A few positive expressions of the engineer are: (1) Wanting control over their environment so that they can manifest the plan and design and vision that they have in mind, thinking that their design is superior, (2) Believing self to be of superior intelligence, (3) Seeing other or most humans as emotional and irrational beings, (4) Seeing themselves as more stable and rational than others.
And the negative expressions are: (1) Dissociated from life by only seeing everything and everyone as cogs in a machine, (2) Lack of empathic skills, (3) Not hearing other beings by placing value onto their vision above all else, (4) Rigidness and inflexibility in thinking, (5) Not connecting with other people and beings, (6) Locked in intellect, (7) No sensitivity for nuanced social behaviour.
The point in my lower back, indicated that I am having positively charged backchat in relation to myself so positively charged backchat in relation to myself be like glorifying myself so now the issue that I am dealing with specifically is that I am having perceptions of the people around me which are creating internal conflict. I am to ask myself about the emotional conflict that I have been experiencing in relation to how I perceive the people around me in my immediate environment. Especially negative backchat about one specific person which is a negatively charged perception of that person which I then identified as my father. And then the positive backchat is in relation to myself and this a polarity is created. The issue is that I am essentially seeing an aspect of myself in my father that I don't really want to see or be honest about with myself which would be about the selfishness or being selfish. Thus the solution would be for me to look at where I am being selfish.
Another solution that tested out was to live a words care, direct and humility. Care seems pretty straightforward, indicating self-care, as in giving yourself the care that I am looking for from my father. Direct means to be direct with my father, meaning to be to the point when dealing with him, and not in the back of my mind, looking for support and care from him. So in other words, like taking the feelings or emotions out of the equation in my relationship with him.
Another solution that tested out was to live a words care, direct and humility. Care seems pretty straightforward, indicating self-care, as in giving yourself the care that I am looking for from my father. Direct means to be direct with my father, meaning to be to the point when dealing with him, and not in the back of my mind, looking for support and care from him. So in other words, like taking the feelings or emotions out of the equation in my relationship with him.
Soon after my kinesiology session I started to apply some of the suggested change. So when I had a business Skype conversation with my father I was careful not to want to impress him or seek his attention and I simply asked him what he wants from me. I then focused on execution of what he required and when he after that engaged in some emotional discussion with me, I payed attention not to play his game anymore. I simply redirected his attention by asking him if there is something else that I am able to assist him. This approach worked as he calmed down and we ended a conversation for that day.
I am now also going to write some additional self forgiveness statements which will assist me in transcending my mind patterns:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to desire care and attention from my father. I realise that being dependant from others to care for me is creating a starting point of lack within me and constant requirement of seeking attention which is the exact word that my father is living. I commit myself that whenever I would communicate with others and my mind would produce thought that start to persuade me that I have to impress others I stop and breathe. I then change my communication with others from starting point of equality and awareness that I am the only thing that I need to be fulfilled.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my father for being selfish. I realise that I have been blaming him for something that I also have been doing in my life. For example I am not accustomed to give tips to servers or to give gifts to others and I do not celebrate birthdays anymore. But if I look at my father, despite of mostly caring also for his self interest and doing things generally to get attention from others, he always gave me some more money than I requested and he made sure that me and my brother had our needs more that covered. So I commit myself to be more generous, to give more and not to be scared anymore that I will lack things as we are living in the world of great abundance.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave like what I do is the best and that others must join me and follow my lead as my plan is perfect. I realise that others equally participate in co creation of this world and that they have their own ways of perceiving what is best and what path is optimal for them. When and as I communicate with others and my mind wants me to explain my perfect plans to them, I stop end breathe. I rather ask them what their current situation in life is, what are their challenges and how they plane to achieve their goal. I commit to only give them my perspective if they request for it or if I see that their plans have some mistake that would cause them or others big problems if not changed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see others only as cogs in the machine. I realise that we all have our own baggage and that we all, including myself, have I lot of work to do before we stop acting as insensitive machines. I commit myself that whenever I meet other people and my mind would start analysing them and finding nothing but flaws, to stop and breathe. I then open myself and communicate with them in a relaxed and gentle way, have some fun and make sure that others feel comfortable in my surrounding. I decide to evolve my social life by going out, visit clubs, mingle and fit more in with the rest of the crowd.
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