Day 110: Overcoming addiction to sex energy

After I have realized the devastating consequences of participating in the mind, the first step was to stop fueling my mind with the energy of orgasm. I completely stopped watching porn and did not masturbate ever since, nor engaged in any sex activities. I was also very careful about any sexual thoughts during meetings with females. So I am quite satisfied with my self and will commit to celibacy until further.

Now the next step is to overcome addiction to watching movies. I do not possess a TV set, however there are more than enough action pictures on YouTube. And also FaceBook activities tend to be very time-consuming. One of challenges is also to discipline myself in regards to going into bed and waking up.

Many times during the day I experience a feeling of heaviness in my body and I want to rest. Computers definitely effect me since they offer so many potentials but there is also immense speed of change and development in technology that puts one in a state of never achieving the goals. There is no point of stability in this race of information and progress.

Physical of course is the point of stability, like my apartment, the hardware, my body, the breath, however our world system forces each of us to do something, to work, all for the sake of producing profit and money. And there are also things that we consume, like food that needs to be produced, distributed, cooked, eaten and defecated.

I am listening to the audio series about Atlanteans and their civilization on land and water. They expressed by manifesting sound crystals, however they took care for absolute stability and equilibrium in all of existence. Thus everything was the same and nothing changed. The question thus is it best to everything be the same and thus point of complete stability, or do we need constant change in order to be satisfied?

For better self-support I decide now to re-engage in DIP Pro course and continue where I stopped two years ago, so SRA Level 2, Lesson 10. And I will be also working on additional lessons for redefining words. I sent my first assignment to Andrea and am waiting for her response.

Day 73: Overcoming mind energetics

Since I moved in the new apartment and am again living single, some old patterns reappeared that sabotage my life and lower my success in achieving desired goals. I experience resistance to learning, I lack of self-discipline and I indulge in watching movies and also temptations of masturbating while watching port are becoming more and more seductive.

For example I have errands to do and then I start to think about everything that I would have to go through in order to accomplish them. I imagine things that I will have to do but I do do not like them very much and thus my mind becomes cloudy and I experience tiredness and sleepiness. However instead of focusing or resting in order to clarify things, I usually decide to watch some YouTube video. Sometimes this could be bunch of short funny videos or even movies that are about 2 ours long.

When watching movies I have a bad feeling due to thinking that I am vasting my time however I also feel good due to nice pictures, scenes, drama and action in the movies. It is my way of running from the reality, of reseting, however I understand that this is not the solution. Usually after finishing watching some cool movie, I again become sad that the movie already ended so I immediately pick another one and watch it until I feel satisfies enough and it is so late that I feel very bad and I finally decide to go to sleep.

Also since I moved I did not continue to read any book. I feel that reading books is too boring comparing to watching movies. There is no color, no movement and no sounds when reading a book and it is also annoying since the letters are so small and I have to turn pages. However I am learning that reading is essential for self-empowerment and self-realization. Leader are always readers. So if I want to achieve my goals, I will have to change my habits extensively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think about things that might happen in the future if I decide for certain project or job instead of breathing effectively, staying here and moving step by step and allowing myself the opportunity to see what will actually happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to when I experience tiredness to start watching movies or even masturbate instead of calming down, resting and focusing and then continue with thing that I have planned to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to stop reading instead of realizing that reading each day and expanding my vocabulary each day is very important for creating a habit of self-education and enlarging my ability to focus that will result in being more successful in all areas of my life.

Day 70: Self-forgiveness on perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be the best of the group and thus compete with other peers for speed and high points instead of realizing that life is not about being better than other but about collaboration and mutual support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself the feeling of fear of judgement which is in fact wanting to be perfect in the eyes of the others instead of realizing that each one of us is any time in certain level of integration of some knowledge or skill and comparing yourself to others is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to quietly in my mind criticize others and comparing myself to others and then feeling good due to conclusion that I am much better at some skill than others instead of realizing that we all have different skills, history and physical predispositions thus believing that each one must have the same skills is crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear of being judged if I ask some question and thus exposing that I do not know something instead of realizing that I will only be able to learn if I ask questions about the things that I not know without worrying about what other people would thing about my question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed not to expand my vocabulary and stay at my current level of vocabulary and word definitions instead of realizing that the reality is vast and complex and that I will only be able to understand the world and myself by knowing new words that would allow me to ask questions and communicate clearly and precisely about what I would like to know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind energies of highs and lows to direct me instead of me directing myself and moving based on the principle.

Day 47: A new promising Slovenian political party

Today I had a first meeting with a leader of the new Slovenian political party called Združeno Slovensko Ljudstvo (United Slovenian People). The conversation was very exciting and we exchanged personal experiences and ideas for 5 hours. From all the new political parties that were established recently, the leadership seem to best resonate with Desteni ideas and I see a great opportunity here in order to start engaging in the political activities in our country in order to gain experiences.

The political party was established as the answer to the problems around second biggest Slovenian city Maribor where political corruption has been exposed and escalated to the level of violent street protests. However it was realized that using force is not the best way to solve the problems. Thus some people got smart and decided for a political approach.

It was amazing to find out how terrible painful life experiences shaped the leader of the ZSL party, from domestic abuse of step father who was an alcoholic to traffic accidents, corruption on the working place and not getting payed for months, to exploitation from the side of his life partner and even a suicide attempt. Such events drive people to a state of fearlessness since they have nothing more to loose.

However in this case the ZSL leader is also a very smart and opened person who started to connect with people throughout the country, creating a intelligence network of informers in order to gather the material proof of corruption and abuse in politics for the future legal processes where are abusers will be put to justice. I appreciate this bravery and initiative since most of the people are just in a state of waiting for some miracle to happen.

It is a shame that our country has climbed the ladder of the most corrupt countries in the world and is now holding the corruption world record. It is estimated that a lot of peoples resources has been sold out to corporations and that a major privatisation even of water resources is being attempted. Workers have been threatened that they will loose their jobs if they engage in protest and thus street protest have diminished.

Our schooling system is raising up youth who take a rewards and bribery as something normal and this habit then escalates when they grow up and engage in the economic and political system. Basically no business is being done without offering some kind of money or some other king of compensation to participants. No one cares about the consequences as long they get their share. So we must start changing our habits and I suggest for everyone to engage in the Desteni I Process online course in order to purify all the accepted and allowed believes and definitions.

Day 35: Resistance to the new job continued

I am doing a slow progress towards preparing a presentation text for the new product that I will be presenting via in-home presentations. Yesterday we had a picnic with some friends and one of them had a lot of experienced with door-to-door sales. She explained that is is very important to have a badge with your picture and name with big letters since this creates confidence in other people. Then when you enter the apartment, you look around and see what would be the best point for the conversation ice-breaker. Next it is very important to ask what are the parent's usual seats, especially of the father. You make sure that you never sit down where their usual seat is.

Today is Sunday and Sunday afternoon is the best time to call the prospect on the phone and set a date for the meeting. However I am not sure if this is also a good time for making visits. In the morning I have assembled some additional presentation text but I still have not finished it. I could try to do some presentations for practice or I could spend the day completing the text. It is a tuff decision.

What pulls me down is also the weather. Yesterday afternoon couple of weeks of nice sunny weather ended with rainy storms. Recently I find weather changes to influence my state of the mind quite extensively. My mind is not very stable even due to reactions that are related to unconscious emotions of fear. And when the clouds accumulate in the sky and the rain starts to fall down, I started to feel heavy and sleepy and my mind also becomes heavy, cloudy or dizzy. Maybe this is related to the change of air pressure.

Since I know that I can be effective with sales only if I feel excellent, I am not very confident with going out and making house visits. I expect that most of people would also be influenced by weather and that it is best to at least wait for the next working day. I friend who is also very experienced in sales will visit me tomorrow morning and we will have a workshop where we will practice sales skills. I the meen time I will finis my presentation text and design a badge with my name and photo for the best effect. But then it must be end with procrastination. Monday afternoon I plan to go out and do my first unannounced home visits.

I will also read again a book about hot to be effective in sales. We all try to convince something or sell something to another. There are amateur salesman like parents who try to sell their kids some believe and make them do specific things and there are professional salesman that do convincing on a daily basis with better results. All try to influence someone in order to get what we want. We use words, arguments and the level of our success is based on the level of understanding what are the needs of others and how our services or product can fullfil their needs. And this is quite a task where each of us has to grow and expand and widen the awareness about how we and this world functions.

What drives me away from doing my sales job is also awareness that I will meet different people. When they open the door, I will have just a few seconds to convince them to let me in. And some will be also very nasty and angry and this kind of behavior will not be very easy to handle. Even if you have the best product in the word, some people will yell at you. It will be a big challenge to keep the good mood, clear all the recent past bad experiences and remain emotionally stable within. I will have to do a lot of breathing and doing regular self-forgiveness and self-commitments.