Day 111: The time is now

Has it really been already 3 days since I wrote my last blog post? Time moves fast! So much to do and such a short day. But I could do it more. I plan each day but plans then change. Some people change their minds, something else comes up, the weather goes bad, there are accidents. And so each day passes with me asking myself what I could do different? How could I make better use of daily potentials?

A good friend today reminded me: There is no one except us. We are the one. We have the possibility to do everything, to do anything. So I think big, make great plans, but they need to be executed step by step, breath by breath. All this brings great responsibility, but also many potentials. Awareness that one can create whatever it imagines and beyond.

Being master of yourself, a self-directive principle, boss of your every single move, this is a big challenge. In a way I wish there to be some others who would make a decisions and then just tell me what to do, however that would also diminish me, make me a slave. I picked the hard way noe, the narrow path, however I can go wherever I want. I am free now, but also responsible for everything I do.

No more excuses are possible, no more blame, no more anger, no more envy. Enemies from outsides have disappeared. Now the only enemy that is left is inside. The mind, the energy, the force that pulls me down, that makes me feel heavy and tired. I could fight it with lighter, brighter positive energy, however this would not be permanent solution. A polarity of positive and negative, of ups and downs is no way to live life. This is no solution.

Thus one can face it only one bite at a time, becoming aware of it, breathing it deeply in and distributing it equally. Yes, this is the answer. Equality is the way. Doing what is best for all, not allowing any more energy to move me. Just moving yourself as the physical. Based on simple decision. Following ones own principle. The principle that is best for all. Braves are the one who pick this path. An agenda of Heaven on Earth. But it can be done.

It can be done if we stand up together. It can be done if we remove all fear and create ultimate trust. It can be done if we all collaborate towards one single goal. And if that goal is best for all, then it is also best for every individual. A simple plan, the only way to solve all the mess in this world once and for all. Fortunately we are now facing time where possibility of reaching this goals is greater than ever. Thanks to technology, we are able to connect, to see big picture, to become aware of what we have done.

There are no more excuses now. All have equal opportunity to understand, to see what are the consequences of our actions. Selfishness can not be tolerated anymore. We are all in this together. We all share the same existence and we all influence each other. There is no more place for the separation, for the illusion that mind has inflicted. We must not be blind anymore, but opened our eyes wide and face it all courageously. So let's do it while there is still time.

Day 72: Managing priorities

In the past several days I participated in the evening class and I would thus wake up late in the morning. I planned to spend couple of ours per day to integrate the information that we learned and I wondered when would be the best time to do this.

In the morning when I woke up I felt like there is more than enough time left in day that I could do also some other errands however then time went by so quickly that I was left with just an hour of time to practice knowledge integration. So from now on I will do my practice first time in the morning and then only do other errand if enough time is left.

Day 63: Settling into new apartment

I can not believe it. After boxes and boxes of stuff given away, I today still filled two large boxes of tuff that I will be giving away and I still have about 6 boxes of stock material in the previous apartment and the full bedroom and the full living room there. I moved from 100 square meter apartment to 30 square meters apartment so one third of the previous apartment. And I felt like previous apartment was not even half full of stuff. And I am also surprised about how much time I spend for moving. I imagined that couple of days will do but it is almost two weeks since the beginning of moving out.

I experience that everything I do takes much more time than in previous years. Everything moves so slow. The main problem is that I find it more difficult to earn money that in the past. I remember my perception about 5 years ago where I would have a feeling like I am not working at all, just having fun and spending much of my time for self-research, reading books and attending workshops. And money would simply come without any trouble. I had so much orders that I had to specialize. But then something changed and orders started to fall in numbers. Is this due to so called “financial crisis”, or is it something else?

Well previously my parents assisted me a lot financially. I just had to focus on my work and they would handle the business. They also helped me to get my own apartment so I had not a lot of fixed monthly costs. Thus I was able to work relatively little and earn a lot. They say “It is not how much you earn but how much you save that makes you rich”. And I see now this to be true. After selling my apartment I moved to big expensive apartment without effectively tracking my business finances. I imagined that it would be the same as before, especially since I moved to capital city where people have more money and are much more opened for business.

But unfortunately my expectations did not come true. It was an interesting bunch of circumstances that influenced the outcome. Firstly the study of psychology took much more time that I expected. Then the online store management did not turn out like I planned. Next the delivery of equipement for my photo studio took 7 instead of 1 month due to natural disasters in Japan and China. Also my ex girlfriend did not collaborate with me but decided for another high school and she also influenced me with her mind patterns of modest living without any big ambitions. And they say “You have attracted or created everything in your life” thus you must take self-responsibility for past events.

And so I do. Tomorrow I continue with sales activities of the stock from my online store, I have some other personal stuff for sale and I will use any opportunity to earn money. I could can do many things. From graphic design to photography, web design and development, even gardening. I remember how I in the beginning when I started my own business 13 years ago it was spring and I went around the neighborhood offering to trim bushes and trees. I am also able to do small home repairs and many more. I learn quickly and do my work in high quality. However wonder in to what level should I try different businesses and to what extent should I remain focused on the new direct sales business that I have been developing for the last 4 months? It would be strange if I would go tomorrow around my new neighborhood and offer to trim bushes and then visit them couple of weeks later in suit and tie trying to sell them some very different product. Or would they not mind at all? Well well see.

Day 11: Sleeping habits self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepting and allowed myself for information in regards sleeping that I read in the magazines, books and heard from other people to create my believes about how much sleep do I actually need.
   
   
   
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to check what time is it when I go to the bed and what time is it when I wake up and then calculate in my mind how many hours I have been sleeping and then creating a belief if I am rested enough or if I need to continue sleeping.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the digits on the watch and the clock hands to create my perception about time and how one day is sliced into hours and minutes and how I have to feel in regards to what time this measuring devices display instead of simply being here and moving myself in this moment.
   
   
4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to perceive each day as the same due to the the same amount of time displayed on the clock instead of focusing on my breath and observing my surrounding and working with what is here in this present moment.
   
   
5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to when I go to bed in the evening to observe the clock and then decide how much I still have time for fun time and watching movies instead of observing how my physical body feel and if it needs rest and if not rather read a supportive book to develop my potentials.
   
   
6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the nice feeling of softness and warmth in the bed in the morning to bring me in the state of procrastination instead of jumping up from the bed and looking forward to many new adventures that each day brings.

Day 8: My sleeping habits analysis continued

Post for Day 7 is in my Slovenian blog

Today was a day when I watched movies until 1 am and I went to sleep feeling great since I watched a very fun sweet 16 movie with a great life lesson. But at the same time I felt bad and guilty since I went to sleep so late. I set my alarm clock to wake up at 7 am, so just after 6 hours of sleep. But when it rang I started thinking that I have not received enough sleep so I pressed snooze a couple of times and was able to get out of bed not before 8 am.

It is funny how strong I believe that I need at least 7 hours of sleep. And this is simply due to mental perception and calculation. I read once that people who sleep 8 to 9 hours a day look better, age slower and look younger. And this is also why I want to sleep around 8 hours every night. I fell great when people ask about how old I am and I invite them to guess. Most people give me 10 years less that my real age and I give the contribution for this to my sleeping habits.

I don't know when and why I got this, but as long as I remember, I have some kind of vision that I will live about 130 years. And according to this vision, I also treat myself good, meaning that I care for my physical and emotion body, assure low level of stress, quality food and then of course quality sleeping time. I perceive sleeping as a very big contributor to my younger looks. I read that proper sleeping length has a very rejuvenating effect and I definitely want to apply it.

Then I have noticed, how the time system, the watches and clocks influence my daily activities extensively. I wish my life would be as simple as the life of animals, who do not have any time measuring instruments and can still live a full life. But people, we have invented devices that slice each day to hours, to minutes and to seconds. And 24 hours day and 365 days year system is nor perfect nor the only one in existence. Different countries measure time and days differently and it is only in near past where we began unifying time measuring systems.

I have researched other time measuring methods like Vedic and Mayan calendars and they are much more holistic and do not diminish the perception of cyclic cosmic events to such limited way as our 24/365 system that needs to leave out a whole day in every several years in order to realign. Measuring each day with the same clock has a great psychological effect. It creates a perception that each day is the same as the day before, while the Mayan calendar defines each day as very different, with different cosmic and planetary influences and is thus not to be treated equal.

My day is based on the visual perception the 12 hour clock image in my mind and perceive the movements of clock hands as climbing or descending. At 6 am the hand is at its lowest point and thus at 6 am want to stay in the bed. When clock hand starts its climb, I also get out of the bed. At noon I am full up and running. However at 3 pm the clock hand is in the middle of descend and I want to take a midday nap. At 6 pm the clock is again at its lowest and I prepare for fun activities. At 9 pm my mental activities diminish. However I do not want to go to bed yet. I want to experience the midnight hour since it is an important event of transition into a whole new day.

I wonder how would my life be if I would not have any clocks or watches, if I would not be able to know what time it is. Would I fell the same during the day? Definitely not. Currently I become tired basically because I see what time it is, then in my mind I immediately calculate how much time I have worked and conclude that I must be tired and I deserve the rest simply due to elapsed time that I calculated. This definitely is not the best way to live a life. I must figure out a different method of managing my life. I must not allow this to continue, for digits on the watch and hand of the clock to control my life to such extend. I will research alternatives in my next blog post.

2012 Urgency for slowing myself down

I experience myself overwhelmed with assignments in my life lately. The quantity of information to handle became so large, that I lost track of what to do. I got involved in too much projects that require my attention so I will have to do something to be able to handle everything. I talked about that with some of my friends today that gave me some very supportive suggestions. I will need to get grip of my life, become more disciplined and direct myself more effective.

When I look back at where I picked my current behavior patterns that make me to hurry constantly, I see that I picked this up in our family business where my role was to create graphic designs with computer and I was pushed by my father to work faster and faster on daily basis. In time new computers came and I was able to work even faster but even that was not fast enough. I have been bullied by my father and brother that I work to slow, that I needed to press those keys quicker and move the mouse swifter. And even though the fastest person that would come for test work would work by only half of my speed, I would still be perceived as working to slow. Thus I allowed myself to be pushed due to fear that I would not be liked if I work any slower.

The next related point is that when I would have to write something, I would use computer in order to create text faster and that the file could be searched for on the computer. I hardly wrote anything by hand in past 20 years except of my signature that is also a very ineligible sign. I observed some calligraphers and admired their ability for gorgeous scripts however at the same time I would thought how incredible waste of time this is and how this time could be used to do something much more productive. Thus my mind was and still is very restless due to constant estimation how thing could be done faster, quicker, swifter, more effective and productive, by investing as much time and creating as large quantity of products as possible.

Similar point is wanting to finish some job from start to finish as quicker as possible and then enjoying my free time to the fullest. So for example if someone would assign me some project, I would immediately put myself into action and I would work almost without break until I would finish this project and release it to the customer. And right after that I would stop being active and engage in enjoyable activities like resting, watching TV, hiking in the woods or something until the next order would appear. So I would do any job that came to me but generally enjoyed a free time and wanted to be free, without any long term obligations.

Now recently I have been exposed to some behavior patterns that a very successful people do and it is all the way around like I have been doing things in my life. For example it is suggested to write all things down with a blue ink on white paper and use computers as little as possible. This is because when writing by hand brain is stimulated very differently like when typing and one can remember a lot more when writing with pen then when pressing the keyboard. This is in so great contrast with my current habits that experience a great resistance towards starting to write by hand regularly. However it seems that this is something that I will have to do in order to slow my mind down and be able handle all the information and plan all things in my life successfully.

There is also a habit recommended in regards to using e-mail and social networks. Usually I have been checking e-mails and FaceBook messages many time per day, so many times that I am not able to come with a figure. It could be 20 or even 50 times per day. My computer is constantly on, day and night and I have been basically spending time on the computer from morning to evening, unless I would go out shopping on attending some events and meetings. I would use computer for business, for private chats, for watching TV news and entertaining movies, so basically I can not imagine my life without a computer. It is like a window to outer world, to the whole world, where I am connected with everyone and everything. Without it I am like isolated and cut off from others.

However I learned that computers can not replace face to face chats, and personal meetings are very important for successful private life as for a successful business. I became aware of that especially when I started to work in direct sales, since only meetings in flesh are where most of business deals are made and this is a rule that would probably never be broken. Computers, internet and phones do make some information exchange much easier and faster, but the big money is still made only in the industries that use personal touch, like direct sales. This is because when talking to people face to face, the level of dedication, attention and intimacy in communication is so high that it can not be replaced by even most sophisticated technological interface.

So from constantly hurrying, running towards the future and using other people just to get money and then enjoying the good feelings, I will have to learn how to slow myself down, reduce use of the computer, start planning my life with extensive use of pen and paper, dedicate a lot of time for personal meetings with other people and then patiently follow up and follow through with everybody with my sincere interest in order to build a strong bond and connection with as many people as possible. It is time to stop living in my fast moving mind where things are impossible to manage and live here in the physical, treating everyone as one and equal. It will be a tuff job to break those patterns but this is the only way to get rid of the current problems in my life. So let's do it.
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2011 - Running out of time for doing all the things that I plan

My experience at Desteni farm while I was staying there was that a day is very long, and I had a lot of time to do many things. Well in fact I was there on holidays, the internet was slow, and I focused on my process and resting. From beginning the days passed slowly, but towards the end, I had perception that days go bye very quickly. And there were a lot of people and animals and a large space to move around.

Now when I returned, I am back in the upper apartment at my father's house, rooms and surrounding area seems so small, I am alone and I have to make decisions, make plans and execute it all by myself. I have here a fast internet, new computer and software, and many things to do. And there is also father who wants me to do designs for his clients occasionally. I constantly do something, a day goes bye so quickly, but I have perception that I have done nothing, that I am not moving anywhere. These are some of many things that I can do:

Daily errands:
- checking and answering new Gmail messages
- checking and answering new FaceBook messages
- checking new Twitter feeds and interesting links
- checking Desteni Slovenia open forum
- checking Desteni open forum
- checking Desteni subscription forum
- checking Desteni private forum
- checking Desteni money forum
- checking Desteni DIP forum
- checking Desteni demons forum
- checking Desteni YouTube channels
- watching, liking, commenting and sharing new Desteni video
- liking Destonian blogs and vlog
- inviting 16 new people to follow my blog
- watching and commenting interesting Destonian blog and vlogs
- writing blogs
- writing backchats
- shooting vlogs
- doing Desteni I Process assignments
- preparing food, eating, washing dishes
- shaving, taking shower
- shitting, pissing
- responding to FaceBook chat request
- commenting on several FaceBook groups
- asking potential people for FaceBook friendship
- BREATHING

Occasional errands:
- participating at Desteni chats twice a week
- washing and ironing laundry once a week
- visiting grandmother once a week
- meeting with new people several times a week
- doing photo and design work for my father
- visiting fairs and lectures

Current errands:
- learning how to use new iMac hardware and OS
- learning how to use new Adobe Creative Suite software
- organizing things from moving into father's apartment
- searching for new apartment in Ljubljana
- informing myself how to best run business in Ljubljana
- translating Equal Money Book
- applying for psychology study
- doing extra White Light mind construct
- developing Desteni accessories business
- dating/searching for partner/agreement/wife
- considering establishing my own farm

Lately I gave priority to research new computer and software, especially video editing software, I like very much sharing new Desteni videos and communicating with my FaceBook friend and sharing relevant Desteni links, I make sure to do all my Desteni I Process assignments, I regularly follow Desteni Subscription forum and watch all unlisted videos, I also started to participate in private chats and do some blogs. But I am short of time for producing vlogs and participating on forums. I feel a bit confused and uncertain due to plan of moving to Ljubljana and starting business and additional study there. I have to decide where to move, to how large apartment, how much do I want to pay, will I be living there alone, or will I be able to find some partner to move in together. Every day I meet new people, additional potentials are created and I have to decide about everything all over again. I want to be as effective as possible, do my process, support others and also support myself financially. So if someone has I magic formula, how to slow down the time, please let me know.
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