Day 109: Releasing the energy

I have now downloaded all the free audios from Eqafe store and have been listening them for the last two days during my walks in the forest and driving around the city. Audios assisted me in realizing the source and nature of the energy and how it sucks life out of the physical until it destroys it completely. Thus I am now more careful about any energetic movement in my body and stop the energy by breathing until it dissipates.

I also went back through my memories of sex and masturbation experiences and realized how the experience of mind orgasm always influenced my physical body. During movement of my penis, I would feel the connection of the points on my penis with my legs. I felt how the tension in my legs would accumulate simultaneously with the accumulation of the sexual energy in my genitals and at the time of orgasm, legs tension would completely paralyze me. Also after orgasm I would feel exhausted and my mind would possess me even more, rendering me incapable of self-movement.

Years ago I started to notice, how lower part of legs would be cold, but I did not pay much attention to it. I concluded this to be normal and I also connected this with me sitting all the time since I have been working extensively with computers from mornings to evenings. Now I can also make strong connection with the activities of the mind, especially with the sex system. Orgasm extracted the energy out of my legs and now they have become very cold. I went once to the Chinese medicine specialist and was very surprised how cold they were and they also sweat a lot during the summer.

So good bye energy and welcome life. I commit myself to release the mind and birth myself from the physical. When I see my mind move or experience andy energetic movements, I focus an breathing until I am again here in the physical and all the energy is gone. I move my body and experiment with all kinds of expressions through movement. Maybe I will build also a special experimental ground in the woods somewhere where physical movement could be expressed in its fullest.

Life After GIN reply

This is a publicly published copy of my reply to forwarded e-mail announcement that FTC is about to arrest Kevin Trudeau and that also GIN club that I am member of will consequently cease:

Dear fellow Destonians,

after reading all the linked legal papers of the FTC, listening to all the audio recordings of past lectures that Dr. Leonard Coldwell had for the GIN members that are available for the GIN Level 1 members, reading Kevin Trudeau's books "Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About" and "The Weight Loss Cure They Don't Want You to Know About" and many of articles an the web, accusing Kevin Trudeau of different illegal actions and frauds, meeting and listening Kevin Trudeau live in Germany last year and in Chicago and Nice this year, and going through all the GIN affiliate training material, a can conclude that:

1. Kevin Trudeau has been raised in a very poor family, some times not having enough even to buy the food and that fired up Kevin to create for him a life where he will not have to suffer and live in scarcity anymore. As a child he was diagnosed with learning disabilities and suggested to select mathematics as profession or some other job, like forester, since he was suppose to have no ability to communicate and work with other people. He proved them wrong by overcoming his deficits and becoming a very successful salesman and communicator. In certain period his passion for making money drove him over the edge and he spent almost 2 years in prison. However he learned the lesson and that made him a better person. He started to pick the occupations where he would be able to develop himself but also to benefit the society as much as possible. This is why he joined the American Mega Memory Institute and later worked as the most effective salesman of the homeopathic remedies in an MLM company. After becoming very wealthy, he started to diversify his business and that created even more wealth for him. However now Kevin has realized that we are all in this together and that none are free until all are free. And GIN is the manifestation of this realization.

2. The Global Information Network was created with intention to make this world a better place for all by creating a global community of responsible people who would represent an opposing force, big enough to stop the corrupt elite that wants to enslave all the mankind purely for their self-interest. GIN provides almost identical support system that elite secret societies had for their members, however with much lower entry requirements and thus enabling almost anyone to join. However the club is not for everyone; the full age, understanding of English language and sufficient financial success is required in order to become member. However every member can engage in optional MLM affiliate program and earn at least the initiation fee and monthly membership dues back. For me, over 10.000 hours of audios, videos and books on how to become emotionally stable, build a harmonious relationships, become a responsible businessman, cure yourself of every disease, time and money management principles and all the networking and friendship creating opportunities are more than worth of membership dues. However some pople had unrealistic expectations, left the club and became GIN hate speakers. And we all have experienced how and why this things happen.

3. Dr. Leonard Coldwell has its own health clinic in Germany and is treating cancer patients with virtual 100% success in comparison with conventional medicine with only 3% of success. What fired him up was the case where doctors almost killed his mother that had cancer with radiation and chemotherapy thus he decided to take situation in his hands. Dr. C as he is also called, was until recent a very respectful speaker in GIN and he was payed a high speaking fees. However he is not any more a GIN speaker nor member or affiliate and a have suspected that it would come to this point some day. This is because I have heard some audio recordings of Dr. C in the GIN online library where he admits having agreement with GIN for not advertising his own products directly in his speeches for the GIN members, however he deliberately broke that agreement. From how I perceive him, he is very high tempered and wants to push things his own way thus this renders him incapable of collaborating in GIN as a group and respecting agreements.

4. Federal Trade Comission or FTC as well as Food and Drug Administration or FDA have been exposed in Kevin's books as puppets in the hands of large corporations and are utmost corrupt. Basically all legal system is tailored to fit the profit interests of big business, especially big pharma and food producing multinational corporations. They are systemically destroying the legal system and small businesses and dumbing down and enslaving the nations. It is a big challenge to find an effective way about how to stop or even reverse this process. One approach is Desteni and the other is Global Information Network. Both have upsides and downside, both fit differed kid of people and both have challenges, but both have the same goal or starting point. Kevin has in his late GIN audio explained that he is aware of the legal and also illegal attempts to disable him, since he is a very influential whistle blower on government corruption, however he is convinced that the GIN global movement will continue also without him, since the truth eventually prevails every single time.

So we are all in this together, we pick the ways that best suits our needs for the lessons in order to gain as much realization and became effective in living here with all our needs covered. Basically all of us need to become a responsible co-creator in this world with full awareness of the consequences of our every single action on all the creation. Personally I fully support and advertise Desteni agenda of world equality and Equal Money System, however I am temporary focused on GIN in order to get the complete picture about what it is about and what one can benefit from it. Transformation of self and global system is definitely necessary in order for all to be able to live here as one and equals with all the needs covered and full self-expression protected. Collaboration of us all is required in order to achieve this goal as soon as possible. This is possible only with taking self-responsibility for all our thoughts and emotions and effectively directing ourselves based on the principle of what is best for all.

Valentin Rozman

PS: Since GIN is creation of 30 people, Kevin being just one of tem, selected to be a frontman of the GIN, he himself expects that GIN will continue existing also if something happens to him. A lot of effort was made in many years of preparation and computer simulation prior to GIN launch in order to make sure that GIN will be a stable club and totally aligned with the legal system in every country in the world. Every organization can collapse any time, and it is up to every member to act as a glue and hold the organization firm and strong or spread speculations and thus create fear that will lead so separation and destruction. It is our thoughts and action that create the future.

PS2: I just listened to the GIN Member Weekly Audio where Kevin explained that since the court does not want to consider any objection from his side regarding his court case anymore, he decided to pay fine of 33 million dollars thus there is no reason for him being arrested. The club by his words stands firm and will continue to develop as planned.
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2012 Slowing down and taking self-responsibility

The prominent point in my life is being restless, inpatient, doing things in a hurry, walking and talking fast and signing documents with ineligible scribble. I see there is so much things to do in my limited life time, and there are also monthly expenses that I need to cover so I have to also do many things to earn money. I want to do many things, express myself, enjoy life but I constantly estimate if or how much certain activity will bring me money. Thus I want to fully make use of available time to do as many things possible.

I give impression to others that I am a calm, peaceful guy, however there is fire within me that burns and wants to move fast. It is these mind patterns, accepted and allowed believes of perfection that make me restless inside. I notice that when I observe things, read books, watch movies and talk to other people, many subtle instant energies of anger are produced inside me that I feel as irritation on my skin. I feel it even now when I am writing this. And this is certainly not something that I want to experience in the future.

Within my desire to help and assist other people in also becoming a more stable and responsible human beings, I have noticed, that I am sometimes not very successful due to my impatience. I want them to realize the point quick and I do not make enough effort to assist them in a proper way. I wonder if it is worth of investing my time in explaining or is it best to leave them alone in order to other life experiences to give them proper lessons. I am asking myself how extensive should my support be in order not to become too occupied with assisting people and thus running out of time for properly supporting myself.

I learned recently how importnat is to write, especially in handwriting since this helps in exposing your secret mind and facing all your thoughts that run in our minds fast, too fast for understanding what is their role in our lives. What is also important is to live here practically in this system which means being careful of how you handle money. Until now I was not following very much my money flow, meaning income and outcome. When I had money, I would spend it, when I would not have it, I would do something to earn it. My application was not very contant and I was occasionally surprised when I did not have enough money to cover my expenses.

Next time I talk to people, I listen to them as one and equal and do not allow any emotions of anger. I note carefully every single income and outcome in my personal and professional life so am 100% on track about how money flows in and out. When I notice some energetic reaction within me, I stop, breathe and forgive all the points of polarity with writing or speaking our self-forgiveness out loud.

2012 Recent experiences of extreme pain in regards to my father and borrowed money

A week ago I also went to visit my father in order to talk about the money that I lent him about a year ago. Hi promised that he will return it to me by the end of past year which did not happened. In January this year I asked him how come that he let me down and where the money went to. He answered that he needed the money in order to buy the material for his handicraft business in order to prepare for this year's tourist season. He is already retired, but still active in mediaeval reenactment and history of print.

I was not fun of hearing that he invested my money is his own business instead of returning me the money as he promised in order for me to support development of my own business. So a week ago I visited him again with intention to check out the current financial status. He said that he expects to return all my money by the end of August this year, which I found unacceptable. I need money now and I have already started to sell my video and photography equipment in order to get the money.

I learned that basically everyone owns a lot of staff that it can be sold and thus converted to cash, and I also decided to sell some stuff that I do not need at this moment in order to cover my monthly expenses. My father own a wan, a motorhome, an apartment, a workshop and many of machines, devices, computers, old books and many more things. So I explained him that from what I see he could easily sell some stuff and get the money, so the excuses that he can not return my money is not real.

In fact I explained him that since he did not return my money, I had to sell my almost new video and photo equipment for at least with 30% of discount, thus I am loosing money since he does not return money that I lent him. I started to blame him for my money loss which in a way is true. However there is also many things that I could done different in order to protect my interest. I simply trusted him that he will return the money so we did not put it in writing and agreed about the details of what would be the consequences of he not returning me the money.

The next day something happened that I then defined to be as manifested consequence of the backchat in regards to this point. In the morning when I got out of my bed, I experienced I slight pain in my back. I had an appointment that day with some potential business partner, but the pain was not strong enough for me cancel the appointment. So I packed my heavy bag with the products samples and drove half un hour away to the house of that person. We sat down in her dining room and started a conversation. After about an hour of sitting, I got up and it that moment I experience immense pain in my back.

The pain was so strong that I could hardly breathe and I would rather die in that moment. It manifested not in the middle of vertical line in my back, but a few centimeters to my right, stretching about three decimeters from the level of my shoulder blade. I asked the person that I have been visiting to assist me with massage which she did. Then I asked her if I may lay down on her bed and she allowed. But it took half un hour for me to managed to lie down on the bed since initial attempts failed due to immense pain when trying to change the posture of my body. But finally I managed to lie down on my belly and rested.

After few hours of lying and being assisted with hot-water bottle on the pain area and additional massages, the pain decreased to the level where I would be able to stand up and go back home. Now, after one week I still feel a slight pain in that area so it diminishes very slowly. It was unusual experience, not the back pain that I experienced in the past, but as the vertical muscle at right side of my spine would be in cramp. I am not completely sure if the pain is connected to the point in regards to my father and money but this could explain the reason.

And yesterday another pain appeared in a very unusual place. In the evening I started to experience a pain on the inner side of my left left leg, a few centimeters above the ankle. At that time I had new pair of socks on and when I pulled the socks down, I noticed the dent on my skin around my leg from the elastic top of the socks. I started to wonder if the socks pressure was to strong and thus resulted in the swelling, but I am not sure. There was no visible change on the surface of the skin, but the area in size of an apple hurt if I would press it with my fingers.

I don't remember hitting my leg in that area that day and I see no great possibility for something to sting me in that spot so the cause for the pain still buffles me a lot. Today the area is still swollen and the minor portion of the skin is red. Could I have hit myself somehow and then forget this event? Strange things happen and make me wonder what to do in order to avoid any further pain and how to walk the process of self-realization in order be as effective as possible. I have a limited time and it is hard for me which way to move and how much time to invest in any activity in order to support myself financially and to be successful in terms of walking my process.

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the feeling of anger and resentment towards my father for not returning my money instead of having the conversation based on facts and current situation and directing the point toward solution that would be best for both parties without allowing myself to create any energetic reaction.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to simply trust any person that everything that will turn out just fine, creating just a basic verbal agreement and thus allowing the possibility of misunderstanding and forgetting points, instead of taking time to specify all the details of agreement and putting in in writing so both parties have clear overview of what is expected and what will be the consequences if the agreement is not fulfilled.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to blame my father for causing the loss of my money since I decided to sold my video and photo equipment for much lesser price that I purchased it recently, instead of realizing that the decision of selling the equipment is solely my responsibility and has nothing to do with anyone else.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself not to properly record and manage the money incomes and outcomes in my personal life, not knowing knowing how much money I have and thus spending more than I can afford, instead of making sure that this point is clear so I can better plan my investments and ensure that I will not go into debt.

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2012 Urgency for slowing myself down

I experience myself overwhelmed with assignments in my life lately. The quantity of information to handle became so large, that I lost track of what to do. I got involved in too much projects that require my attention so I will have to do something to be able to handle everything. I talked about that with some of my friends today that gave me some very supportive suggestions. I will need to get grip of my life, become more disciplined and direct myself more effective.

When I look back at where I picked my current behavior patterns that make me to hurry constantly, I see that I picked this up in our family business where my role was to create graphic designs with computer and I was pushed by my father to work faster and faster on daily basis. In time new computers came and I was able to work even faster but even that was not fast enough. I have been bullied by my father and brother that I work to slow, that I needed to press those keys quicker and move the mouse swifter. And even though the fastest person that would come for test work would work by only half of my speed, I would still be perceived as working to slow. Thus I allowed myself to be pushed due to fear that I would not be liked if I work any slower.

The next related point is that when I would have to write something, I would use computer in order to create text faster and that the file could be searched for on the computer. I hardly wrote anything by hand in past 20 years except of my signature that is also a very ineligible sign. I observed some calligraphers and admired their ability for gorgeous scripts however at the same time I would thought how incredible waste of time this is and how this time could be used to do something much more productive. Thus my mind was and still is very restless due to constant estimation how thing could be done faster, quicker, swifter, more effective and productive, by investing as much time and creating as large quantity of products as possible.

Similar point is wanting to finish some job from start to finish as quicker as possible and then enjoying my free time to the fullest. So for example if someone would assign me some project, I would immediately put myself into action and I would work almost without break until I would finish this project and release it to the customer. And right after that I would stop being active and engage in enjoyable activities like resting, watching TV, hiking in the woods or something until the next order would appear. So I would do any job that came to me but generally enjoyed a free time and wanted to be free, without any long term obligations.

Now recently I have been exposed to some behavior patterns that a very successful people do and it is all the way around like I have been doing things in my life. For example it is suggested to write all things down with a blue ink on white paper and use computers as little as possible. This is because when writing by hand brain is stimulated very differently like when typing and one can remember a lot more when writing with pen then when pressing the keyboard. This is in so great contrast with my current habits that experience a great resistance towards starting to write by hand regularly. However it seems that this is something that I will have to do in order to slow my mind down and be able handle all the information and plan all things in my life successfully.

There is also a habit recommended in regards to using e-mail and social networks. Usually I have been checking e-mails and FaceBook messages many time per day, so many times that I am not able to come with a figure. It could be 20 or even 50 times per day. My computer is constantly on, day and night and I have been basically spending time on the computer from morning to evening, unless I would go out shopping on attending some events and meetings. I would use computer for business, for private chats, for watching TV news and entertaining movies, so basically I can not imagine my life without a computer. It is like a window to outer world, to the whole world, where I am connected with everyone and everything. Without it I am like isolated and cut off from others.

However I learned that computers can not replace face to face chats, and personal meetings are very important for successful private life as for a successful business. I became aware of that especially when I started to work in direct sales, since only meetings in flesh are where most of business deals are made and this is a rule that would probably never be broken. Computers, internet and phones do make some information exchange much easier and faster, but the big money is still made only in the industries that use personal touch, like direct sales. This is because when talking to people face to face, the level of dedication, attention and intimacy in communication is so high that it can not be replaced by even most sophisticated technological interface.

So from constantly hurrying, running towards the future and using other people just to get money and then enjoying the good feelings, I will have to learn how to slow myself down, reduce use of the computer, start planning my life with extensive use of pen and paper, dedicate a lot of time for personal meetings with other people and then patiently follow up and follow through with everybody with my sincere interest in order to build a strong bond and connection with as many people as possible. It is time to stop living in my fast moving mind where things are impossible to manage and live here in the physical, treating everyone as one and equal. It will be a tuff job to break those patterns but this is the only way to get rid of the current problems in my life. So let's do it.
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2012 Aligning myself to be more successful in handling money

In the past few days I have been reviewing my current financial situation and it is not looking very well. It looks like I will be not able to pay my monthly rent on time and yesterday I had a conversation with my landlord in order to find out how she is dependent on my rent money. She gave me the opportunity to delay the payment for a couple of months if necessary. This situation is a bit embarrassing for me since I am used to keep all my promises and never owe anything to anyone. It is one of my perfectionistic behavior patterns that I execute in my daily life that I created due to my very demanding father.

I listened today a weekly audio from Global Information Network where Kevin Trudeau was emphasized how keeping a strong focus is a key for success. He made several examples about how some people do not keep focus long enough consistently in order to produce desired results but grab any new opportunity that comes along, thinking that it is best to be involved in several business opportunities at once. But since every business takes time and money investment for several months or years before the money starts coming back, it is not possible for any business to succeed without a proper focus.

While listening to this audio I asked myself if my current situation is also a result of not enough focus? And yes, I am able to see how in past years I have been jumping from one business and opportunity to another. However some businesses also fall apart due to rigidity and inability to adjust to new market situation. So the question is now were my decisions the result of inability to keep focus or was I simply adjusting myself to the new experiences. I could say that every decision I made was the result of my understanding, past experience, accumulated knowledge and perspective at that time. And each individual is constantly evolving and expanding itself do to many new daily experiences.

I definitely accumulated a lot professional knowledge that made me successful in my line of business but I am lacking of some business skills that make me not very successful in regards to handling money. I must have copied this behavior pattern from my father who also did not keep any detailed records about his money flow, as far as I know. It was my mother who handled the financials of our family business and she often complained to me, how my father was careless about money and how she prevented him for several times in order not to loose a lot o money by his decisions. Since my mother died several years ago, his behavior patterns resulted in me landing him my money and now he is not able to return it by the date as he promised. So this also contributed in me currently not having enough money for my expenses.

Knowing how to handle money is a very important skill in everyone's life, but we are not taught that in schools, except if you studied any business or accounting school. It do not find very fun tracking all my expenses and I have been in the past able to earn enough money without tracking every cent I spent or earned. I was under influence of believe that money will keep coming automatically by simply doing what I like and do best and my business will always generate enough income for all my expenses. It seems that this kind of approach does not work very well for me anymore and I will have to change it. So I will be keeping now detailed track of all my business and personal financials in order to avoid getting in debt again.

I was tempted by believe that money is not important and that we need to get rid of money since money is evil and couse of all problems in the world. Some people who allowed and accepted this believe soon lost all their money and now they are struggling to survive. Until we implement an Equal Money System that will guarantee a dignified life for all living beings on this planet, one still needs to be functional in current money system and take care for itself properly. I am definitely also tired od having to compete with others to sell some products and services to others in order to earn money. I do not want to be constantly careful if activities that I do are lucrative enough. I want to enjoy life, to live in environment that takes care for my basic needs so I can express myself fully. But this is not possible currently and we will have to change the current system in order to remove the fear of survival.
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