Day 202: The point that I am walking

This post is in regards to feedback of my peers in one of the chat groups that I am part of. They have shared their perspectives about my sharing of my findings and found them as imposing and not aligned with the purpose of the group. I noted an explanation of how the context, position, and location of walking and sharing a point is a very tricky part. And how it is best to share a point only after one has walked it completely and has manifested results as the proof of the validity of the point is a solution that is best for all. I learned what points some are walking and that it takes many years, up to 14 or even more, to complete with a point. So it is best to walk a point privately and refrain from constant sharing of our discoveries and realizations in regards to that personal point to others until it becomes mature enough. That begs the question of what the point that I am actually walking in this life is?

The core experience in my current life can be explained with the events that happened as observed during a guided therapeutic regression into my previous life. I found myself in a female body that has been publicly executed by hanging in front of a mind-obsessed crowd. The reason why they found me as not worth living was their belief that I have become impure after one of the invading Viking has raped me. At that time I had a boyfriend who resented me for letting myself hanged while remaining silent. And the reason why I did not defend myself by speaking out was that I did not see any point in it. At the end of the regression session, I connected that the violent Viking that raped med has in my current life incarnated as my father and my formal boyfriend incarnated as my younger brother.

Using the vision of my previous life I was able to realize the relationships in my current life where I have actually been suppressed by my father in terms of having to do exactly what he demanded from me and not being allowed to speak back or I would experience the wrath of his anger. And I moved about of the house of my parents and left my younger brother behind without any previous notice to him while until then we had a pretty close relationship. I was basically unable to solve my situation by using words since I had a poor vocabulary and an extensive amount of accumulated fear. And at the same time, I perceived myself as someone with high intelligence and very advanced in terms of intellectual capabilities. So I concluded that if there is nothing wrong with me, there must be something wrong with all other humans in general.

Now I am realizing that while I was able to excel it was only in an environment where I used my mind and thinking process and computers or related digital technology. And whenever I was in an environment demanding to use the voice mechanism of my human physical body to communicate with other people I failed miserably. And since my father has been constantly pushing me to excel in things in order for him to be proud of me, I lacked to recognize that such an attitude is only effective in relation to him personally. So whenever I would apply the personality of excellence within relationships to others it would be perceived as superiority and met with envy or disimprovement. Thus I am slowly but surely discovering the actual points of limitation and separation and transforming them into what is best for me and others.

Another perspective on my relationship with my father is in terms of money. Even when I finished secondary school and got employed by my father I did not actually receive a salary and I was not taught anything about how money works. It was my father who went out and bought all the production equipment and material, he was the one who delivered the products to our clients, my mother would be the one who issued the invoices and my father would then manage all the money. If I wanted something for me personally or for our business I would have to go to my father and ask him to do the purchase. And he would then deliver the purchased items with great pride and good feels like it was his personal donation to me or to our company.

So the point that I am walking is foremost becoming vocal and speaking out without any fear of what others might think or say. Then it is speaking in a way where I do not perceive me as superior and thus try to diminish others but to speak to others as equal which means the development of compassion, empathy, active listening, asking questions, and telling stories. In that regard, I am also realizing how ineffective my vocabulary is so I am investing at least one hour per day to rebuild and expand my vocabulary, especially in the English language. Since I am living and working alone there is no much opportunity during a day to actually speak to anyone so I see the need to practice speaking more and I am looking for a way of developing this skill to a sufficient level.

In terms of money defined as the measure and store of intrinsic value, I am actually working on comprehending what I value of something is and how to measure it. And in terms of currency defined as a volatile circulated medium of exchange, I am actually surprised why humans would even use a form of money that is volatile instead of using a medium of exchange that has a stable value. So when combining values and words we come to agreements and legislations where I again wonder about the existence of the mechanisms that enable to enforce a unilateral (un)agreements while the legislation is at the same time defining such act as a punishable crime. So I am discovering tricks and traps of the court and comprehending their game in order be able to use the words to protect myself effectively against anyone that wants something from me against my will.

While I am also to a minor extent following the development of the new plasma technology and what is happening behind the scenes of the global politics, including the economic shutdown, I am according to my personal point focusing mostly on the core reason for humans to think, communicate and behave the way they do. Which boils done to words, their definitions, and energetic attachments. Because we can express ourselves with speaking and writing and comprehend reality only according to how large our vocabulary is, how good we know all the definitions of the words, and to what extent we have removed any positive or negative polarity from the word we know. When those foundations are perfected, one is able to defend itself against any written and spoken word and also defend the one that is not able to defend themselves. 

Some think that laws must be obeyed, regardless of what they say, yet there are effective ways of refusing to accept any law by using the same argumentations that laws argue their own existence and validity. Each of us is an equal creator and a word of someone cannot be more powerful than the word of anyone else. So each is responsible for what they accept within themselves and allow them to continue to exist and the only reason why someone would not do that is self-dishonesty and self-disempowerment. I learned that any fear is just an illusion and each time one is giving in to any kind of fear, they give their personal power to the illusion and thus make it stronger. This is also why I have decided to not wear the mask because I have done my research and realized that it does not protect me or others from viruses and diseases. Demands to wear masks are based on invalid fear and thus my point is also to walk without the mask at any time and bravely face all the fears that challenge me.

The advanced level of the language that I am studying for the same reasons is the Correct Quantum language that is currently being used with great effect by: Russel-Jay: Gould for the liberation of this world. Many things are happening behind the scenes where others are walking their points towards completeness and are are just now coming out to the public. Some think that what they do is ineffective because they do not show any proof for it, yet the reality is that many have abused what they showed so far and thus they have became more careful about what they show and what not. They are perfecting their point and placing protection mechanisms in order to prevent others to use it in a harmful ways. Many of them have also been under heavy attack, mockery and even assassination attempt. A lot of them died because they were not able to protect themselves successfully. So it takes a lot of courage, dedication, time, persistence and alertness in order for a powerful point to be fully developed and eventually delivered for the benefit for all.

When all these points will be fully developed and deployed, I see the world were written and spoken words will be allowed to used only to establish equal agreements based on what is best for all life, I see the abundance of any chemical elements and all kinds of energy, I see vast improvement of mental and physical human health with increased longevity, I see mutual collaboration to clean this planet from all pollutions, I see new ways of space travel and nourishment of the human body where transcend limitations of times, space and matter. I see expansion beyond most of people are currently able to imagine. And I plan to play a significant part in that process by expanding my inner world which will then result also in expansion of the outer world. I am expecting to face a lot of inner and outer resistances on many levels however these are challenges that I am looking forward to since overcoming them will fill me with deep satisfaction.

Suggested related Eqafe audios to listen:
Why your Weakest Points are your Greatest strength
Creating Purpose
Your Purpose in Process
Missing The Point of Ourselves
Why is the Mind so Seductive
The Nature of Process
Stand Your Ground
When Your Process gets Trolled

Day 169: A true origin of my sadness exposed

It has been around 20 years since I started the journey of self-discovery and over 8 years since I have been walking the process of self-perfection by writing blogs and recording vlogs. However, during this process, I have not felt the increase in my awareness in relation to what I have accepted and allowed to become. Meaning during the process I did look at the past events where I have abdicated my self-responsibility and committed to correct myself. However, I have until recently not felt such shame as I am feeling now. Also in past decades, I felt some sort of undefined sadness that has been noticeable from my facial expression in form of dark baggy eyes. Until recently I assumed that the sadness was about all the traumatic events that I have experienced in my past. However, I see now that what I am actually sad about is what I have allowed and accepted in my life. As far I can remember, I have defined myself as a good person that does not want to harm anybody and that all that happened to me had nothing to do with who I am. I claimed that I am an innocent victim and punished by life for no reason. Boy oh boy was I wrong!

I see my childhood as quite pleasant, with memories of just a couple of unpleasant events. Now the problem with the memories is how we tend to remember mostly bad things and disregard all the good stuff. And it was exactly the same with me. All the abundance, safety, and love that my parent provided I just took for granted. That is what made me turn into a spoiled brat. I understand that my over-protective environment played a role in that but boy it took a long time for me to understand how much spoiled I have become. I and my brother lived for many years in a safe family bubble where were provided by our father with the latest gadgetry. Computers and television then contributed for me to sink into an even more deceptive bubble of virtual reality where I have played god and attacked other from. All the images, especially porn, created layers of energetic addictions. Thus whenever I faced challenges, instead of facing and understanding them, I took refuge in the alternative worlds of emotional and orgasmic experiences. That took me in such separation of life that I am just slowly becoming aware of the real depth of my demise.

Now that I am experiencing some kind of quantum leap in my awareness, I am having a great challenge in deciding what to do. I do not want to be the self-centered spoiled kid anymore, however, I see that such tendencies are still a part of me and it will still take time for me to transform my behavior patterns and energetic addictions. I feel like a heavy train that has been driving towards the cliff with full speed. I have become aware of the cliff and have hit the brakes, however, it will take the train some time to stop completely due to inertia.

I see for example how a photography at first glance is an innocent art that started to become my passion already at my young age. However, one perspective using photography is to manifest points of separation. When looking through the viewfinder, a photographer positions himself on 'the other side of the lens' where all that matters is a framed composition of visual elements in a moment. A photographer does not need to care about what events lead to the current state of reality and what will be the outflow of events in the future. The trapped moment of time is then observed over and over again in form of a photo and in many cases, a deep emotional bond is created to that picture. A photo is an attempt to stop the time and create an experience of eternity. Generally when taking a photo one does not ask or needs to ask for a permission to take a snapshot. So it is also much like stealing something from someone. And also within such stealing, one is being very careful to compose all the shapes and colors with the starting point to entice as strong emotional reaction from the observers of the photo as possible. Sure photography can also function as evidence of past events however generally it functions as an attempt to control something or to gain something.

A camera has played a role of the protective shield also in my life for many years. I have been hiding behind the lens and also behind a TV and computer screen for too long. For so long that I have lost the interest in doing much of the physical work. Because using computer things move much faster and the physical reality takes much more time to manifest. This is why I have also become impatient and restless, constantly needing some pictures, sounds, and information to fill my mind and keep me entertained. For physical labor, I defined myself as someone who is overqualified and would waste my potentials if I engage in some kind of job that does not require a lot of intellectual skills. Consequently, I am keeping myself trapped in computer-related jobs that create a strain on my physical body due to long periods of keeping myself in a sitting position. Sadly it is also the money that influences my business decisions since most of the highest paid jobs are now also related to using computers. On the other hand, the information age is also connecting us again, thought externally, but is enabling us a reflection of what is going on in our minds and serves as a beneficial projection of our internal reality. So the key is to make the best of all this mess and to figure out how to create a future where we would not be enslaved and separate anymore by our own creation.

What I am also dealing with here is a chicken and egg situation. I am quite satisfied with being single and do not have a need to be in a relationship with someone to be happy. So I am asking myself if this is something that is the true nature of my being or a consequence of my upbringing. I see how much I am like my father and have wondered how much of what I am are personalities that I have copied from him as a child. Or it could be just that my father and I have similar nature of our beingnesses that both like to work alone and would not change much regardless of the environment. Well, all that I can do is to continue my process of identifying the points of separation within me and to move towards creating the future based on the principle of what is best for all. It is up to me to challenge and expand myself but to be at the same time careful not to overwhelm myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my life to be directed mostly by the energies of good emotions and bad feelings instead of directing myself as life as one and equal. I commit myself to stop all the energy addictions and to direct myself based on the principle of what is best for all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see other being only as their picture manifestation. And then also comparing them to ideals of perfection and judging any visual imperfection instead of treating them as one and equal as who I am as life. I realize that everything that I am able to observe with my human physical eyes is much more than I am able to see and understand that we are all an equal part of this existence. Thus I commit myself to when and as I am looking at someone and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look at this and that imperfection on their face and their body and how they dress!” to stop and breathe. I then place myself into the body of the person that I observe and understand how my life would be if I would be in their body and to have their life experience. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to observe women mostly from the perspective of how a sexual experience with them would be. I realize that I have been conditioned by years of watching porn where I have started to associate the appearance of a woman with experience of orgasm. Thus I commit myself to when and as I want to experience a physical orgasm and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look at some woman or a picture of a woman or imagine a woman during masturbation since you will experience the energy of orgasm quicker!” to stop and breathe. I commit myself to practice masturbation only as an act of my physical body self-expression within the realization that I do not need to imagine anything let alone having to include any other body to experience an orgasm. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I interact with others for my actions to have the starting point of wanting to impress others in order for them to admire me and then to feel good about myself. I realize how self-centered my interactions with others have been since I mostly wanted to impress others using advance knowledge and information and also other skills that I have gathered. Thus I commit myself to when and as I interact with other and my mind is producing thought like: “Just think what great information will you tell them in order to impress them and prove that you know more than they do!” to stop and breathe. I then communicate with others from the starting point of equality, share the information that is relevant to them or ask them questions in order to find out how they feel and if there is anything that I can assist them with. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a perfectionist and to become angry about myself every single time when I notice some imperfection about myself. I realize that tendency towards the perfection is a projection of not accepting myself as who I am as my physical body, mind and the being that all have its limitations and do change over time. Thus I commit myself to when and as I see something about myself and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You should have done or looked like this instead of that!” to stop and breathe. I then within the realization that everything is changing and that nothing will ever fit the complete criteria of someone's imagination do my best to strive towards my goals but also fully accept how I am and how I perform at this very moment. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and compete with others where I wanted to prove that I know much more than others and can do things better than others for the sake of feeling good. I realize that self-perfection is supportive however we all have different preconditions, different environments, different bodies, different minds, different beings and can not perfect self by comparing ourselves to others. Thus I commit myself to when and as I observe others and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look at this guy or girl and what they have achieved!” to stop and breathe. I then consider only my original and current state of everything that I currently am an have achieved and continue to perfect self in relation only to my own life path. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I observe others how they struggle and experience discomfort and pain to feel good about myself. I realize that any energetic movement within myself when observing others how they suffer is a manifestation of pure evil and separation. Thus I commit myself to when and as I see others in a problematic situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look how funny they are when they suffer!” to stop and breathe. I then immediately place myself in the position of the individual that I observe and understand that I could equally be in the same position as they are. I then also see what I can do to diminish the suffering that others endure since we are all in this together.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within the DIP Lite free online course and to listen to the following related educational audios from Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence:

How to Transcend Shame and Transform It to Integrity
Shame, Shame, Shame
Wall of Shame
Shame & Self Forgiveness

Day 136: Tolerating my mind

Recently I listened one of the latest interview from awesome Eqafe online information resource titled Tolerating Your Mind that is part of The Crucification of Jesus series. Then I also received a demand that I need to produce at least 4 blogs or vlogs in English language in order to qualify for Desteni I Process course sponsorship. I managed to produce about 4 vlogs per month in the previous months but they were all in Slovenian language that they are not able to cross reference. This created a backchat like: “How will I able to manage to produce also 4 blogs and vlogs in English language besides content that I produce in Slovenian language?” and “If I will manage to produce only 4 blogs and vlogs in English language, would it not be a great loss to people who understand only Slovenian language since I am one of the rare individuals in Slovenia who produces Desteni related content in native language?”. And my existing backchats are: “How much of public content should I produce in addition to all the private writing within the DIP course assignment that I need to do?“ and ”Where will I get time to walk additional process for the points that are not part of my current DIP course assignments and are too sensitive to share them in the public?”.

Within the Tolerating Your Mind interview it was exposed how many that walk Desteni process do not do sufficient blogging and vlogging. And since some of us, including me, are walking the process already for many years, it is expected from us to be an example and walk the process even more effectively than those who are newcomers. So even if we do equal amount of the process that the newcomers, we are actually doing less than others. And I agree that we should be involved more in practically walking the points and sharing precious information and tools to others with greater results. I was reminded before about my point of only hoarding the information for myself but not giving forward to others enough. And this brings me to the question of why is that? Is it only the lack of time or are there some personal points that makes me feel uncomfortable when being in the limelight? From the process that I have done in the past, I can say that it surely is more the latter and that it is thus important to walk the points of self-judgement and fear that are part of my assignment within the Agreements - Redefining Relationships that I am currently walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to tolerate my mind as it is something benevolent that only occasionally creates emotional reactions. I realise that there are many deep mind layers that prevent me from activating many potentials that are within me. I commit myself to when and as my mind produces backchats like: “You do not need to blog and vlog anymore since you have already achieved the quantum phase of the process!” to understand the fact that I have not walked fully even the conscious layer of the mind. Thus when such thoughts emerge, I stop and breathe and commit myself to do much more writing in order to speed up my personal process of transforming mind patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to stay in my comfort zone of my apartment where little to no patterns of mine are challenged and thus creating an illusion that if I almost never emotionally react that my process is close to being done. I realise that when I go out and meet new people, especially a big crowd, a get a lot of backchats and emotional reactions that make me uncomfortable in the public or when dealing with a specific individuals. I commit myself to when and as my mind create a backchat like: “It is enough to focus only or the law and money projects that will improve this world since you have achieved sufficient level of emotional stability!” to stop such thought by focusing on my breathing. I commit myself to continue with walking of my personal transformation process in order to consequently become also more effective with other projects that I am involved in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to manage my personal and group projects almost only by using my mind, believing that I will manage to analyse, organise all execute all tasks simply by thinking, and discarding tools of speaking and writing. I realise that practical results show the contrary of what I think as I ofter am in state of overwhelmingness and using entertainment like watching movies, eating, sleeping and masturbation to relax myself and escape from such overthinking. I commit myself to when and as my mind would produce backchat like: “Why bother to waste time by writing since mind is much faster and you could solve more points in equal time only by thinking!” to disregard such claim as false and focus on my breath. I commit to reserve time where I would write my backchat in order to slowly and meticulously analyse it and come to realistic practical solutions of how I will visibly move forward. I also commit to do better planning, especially with use of tools as GTD - Getting Things Done methodology explains.