Day 120: Undecided due to unknown future

Several days ago I decided to start a new online project that I expect to become an additional source of income since I would be offering services that anyone can order online from anywhere in the world and I would also deliver the final product electronically. But then I started to wonder if it would be wise to create another project since that would divide my attention ever further. Also there is some competition in the targeted field and I am not sure if it would be worth the effort.

Recently I decided to move to another apartment and I picked preferred region, however moving would again mean a lot of stress and costs. I want to sell the stock of my goods that were left from the online store and I organized an auction but no from the companies that I invited to participate bided yet. So I plan to call them on monday and urge them. Basically I will have to come up with some money in order to organize the move and also to pay some bills.

But what possessed me lately was the urge to find some compatible life partner. So I reengaged in online social and dating sites and started to connect with some people. It would be cool if I would find soon some partner which I could collaborate on the projects with and I already have one date in couple of days. There sure is a possibility that I would connect with someone very quick and maybe also move to her apartment or move together to some new location. So I am opened for any opportunity and am not fixed on moving to any particular location.

Since anything can happen in next several days I am also procrastinating with developing the new project and searching appropriate new place to move to. Also I am waiting for the confirmation of the new legal entity that I filed documents for one week ago. When the papers will be received, I would be able to move very fast in direction of developing current projects. And almost any day I also connect with a new potential business partner globally so the opportunities and potentials are wast.

All this makes me hard to decide which point to prioritize and in which direction to move. I slip into state of mind where I just want to fast forward the time and research the new potentials. However since I can not speed up time, I make myself busy by surfing the web, watching movies, hiking and other stuff. I am aware that I could use the time to do all sorts of useful things, but I am so restless inside that I want to distract myself and just kill the time.

I feel confident that everything will turn out just right and that whatever will happen could be turned around somehow and make something that would enable me to move on towards my goals. I do not allow myself to experience fear or anxiety. I know that I will be able to make it regardless of what will happen. I have always had a lot of ideas and I made good use of them. I know that even if I loose everything, I can simply connect with other people, share my concerns and desires and they will assist me. I have even made peace with the death already so basically nothing is able to frighten me.

Writing all this down, I see that I just needed to sort out my thought and that I am fully capable of moving myself towards my goals. After I finish this post, I will clean the kitchen and work on the new project. Writing really assists and it is cool that I have started to use this tool to support myself.

2012 Slowing down and taking self-responsibility

The prominent point in my life is being restless, inpatient, doing things in a hurry, walking and talking fast and signing documents with ineligible scribble. I see there is so much things to do in my limited life time, and there are also monthly expenses that I need to cover so I have to also do many things to earn money. I want to do many things, express myself, enjoy life but I constantly estimate if or how much certain activity will bring me money. Thus I want to fully make use of available time to do as many things possible.

I give impression to others that I am a calm, peaceful guy, however there is fire within me that burns and wants to move fast. It is these mind patterns, accepted and allowed believes of perfection that make me restless inside. I notice that when I observe things, read books, watch movies and talk to other people, many subtle instant energies of anger are produced inside me that I feel as irritation on my skin. I feel it even now when I am writing this. And this is certainly not something that I want to experience in the future.

Within my desire to help and assist other people in also becoming a more stable and responsible human beings, I have noticed, that I am sometimes not very successful due to my impatience. I want them to realize the point quick and I do not make enough effort to assist them in a proper way. I wonder if it is worth of investing my time in explaining or is it best to leave them alone in order to other life experiences to give them proper lessons. I am asking myself how extensive should my support be in order not to become too occupied with assisting people and thus running out of time for properly supporting myself.

I learned recently how importnat is to write, especially in handwriting since this helps in exposing your secret mind and facing all your thoughts that run in our minds fast, too fast for understanding what is their role in our lives. What is also important is to live here practically in this system which means being careful of how you handle money. Until now I was not following very much my money flow, meaning income and outcome. When I had money, I would spend it, when I would not have it, I would do something to earn it. My application was not very contant and I was occasionally surprised when I did not have enough money to cover my expenses.

Next time I talk to people, I listen to them as one and equal and do not allow any emotions of anger. I note carefully every single income and outcome in my personal and professional life so am 100% on track about how money flows in and out. When I notice some energetic reaction within me, I stop, breathe and forgive all the points of polarity with writing or speaking our self-forgiveness out loud.