Day 166: Developing own vs joining other projects

Several weeks ago I reached out to an old friend since I noticed that he was now in the top management position of an organization that I have been following or several years now. I wanted to make a friendly connection and offer my assistance and useful information for their project however communication did not flow as nice as I imagined. After several emails, things became increasingly emotional, then they calmed down and I started to realize that I did not approach the communication from such point of equality as I perceived myself to do. I then talked to my neighbors about that and took general responsibility for my involvement, however, I still felt that I need to go more in-depth using writing in order to take back full responsibility for my actions and non-actions in regards to that matter.

So recently I have checked the website of an organization with a project that has a lot of similarities to the project that I am currently developing. I remember wanting to connect with that organization several years ago when I have been distributing a product which could be very useful to integrate into their workflow and would result in great benefits for their clients and economy. At that time it was some other person that I communicated to and was the founder of their organization. My first approach attempt was via phone but they said that they were busy with preparation for some deadline. I am not sure if I attempted to contact them after they reached the deadline, however, I do have notes of visiting them two years later when they exhibited their project. I spoke personally to the founder and have sent them an email the next day, however, to this day I did not receive any reply. After that, I moved to another city, worked on other kinds of projects and did not follow them for the last 3 years.

Now, when I visited their website again, I have been impressed by how far they have developed their project and what especially caught my attention was that my old friend was part of their management. We both have been peers at an education program where we learned many personal and business management skills. I started to contemplate if I should rather join them and assist in developing their project than developing my own from the scratch. I checked the description of their project in detail and noticed some facts that are not aligned with what I stand for. When I sent the first email to my old friend it was supposed to be short and neutral however I see that it already included comparison and some criticism. So instead of actually checking how my old friend has been these years and inviting him to a personal meeting, I already had reservation about that.

When I read his reply I reacted to his suggestion that if I wanted to join I would have to go through a specific training and that they include approaches beyond what is described on their website. So he too had his reservations due to their previous experiences. He was willing to meet with me but only until a specific date since after that he plans to be away for some time. I realize that I reacted with envy to their current expansion, his absence and their systematic approach that required an investment of my time and money. My next email reply thus reflected my emotions since I included additional criticism and extended information where I wanted to express my doubts about joining them. Then he directly expressed his feelings of resistance to my writing and exposed how I am actually not walking the talk. I continued the correspondence by admitting my biases and eventually exposing some of the past experiences that taught me to be careful about joining other projects.

One of the factors that made me create resistance was also an observation that nor the organization founder nor my old friend were active on Facebook. A year ago I invited the founder to participate in the international online conference and contribute to their perspective about the enhancement of human society, however, I received no reply. Not only that, my old friend even responded that he does not have a Facebook profile since he rather spends his active and free time in other ways. I basically was not able to find any information about him online. That was a very unflattering fact since for me the online presence is something very useful for networking and building trust. From my perspective, anyone who wants to be a leader and create an organization that is to be an example for generations to come can not afford to hold any negative relationship towards informational technology. I am using social media in a very productive way and find it useful especially for international collaboration where personal meetings are not possible due to vast distances.

So there were many things inside me that directed me unconsciously during the conversation with my old friend and I have not been completely clear and honest about that with myself. Actually, after noticing the success of their projects they started to represent a big temptation for me since I wanted to create almost exactly what they have been building. However, I joined many projects in the past several years where I resonated strongly with their mission and vision and they all left me down. This lead me at the beginning of this year to my commitment that I will under no circumstances ever again join any project that is managed by others and that I will be focusing only on developing my own projects where I will be fully in charge. Thus when I started to communicate with my old friend it was very unpleasant to realize that I have been contemplating about breaking my commitment to my own current project. Basically, I just wanted to give my old friend the opportunity to convince me into joining them while I gave him all the reasons why I do not want to join them.

Realistically the way I wanted to create my organization and the realizations that I want to implement is far beyond what is able to manifest by me joining other organizations. I have made many attempts to do that but it always failed. I wanted to work as support staff with others because I have not yet developed sufficient leadership skills to manage big teams. So I concluded that it would be a more productive investment of my time if I join other teams and create synergy. However, I have decided now to develop myself as a leader despite moving slower than other leaders. Because previously my starting point was to produce a certain visible positive effect in society during my lifetime. However, after realizing that the necessary change will take many generations I am now rather building strong foundations where others will be able to build on even after I will be long gone. No matter how long it will take, I plan to build it right in order to stand the test of time and create the best long-term effect for all living beings in existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that whoever is not on Facebook cannot be trusted. I realize that many people are not on Facebook for many reasons. Some are not aware of complete Facebook functionality and usability and treat it just as optional entertainment. Old generations are uncomfortable to use it since they find computers and all online related technology overwhelming. Many business leaders are not on Facebook since they are focused on using LinkedIn or other means of electronic communications. And there are also some who want to hide from their past, from public eyes, or have fears that they will be monitored and abused by secret government services. Thus when and as I stumble upon someone who is not on Facebook and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Do not collaborate with that person since they can not be trusted!” I stop such thought by breathing and rather ask them directly what is their specific reason for not being there. And then to communicate with them via the media that they are most comfortable using. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a resentment towards people that do not respond to my messages in a reasonable time. I realize that all people are not so good organized like me and have not such good computer equipment and fast access to the internet like I currently have. Reasons for others not responding quickly are also sickness, accidents, missed messages, too many messages, spam filters, business in private and professional life and many more. So when and as several days after I have sent the message my mind is producing thought like: “They have not replied in time thus it is best not to collaborate with them since they are not reliable!” I commit myself to stop and breathe. I then rather take into account any possible scenario, resend the message and try to contact them via other means in order to find out what was the specific reason for them not answering promptly the first time. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as someone who will not be able to develop sufficient leadership skills in this life in order to properly direct a big organization. And thus that I should rather join other organizations and work in middle management or something more aligned with my current skills and capacity. I realize that my point is not just about placing myself in some organization in order to be somehow useful for society but much more. Considering the advancement in my process of self-realization, I can not accept anymore to work for an organization that is not considering the principles of full personal responsibility for all existence and equality of all living beings. Thus I commit myself to when and as I contemplate where to work and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Life is short and considering your age and your skills, best to get a job in some established company!” to stop and breathe. I then slow down, look beyond my lifespan and create an organization that will fully embrace the described principles, no matter how long it will take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start communicating with others without firsty making sure that I have faced all energetic movements that I have in relation to the individual that I plan to communicate with. I realize that thoughts, emotions, and feelings that I have toward an individual will sooner or later reflect in a conflictual relationship if I do not face them beforehand. Thus I commit myself to when and as I am about to communicate with someone and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Just go ahead with communication since you are clear enough and if they react to your words it will be solely their own responsibility!” to stop and breathe. I then rather face the unresolved mind points that I have towards the individual and start communication only where I have cleared them completely. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with the people that I have not been in communication with for many years based on my memories about them from when I last spoke to them. I realize that people constantly change and that even after several months let alone years, they can change significantly. Thus I commit myself to when and as I reconnect with someone that I have not seen for a long time and my mind is telling me something like: “Just talk to them like you used to talk last time you saw them!” to stop and breathe. Then I rather ask them what they experienced since we last talked and how that influenced their life, or even better to invite them to a personal meeting where an exchange of past experiences and alignment with who they are now would be even more effective. 

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Leadership and Equality from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 154: Meeting Jehovah's Witness

Several days ago a man age around 40 dressed in a suit rang our house door bell. He gave me a leaflet and invited me to a meeting to discuss about life. I took a leaflet and just by the illustrations used I recognised that he is a member Jehovah's Witness religion group. At that time I was doing something and I expected the postman to arrive so I was surprised that someone else was at the door. Just that disappointment already created a subtle emotional reaction that then only started to accumulate. Then soon the postman actually came while I was still chatting with Jehovah's Witness at the main door. So I became dissatisfied that he is interfering with my communication with the postman that I expected. After the postman left I continued talking with the Jehovah's Witness and explained him my point of view until he eventually left knowing that he would not be able to convert me to his religion.

During the chat with Jehovah's Witness I remembered how my grandmother in her late years after her husband died and she moved to the retirement home, she also became member of this religion. She started to visit the meetings, read their bible however they did not let her to be baptised because she did not truly understand and accepted their belief. I drove her to their religious facility many times and I also attended a couple of session. In my past 15 years I read all the holy books of world religions that were available in our public library, I listened to many priests and gurus and also become part of several religions for a short period of time. I wanted to experience which religion is the best, which can explain the existence in the most detail and what explanation is actually the truth. 

Jehovah's Witness are definitely one of well organised religious groups that I met. Firstly they usually visit people's homes in couples. So I was a bit surprised that the guy who visited me was alone and I started to ask myself is this because number of their members had decreased and can not afford any longer to visit others in tandem. When in public Jehovah's Witness are also very well dressed, they keep detailed records who they have visited and what the response were and are very consistent. During the religious meetings they give excellent presentations with best sound equipment, dedicated stuff brings microphones to participants who want to say something and they have nice meeting halls. They are also very effective in raising funds and translating their texts to almost all world languages. 

However I learned during my research how religions were specifically created to mentally enslave humans, to control and divide us. I noticed how those who are part of Jehovah's Witness group are not capable of common sense and are equally possessed and blinded by their beliefs like any other religious groups. But the question here is if I have proved to be any better? Have I been teaching by my own example what is the utmost potential of human beings? The answer is no. Because it was not nice from me that I held quite emotional conversation with the poor guy only at the main house door and have not invited him to my living room. I know that he is blinded by religion but I have not become one and equal with him and was not effective in showing what is a better way for humanity to live in peace, abundance and mutual respect.

The point is that I have reacted to the visit of Jehovah's Witness from point of frustration, past experience projection, blame, spite, envy, fear, anger, hopelessness and superiority. And despite of consciously knowing what is the best approach in building a supportive relationships with other, I at that time did not applied those principles practically. Instead of becoming envy about their effectiveness to recruit new believers, it would be best for me to apply the principle of research everything and keep what is good. I could share the Desteni message with greater effect if I would invite the visitor to my living room and ask him about his life experiences and what lead him to becoming a Jehovah's Witness. Instead I emotionally reacted due to my belief that members of his religious group are so well brainwashed that trying to explain him anything that would challenge his beliefs it is a pure waste of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to react with emotion of disappointment when I opened the front house doors and instead of the postman there was someone else there. I realise that despite of expecting someone to come at certain time there is always a possibility that someone else will come at that time. I commit myself to when and as I notice that someone else has arrived instead of expected individual and my mind is producing thoughts like: “What the fuck is now this person doing here instead of the individual that I am expecting!” to stop and breathe. I then ask the unexpected person what they want and explain that currently I do not have time to talk with theme since I am expecting someone else to come however they can return later or schedule a meeting with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to react with emotion of superiority when I noticed that a member of religious group has come to visit me. I realise that Desteni message is about equality and oneness and that I am entitled to present myself as Destonian only if I also practically live Desteni principles in my everyday life. I commit myself to when and as I am confronted with people of religious views and my mind is producing thoughts like: “I must now quickly show how they are wrong and how I am right!” to stop and breathe. Then I engage in conversation with them, allowing enough time to create friendship, to research and understand their life story, what benefits they get from their religion and then to explain how humans do actually not need any religion but can live in harmony and mutual respect by simply following certain principles and taking responsibility for participating in our minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with emotion of envy when the member of Jehovah's Witness started to present the facts about how many members they have across the world and in how many languages their information has been translated. I realise that it is not productive to be envy about achievements of others. It is much better to learn from others who are successful and to eventually become equally successful in what we want to achieve. I commit myself to when and as I notice the achievements of other and my mind goes like: “What the hell, I hate them so much for their achievements!” to stop and breathe. I then ask what is their secret recipe and pick their brains so that I can get smarter and more effective in making this world the best place for all. 

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-perfecting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled The Dawn of Religion from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 126: Group chatting self-judgement

While I had a group IRC chat the other day I noticed a quick unconscious reaction of self-judgement that would also manifest as a pinching irritation on the skin around my genitalia. So I decided to stop and transform this pattern since the manifested consequences on my physical body are far from desirable.

The nature of IRC chat is that things move very fast. Many people participate, some write more, some less and some are mere observers. Within that there are also some participant that I value more since they possess certain skills, wide awareness and have walked the process of self-realizations many years more than I. Thus I developed a respect which manifests as fear about how they see me and what they will say to me. 

During the chat I would follow the conversation and read the feeds from all the participants. Then I would have to decide if and what post to comment and what to say. The feeds move so fast that if I would write extensive comment, amounting to several sentences,  after posting it, I would have to go back and read all the post feeds from others that have been posted during me writing my comment. This pressures me in terms of making me mostly write only short comments in order not to miss reading posts of others.

However when I want to write a short comment, I have to decide what words to write in order to express myself fully while at the same time avoiding unclarity or misunderstanding when others would read what I wrote. This forces me to carefully pick the words that have the exact meaning of what I want to say and obviously in this I am limited with my current English vocabulary. Thus if I want to improve my English word expression, I will have to expand my vocabulary.

Interesting than that when I would write a short comment, I would start asking myself if my comment was clear enough and within that a self-judgement would trigger where I would claim to myself that what I have written was not specific and clear. Energy of anger towards myself would trigger and an itching feeling on my genital skin would manifest that make me scratch that area in order to release the irritating feeling.

So if I look into that pattern and ask myself, what are the components that contribute to this reaction, I can conclude that they are:

• perfectionism
• desire to be praised
• impatience
• laziness
• self-abdication
• projection
• fear of judgement
• valuing others more than me
• lack of self-trust
• lack of focus
• desire for entertainment
• bordom
• criticism
• comparison
• competition
• self-judgement
• fear of punishment
• feeling of being trapped
• overwhelmingness
• envy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards other chat participants who have been participating several years longer than me and have developed better communications skills that I currently possess. I realize that each person possesses different skills with different levels of perfections so it pointless to compare yourself towards others and create polarity relationships of being more or less towards others. I commit myself that within group communication I express myself in my unique way, according to the skills that I currently possess and I commit myself to invest time in developing my communications skills so that I will be more effective in fast and accurate live writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after posting a comment to anticipate the responses of others and look forward to the positive responses where other will affirm that what I have written is true and correct. I realize that by acting in this way I create attachment to what I have written and am not able to be present in this very moment and am thus not focused what is happening now. I commit myself to after I write a comment to then immediately leave it where it is and then move on by reading what others have written so I can be fully present within the flow of conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the group chat value the comment from certain people more since they are in certain organizational position and execute particular function. So when I would read the comment from others I would look who wrote the comment and if someone that I do not know very good would comment, I would not place any big value to it, however if someone comment that I know well to be in particular position, I would consider it more valuable. Consequently if someone that I value more would give me a negative comment, I would feel fear and if they would give a positive comment, I would be proud and content. I realize that such relationship of labeling comment more and less valuable creates separation where I would make the source of the comment more important than the actual message. I commit myself that within group chats, I do not place any particular value on the source of the message, but to consider each comment or post equally and then investigate it from the perspective of common sense and the message that author wanted to express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to define IRC chats as primitive and boring since there is no sound and pictures. So when the chat would start, I would become impatient and restless and seek some sort of entertainment like browsing social media or similar. I realize that IRC chats are effective way of group communication since they are low in bandwidth consumption, very stable, without distractive elements, small in storing chat logs and practical for keyword searching. I realize that by engaging in additional entertainment forms during IRC chats that I loose focus and do not follow the conversation effectively. I commit myself that during group chats to fully focus on the text feed and actively participate in the conversation. By actively engaging in contributing the content, I emerge into the dynamics of conversation that than becomes interesting and consequently also the time within chat moves very quickly.

I forgive myself that I gave accepted and allowed myself to in case of extensive contributions in form of comments and perspectives of the participants in the IRC group chats to become overwhelmed by the quantity of information and thus create anxiety. I realize that by allowing thoughts and emotions to emerge during my attempt to follow the conversation flow, the mind is only redirecting my attention from what is here to the backchat which makes me loose the focus on what is here. Thus I commit myself to pay attention on the chat, breathe effectively and read all the text that is being displayed which in fact is not so much that I would need to leave out any of the sections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider the group chats to be something that I am forced to participate in and that I actually want to do something else. I realize that I actually enjoy the self-realization process that the group provides and that I find it very supporting and in time also very entertaining and fascinating. I commit myself to when I participate in the group chat to cherish the valuable opportunity of participating in such a cool supportive group, based on honesty and what is best for all.

Related audios to listen:

Comparison, Judgement and Competition

How do I Stop Punishing Myself?

Day 83: Envy towards my guitar playing friend

I visited today my new friend and I noticed that he had a guitar in the corner of his room. I asked him if this was his guitar and how good does he know how to play it. He grabbed the acoustic guitar and start playing and he was very good. He then opened also his second electric guitar and demonstrated playing  next he displayed also his third bass guitar. He also incorporated a new device that he operated by foot and he used it to record some music and then replay it. Thus after fourth time it sounded like four man were playing a guitar.

While my friend was playing and it was for almost one hour, he would occasionally look at me and I did not know what he was thinking and what should I express. I was asking myself if he wanted me to admire him, applause him, start singing along or even dancing. Thus in order to avoid eye contact I mostly focused on his hand and guitar and just listend to the music.

The whole event triggered memories when about 15 year ago I also decided to lear playing a guitar and signed up for a private guitar school where I visited beginners guitar class for one year. After one year I was able to play several simple songs and I was happy about that. However when I would play in front of my friends, I did not received admiration as I expected but would instead made fun of me.

That event diminished my excitement as I did not see myself in the future as guitar entertainer. I did play afterwards songs for my own pleasure and amusement however the motivation to play guitar ended after couple of months and I sold the instrument. And it was not only because of the respond of others but also because playing a guitar personally was quite a different experience as simply observing others playing.

Yes, when I would listen to someone playing a guitar, I would think that this must be very simple, however it is not true. At least not at the beginning. It is a very specific sensation when holding a guitar, feeling the har wood of the body pressin g towards your body, smelling the metal smell of the quitar strings and feeling tiny metal strings pressing towards soft fingertips and inducing pain. It is only after years of practice where you stop being bothered with all the tiny unpleasant things and focusing on the music itself becomes possible.

So the bottom line is that considering all the potentials and possibilites in this world, I ask mysel if playing a guitar is really the best use of my remaining time in my life or should I rather do some other things, like writing going for a walk and writing self-forgiveness. Or would playing a guitar be a cool way of expressing myself, exploring the physical and taking the time off my computer related projects? 

Day 78: Self-forgiveness on envy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel envy towards my friend instead of realizing that each feeling is my self-created energy of the mind, produced by thought of separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to believe that FaceBook post of new development of the product are the sign of succes and profit instead of realizing that one can never know the financial situation of someones business based on any post.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be spiteful and angry towards my friend since he threatened me last time we met instead of realizing that emotional reactions of someone are his own creation and responsibility and nothing to do with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be better than others and prosper more than others instead of realizing that we can only live here in this reality as equals, with everybody having their needs met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed not to give my friend a feedback about his product so he can improve it and fix the problems instead of realizing that feedbacks and communication is necessary for all to create better world as soon as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to give way to energy of good feelings and stay cozy while working on my own instead of realizing that geting over good feelings and collaborating with other as a team is the best way to achieve my goals of heaven on earth.

Day 77: My envy towards my close friends

Days from 74 to 76 are in my Slovenian blog

Today I noticed a post of my friend, more specifically, the business FaceBook page of my friend's product that he is being developing and marketing for past couple of years. When I noticed the post of the new model of the product, where he associated the natural resources of our country with his product, I became judgmental towards him.

My friend gave me once a sample of his product and I have been using it for a while. His product advertised as natural and environmentally friendly, however some of his components are not such. For example the product of his that I was using had a component that in time became more and more smelly and thus I stopped using it. Then I also do not like some other versions of his product where he also uses some artificial and oil-based material that smells.

And the last time that I met him in person was where I wanted to present his some new business opportunity and he then reacted with warning that he will not talk with me again if I do it again since I surely must know that he is very busy and focused only on development of his product. At that time when he threatened me, I somehow felt angry since he did not shared my point of view, but at the same time I also admired him for his dedication and focus on his product.

I want to be successful at my projects and after reading some books about people who were very successful, I found out that all were very emotional and end expressed their dissatisfaction when events would not turn out as expected outward very violently. However they would not project this energy onto others, but then focused on the potentials and engaged them. I on the other hand see myself as not very emotional or at least not outward expressive, but introversive character. I thus am afraid that I do not possess proper qualities to fulfill my projects properly.  

2012 - Facing with feelings of envy

I have been observing my subtle instant reactions through the day and there have been many. Let's begin with the first one which is the envy towards other people. So when I observe achievements of other people, the feeling of envy cames up that then manifests as irritation and itching feeling on the skin. In this way I reacted today when I observed and invitation to art exhibition of some young painter, then when I got invitation to a workshop of some of my FaceBook friend and I immediately went into feeling of envy.

My thoughts were: "I wish I would be that guy or girl that excels so perfectly". When I ask myself why have I separatem myself from what I observed, I can see that I have associated these achievements and people with my imagination that those people are praised by other people and that they are successful and wealthy, as I also want to be. But if I look to this point, I can see, that this is my own created belief and projection and not true at all. Firstly it is me, who have interpreted the information in a way that made these people something special and more than me, and it is me who projected certain social and financial status onto these people.

Next level of this self-deception is that I have defined myself as unable to achieve those results that these people displayed, which is again not true. With persistance and focus everyone can basically achieve anything. All is connected to ones family history, environment, education, so I would be able to achieve the same if born in different body and family. It is my own created perception and projection that people with smiling faces on the photos are successful and happy and it has nothing to do with reality.

And if I go even more deeper, I can become aware that those photos that I reacted on were displayed on my computer monitor, which gives another dimension to the structure of my reactions. The point is that the picture on the monitor is composed out of square pixels of different hue and luminosity. My eyes and brain then composes these pixels into picture and gives it a certain meaning. But the fact is that every pixel on digital photo can be manipulated and does no necessary represent the physical reality. This is especially true in the fashion and advertising where every detail is carefully retouched.

We are all hiding beneath the masks of personality, trying to convince others that we are worth of acceptance and competing with the rest in this system in order to accumulate enough money for our needs. Especially in politics there is a lot of deceptions and fake faces where competition is immense and lack of honesty is extensive. So even if one displays face of happiness, the starting point of this happy face can be self-interest and manipulation. Thus it is best not to automatically associate any facial expression or statement of others to anything specific, until one really gets to know the person and find out what he truly stand up for.

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate facial expressions of people with level of success and wealth instead of realizing that everyone can pretend thus judging one, based on the outer appearance is illusional.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate digital pictures with physical reality instead of realizing that every picture can be manipulated and retouched extensively and can be very different from the state of physical reality that currently exists.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of envy towards individuals that I defined as successful instead of realizing that succes in current system means only to be more deceptive and abusive and that true succes will only come when we implement the Equal Money System that will remove the necessity of us constantly competing and fighting each other once and for all.
   
   
4. Next time when I observe other people's facial expression or photos, I breathe, I remain here and communicate with them as one and equal with them, investigating what real experiences in their lives are and invite them to also participate in the process of self-honesty and establishment of world equality system.

.

2011 - Support for Relationship Demon possessed females

This is support for all women, who long for some specific person, who are in deep love into someone, but this someone is out of their reach or does not want to be in relationship with you.

Understand, that when you grow up, you are being imprinted with billions of information, mostly from your parents, and also from other people an media within your world. Some of those information are regarding relationships between man and a woman. You are fed with definitions of what is your role in this world as a female, how you should act and perform, and part of this female role is also to establish a relationship with some man, create family, have children and thus become a acceptable part of the society.

The parents are the first role model and then you observe also other relationships and copy the information into your subconscious mind. You start imagine your own ideal future relationship or family and thus produce desire for someone that would be able to fulfill this fantasy. Based on your past experience and programming from your parents, your fantasy is very specific of what the ideal partner should look like, how it should act and what shall provide for you in order for you to feel safe and loved.

Then within occasions where you are surrounded with other people, including men, you unconsciously start to observe and compare males with the ideal partner personality in your mind. When some gesture, word, or the looks of someone fits your inner picture of desired figure, then you start to project this ideal characteristics onto the selected male. You create the perception of this male as being something more, someone special, that is indispensable in your life in order to become completely fulfilled.

By this definition and labeling someone as more valuable as everything else, you create the point of inequality. You bring certain part of this creation above the other parts of existence and thus contribute to bringing the whole existence out of balance. Within the context of value, you separate something from everything else and give it much higher value, which result in creating two polarity points, one representing the desired female, and other representing the rest of existence. You stop paying your attention to everything around your equally and start focusing all your attention only on certain being.

Since you focus all your attention only onto someone, the friction within your mind-consciousness system occurs, and from this friction the energy is produced. This energy starts to flow and move within your psychical body and compound around your chest and belly region. The sensation of this energy you then call the feeling of love, and based on your accepted programming, you define this feeling as something normal, as part of the process of creating perfect, long lasting loving relationship. However you are not aware of the fact that it is your participation in your own mind who created this feeling, but project this manifestation out there, onto the person who you have started to define yourself, as being in love with.

However in reality, any being out there has nothing to do with how you feel. No one but yourself is responsible for you falling in love and experiencing the feeling of love. This is completely created by yourself within the mind-consciousness system by creating and holding onto point of inequality. If you continue to hold this point and time-loop in focusing all your mind attention onto someone, more and more energy is created. Within time, this anergy starts to become its own entity and thus the Relationship Demon is manifested.

This energetic demonic entity starts to posses you and slowly take control over you and your actions. You start to loose your mind and do not react in common sense anymore. You stop to treat everyone equally, you ignore their requests, wants and needs, and you start to move only in direction of fulfilling the desires of your Relationship Demon. You become obsessed with stalking selected male, writing him messages, expressing your love and dedication, describing how he is the only one that you are living for, and that he should give you a chance to live together, since you will do anything necessary to make him happy. Within your mind you enjoy the fantasy and pictures of the scenes where he and you will finally be together and live happily ever after.

If the male does not respond to your affectionate actions, then you start to become more and more desperate. Since you have defined the selected male as the source of your happiness and life fulfillment, by him not returning the attention, you define this state as the end of yourself, the road to life of misery and inner suffering. The consequences of feeding this energetic demon is manifested as pain in your body, you cry and desperately suffer. And once again, you are not aware that it is actually you who is inflicting the pain to yourself, but project the cause of the pain outside, onto the male who you desire.

By allowing yourself to go on with participating in this mind pattern, you feed the Relationship Demon to the extent that it totally possesses and consumes your. You end to exist as life and become nothing but energy that wants only more energy from other living beings. You do not take others into consideration, but only want to posses the targeted male, regardless of consequences. You try to get close to him, want to surprise him, perhaps even trap and rape him. If he would fight back, you would become violent and maybe even kill him. You actually do not care about him as a living being, you just want his energy of attention. So if he does not want to give you any attention, you allow yourself the emotion of envy and rather have him dead than allow him to give attention to any other being.

Thus, to prevent psychical or physical violence and murder, I suggest for every female, who experience the progression of described events, to stop immediately. Understand that energy is the trap and that results only in destruction. Life is not energy, the energy destroys life. Energy is produced by participating in mind-consciousness system that produces thoughts and fantasies. Whatever there is in your mind is all illusion. The reality is what is here as the physical in every moment of every breath. The mind allows you to create the bubble of separate individual reality that is different from the universal reality. When you try to impose your mind reality onto physical reality, the friction, energy, violence, pain and destruction is manifested. Thus I suggest not to participate in your mind at any time whatsoever and focus only on what is here in the physical.

The first support tool that helps you to ground yourself in the physical is breathing. If you are constantly aware of your breath, if every in-breath and out-breath is executed by your own will, than you effectively stop the thoughts to bother you and steal you attention from what is here. Thus make sure that you are aware of your breath constantly, in every single moment, without stopping. If you at any time notice, that you are in you mind, than you simply return your attention onto your breath. The other supportive tool is writing yourself to freedom, create mind constructs, indicate the accepted and allowed definitions that prevent you from considering all existence as one and equal, and then self-forgive those definitions. I recommend to research the Desteni I Process that will educate you effectively in tools to free yourself from influences of all energies and support your process of birthing yourself as life from the physical.

I am concluding this support with writing some self-forgiveness as one and equal with the female who has allowed and accepted to become possessed by self-created Relationship Demon. If you experience any level of possession, it is recommended that you read and speak this words out loud, since it will support you in shattering and defusing the mind patterns that in time crystalize and become one with the physical:

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with someone, instead of standing up as life as one end equal to everyone else.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that falling in love is something normal and desirable, instead of realizing that this is just the information that I have accepted from my environment.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall with the excuse of love, instead of realizing that the world "fall" indicates that I am not "standing" anymore, and that I need to remove all things that make me "fall", regardless of their nature.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love only as the feeling, instead of realizing that every feeling is the friction-produced energy, and that real love is the practical living as one and equal to every single living being and doing what is best for all.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that experiencing the feeling of love is the necessary experience that I need to get in order to complete my life, instead of realizing that in the moment that I desire something different from what is here in this moment, I actually stop myself as life and become energy that destroys all life.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for specific partner, based on my subconsciously created pictures and personality definitions of ideal male, instead of realizing that I can be in successful partnership with anyone who is willing to enter the agreement with me, where each one of us will support other equally.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as female and allow myself to create female personality and act according to what others have told me that I have to act like just because of my sex, instead of realizing that who I am is life and that any definition that defines me as something less that life is just going to limit my self-expression.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the energetic experience of feelings and emotions, believing that to be able to feel is what makes me human and warm and pleasant person, instead of realizing that the nature of energy is to distract me from what is here and that allowing the energy will consequently bring me pain and death.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believing that thinking is the part of who I am, instead of realizing that thoughts are produced by the mind-consciousness system that is enslaving us in time-loops where we repeat mistakes over and over, until we realize that mind is illusion and that what is real is only physical creation in this moment.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone as something more, and then project my definitions out there, instead of realizing that all definitions are my own creation and that no one but me is responsible for how I perceive everything that exists.
    
    
11. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to uplift or degrade any part of reality and thus create the point of separation and polarity, instead of realizing that we are all one and equal and that any part of creation can not exist as more and less valuable than others.
    
    
12. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can not live and be satisfied without some partner, instead of realizing that I am individual living being that does not need anyone to exist, live end express itself fully in every single moment.
    
    
13. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe and be here, instead of realizing that whenever I forget to breathe and start participating in my mind, I stop being aware of what I am actually doing and thus inflicting paint to myself and others.

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