Day 77: My envy towards my close friends

Days from 74 to 76 are in my Slovenian blog

Today I noticed a post of my friend, more specifically, the business FaceBook page of my friend's product that he is being developing and marketing for past couple of years. When I noticed the post of the new model of the product, where he associated the natural resources of our country with his product, I became judgmental towards him.

My friend gave me once a sample of his product and I have been using it for a while. His product advertised as natural and environmentally friendly, however some of his components are not such. For example the product of his that I was using had a component that in time became more and more smelly and thus I stopped using it. Then I also do not like some other versions of his product where he also uses some artificial and oil-based material that smells.

And the last time that I met him in person was where I wanted to present his some new business opportunity and he then reacted with warning that he will not talk with me again if I do it again since I surely must know that he is very busy and focused only on development of his product. At that time when he threatened me, I somehow felt angry since he did not shared my point of view, but at the same time I also admired him for his dedication and focus on his product.

I want to be successful at my projects and after reading some books about people who were very successful, I found out that all were very emotional and end expressed their dissatisfaction when events would not turn out as expected outward very violently. However they would not project this energy onto others, but then focused on the potentials and engaged them. I on the other hand see myself as not very emotional or at least not outward expressive, but introversive character. I thus am afraid that I do not possess proper qualities to fulfill my projects properly.  

2012 - Facing with feelings of envy

I have been observing my subtle instant reactions through the day and there have been many. Let's begin with the first one which is the envy towards other people. So when I observe achievements of other people, the feeling of envy cames up that then manifests as irritation and itching feeling on the skin. In this way I reacted today when I observed and invitation to art exhibition of some young painter, then when I got invitation to a workshop of some of my FaceBook friend and I immediately went into feeling of envy.

My thoughts were: "I wish I would be that guy or girl that excels so perfectly". When I ask myself why have I separatem myself from what I observed, I can see that I have associated these achievements and people with my imagination that those people are praised by other people and that they are successful and wealthy, as I also want to be. But if I look to this point, I can see, that this is my own created belief and projection and not true at all. Firstly it is me, who have interpreted the information in a way that made these people something special and more than me, and it is me who projected certain social and financial status onto these people.

Next level of this self-deception is that I have defined myself as unable to achieve those results that these people displayed, which is again not true. With persistance and focus everyone can basically achieve anything. All is connected to ones family history, environment, education, so I would be able to achieve the same if born in different body and family. It is my own created perception and projection that people with smiling faces on the photos are successful and happy and it has nothing to do with reality.

And if I go even more deeper, I can become aware that those photos that I reacted on were displayed on my computer monitor, which gives another dimension to the structure of my reactions. The point is that the picture on the monitor is composed out of square pixels of different hue and luminosity. My eyes and brain then composes these pixels into picture and gives it a certain meaning. But the fact is that every pixel on digital photo can be manipulated and does no necessary represent the physical reality. This is especially true in the fashion and advertising where every detail is carefully retouched.

We are all hiding beneath the masks of personality, trying to convince others that we are worth of acceptance and competing with the rest in this system in order to accumulate enough money for our needs. Especially in politics there is a lot of deceptions and fake faces where competition is immense and lack of honesty is extensive. So even if one displays face of happiness, the starting point of this happy face can be self-interest and manipulation. Thus it is best not to automatically associate any facial expression or statement of others to anything specific, until one really gets to know the person and find out what he truly stand up for.

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate facial expressions of people with level of success and wealth instead of realizing that everyone can pretend thus judging one, based on the outer appearance is illusional.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate digital pictures with physical reality instead of realizing that every picture can be manipulated and retouched extensively and can be very different from the state of physical reality that currently exists.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of envy towards individuals that I defined as successful instead of realizing that succes in current system means only to be more deceptive and abusive and that true succes will only come when we implement the Equal Money System that will remove the necessity of us constantly competing and fighting each other once and for all.
   
   
4. Next time when I observe other people's facial expression or photos, I breathe, I remain here and communicate with them as one and equal with them, investigating what real experiences in their lives are and invite them to also participate in the process of self-honesty and establishment of world equality system.

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