2012 Polarity feeling emotional mind energy exposed

I have been feeling very down and heavy in past several days. It felt like I weighted twice the normal weight, I just wanted to rest and was not able to do much work. This was because I have been exposed to information from TV news about financial crisis, recession, prices of gas going up and similar concerning events. Together with not having enough money to pay for my rent on time, I felt quite depressed and started to consider what are the options to go out of these heavy feelings.

I could have done some self-forgiveness, but I was soo down that I could not even type or speak the words. I searched for the solution and then I remembered that some physical exercise could move and release those energies. Since I am in the center of capital city of our Slovenia country, I am not very fun of running on the streets and woods and mountains are quite far away. I wanted to come with a solution that I would be able to use daily and that is very practical. Thus I remember that a rebounder was suggested as the jumping up and down an the elastic canvas is an exercise that also what has been recommended by NASA.

I searched local web site for used sports equipment and someone has been selling a 1,5 meter diameter round used rebounder for just 30 euros which I considered to be a very cool price. I immediately called the guy on the phone and asked if I may come and test the piece. He confirmed, I jumped into my car and in 20 minutes I was already doing the test jumps. What was also cool is that the device flopped twice so it fitted into my car very easily. When I returned home I washed all the pieces since they were slightly dusty due to outdoor use and soon I was already jumping up in the air like crazy.

I can say it assisted me a lot since a smile came to my face and I started to feel much more relaxed. Similar exercise are also what at Desteni was suggested within the Structural Resonance Alignment course and they also have a quite large trampoline at Desteni farm in South Africa where I payed them a visit last year. I now keep my rebounder as for of first aid right in the middle of anteroom and I use it several time a day. The next day after first use I experienced pain on top of my shoulders and on the belly. I was warned that after first use some muscles would hurt since this exercise activates many muscles, including some new ones that one does not use in usually.

In addition to this physical exercise I also took advice to stop listening only news about destruction and degradation on this world, and to watch some comedy movie or similar that would bring me joy and laughs. Thus I started to watch the YouTube clips of Talent Shows where different people would perform singing, magic and other variety acts. I enjoyed those clips a lot and I would watch day for couple of hours late into night. I started to become possessed with energy of good feelings and it was hard for me to stop watching those movies. So thus I started to slowly drift to the other polarity of emotional energy. Some acts moved me so much that even tears started to emerge from my eyes.

This is my pattern of exchange between bad emotions and good feelings that direct my life instead of me directing myself without influence of any energy. I noticed that when I have enough money I feel relaxed and I spend a lot and at that time I just want to enjoy and do not care much about future plans to establish the proper money flow in order to constantly have enough money for my needs. Only when it is almost too late, when it is the last chance to start digging myself out of deep shit, I became motivated enough by the fear of loss so that I take action and do something in order to earn some money again.

This time I decided to sell my video and photo equipment and I made an effort to prepare the ads and collect the emails of all the video production companies in our country. The next day after I sent them an email with my offer, several people already expressed interest in some pieces of my equipment. Thus I was able to transform my belongings into money very quickly. I learned lately that one should not be ashamed to sell some possessions that one does not need so it can be invested into projects that would soon bring back even more money. And I am also prepared to move to cheaper apartment and do whatever necessary in order to fix my life.

So the only thing that is completely detrimental for avery individual are mind patterns of constant worry about what all bad things might happen in the future and being afraid of loosing objects of possession. Some people who are currently very successful have gone bankrupt in the past but they raised themselves up again and rebuilt their lives again. Thus it is not important how many times you fall but that how many times you stand up. Of course going bankrupt is not a magic formula for success and I also have no intention to completely waste all my money but for some they need to go through this experience in order to change their thinking and behavior patterns.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself a good feeling when I have enough money and feeling of safety and thus not having motivation to move myself as life, instead of realizing that energies are what destroy life thus it is necessary to direct myself in every breath and do what is best for all and release any accumulated energy of bad or good feelings and emotions.

And this is a very supporting video from Sunette Spies in regards to becoming emotional when watching some movie scenes that I highly recommend:

2012 - Facing with feelings of envy

I have been observing my subtle instant reactions through the day and there have been many. Let's begin with the first one which is the envy towards other people. So when I observe achievements of other people, the feeling of envy cames up that then manifests as irritation and itching feeling on the skin. In this way I reacted today when I observed and invitation to art exhibition of some young painter, then when I got invitation to a workshop of some of my FaceBook friend and I immediately went into feeling of envy.

My thoughts were: "I wish I would be that guy or girl that excels so perfectly". When I ask myself why have I separatem myself from what I observed, I can see that I have associated these achievements and people with my imagination that those people are praised by other people and that they are successful and wealthy, as I also want to be. But if I look to this point, I can see, that this is my own created belief and projection and not true at all. Firstly it is me, who have interpreted the information in a way that made these people something special and more than me, and it is me who projected certain social and financial status onto these people.

Next level of this self-deception is that I have defined myself as unable to achieve those results that these people displayed, which is again not true. With persistance and focus everyone can basically achieve anything. All is connected to ones family history, environment, education, so I would be able to achieve the same if born in different body and family. It is my own created perception and projection that people with smiling faces on the photos are successful and happy and it has nothing to do with reality.

And if I go even more deeper, I can become aware that those photos that I reacted on were displayed on my computer monitor, which gives another dimension to the structure of my reactions. The point is that the picture on the monitor is composed out of square pixels of different hue and luminosity. My eyes and brain then composes these pixels into picture and gives it a certain meaning. But the fact is that every pixel on digital photo can be manipulated and does no necessary represent the physical reality. This is especially true in the fashion and advertising where every detail is carefully retouched.

We are all hiding beneath the masks of personality, trying to convince others that we are worth of acceptance and competing with the rest in this system in order to accumulate enough money for our needs. Especially in politics there is a lot of deceptions and fake faces where competition is immense and lack of honesty is extensive. So even if one displays face of happiness, the starting point of this happy face can be self-interest and manipulation. Thus it is best not to automatically associate any facial expression or statement of others to anything specific, until one really gets to know the person and find out what he truly stand up for.

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate facial expressions of people with level of success and wealth instead of realizing that everyone can pretend thus judging one, based on the outer appearance is illusional.
   
   
2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to associate digital pictures with physical reality instead of realizing that every picture can be manipulated and retouched extensively and can be very different from the state of physical reality that currently exists.
   
   
3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the feeling of envy towards individuals that I defined as successful instead of realizing that succes in current system means only to be more deceptive and abusive and that true succes will only come when we implement the Equal Money System that will remove the necessity of us constantly competing and fighting each other once and for all.
   
   
4. Next time when I observe other people's facial expression or photos, I breathe, I remain here and communicate with them as one and equal with them, investigating what real experiences in their lives are and invite them to also participate in the process of self-honesty and establishment of world equality system.

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2011 - Improving my interaction with others for better success

I have been observing my behavior patterns when I interact with other people. My observation intensity increased lately due to listening of some audio material that explain how successful people take full responsibility for their lives and how they let themselves to be taught by other successful people in order to change their behavior and make better use of their available time. One of the most prominent characteristics of successful people is to have genuine love or interest for other people, to care for them, and thus build yourself a very attractive charisma. Consequently your open and sincere attitude is accumulated also in many business opportunities that bring a lot of money.

Listening to these material challenges my believe that you can earn a lot of money only if you abuse other people and deliberately manipulate with them to buy what you are selling. I see that I inherited those believes from my parents, especially from my father, who was very critical and cynical towards politicians and rich people, defining them as those who exploit others and steal in very deceptive ways. My father holds a believe that you can earn decent money only if you work hard. He in very innovative in ways how to make money to support himself, but he is not successful in building a team of people that would make even more money. He is full of anger and blame and envy and very short tempered.

In the audio material that I listen, I learn that difference between very successful and less successful people is in taking full responsibility for your life. Successful people never blame others for anything that happens in their lives. They never define anything as bad, but see everything as challenge and opportunity to learn and to make themselves a better person. You always get money from other people, so in order for others to give you money, you need to provide them with something that they want, with something that will improve their lives. Others can sense if you are sincere or if you are just trying to take advantage of them. So being totally honest and truly caring is the key to lasting and increasing success.

When I observe myself and my interaction with other people, I see that I am very uncomfortable with making connections and starting conversations. I need some event to happen in order to break the ice. I need to see some common point of interest before I start sharing myself with others. I need to firstly see the potential of engaging in conversation so that I will get something in return or so that people that I speak with will appreciate what I have to say. Thus I firstly observe others and estimate their level of understanding and compatibility with me, before I consider them worth of contacting.

This point became even more prominent since I started to live with my girlfriend who has much more easy going character and is able to connect with anyone anytime without any judgement or fear. When she finds something or something attractive, she becomes like a child, approaches the subject with funny innocent gestures and voice, extends her arms and touches the subject sweet and gently. One advantage of hers is that she is a woman and they are already by nature more opened and easy to connect between each other, but even among females she is much more childish than others. However she lacks ability of sharing useful supportive content and mostly engages only in small talk.

The harders part of conversation with someone you don't know is starting conversation. One way of how to connect with others is to observe them and pick something that you really like about them. When you approach them you can say: "I really like your tie!" or something. This is cool ice-breaker and it opens subject for discussion. Everyone needs to be accepted and recognized and feel welcome. There is so much criticism in this world, and it is very easy to point fingers, blame, judge and be picky, and it is hard to say something nice about others. It is even harder to give a sincere compliment, without being dishonest and manipulative.

For me it is hard to open myself due to self-judgement, of being dependent on other people's opinion, so I am careful not to make myself a fool or communicate with those who I perceive that will be not interested in what I want to share. I act from a kind of self-protective position where I am more like observer than active participant. I have not yet become person who direct himself towards what is best for all and thus feels no shame or regret. Thus I am continuing with realizing that self-honesty is the key element for permanent succes in life. And it is also about standing for what is best for all no matter what. They say: "The higher the level, the higher the devil", so the one who stands up for life also need to be prepared to face great challenges that come along with this state of the mind.

Many, including me, do not want to disturb others, thus I hold myself back and live rather more quiet and isolated life than put myself in center of attention. I fear that if I would become more opened, others would want my attention, they would want to socialize with me as much as possible and that would drain my energy. I learned that some want to listen and follow others due to not wanting to take self-responsibility for their lives. So they follow easy going people just for entertainment, to distract their attention from the problems in their lives. And this is not what I want to do. I want everybody to take self-responsibility and face everything that they created in their lives. From my point of view, there is enough wisdom in this world that one can easily change their behavior patterns only if decides to stop.

Especially now, where there is awesome Desteni I Process self-development and leadership course available online to everybody, one is able to improve their life significantly. All can find out how mind works for real and get a fast realisation of how we create this world due to acceptance and allowance of repeating thinking and emotional patterns. If one takes full self-responsibility it is possible with use of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to stop living in the mind and birth yourself as life from the physical. This way you stop being irresponsible observer of what is going on, and start being responsible and active participant that creates world that is best for all. With help of peaceful political agenda of an Equal Money System we have the power to effectively and practically remove also all current legal obstacles that prevent us to live here as in heaven on earth. We are the creator. Let's stop all the inherited evil that we project from past to present and create the world that support all living beings equally.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself the believe that rich people are all abusers instead of realizing that one can become rich by not caring about others, but there are also a lot of millionaires that care for others very much, and use honesty and integrity as the directive principle of their business.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself that one can earn decent money only by hard work with own bare hands, instead of realizing that in this way you can earn only limited amount of money, thus you can earn much more if you sell products that are required by a large amount of people, or create a business that provide services for many people.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself the fear of what will others think of me, instead of realizing that this fear is based in self-judgement and what others think about me is their own creation and projection, thus it is best for me to direct myself in every breath in total self-honesty and self-trust towards what is best for all.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid that I will run out of energy if I engage in long conversation with many people, instead of realizing that feeling of being drained always originates from the mind if someone communicates based on knowledge and information and not using common sense, and directive principle of oneness and equality and what is best for all.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself the believe that it is best for not to disturb anybody an live peaceful life, instead of realizing that I am responsible for everything that exists in this world, thus by not acting and directing others to become self-honest and live here as responsible participants, I allow evil to continue in this world.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to communicate from the point of hurry, blame, anger and resentment when I see some situation that needs to be aligned with the principle of what is best for all, instead of becoming one and equal with all participants, slow down, be here, and take all the necessary time to give proper information and direct event in order for sufficient realisation is established for the transformation of behavior patterns.
   
   
7. When I meet other people, I become and and equal with them, immediately connect and start conversation with ease and then support others from starting point of self-honesty, equality and what is best for all.
   
   
8. When I speak, I am breathe effectively, stay here, slow myself down, and speak from common sense, from my own personal realisation and thus stay stable and clear all the time, regardless of how long I speak.

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2011 - Perfectionism as the most prominent evil in my life

The most prominent point that I am currently facing with in my process of self-realisation is the subconscious or unconscious pattern of expecting things to be in certain way, as I imagine them in my mind, as ideals of perfections of how I want reality to be. When these ideals are then not fulfilled, I react with subconscious anger that manifest as skin irritation in my genital region. Let me give you some example:

Within development of the back-end distribution center for my Equality Store that will sell licensed promotional merchandising for Desteni world-wide, I decided to implement the 'Web Postal Window' which is the fresh new logistic solution of our national postal company. Usually if you need to send some package, you have to bring it to the nearest postal office and wait in the line. When it is your turn, the postal worker accepts your package, weights it and sticks the stamp in value, according to the weight and country where the package is to be delivered to. You then pay for the stamps, receive an invoice and you are done.

Well, the WPW is the solution where you do not need to go to the postal office to ship the packages, but you do it all at your own business office. However you need to invest in one of the prescribed compatible model of electronic scale which cost around 2000 € and in a termal printer that prints labels size around 4 x 7 centimeters and that costs around 400 €. Then you need to have computer with Windows operating system, since the WPW is the web browser application that requires Microsoft Explorer browser, which is the only browser that does not run on Apple computers that I use. So in order to use the application, I had to buy and install Parallels Desktop virtual machine software worth around 60 € and Windows 7 operating system with price tag from 100 to 200 €, depending on the version. So the sum of total investment in the WPW solution was around 2700 €, not counting the computer hardware.

After you buy all the compatible hardware and software, then you order the qualified electronic certificate at the postal company. The username and password for downloding of the certificate comes in two envelopes, delivered separately. When you successfully download and install the certificat, the computer technician comes and checks if all the equipment is compatible and initializes the WPW web application and makes a test weighting of some object on your electronic scale and prints respective postal label on your thermal printer. You are then qualified to sign the contract with the postal company and receive the instructions and training of how to use their web application.

When you then want to ship some package, you do not need to go to the postal office anymore, but weight the package on your own electronic scale which by USB cable automatically transfers the weight information to the WPW software which then prints respective official postal label on the thermal printer. After you have weighted all the packages that need to be shipped in the current day, you print the collective document and call the postal company delivery wan that collects the packages. You receive invoice and pay for all the postal shipping costs within the past month only at the end of each month. So this solution reduces the time and travel needed, which equal money, towards shipping in usual way.

In comparison to telecommunication providers, when you receive all the modems, routers and movie recording hardware for free and you only pay for the monthly subscription, I was here disappointed since I expected for the postal company to also provide all the necessary hardware for free. And I expected for everything to be sorted out not later than in a week or two, but all the procedure from having to purchase the hardware from all the system becoming functional took over 6 weeks. And even when the system was in place, I was disappointed since the WPW system only takes care for creation of official postal label that is equivalent to postal stamps. So you still need to somehow put the name and address of the sender and receiver on the package either by handwriting or printing two additional larger labels and some larger printer, since the termal printer is too small for this.

I have watched some movies of industrial shipping centers where everything was fully automated, so the system took care for one large label to be affixed on the package that included all the information, including sender, receiver and official postal information. So I was mad that in spite of quite large investment in the WPW system, I still needed to do a lot of additional handwriting or retyping of the same information twice. My expectations were too high, so I become disappointed and angry because they were not fulfilled. And this is only one example from my life where I allow myself subconsciously to hold to some ideal and then created friction and emotional energy of anger when the reality cames out different that I want it to be. So I need to take self-responsibility, forgive myself for living in my separate parallel illusional mind reality, start living here in the physical and accept the current situations in my life the way it is:

1. I forgive myself for allowing myself to live in my separate illusional mind reality and thus creating conflict between the mind and the physical instead of realizing that life of harmony is possible only if we all live here as one and equal in this solid stable universal reality.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing myself to watch and observe situations and conditions and thus create ideal world in my mind and then become mad if the reality is not the way I imagine, instead of realizing that it is ok to have the vision of better world, but it needs to be created in the physical step by step by firstly accepting the reality the way it currently is.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself as innovative visionary personality, constantly criticizing current situation, imagining how it can be improved and feeling good for in this way defining myself as something more, instead of improving this world from point of oneness and equality, as life, without any good or bad feelings and emotions.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for allowing myself to decide for something, hoping and expecting that things will develop in direction that I imagine, want and desire, instead of pushing myself through point of laziness and do necessary research of the facts so that I get the correct picture of the way the things will develop in this reality.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for allowing myself to connect the high price with perfection instead of realizing that price can be set freely by anyone and it is just a result of decision and is not necessary reflecting the level of quality of some goods and services.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for allowing myself to rush and want to things happen fast, instead of realizing that we live here in the physical reality and it takes time and space and a lot of patience before our imagination takes physical form and shape.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be dependent of other people's opinion and constantly striving for excellence, being afraid that others will not accept me if I do not prove myself, instead of realizing that life is not about competition and winning, but about mutual collaboration and support so that we are finally able to create a world that is best for all.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for allowing myself to do everything myself in order to save time, effort and money when I order others to do something for me, instead of realizing that not trusting others in not trusting myself and by not allowing others to express themselves, I thus suppress and destroy myself within.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel good when I observe and use the things that I possess and thus also feel discomfort when I see other people observe my possessions, instead of releasing my attachment to my possessions and realize that we can live here only when we stop all possessions and share all the available resources, products and services equally among all living beings, based on their physical needs.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for allowing myself to forget that we are all part of the same reality, that we all share this world, thus collaboration from point of equality and what is best for all is the best and only solution to end all evil like scarcity, hunger, violence and war once and for all.
    
    
11. When I communicate with other people, I speak from the point of oneness and equality, I put myself in the shoes/skin of being that I am communicating to, I breathe effectively, I am patient, I speak slowly, clearly, and direct myself and others towards what is best for all.
    
    
12. When I plan something, I set the goal, but allow unlimited time and unpredictable sequence of events before the goal is reached, with awareness that there are a lof of beings in this world that also strive for their goals, so mutual respect and understanding is necessary.

If you want to align yourself with what is best for all, I invite you to join 'Desteni I Process' online self-realisation course and support peaceful democratic solution of an 'Equal Money System' that will guarantee dignified life for all living beings in this world.
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2011 - How I met Desteni

I have been raised in a family where we had our own business, so I was provided with basically everything that I desired. However I also had to work long hours and obey my father who was the boss. While I had enough of physical necessities, I was not very fun about the way how our relationships among family members developed. There was a lot of self-interest, deception, accusation, projections, so I became more and more frustrated. I did not know how to fix this until I met I girl who was in similar condition and we decided to move together to own apartment in order to be able to sort things out. But after living together for three years, she left me with excuse that she does not feel safe. Since we had enough money, shelter, clothes, time, and I did not abuse her in any way whatsoever, I was desperate, not knowing what I was doing wrong to deserve this.

So it was in year 2000 when I was left alone in my apartment and firmly decided to find out what is going on in peoples minds. I wanted to know what life is, what all is about, who and what I am, and what to be careful about in order not to make the same mistakes. Thus in the past 10 years, I practically researched every field that involves human behavior, our physical body, and also what is going on after death. I read holy books of all big religions, participated in religious and new age spiritual groups, and also researched western and alternative medicine. This is because I noticed that some rush on the skin around my genitals developed and it started to itch me each time I found myself in some unacceptable situation. I tried yogas, tantras, reiki, angles and every other possible solution, but it did not helped me in any way whatsoever.

In the fall of 2009 I stumbled upon Desteni videos on YouTube where some beings were speaking through interdimensional portal. It was quite odd to see the deep inhalation and exhalation process at the beginning and end of the videos, but what has been said, made a lot of sense to me. I continued to watch videos for many months and then decided to join the forum. In January 2010 I applied for 'Desteni I Process' course that was called 'Structural Resonance Alignment Training' at that time and I am continuing with the study up to this day. I can testify that the process assisted me more than everything that I experienced in past 10 years of my spiritual practice together. I became more stable, I stopped the emotional reactions within myself, the skin condition healed, and I am now digging deeper and deeper in my mind and defusing all remaining points of separation.

While I immediately embraced Desteni message with great enthusiasm due to my past experiences, I understand that many are not able to become opened for Desteni to the extend that I have become. It is disheartening to see how some people become even Desteni haters and make troubles to the group who actually wants to make this world a better place for all. This is basically due to lack of understanding what Desteni is really about. They notice just some aspects of Desteni and immediately compare and connect it with some stories, movies, news reports and books that they have heard, watched or read in the past. But Desteni is nothing like anything that ever existed. Never has any individuals or groups started to take self-responsibility, never has anyone done what is best for all, never has equality among all living beings been lived here practically. So I suggest everyone to take a deep breath, slow down and read all the material to become acquainted what we actually do. And hopefully you will also join us in the effort to remove all the evil from this world for good.

Desteni and Destoninan videos that impressed me the most:
01. I am ONE vote for World Equality and Equal Rights
02. The Credibility of Desteni
03. The Cult of Desteni Beliefs & Practices Part 1
04. The Cult of Desteni Beliefs & Practices Part 2
05. Animal Bugs & Plants in Equal Money System
06. SELF FORGIVENESS as LIFE
07. Law of Attraction has a HIDDEN Secret no-one Shares.
08. Aura and the colors that reveal the truth
09. Chakras and their purpose
10. Lightworker 101 - Meditation Prayer Protection
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2011 - Facing fear of future challenges

Big plans ahead: Moving to capital city Ljubljana, renting apartment, restarting photography business, adding video services, launching Desteni accessories shop. All this triggered a lot of subconscious fear that again manifested as movement in my head, called vertigo. How do I know that vertigo is all about fear? It is triggered immediately after I allow and accept some thought of fear and anxiety when I am experiencing some tuff decisions. Like for example when I was in the middle of meeting with web store programming company. After the head of projects explained that tags in the web store are totally ignored by Google search engine, the picture in front of my eyes shifted like someone would push my head swiftly for several decimetres. And the same day, when I picked my grandmother with my car, in the middle of the road, while she was describing how some of her friend finished university and planned to raise her two children and be able to cope with all the challenges, when she started to explain that this women is now experiencing strong vertigo and lying in the bed hopelessly, the vertigo also started to emerge in my head, so I had to stop the car at the nearest parking place and rest for about 20 minutes. And there is a lot of similar cases where I experienced vertigo as result of some subconscious or unconscious fear.

A lot changed since I was a young boy, being protected by my parents, simply doing what I was told to, and being provided with all I needed. But then while becoming older, many responsibilities compounded, and when meeting Desteni, I became aware of my responsibility even for everything that I allow and accept in this current reality. And also the social safety started to diminish extensively. Since I am now moving to city that I treated just a few years ago as smelly, hot, noisy, violent concrete place, where I would not want to live ever, I am experiencing great anxiety about how will I be able to cope with future challenges. While in the big city there is a lot of opportunity to earn money, there is also a lot of competition, impatience and hurry. I am now in the closing stage of renting apartment in the strict centre of the city, right next to several universities and Italian embassy. The apartment is in the old house with high ceilings, which is great for my photo studio, but the parquet is old and creaking. It is in the 1st floor, without reserved parking place. There is a big parking place at the back of universities, but it is almost totally full from morning to 5pm.

I also plan to sell my car Renault Clio and buy some kind of van, like Mercedes Vito or Renault Espace, in order to transport a lot of photography equipment and Desteni merchandising. And I plan to employ one or two assistants that will support my business projects. So from working alone in quiet countryside for many years, I am pushing myself into total new, unfamiliar environment in order to have the greater impact towards making this world a better place. The fear is of course connected to the money, the fear of survival, of loosing all the money or not having enough money to be able to support myself effectively. It is the projection of recent experience where I changed my photography business to counselling business and fell in debt due to pushing the advertising of my services too much and not stopping soon enough. This destroyed my self-trust quite a bit, so now I am much more afraid of loosing the money again. And I have compromised myself because I was not careful enough about my financial situation, I did not follow all the transactions in detail, so I got surprised by expenses becoming larger than my income.

1. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be afraid of unknown instead of breathing effectively and remaining here all the time and walking by life breath by breath without thinking what might happen or even considering only the bad things that might happen to me.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define large cities as ugly, smelly, noisy and unfriendly, instead of realising that this is my self-created idea that has nothing to do with practical experience, thus I will know how life in the city is only if I allow myself to live there without any pre-conceived ideas or judgements.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that my life could be endangered if I loose all my money, since in our country, we have sufficient social support that helps people without jobs to at least get the food, and I am skilful and knowledgeable to earn enough money anytime, as I have proved in past years to myself.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to create myself plans of how my business should develop and become afraid if I hear some information that would compromise my plan, instead of realising that life is about constant adjustment to new current situation and new information that people who I interact with contribute, thus it is best for me to only gave agendas and goals and go with the flow.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to try to upkeep certain social personality of good person that is doing what is best for all and become afraid if I perceive this personality to become compromised, instead of realising that it is not important what others think about me and how they perceive me, but what I really am as living being, what I stand for within, since I am the only judge for myself and self-honestly is thus the most important thing about my life.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to neglect the detailed following of financial situation, instead of understanding that money is the currently very important thing in this world and the tool for gaining goals, thus it is best to take more care about my financial reports in order to assure not to compromise my financial status again.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to wanting to do everything by myself and owning the tools instead of realising that if want to be more effective in achieving my goals, I will have to learn how to co-operate with other people and use their resources, since when working in the group everybody can contribute their knowledge and skills and be much more influential that I alone could ever be.
   
   
8. When I do my job, I pay attention of the money flow and I make sure that I have enough income to be cover all my expenses and be profitable in order to successfully invest in the projects that will make this world a better place.
   
   
9. When I hire the people, I stay here, breathe effectively, explain my agenda and goals and then let everyone to contribute their ideas and suggestions in order for the project to succeed much better and faster that I could imagine for myself.

If you want to learn more about self-forgiveness and how to clear your subconscious fears and other emotions and feelings that distract you from what is really here, then I suggest to join 'Desteni I Process'. If you wish to remove all the fear of survival, hunger and wars from this world, then research and support the 'Equal Money System'. And soon we will have a true heaven on earth.
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2011 - My grandmother > Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction

This is the excerpt of my finished and approved Advanced Mind Construct assignment of the third most influential person in my life as part of self-realisation online coaching program 'Desteni I Process' where we face our accepted and allowed subconscious mind patterns that trigger immediate emotional reactions. In the first step, called 'Ranting and Raving' we write down everything that comes on our minds about topic that we currently walk. Then in the following two steps, called 'Paragraphs' and 'Skeleton' we narrow the amount of information in order to expose the main points, and in the next three steps, called 'Memories', 'Components' and 'Self-Forgiveness with Self-Corrective statements', we expand by digging deep into our minds, expose all secret memories, identify the forms of our self-deception within these memories and finally defuse those emotional triggers by taking full self-responsibility with tool of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective statements.

Step 1 > Ranting & Raving:

My grandmother was a very big protector for me. My grandfather died a few years ago, so she has been living alone since then. She is a very active lady, constantly doing something, assisting other people, involved in the senior club, and she is a great cook. I used to come and visit her for a weekend, usually at Fridays or Saturdays at the evening, and she would prepare me a great feast. She constantly baked cookies and cakes, and when I would arrive, she would prepare me fried potato chips, fried chicken or fish and green leaves salad, since I preferred those dishes the most. I would just lie on the sofa, and she would cook for me with great joy. In the mean time, I would watch movies, since I did not have a TV set at home, and I would watch them until early in the morning. Then I would spend the night at her place and the next morning I would go home.

About three years ago she fell and broke some major bone and had a great pain and needed assistance. Since no one of us had time to assist her all the time, we decided to be the best to sell her apartment and to move her to the retirement home. She fully recovered now and is active again. Now she lives in a room with some other old lady who has trouble walking, and she is assisting her. Since now she does not have a kitchen of her own, she assists in the retirement home kitchen and she collects and is given some food as award and she then saves it for me. Lately I come to see her at Sundays and pick her up at 8:30 after the breakfast. We put all the food for me and also for others from her religious group in the bags, and then we usually go to visit the grave of my mother/her daughter who committed suicide two years ago. We tidy up the gravestone and light some candles. Then we go to my place where I pick the food for me from the bags and put in into the fridge, and in the meanwhile she visits her friend in the neighborhood or irons my laundry.

At 10:00 I drive her to the next village where she joins her Jehovah Witnesses religious group. My grandmother has much resentment towards my father since she believes that he used all the money from selling her apartment for his own needs, and she also resents my brother for being such nasty towards me. But I encourage her to forgive herself all that judgments and live here in peace with everyone. My father does not want to eat any food that she bring from the retirement home since it is basically forbidden to transport the food out of the retirement home, but she can not help herself to stop doing this. So I allow her to feel as someone who can support me a bit, and I am also thankful since I do not need to buy much food in the store. I though have a bit of a bad feeling since it is forbidden to transport food out of the retirement home

Step 6 > Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements:

1. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to grandfather’s behavior due to my expectation that he must behave nicely and speak polite to his wife, instead of realizing that every expectation or ideal of how one must behave is a believe, accepted from other people, and that however someone behaves, I must not emotionally react but breathe and stay here.
   
   
2. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect my grandfather’s behavior to his experience of suffering in the Dachau concentration camp and defining his behavior as self-pity, instead of realizing that whenever I made any assumption that someone is behaving in regards to his past experiences is my own created believe and it has nothing to do with the actual someone’s expression in this moment.
   
   
3. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry when my grandmother offered me the meat dish while I was a vegetarian instead of realizing that if someone offers me some dish that I do not want to eat, it is up to me to decline it while remaining stable inside and that there has never have to be any reason for any emotional reaction.
   
   
4. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lose motivation while explaining my grandmother my perspective about the diet, instead of remaining patient and stable within, breathing effectively and continue with explanation until she will finally get it.
   
   
5. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become inpatient with my grandmother since I defined her as too old and incapable of understanding what I am saying, instead of realizing that it will take a lot of time and enormous patience in order for everyone to understand the principles of self-responsibility and what takes to practically manifest heaven on earth.
   
   
6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decline the food from the starting point of proving who is right and wrong and trying to prove that I am right, instead of realizing that the only valid judge if the food is appropriate for me is my physical body and it is best for me to listen to my physical senses and eat whatever and whenever my eye, nose and tongue indicate that some food is good for me.
   
   
7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that the senses of my physical body are not valid and that I need to pick my diet based on what other people and books tell me is right, instead of realizing that we all have unique body, that there is no diet that is best for all, and that is best to ask my physical body to tell me what food is the most suitable for me.
   
   
8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I decided to eat fish and defining this as my grandmother winning over me instead of realizing that if I decide something, based on what is best for me, it does not meter who gave the suggestion to do that, and that there is no reason to have any good od bad feelings, but just to accept this decision and remain here.
   
   
9. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to imagine how my grandmother is selling the batteries to her clients and how she enjoys doing that, instead of realizing that whatever I imagine in my mind is self-deception, a lie, and has nothing to do with the actual events end experiences of other people within these events, thus it is best not to imagine anything anytime and ask about the exact actual facts.
   
   
10. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself the feelings of envy in regards to imaginative activities of my grandmother, instead of realizing that any created feelings towards people in my imagination is double self-deception, and that even in real life I should never compare myself to anyone and not allow any feelings and emotions towards anyone since they are all the result of separation.
    
    
11. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate my grandmother’s activities and her benefits in regards to that activities and wanting to do the same things in order to gain the similar benefits, instead of realizing that whenever I compare myself to anyone, I separate myself from what is here and loose myself in the mind, thus it is best to always only observe other people’s activities, breathe effectively and remain here without allowing any thoughts or desires.
    
    
12. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about what benefits will I receive when grandmother gives me something, instead of simply accepting things from anyone if I can practically use them and then store them and use them whenever I need them, without going in my mind and thinking about all possible scenarios in relation to things that are given to me.
    
    
13. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be afraid if someone would stop while carrying the bag full of food that grandmother gave me due to perception that my life is depended on the food in the bag and that if someone will stop me, my life will get compromised, instead of realizing that I have enough money to buy me plenty of food to survive, and even if I am prevented to receive the food from my grandmother, I will still be fine.
    
    
14. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad about breaking the rule of the food not being allowed to be transported outside the senior home, instead of realizing that I have never actually checked if this rule is really in place, and that since everyone in the senior home is allowing my mother to pick and collect the food, they are obviously allowing her to do with the food whatever she wants, and that if I am braking any rule, I will only know that if someone will inform me that my actions are not allowed, so there is nothing for me to actually having to worry about.
    
    
15. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admire my grandmother for her actions, defining them as generous, and becoming envious about her, instead of realizing that actions of people are just actions that bring consequences and I am also capable of performing any actions the same as anyone else, so it best not to define others and their actions as something more than me an my actions, but to remain stale within and do my self-movement towards what is best for all.
    
    
16. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prevent my grandmother to do my laundry due to my created belief that I will this way over-exploit her and that she better rests due to her advance age, instead of realizing that whenever someone wants to assist me, I can simply allow the assistance since it will relief some of my jobs, and not allow myself any definitions about what others are capable on not capable of doing.
    
    
17. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to do everything for myself in order to feel good, instead of realizing that this way I am limiting my expansion, so it is better to start collaborating with others in order to make much more things done.
    
    
18. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my grandmother has over-criticized my mother and is thus responsible for the suicide of my mother/her daughter, instead of realizing that each one of us is responsible for what we accept and allow and thus my mother is the only who is responsible for allowing and accepting the thoughts and feelings that eventually made her to commit suicide.
    
    
19. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel responsible for my grandmother to forgive herself all the feelings of blame towards my mother, father and brother, instead of realizing that there is nothing more that I can do besides explaining her how we are all responsible for our thoughts, feelings and emotions and teaching her by my own example of remaining here, stable within and never giving up on anyone.
    
    
20. When I want to express my perspective to someone, I understand that I others can get to understanding only when I became one and equal with them and explain them as I would like to have explained if I was in their shoes, so I remain here, with unlimited patience, and explain the points slowly and clearly until people reach full understanding of what I want to communicate.
    
    
21. When I am offered food, I look it with my eyes, I smell it with my nose, I taste it with my tongue and then accept it if I find it appropriate for my human physical body and if I am hungry in that moment, other wise I decline the food without while remaining here and stable within.
    
    
22. When I am in doubt if I am breaking some rule or law, I do not allow myself in the state of doubt, but check the rules and laws until I am totally clear what they demand from me and then I walk within this system without breaking any laws and agreements and slowly change the system and laws as one and equal with the system and remove or change the rules so that the system starts to support everyone equally and becomes manifestation of environment that is best for all.
    
    
23. When I see someone doing something, I observe the physical actions and pictures moving in front of my eyes while remaining stable within, one and equal with the person that I observe and keep my awareness that what others do, I would be able to do the same if I would be in their bodes, but since we have different bodies, we have all different physical abilities, but are all equal in terms of unlimited expression within current limitations of our physical bodies.
    
    
24. When someone offers to physically and practically assist me, I accept the assistance while breathing effectively and remaining here with understanding that if I have some things that need to be done, it is supportive if someone assists me and thus saves my time to do those things, since it is not important who does what, as long every single action is the result of self-expression and executed with use of principle of equality of all living beings.
    
    
25. When I notice that some being is harming other I do not allow the abuse and take actions in order to stop the abuse, while being careful that I am one and equal with the being that I want to stop from being abusive in order for the being to be able to understand the consequences of its actions, accept self-responsibility and correct itself towards not harming others anymore.

So if you wish to become emotionally stable, please research 'Desteni I Process' online program that will teach you how to become self-honest and responsible human being that acts upon principles of equality of all living beings and does what is best for all. And if you decide to assist others in this process, you can become and agent and eventually a buddy and thus earn a lot of money. If you want me to assist you in this process, enter my name 'Valentin Rozman' and my student number '140' when you register. Let us all become better human beings and create heaven on earth!
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