Day 108: Relationship addiction

In relation to listening of What is Sex audios and Bernard Poolman's death based on a heart attack, I became more aware of sexual anergy connections and associations that I created in regards to sex, energy of orgasm and relationships. Also the interviews of death experiences enabled me to understand the process of dying from a new perspective where the extensive influence of the mind or mind-consciousness system is exposed. That created additional motivation to change my habits, especially in regards to masturbation and watching porn.

What I have noticed was that I in a way enjoy being single and master of my time, having peace and silence whenever I want, however a part of me desires to be in a relationship with a woman of specific characteristics, not only for sex, but also as a business associate. I understand this desire is mostly the product of influence from society and my parents who want me to be in relationship, get married and have kids. However many successful people are single since having a steady partner is too much of obligation and time-consuming situation.

In spite of being satisfied with me as being a single person, I occasionally find myself fantasizing to engage in sex or relationship with some young, beautiful woman. This fantasies can be triggered simply by looking at some picture of random FaceBook profile or watching some movie trailer or even meeting some person in flesh. I then imagine myself being with this person and start thinking about how to contact this person in order to find out if she would be a proper partner for me.

Within this thinking I evaluate all the characteristics of the person, like if they smoke and drink, if they are intelligent and educated, if I would like the tone of their voice and smell of their skin and also if they would be willing to start a process of self-honesty and collaborate in business projects with me. I then very quickly conclude that it is a very small chance that some person on the photo would be fully qualified in regards to all that demands and that it would probably be waste of time trying to contact them and research their personality.

However sometimes I would stumble on some photo of a woman that I would find especially attractive, and I don't mean in terms of just being pretty like a photo model or a beauty queen, but there would be a certain face characteristics of a person that I interpret like being very open and relaxed person, exactly the personality type that I always desired. I would then research the profile of the person for example discover that this person is already in relationship or married or even has kids. This realization would trigger a great disappointment and sorrow, that sometimes accumulates into a hearth arrhythmia or a small heart attack.

When I experience this kind of heart problem, I have to immediately bring myself back here, focus on my breathing and stop daydreaming. So this is definitely a proof that mind creates nothing but troubles and can even create a massive heart attack that results in death. This can especially manifest during sex when, as I learned from the inter-dimensional audios, heart literally stops every time when the orgasm is experienced. I will have to become more careful about participating in the mind before it is to late and the mind would destroy my physical body beyond repair.

Day 24: I decided to brake up with my girlfriend

In the previous post of this blog I wrote how the visit of my good friend opened up my eyes and assisted me in becoming aware how detrimental a relationship is where your partner is constantly telling you that it can not be done, that you will not succeed, that money is root of all evil and a lot of similar limiting and unsupportive claims. One can try consciously telling itself that these statements are not true, however when hearing them every single day for several times, they slip to the subconscious and unconscious mind and start to sabotage you without being aware of.

Yesterday I decided to have a talk with my girlfriend and told her that I suggest to part. She agreed and told me that she also expected me to come to this decision sooner or later since she also was not very committed to our relationships and desired a different lifestyle. I am planning to prepare myself for political an leadership activities and I need a capable and supportive partner who does want the same. However my girlfriend did not want even to dress different, but was always in casual new age clothes and wanted to live without any big responsibilities in the nature and do some agriculture or similar activities.

Our relationship was beneficial for both of us, we learned and realized a lot. I gain experience about how is to be fully physically loved and accepted and I saved here from previous violent relationship and showed her how man can communicate and act peacefully. However now is time to move one. I need a more supportive environment, friends who build me up, who see the solutions instead of problems, who realize that each one of us has power to achieve incredible things and that with dedication and focus we can relatively quickly turn this world into what is best for all.

So today my girlfriend is moving out to her parents place and will focus on finishing the exams for her high school of cosmetics before she graduates in one or two months. My business will thus also stop offering her massage services and I will from now on focus on counseling, educational and informational products that support life. I plan to develop my connections with groups of successful and responsible people that I have been involved in and use my time and abilities to create as big social impact as possible.

I see what are my next challenges and there are a lot of mountains to climb yet. I am looking forward to transform myself to more open, collaborative and successful person, meet new people, expand my perspective and activate unlimited potentials that await me. There are people out there with mentality that speed up creative process to unimaginable levels and there are possibilities that no one would ever dream of.

Day 23: Toxic relationship

Days 21 and 22 are in my Slovenian blog

Yesterday I good female friend came to a visit for a business presentation of the new product that I am selling. It was agreed that I do the presentation also for my girlfriend at the same time. While doing presentation, my girlfriend made a few remarks in relation to my presentation that I did not find very constructive and supportive. But instead of me saying anything to her about that, it was a visiting friends who initiated quite extensive dialogue with my girlfriend and reflected her extremely negative, mediocre and unsupportive attitude.

Later the visiting friend shared her story about how she recently decided to brake up with her boyfriends since he was pulling her down. Before she met him, she had no problem earning a lot of money, however after meeting her boyfriend, her ability to keep money wend down extremely fast. Her boyfriend constantly programmed her with believed that having money is bad, that all rich man are crooked and that it is best to live simple natural life without need to have a lot of money.

Her boyfriend had opinion that he is just being realistic, that his opinion is total true and this influenced also his girlfriend. She tried everything possible to keep her head above the water, but even though she had been aware that money by itself is just a tool, on the unconscious level she adopted the mind patterns of her boyfriend to the extent where she lost the ability to create and attract money. Only after she broke up, she was able to clear the limiting believes that she accepted from his boyfriend and now the money started to accumulate again in her life.

That story made me also consider relationship with my girlfriend. I can easily conclude that she has extremely limiting believes about money and wealth and that she definitely influences me unconsciously. There is also a strong correlation between the time where she entered my life and the time where I started to loose my customers and ability to earn money. It has also been strange to me why all the extensive marketing that I made for my end her business services had no effect and why almost all customers came just once and never returned. I gave her to distribute hundreds of promotional flyers and not even one person called yet.

I am asking myself what is holding me in relationship with my girlfriend and why am I allowing all this destructive and limiting influence. There are definitely things that I like about my girlfriend, like the way she admires me, mostly my body attributes, how we enjoy sex, and how we both tend to research secrets of life. However she is a very stubborn person and every feedback or perspective that I express to her, she accepts as personal attack, does not engage in constructive dialogue, but just fights back and protects her current thinking and behavior patterns without any willingness to change.

When reflecting her patterns of constant criticism of others, exposing only the negative perspective, feeling sorry for herself and fearing of loosing money, she did not consider this as opportunity to change, but started to protect her ego by telling me and others that we are the negatives and that she will not allow to be yelled at and tolled what to do. She consideres herself as a brave working and totally honest girl, who does the best. It is just others who simply do not understand her and see her inner beauty.

I supported her for almost 4 year now, mentally and finically and waited and waited until she would be ready to start her process of inner transformation. She read a lot of spiritual books and told me, how Osho basically saved her life due to constant strong mantal attacks from her parents. I have met her parents and experienced myself extreme level of verbal abuse that she had been exposed to. I admire how she in spite of all the shit that she took in her life, she is relatively sane. However within the context of our relationship where I push myself extremely to transcend my own limiting mind patterns, she is the one that does not want to do the process and is pulling me down.

When entering any relationship I understand that there are some issues by harmonizing the lives of two people who have been living separate and are now together. There is always a question about what is the reason for mutual attraction, what inherited behavior patterns to tolerate and when to see that the magnitude of destructive behavior is too high for a long lasting harmonious relationship. I decided that in my case this tipping point has been reached and I will not longer tolerate the current ways of interaction with my girlfriend. Yesterday's visit opened my eyes. I see now that I have been compromising myself by allowing a person in my life with too limiting mind patterns.

I have been tolerating mental abuse from my girlfriend for too long and this also reflects on my ability to sell my products and earn enough money to cover my monthly expenses. I can simply no longer afford to go even more in debt. I understand that my believes are my responsibility and I am doing my process in order to transcending them, however my girlfriend is obviously influencing me to that extend that she is able to program me with limiting believes faster that I am able to clear them out. I want a more supportive relationship that would not be based only on some sweet words and physical admiration, but deep mutual understanding and willingness to change extensively in order to not only create a harmonious relationship, but also change the world system to what is best for all.

2011 - Support for Relationship Demon possessed females

This is support for all women, who long for some specific person, who are in deep love into someone, but this someone is out of their reach or does not want to be in relationship with you.

Understand, that when you grow up, you are being imprinted with billions of information, mostly from your parents, and also from other people an media within your world. Some of those information are regarding relationships between man and a woman. You are fed with definitions of what is your role in this world as a female, how you should act and perform, and part of this female role is also to establish a relationship with some man, create family, have children and thus become a acceptable part of the society.

The parents are the first role model and then you observe also other relationships and copy the information into your subconscious mind. You start imagine your own ideal future relationship or family and thus produce desire for someone that would be able to fulfill this fantasy. Based on your past experience and programming from your parents, your fantasy is very specific of what the ideal partner should look like, how it should act and what shall provide for you in order for you to feel safe and loved.

Then within occasions where you are surrounded with other people, including men, you unconsciously start to observe and compare males with the ideal partner personality in your mind. When some gesture, word, or the looks of someone fits your inner picture of desired figure, then you start to project this ideal characteristics onto the selected male. You create the perception of this male as being something more, someone special, that is indispensable in your life in order to become completely fulfilled.

By this definition and labeling someone as more valuable as everything else, you create the point of inequality. You bring certain part of this creation above the other parts of existence and thus contribute to bringing the whole existence out of balance. Within the context of value, you separate something from everything else and give it much higher value, which result in creating two polarity points, one representing the desired female, and other representing the rest of existence. You stop paying your attention to everything around your equally and start focusing all your attention only on certain being.

Since you focus all your attention only onto someone, the friction within your mind-consciousness system occurs, and from this friction the energy is produced. This energy starts to flow and move within your psychical body and compound around your chest and belly region. The sensation of this energy you then call the feeling of love, and based on your accepted programming, you define this feeling as something normal, as part of the process of creating perfect, long lasting loving relationship. However you are not aware of the fact that it is your participation in your own mind who created this feeling, but project this manifestation out there, onto the person who you have started to define yourself, as being in love with.

However in reality, any being out there has nothing to do with how you feel. No one but yourself is responsible for you falling in love and experiencing the feeling of love. This is completely created by yourself within the mind-consciousness system by creating and holding onto point of inequality. If you continue to hold this point and time-loop in focusing all your mind attention onto someone, more and more energy is created. Within time, this anergy starts to become its own entity and thus the Relationship Demon is manifested.

This energetic demonic entity starts to posses you and slowly take control over you and your actions. You start to loose your mind and do not react in common sense anymore. You stop to treat everyone equally, you ignore their requests, wants and needs, and you start to move only in direction of fulfilling the desires of your Relationship Demon. You become obsessed with stalking selected male, writing him messages, expressing your love and dedication, describing how he is the only one that you are living for, and that he should give you a chance to live together, since you will do anything necessary to make him happy. Within your mind you enjoy the fantasy and pictures of the scenes where he and you will finally be together and live happily ever after.

If the male does not respond to your affectionate actions, then you start to become more and more desperate. Since you have defined the selected male as the source of your happiness and life fulfillment, by him not returning the attention, you define this state as the end of yourself, the road to life of misery and inner suffering. The consequences of feeding this energetic demon is manifested as pain in your body, you cry and desperately suffer. And once again, you are not aware that it is actually you who is inflicting the pain to yourself, but project the cause of the pain outside, onto the male who you desire.

By allowing yourself to go on with participating in this mind pattern, you feed the Relationship Demon to the extent that it totally possesses and consumes your. You end to exist as life and become nothing but energy that wants only more energy from other living beings. You do not take others into consideration, but only want to posses the targeted male, regardless of consequences. You try to get close to him, want to surprise him, perhaps even trap and rape him. If he would fight back, you would become violent and maybe even kill him. You actually do not care about him as a living being, you just want his energy of attention. So if he does not want to give you any attention, you allow yourself the emotion of envy and rather have him dead than allow him to give attention to any other being.

Thus, to prevent psychical or physical violence and murder, I suggest for every female, who experience the progression of described events, to stop immediately. Understand that energy is the trap and that results only in destruction. Life is not energy, the energy destroys life. Energy is produced by participating in mind-consciousness system that produces thoughts and fantasies. Whatever there is in your mind is all illusion. The reality is what is here as the physical in every moment of every breath. The mind allows you to create the bubble of separate individual reality that is different from the universal reality. When you try to impose your mind reality onto physical reality, the friction, energy, violence, pain and destruction is manifested. Thus I suggest not to participate in your mind at any time whatsoever and focus only on what is here in the physical.

The first support tool that helps you to ground yourself in the physical is breathing. If you are constantly aware of your breath, if every in-breath and out-breath is executed by your own will, than you effectively stop the thoughts to bother you and steal you attention from what is here. Thus make sure that you are aware of your breath constantly, in every single moment, without stopping. If you at any time notice, that you are in you mind, than you simply return your attention onto your breath. The other supportive tool is writing yourself to freedom, create mind constructs, indicate the accepted and allowed definitions that prevent you from considering all existence as one and equal, and then self-forgive those definitions. I recommend to research the Desteni I Process that will educate you effectively in tools to free yourself from influences of all energies and support your process of birthing yourself as life from the physical.

I am concluding this support with writing some self-forgiveness as one and equal with the female who has allowed and accepted to become possessed by self-created Relationship Demon. If you experience any level of possession, it is recommended that you read and speak this words out loud, since it will support you in shattering and defusing the mind patterns that in time crystalize and become one with the physical:

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall in love with someone, instead of standing up as life as one end equal to everyone else.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that falling in love is something normal and desirable, instead of realizing that this is just the information that I have accepted from my environment.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall with the excuse of love, instead of realizing that the world "fall" indicates that I am not "standing" anymore, and that I need to remove all things that make me "fall", regardless of their nature.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define love only as the feeling, instead of realizing that every feeling is the friction-produced energy, and that real love is the practical living as one and equal to every single living being and doing what is best for all.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that experiencing the feeling of love is the necessary experience that I need to get in order to complete my life, instead of realizing that in the moment that I desire something different from what is here in this moment, I actually stop myself as life and become energy that destroys all life.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek for specific partner, based on my subconsciously created pictures and personality definitions of ideal male, instead of realizing that I can be in successful partnership with anyone who is willing to enter the agreement with me, where each one of us will support other equally.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as female and allow myself to create female personality and act according to what others have told me that I have to act like just because of my sex, instead of realizing that who I am is life and that any definition that defines me as something less that life is just going to limit my self-expression.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire the energetic experience of feelings and emotions, believing that to be able to feel is what makes me human and warm and pleasant person, instead of realizing that the nature of energy is to distract me from what is here and that allowing the energy will consequently bring me pain and death.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believing that thinking is the part of who I am, instead of realizing that thoughts are produced by the mind-consciousness system that is enslaving us in time-loops where we repeat mistakes over and over, until we realize that mind is illusion and that what is real is only physical creation in this moment.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define someone as something more, and then project my definitions out there, instead of realizing that all definitions are my own creation and that no one but me is responsible for how I perceive everything that exists.
    
    
11. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to uplift or degrade any part of reality and thus create the point of separation and polarity, instead of realizing that we are all one and equal and that any part of creation can not exist as more and less valuable than others.
    
    
12. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can not live and be satisfied without some partner, instead of realizing that I am individual living being that does not need anyone to exist, live end express itself fully in every single moment.
    
    
13. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forget to breathe and be here, instead of realizing that whenever I forget to breathe and start participating in my mind, I stop being aware of what I am actually doing and thus inflicting paint to myself and others.

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