2011 - Destructive nature of love as feeling

I just finished a relationship that lasted for almost exactly one year. It started when one girl fall in love with me over internet since we had a lot of common interests. She then very persistently started to call and message me and wanting to meet with me. I in kind a way felt very flattered that someone has so much interest in me, but I was also aware that this kind of obsession is not the best foundation for any relationship. But since I did not want to pre-judge her, I gave her a chance and started a relationship with her.

When we first met face to face, I explained her that my interests are in self-realisation and making this world a better place for all. I told her that we can be only in kind a relationship that we call An Agreement. This is not a typical relationship where two people start living together and start supporting each other personality or ego, but the other way around. Partners are to expose each other's destructive behavior patterns and transform them so that they are not only best for that person, but best for all living beings on this world.

My girlfriend agreed that she is prepared to work on herself, analyze and remove all mind patterns that cause her to emotionally react and that also made her to define me as something more and thus created the energy that she calls love. You see, there are two kinds of love. One is fake love of the mind that is the energy feeling, and other is real love that is based on practical actions of doing onto others as you would want other to do onto you. So one can claim that it is in love with certain person, but his action prove the other way around.

I supported my girlfriend with nice and not so nice approach in order to start her process of self-honesty, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, but she was not able or did not wanted to grasp the material and do her process. Thus I decided to end this relationship since it was not supportive for me and influenced me in also slowing down my own process. So I am now moving on and I will be prepared to engage in new relationship or agreement only if the other person will be actually willing and able to walk with me in the process as one and equal.

For those who want to find out more about the process of self-realization that I have been involved in for about two years now, Google "Desteni I Process" or visit this URL > http://www.desteniiprocess.com
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2011 - Perfectionism as the most prominent evil in my life

The most prominent point that I am currently facing with in my process of self-realisation is the subconscious or unconscious pattern of expecting things to be in certain way, as I imagine them in my mind, as ideals of perfections of how I want reality to be. When these ideals are then not fulfilled, I react with subconscious anger that manifest as skin irritation in my genital region. Let me give you some example:

Within development of the back-end distribution center for my Equality Store that will sell licensed promotional merchandising for Desteni world-wide, I decided to implement the 'Web Postal Window' which is the fresh new logistic solution of our national postal company. Usually if you need to send some package, you have to bring it to the nearest postal office and wait in the line. When it is your turn, the postal worker accepts your package, weights it and sticks the stamp in value, according to the weight and country where the package is to be delivered to. You then pay for the stamps, receive an invoice and you are done.

Well, the WPW is the solution where you do not need to go to the postal office to ship the packages, but you do it all at your own business office. However you need to invest in one of the prescribed compatible model of electronic scale which cost around 2000 € and in a termal printer that prints labels size around 4 x 7 centimeters and that costs around 400 €. Then you need to have computer with Windows operating system, since the WPW is the web browser application that requires Microsoft Explorer browser, which is the only browser that does not run on Apple computers that I use. So in order to use the application, I had to buy and install Parallels Desktop virtual machine software worth around 60 € and Windows 7 operating system with price tag from 100 to 200 €, depending on the version. So the sum of total investment in the WPW solution was around 2700 €, not counting the computer hardware.

After you buy all the compatible hardware and software, then you order the qualified electronic certificate at the postal company. The username and password for downloding of the certificate comes in two envelopes, delivered separately. When you successfully download and install the certificat, the computer technician comes and checks if all the equipment is compatible and initializes the WPW web application and makes a test weighting of some object on your electronic scale and prints respective postal label on your thermal printer. You are then qualified to sign the contract with the postal company and receive the instructions and training of how to use their web application.

When you then want to ship some package, you do not need to go to the postal office anymore, but weight the package on your own electronic scale which by USB cable automatically transfers the weight information to the WPW software which then prints respective official postal label on the thermal printer. After you have weighted all the packages that need to be shipped in the current day, you print the collective document and call the postal company delivery wan that collects the packages. You receive invoice and pay for all the postal shipping costs within the past month only at the end of each month. So this solution reduces the time and travel needed, which equal money, towards shipping in usual way.

In comparison to telecommunication providers, when you receive all the modems, routers and movie recording hardware for free and you only pay for the monthly subscription, I was here disappointed since I expected for the postal company to also provide all the necessary hardware for free. And I expected for everything to be sorted out not later than in a week or two, but all the procedure from having to purchase the hardware from all the system becoming functional took over 6 weeks. And even when the system was in place, I was disappointed since the WPW system only takes care for creation of official postal label that is equivalent to postal stamps. So you still need to somehow put the name and address of the sender and receiver on the package either by handwriting or printing two additional larger labels and some larger printer, since the termal printer is too small for this.

I have watched some movies of industrial shipping centers where everything was fully automated, so the system took care for one large label to be affixed on the package that included all the information, including sender, receiver and official postal information. So I was mad that in spite of quite large investment in the WPW system, I still needed to do a lot of additional handwriting or retyping of the same information twice. My expectations were too high, so I become disappointed and angry because they were not fulfilled. And this is only one example from my life where I allow myself subconsciously to hold to some ideal and then created friction and emotional energy of anger when the reality cames out different that I want it to be. So I need to take self-responsibility, forgive myself for living in my separate parallel illusional mind reality, start living here in the physical and accept the current situations in my life the way it is:

1. I forgive myself for allowing myself to live in my separate illusional mind reality and thus creating conflict between the mind and the physical instead of realizing that life of harmony is possible only if we all live here as one and equal in this solid stable universal reality.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing myself to watch and observe situations and conditions and thus create ideal world in my mind and then become mad if the reality is not the way I imagine, instead of realizing that it is ok to have the vision of better world, but it needs to be created in the physical step by step by firstly accepting the reality the way it currently is.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself as innovative visionary personality, constantly criticizing current situation, imagining how it can be improved and feeling good for in this way defining myself as something more, instead of improving this world from point of oneness and equality, as life, without any good or bad feelings and emotions.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for allowing myself to decide for something, hoping and expecting that things will develop in direction that I imagine, want and desire, instead of pushing myself through point of laziness and do necessary research of the facts so that I get the correct picture of the way the things will develop in this reality.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for allowing myself to connect the high price with perfection instead of realizing that price can be set freely by anyone and it is just a result of decision and is not necessary reflecting the level of quality of some goods and services.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for allowing myself to rush and want to things happen fast, instead of realizing that we live here in the physical reality and it takes time and space and a lot of patience before our imagination takes physical form and shape.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be dependent of other people's opinion and constantly striving for excellence, being afraid that others will not accept me if I do not prove myself, instead of realizing that life is not about competition and winning, but about mutual collaboration and support so that we are finally able to create a world that is best for all.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for allowing myself to do everything myself in order to save time, effort and money when I order others to do something for me, instead of realizing that not trusting others in not trusting myself and by not allowing others to express themselves, I thus suppress and destroy myself within.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel good when I observe and use the things that I possess and thus also feel discomfort when I see other people observe my possessions, instead of releasing my attachment to my possessions and realize that we can live here only when we stop all possessions and share all the available resources, products and services equally among all living beings, based on their physical needs.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for allowing myself to forget that we are all part of the same reality, that we all share this world, thus collaboration from point of equality and what is best for all is the best and only solution to end all evil like scarcity, hunger, violence and war once and for all.
    
    
11. When I communicate with other people, I speak from the point of oneness and equality, I put myself in the shoes/skin of being that I am communicating to, I breathe effectively, I am patient, I speak slowly, clearly, and direct myself and others towards what is best for all.
    
    
12. When I plan something, I set the goal, but allow unlimited time and unpredictable sequence of events before the goal is reached, with awareness that there are a lof of beings in this world that also strive for their goals, so mutual respect and understanding is necessary.

If you want to align yourself with what is best for all, I invite you to join 'Desteni I Process' online self-realisation course and support peaceful democratic solution of an 'Equal Money System' that will guarantee dignified life for all living beings in this world.
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2011 - My grandmother > Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction

This is the excerpt of my finished and approved Advanced Mind Construct assignment of the third most influential person in my life as part of self-realisation online coaching program 'Desteni I Process' where we face our accepted and allowed subconscious mind patterns that trigger immediate emotional reactions. In the first step, called 'Ranting and Raving' we write down everything that comes on our minds about topic that we currently walk. Then in the following two steps, called 'Paragraphs' and 'Skeleton' we narrow the amount of information in order to expose the main points, and in the next three steps, called 'Memories', 'Components' and 'Self-Forgiveness with Self-Corrective statements', we expand by digging deep into our minds, expose all secret memories, identify the forms of our self-deception within these memories and finally defuse those emotional triggers by taking full self-responsibility with tool of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements.

Step 1 > Ranting & Raving:

My grandmother was a very big protector for me. My grandfather died a few years ago, so she has been living alone since then. She is a very active lady, constantly doing something, assisting other people, involved in the senior club, and she is a great cook. I used to come and visit her for a weekend, usually at Fridays or Saturdays at the evening, and she would prepare me a great feast. She constantly baked cookies and cakes, and when I would arrive, she would prepare me fried potato chips, fried chicken or fish and green leaves salad, since I preferred those dishes the most. I would just lie on the sofa, and she would cook for me with great joy. In the mean time, I would watch movies, since I did not have a TV set at home, and I would watch them until early in the morning. Then I would spend the night at her place and the next morning I would go home.

About three years ago she fell and broke some major bone and had a great pain and needed assistance. Since no one of us had time to assist her all the time, we decided to be the best to sell her apartment and to move her to the retirement home. She fully recovered now and is active again. Now she lives in a room with some other old lady who has trouble walking, and she is assisting her. Since now she does not have a kitchen of her own, she assists in the retirement home kitchen and she collects and is given some food as award and she then saves it for me. Lately I come to see her at Sundays and pick her up at 8:30 after the breakfast. We put all the food for me and also for others from her religious group in the bags, and then we usually go to visit the grave of my mother/her daughter who committed suicide two years ago. We tidy up the gravestone and light some candles. Then we go to my place where I pick the food for me from the bags and put in into the fridge, and in the meanwhile she visits her friend in the neighborhood or irons my laundry.

At 10:00 I drive her to the next village where she joins her Jehovah Witnesses religious group. My grandmother has much resentment towards my father since she believes that he used all the money from selling her apartment for his own needs, and she also resents my brother for being such nasty towards me. But I encourage her to forgive herself all that judgments and live here in peace with everyone. My father does not want to eat any food that she bring from the retirement home since it is basically forbidden to transport the food out of the retirement home, but she can not help herself to stop doing this. So I allow her to feel as someone who can support me a bit, and I am also thankful since I do not need to buy much food in the store. I though have a bit of a bad feeling since it is forbidden to transport food out of the retirement home

Step 6 > Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements:

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to grandfather’s behavior due to my expectation that he must behave nicely and speak polite to his wife, instead of realizing that every expectation or ideal of how one must behave is a believe, accepted from other people, and that however someone behaves, I must not emotionally react but breathe and stay here.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my grandfather’s behavior to his experience of suffering in the Dachau concentration camp and defining his behavior as self-pity, instead of realizing that whenever I made any assumption that someone is behaving in regards to his past experiences is my own created believe and it has nothing to do with the actual someone’s expression in this moment.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry when my grandmother offered me the meat dish while I was a vegetarian instead of realizing that if someone offers me some dish that I do not want to eat, it is up to me to decline it while remaining stable inside and that there has never have to be any reason for any emotional reaction.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose motivation while explaining my grandmother my perspective about the diet, instead of remaining patient and stable within, breathing effectively and continue with explanation until she will finally get it.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become inpatient with my grandmother since I defined her as too old and incapable of understanding what I am saying, instead of realizing that it will take a lot of time and enormous patience in order for everyone to understand the principles of self-responsibility and what takes to practically manifest heaven on earth.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decline the food from the starting point of proving who is right and wrong and trying to prove that I am right, instead of realizing that the only valid judge if the food is appropriate for me is my physical body and it is best for me to listen to my physical senses and eat whatever and whenever my eye, nose and tongue indicate that some food is good for me.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the senses of my physical body are not valid and that I need to pick my diet based on what other people and books tell me is right, instead of realizing that we all have unique body, that there is no diet that is best for all, and that is best to ask my physical body to tell me what food is the most suitable for me.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I decided to eat fish and defining this as my grandmother winning over me instead of realizing that if I decide something, based on what is best for me, it does not meter who gave the suggestion to do that, and that there is no reason to have any good od bad feelings, but just to accept this decision and remain here.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine how my grandmother is selling the batteries to her clients and how she enjoys doing that, instead of realizing that whatever I imagine in my mind is self-deception, a lie, and has nothing to do with the actual events end experiences of other people within these events, thus it is best not to imagine anything anytime and ask about the exact actual facts.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the feelings of envy in regards to imaginative activities of my grandmother, instead of realizing that any created feelings towards people in my imagination is double self-deception, and that even in real life I should never compare myself to anyone and not allow any feelings and emotions towards anyone since they are all the result of separation.
    
    
11. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate my grandmother’s activities and her benefits in regards to that activities and wanting to do the same things in order to gain the similar benefits, instead of realizing that whenever I compare myself to anyone, I separate myself from what is here and loose myself in the mind, thus it is best to always only observe other people’s activities, breathe effectively and remain here without allowing any thoughts or desires.
    
    
12. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what benefits will I receive when grandmother gives me something, instead of simply accepting things from anyone if I can practically use them and then store them and use them whenever I need them, without going in my mind and thinking about all possible scenarios in relation to things that are given to me.
    
    
13. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid if someone would stop while carrying the bag full of food that grandmother gave me due to perception that my life is depended on the food in the bag and that if someone will stop me, my life will get compromised, instead of realizing that I have enough money to buy me plenty of food to survive, and even if I am prevented to receive the food from my grandmother, I will still be fine.
    
    
14. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad about breaking the rule of the food not being allowed to be transported outside the senior home, instead of realizing that I have never actually checked if this rule is really in place, and that since everyone in the senior home is allowing my mother to pick and collect the food, they are obviously allowing her to do with the food whatever she wants, and that if I am braking any rule, I will only know that if someone will inform me that my actions are not allowed, so there is nothing for me to actually having to worry about.
    
    
15. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admire my grandmother for her actions, defining them as generous, and becoming envious about her, instead of realizing that actions of people are just actions that bring consequences and I am also capable of performing any actions the same as anyone else, so it best not to define others and their actions as something more than me an my actions, but to remain stale within and do my self-movement towards what is best for all.
    
    
16. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prevent my grandmother to do my laundry due to my created belief that I will this way over-exploit her and that she better rests due to her advance age, instead of realizing that whenever someone wants to assist me, I can simply allow the assistance since it will relief some of my jobs, and not allow myself any definitions about what others are capable on not capable of doing.
    
    
17. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to do everything for myself in order to feel good, instead of realizing that this way I am limiting my expansion, so it is better to start collaborating with others in order to make much more things done.
    
    
18. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my grandmother has over-criticized my mother and is thus responsible for the suicide of my mother/her daughter, instead of realizing that each one of us is responsible for what we accept and allow and thus my mother is the only who is responsible for allowing and accepting the thoughts and feelings that eventually made her to commit suicide.
    
    
19. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible for my grandmother to forgive herself all the feelings of blame towards my mother, father and brother, instead of realizing that there is nothing more that I can do besides explaining her how we are all responsible for our thoughts, feelings and emotions and teaching her by my own example of remaining here, stable within and never giving up on anyone.
    
    
20. When I want to express my perspective to someone, I understand that I others can get to understanding only when I became one and equal with them and explain them as I would like to have explained if I was in their shoes, so I remain here, with unlimited patience, and explain the points slowly and clearly until people reach full understanding of what I want to communicate.
    
    
21. When I am offered food, I look it with my eyes, I smell it with my nose, I taste it with my tongue and then accept it if I find it appropriate for my human physical body and if I am hungry in that moment, other wise I decline the food without while remaining here and stable within.
    
    
22. When I am in doubt if I am breaking some rule or law, I do not allow myself in the state of doubt, but check the rules and laws until I am totally clear what they demand from me and then I walk within this system without breaking any laws and agreements and slowly change the system and laws as one and equal with the system and remove or change the rules so that the system starts to support everyone equally and becomes manifestation of environment that is best for all.
    
    
23. When I see someone doing something, I observe the physical actions and pictures moving in front of my eyes while remaining stable within, one and equal with the person that I observe and keep my awareness that what others do, I would be able to do the same if I would be in their bodes, but since we have different bodies, we have all different physical abilities, but are all equal in terms of unlimited expression within current limitations of our physical bodies.
    
    
24. When someone offers to physically and practically assist me, I accept the assistance while breathing effectively and remaining here with understanding that if I have some things that need to be done, it is supportive if someone assists me and thus saves my time to do those things, since it is not important who does what, as long every single action is the result of self-expression and executed with use of principle of equality of all living beings.
    
    
25. When I notice that some being is harming other I do not allow the abuse and take actions in order to stop the abuse, while being careful that I am one and equal with the being that I want to stop from being abusive in order for the being to be able to understand the consequences of its actions, accept self-responsibility and correct itself towards not harming others anymore.

So if you wish to become emotionally stable, please research 'Desteni I Process' online program that will teach you how to become self-honest and responsible human being that acts upon principles of equality of all living beings and does what is best for all. And if you decide to assist others in this process, you can become and agent and eventually a buddy and thus earn a lot of money. If you want me to assist you in this process, enter my name 'Valentin Rozman' and my student number '140' when you register. Let us all become better human beings and create heaven on earth!
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2011 - Bulding self-trust

Within communication with other I have been noticing how my self-trust has increased by speaking to others in self-honesty and within principle of what is best for all. I am paying attention to my thoughts and I stop them whenever I notice them, and do not accept any justifications about what they are good for. I focus on my breath, and if thoughts are too strong, I speak out self-forgiveness and massage my physical body in order to ground myself and return to what is here. I keep explaining people how emotional reactions have only destructive consequences in spite of general believe that emotions are important component in our lives. People try to convince me that I am cold, since I do not allow subconscious emotional reactions, instead of they realising that they are the ones who are in fact not able to live here and support all life equally due to theirs mind end emotional possessions that is manifestation of separation from what is actually here.

In the past a lot of subconscious fear emerged due to my allowed and accepted believes that I need to behave nicely and do what others say and disregard the consequences of my actions in the perspective of totality of existence, but now I have started to take more and more self-responsibility for my actions and not allowing myself to do anything that results in harming other living beings that live with me in this reality. I am careful that my actions are not based on my self-interest, but on what is best for all. Being the administrator of the FaceBook group that I created a few weeks ago is a great test for me where I constantly have to be careful not to act from the point of being something more, but to treat others as one and equal and direct them towards self-realisation by introducing them with practical functional tools that Desteni presented, especially the online training, called 'Desteni I Process'.

I experience myself that I am taking more and more control of my conscious mind, but there is still a lot to do. I sometimes experience subtle subconscious and unconscious emotional reactions that manifest as itching on the skin. So I do not fool myself by allowing the believe that I have purified myself totally, since I have in fact hardly begun to scratch the surface of my mind. Ego is great master of self-deception, but I do allow him to posses me anymore. I stop all my self-interest and do onto others as I would like others to do onto me. I stared to give more in order in order to receive more. I plan and invest into projects that are supporting world equality, especially the 'Equal Money System' that will practically manifest heaven on earth. I do all my Desteni I Process assignment, write at least one supportive blog per week and many more blogs and vlogs, in order to support myself in the process of self-realisation more effectively. It is all about self, since self is that creates reality, thus reality will improve with aligning of self with the principle of equality and what is best for all. I stop all energy possessions, I birth myself as life from the psychical and support others as one and equal till eternity.
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