17 January 2011

2011 - Considering farming in order to relieve my butt

It has been now almost one year since I started Structural Resonance Alignment Training. When it was firstly introduced, there was no detailed description of what it would include and how will the lessons be structured, so I was not able to predict how will it influence my life. I pictured it as being only a deep study and guidance on tools like self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. So I was quite surprised when we started with muscle-communication, which was totally mind-blowing and I still get amazed every time when using it. Then the mind constructs lessons started and I saw how deep and detailed analysis of our mind patterns can be. And filling response sheets with information about what our unconscious mind networks exist as was also quite a challenge. In spite of great resistance that I had with pulling out all of information, I was able to push myself and do all the homework in time, so I am quit satisfied with myself.

However it was not until six months after beginning of my SRAT study when I realized that extensive blogging and vlogging would also have to become major part of my life. It would be far more convenient for me if I could continue with my current style of life, doing my business and enjoying whatever I would like to do throughout the day. I expected that my SRAT tutor would only give me some goal-oriented assignments and when I would finish them, I would have no more obligations in regards to the process. But slowly I started to realize that Desteni process is not about executing specific assignments, but about birthing yourself as life from the physical and living the message of oneness and equality and doing what is best for all in every single breath. This means to become constantly stable inside and to direct yourself not as energy, but as the principle. Just understanding this concept is very challenging and to actually become life that stands the test of time, is an hard-to-imagine achievement.

The way how my parents raised me and influenced me, especially my father, was to obey him and do exactly what he wants and to not what he does not want. So I became used to move myself only if there was some other impulse, meaning, if other people would instruct or order me to do something. I have became obedient worker without self-will, bravely executing orders of others, and when I finished the job, I stopped moving. And I am still looking forward for someone to direct me, to give me some assignment, and if there is no impulse from outside, I became lazy.

If there is nothing specific that someone wants me to do, I go into low-esteem mode, researching, enjoying and resting. In some way, I have abdicated my self-will, so I find hard to direct myself when I am alone. In that occasions I allow my mind to move me. If I do not know what to do, I lye down on the sofa and take a nap. While resting, I start to think and then I come to idea what would be cool to do next. Then I wake up and start moving myself towards execution that idea. Most of ideas that I come up with are oriented towards research, self-realization and making this world a better place, but they do not have significant impact. The thing I enjoy the most is watching and sharing Desteni videos and other information. I like befriending people who want to discover themselves and invite them to research Desteni. But there are also stuff that I do not like as much, since they involve reading texts and removing mind-fucks.

As a DIP recruiter, I am also receiving ITD lessons so I can get acquainted with the process that ITD student are walking in order to be a proper buddy to my recruits in the future. I have noticed that the second lesson includes suggestion to blog every single day. While I have decided to blog more frequent a few months ago, the initial information about the minimum amount of blog posts for the beginners was about one post per month. That seemed to me too infrequent, so I was very surprised when I heard about daily blogging for the ITD students. As a future buddy, I wanted to be equal to the ITD students, so I read all the lessons and re-watched the suggested videos, but now I am also faced with the challenge to blog daily. While I compared myself to other Destonians from Slovenia who blogged just a few times per month, I have been very satisfied with my achievement of blogging several times per week. But now, when ITD students from Slovenia started to blog daily, I have lost my lead. Thus I will have to push myself even more to catch up with the rest of the group.

But no problem, if others can do it, I can do it also. Well it is not so hard for me to write myself out mentally, but it is the physical that is making me problems. I mean the physical pain system and the gravity are making me hard to blog. Since every blog takes from one to two hours to write, I need my body to be still in order to hit the keyboard on the screen accurately and write what I have on my mind. But after some time of not moving my physical body, the force of gravity starts to press on my skin and muscles which results in increasing pain that redirects my attention from writing. Thus I need to stop writing, move my body and then continue. Since I spend a lot of time sitting and using computer already for my business, research and entertainment need, having to blog daily means to increase the amount of time while sitting and using computer even more. So my butt suffers extremely and extensively and the nasty and painfully boils start to appear on the skin of my ass.

I see the computer as a very useful tool to communicate with lots of people regardless of their locations, and it also tool that I use to create graphic design, execute pre-press, and retouch photos as part of my business services. If I add watching videos for education and entertainments, I can conclude that I am using computer for most of my day. I have no problems with my eyes while watching for so long, it is only the buttocks that takes all the stress. So I consider changing my professional services into something that would result in more physical activities and would not include using computer. Thus owning and working on some far is a very attractive Idea. It would bring me the opportunity to ground and earth me much better and to be in touch with other living beings, since now I am mostly separated from natural environment, spending all day in my apartment. So when I return from the holidays on the Desteni farm, I will check the available options of buying a small farm somewhere in our country or joining some group that already owns and lives on the farm.

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