10 June 2013
Day 69: Fear of forgetfulness
Today I will start attending a seminar which will be quite intense. My biggest fear is that I will not be able to keep up with the peers, that I will not be able to commit all the information to memory and that I will forget the knowledge quickly.
I fear that I will be judged by the educator, that I will be evaluated and found not good enough and thus removed from the group. I am question what is the best method of learning and what works best for me. Ever since high school I have not been involved and any serous study. I researched a lot on my own, I am basically learning every day, but the learning has not been structured and automatized as the course that I will be attending.
I do not like the pressure and being forced into learning certain information in certain time span equally with my other peers. I want freedom, feeling relaxed and having fun. However this kind of approach is also not very effective in terms of best use of my time. Self-motivation to learn is very difficult to build up so I am looking forwards to the systematic approach where I will learn more in less time.