to establish which way to move myself.
   
   
9. When I want to hurry and become impatient, I slow myself down, breathe, remain here and support myself to firstly be a stable point, and then only act towards making this world a better place.

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2011 - Valentin travelling to Desteni farm in South Africa report

The 10. February 2011 when I was to departure to Desteni farm in South Africa was getting closer and closer. The night before I had the third speech about Desteni at some youth club at Škofja Loka. I was invited so speak there by some guy who runs the web site www.ujet.si (Ujet si = You are trapped) and exposes the information about secret world elite and how we are all manipulated, controlled and enslaved. Due to four month of event advertising from his side and also me creating the FaceBook event and inviting all of my friends who live in Slovenia, I expected at least 20 people to come. My speech would also be recorded with video camera and put on the Ujet.si web site for others to watch. But half an hour after my speech was to begin, there was still no one in the room besides me and the guy from Ujet.si who prepared the camera. Thus I decided to perform the Desteni introduction speech especially for the camera, so at least many people would be able to hear it later on the internet. The guy shared his experience that young people are not interested in listening this kind of stuff and that people would come only if we would offer a beer for 1 euro. So indeed, as Bernard predicted, only people about age of 30, who extensively experienced the inequality of current money system, would care to stand for a change. Thus in the future I will not push any more speeches but focus on blogging and vlogging and attracting attention by me being the example of the change.

The next morning I started to pack for the trip. The day before I also bought some photography accessories that I planned to use, like the light bouncer and very robust tripod and the stand head, suitable for smooth moving and panning to be able to shoot high quality video. I packed it, together with clothes and personal accessories in a very large travelling case. And I packed the laptop computer and the camera body, lenses, flash and other small camera equipment into the camera backpack. I dressed in long light trousers, cotton pullover, high waterproof leather shoes, and a soft warm jacket. I asked my father to give me a lift with his car to the airport. So about one hour before the flight departure, we went on the road and we also stopped at the bank where I raised some money, since they did not manage to provide me with the new credit card on time. My father then left me on the airport and I headed for the baggage checkpoint.

This was to be my second experience of travelling with the airplane. The first one I had was about 20 years ago, when I travelled with my classmates to Monte Negro at the end of elementary school. And we only flew one way and returned via ship and bus. Now the first thing I wandered about was, how heavy was my big case. The limit was 20 kilograms and they weighted mine to be 30 kilos, so 10 kilos over weight. I had to decide whether to leave some objects here or to pay for the extra weight that was 20 euros per kilo. The money I already paid for the ticket to South Africa and back was around 1200 euros. Since I had enough money and I packed only the most necessary equipment, I decided to pay 200 euros extra, which was not really much, considering the length of the flight.

Then I continued to the traveller’s checkpoint where I had to put the computer out of my backpack, and put the backpack, purse and the jacket in the big plastic trays. They were then transported through some kind of x-ray machine in order to be checked for explosive or some other forbidden objects. And myself I had to go through the doorframe, which was some kind of metal detector. It beeped, and then I had to put each of my foot onto some additional scanning device. All went well, so I picked my stuff and continued for the waiting area. I ordered a muffin and a glass of water and made the first photos of my travelling adventure. I checked at information if there was some restriction at shooting photos at airports, since I did not want to become a suspected terrorist, but they said that it was completely fine. Soon the clock was 17:00 and the exit gates opened. I was to show my airplane ticket and passport to the person at the gate and then I went on the airport bus that waited outside. When all of travellers entered the bus, it took us to the relative small airplane of our Adria Airways airline. I firstly was not aware that we had already assigned seats, so I mistakenly seated down at the empty chair of the first class at the front. But then the stewardess asked me to show her the ticket and instructed me, to move behind in the economy class, where the seat in the middle of the airplane's length, on the left side next to the window was waiting for me. The stewardess put my backpack in the shelves above our heads and closed the doors.

We were then all shown how to use the safety belts, the oxygen masks and life saving suits in the case of the air pressure falling down or landing in the water. Since my seat was just next to the emergency exit, I was also explained how to open it in case of emergency. The stewardess checked if we all had safety belts fastened and we were ready for the flight. The jet positioned itself to the runway and started to accelerate. In couple of seconds we became airborne. We needed to stay on our seats until we would reach the cruising altitude. The sun was going down and it was nice view over the numerous high alpine mountains. Just a few minutes after we reached the final altitude, the stewardesses started to offer us a sandwich and a drink. We were able to pick ham or cheese sandwich and between different sorts of soft drinks, tea and coffee. I choose ham sandwich and orange juice. The ride for the Frankfurt airport in Germany was to take about one hour and a half. It became already very dark when we were to prepare ourselves for the landing. And we were cruising for quite some time after we needed to fasten our seat belts again. I don't know if it was usual to be prepared so soon, or the pilot had to wait for the runway to become available for landing. Finally we started to lower the altitude and we successfully landed.

The Frankfurt airport was very big, at least hundred times bigger than Ljubljana airport. The first thing I wanted to find out was if I needed to pick my big case somewhere, or if it will be automatically transported to the next airplane. I went to information and found out that my luggage would be transported automatically. Then I went to search my gate for departure to African continent. At information office they told me that I would have to go down the hall for about 1,5 kilometer. Yes, so big was the Frankfurt airport. But I had enough time, since the departure was scheduled at about 22:00 hours, so I had about three hour of time. I had to go through three checkpoints where the police firstly checked my passport, then someone checked my passport and the airplane ticket, and then they checked my backpack and scanned my body again. But this time the security procedure was much more detailed. Some guy detailed scanned my body with handhold scanner and touched every centimeter of my body. Since his sensor beeped when it would approach my shoes, I had to take them off and he took it somewhere for additional control. Uh, how my shoes become wet and smelly.

I successfully passed the safety control and continued to the waiting area. I ordered sandwich and a fruit tea, sat down and ate. Then I wanted to check my mail and write a blog, but there was no open and free Wi-Fi signal like at Ljubljana airport. There was option to buy the HotSpot credit for certain period of time, but I would need a credit card. I noticed there was also a computer terminal for public use. It had a metal keyboard and metal trackball. The cost of use was 20 cents per minute. I wanted just to update my FaceBook status, so I inserted 20 cents to see how far would I get. But since the trackball was so hard to move, and FaceBook asked me for some additional safety questions since I tried to login from unusual place, the time was not sufficient for me even to complete the FaceBook login procedure. So I had to feed the machine with additional 2 euros and then I had just enough time to write a few lines, so that my father and everyone else could know that I am fine. Since my shoes were very hot, I took them off in order to dry. I then took a nap for an hour, lying down across three seats, with my backpack under my head.

Slowly the waiting room started to become more and more filled with people. Half an hour before the scheduled departure I put on my shoes and approached the gates to check what was going on. They started to call some passengers by their names, since they had a reservation in the first class and privilege to be served before others. Then the four automatic gates for the rest of us opened. I approached the bar code scanning machine and pressed my ticked towards device, but it did not let me through. Some women called me to go to the computer and she had to enter the information from my passport and the ticket into computer and print for me a different kind of ticket. I was then able to pass the gates and enter the airplane. The machine was the biggest passenger airplane in the world, owned by the Lufthansa flight company, and had two passenger decks besides a lot of storage space. My seat was in the upper deck, almost at the tail and four seats away from the window, so I was not able to take many photos through the window during the flight. But every seat had a monitor and you could choose see the live video from one of three cameras, positioned above the airplane, aside the wing, or from above the tail. I preferred to observe the view from above the tail, since you could see almost all of the airplane body and the scenery bellow.

The flight start was delayed for couple of minutes, since the loading device got blocked and the maintenance workers had to fix it. This time the safety instructions were given via screens in our seats. Then the machine slowly taxied to the runway. And after some moments of acceleration, I was airborne again. The monitors provided also the option to watch the virtual landscape and flight information, similar to Google Earth. You could check the speed, altitude, time remaining to destination, and the globe map with the planned route and finished flight route. You could also pick to watch one of several movies from different genres. The stewards provided each of us with the blanket and headphones, packed in the transparent plastic bags, so it were probably freshly washed and sterilized. Shortly after we were offered a drink and a snack, also the warm dinner was served. I got the salad, bread, beefsteak with rice and beans and a cake. While eating, I started to watch The Social Network movie about the creators of FaceBook. Then I decided to get some sleep. It was so cold on the airplane that I had to button myself up completely, use the provided blanket and even put the warm cap on my head. The seats were quite hard, not very much place for legs, and just with little tilt available. So I had to change my position occasionally in order not to suffer too much pain on my buttocks.

The flight from Frankfurt to Johannesburg was to take about 10 hours. I woke about two hours before the landing, had some juice and then started to watch the R.E.D. action movie. Soon they also started to serve the warm breakfast. It was some bread, fruit spread, cheese, and omelets and a drink of course. At that time the sun already started to shine, but most of passengers still had their windows closed. When we approached the airport, all the windows opened and the bright sun light flushed the room. I also went to toilet in the morning. It was tight, but very nice, everything made from plastic, to reduce the weight I guess. The landing was perfect and we reduced the speed very fast since the runway was much shorter than in Frankfurt.

When we entered the Johannesburg airport, the uplifting African music played on the speakers in the hall and big posters welcomed us. This airport was also very big, I would say the half the size of Frankfurt airport. This time I had to pick my big case from the baggage carousel and transport it to another baggage checkpoint. When I headed to the exit gate, one portiere approached and asked where I am going. I showed him my ticket, he grabbed my big case and told me to follow him. This surprised me, since I did not know if it was his duty to assist me. I was grateful that he showed me the correct way to the second floor where and we were going very fast. I asked him if he expects any tip for his service and he said that he is not employed at the airport and that he expects a big tip. I gave him 10 euros, but he wanted me to give him 20. I insisted that this would be quite enough, especially since I did not asked for his services and I had enough time to find the necessary points by myself.

I then continued for the passenger checkpoint. For the third time I had to have my bags and body inspected and this time it went very quick. When I got to the departure gates I still had three hours left until start of my next flight. I checked for the Wi-Fi internet signal and again there were some, but all locked. I wanted to buy myself something to eat end drink and I asked where the exchange office was. They told me that I needed to go all the way back through the passenger checkpoint and down two floors, almost exactly where the portieres were. So if the portiere would not take my attention, I would probably notice the exchange service and would not need to go all the way back. There were three different exchange offices and I checked for their exchange rates. It seemed to be all about the same, so I picked one with the shortest queue. The exchange rate was about 10 rand for 1 euros and I exchanged 200 euros just in case.

On the way back I notices some area called lounge, like a self-service café with very cozy seats. I asked the women at reception what this place was about and she explained that if I pay 150 rand, I was able to use the facility, including unlimited food, wireless internet and also the showers. That seemed to me very cool offer, so I took it. Firstly I took a shower and also washed my socks, and dried the socks and shoes with the fan and then also refreshed the shoes with the deodorant spray from the toilet. Then I went to the foods and filled the plate with mini sandwiches and cupcakes, and for drink a picked the orange juice. After I filled my stomach, I connected to internet, updated my FaceBook status and did some other stuff. The connection was not very fast though. Half an hour before the departure time I went to the exit gates. At 17:00 SA time all the passengers were ready, but we had to wait a bit longer for the airport bus. We did not have to wait very long, and I found myself again on the airplane. It was a small one, similar to the first one, and the flight to Pietermaritzburg took only 1 hour. For the snack, we were offered a soft drink and a bag of potato chips.

The Pietermaritzburg airport was very small, I would say one fourth of Ljubljana airport or a little bigger than the size of our Lesce airport. Andrea awaited me there with her big white Jeep car and transported me to Desteni farm. The feeling and smell here is just like in our country in the area near the sea in the middle of the summer. The soil is red, a lot of forests, some rivers and lakes, but very hot and dry. Bernard was the first one who greeted me and firstly I did not even know that he was the one, since I pictured him very differently. After I settled in my room, I was introduced to other people on the farm and then also to the dogs. Beside myself there is also some other guy here from Amsterdam who came for a period of three weeks. In the evening I had a chat with Bernard and we spoke about some points. They offered me a meal and then I went to bed. I took a long sleep to rest from the travel. I will report more about my adventures on Desteni farm in my next blogs.
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