Since two years ago ever so slight pain persisted in my lower back that extended towards the right side. This pain would often increase or reactivate when I would prune or remove tall trees using climbing ropes and a tree harness or saddle. About a month ago a noticed that this pain point went away and I have not felt any pain in that lower right back area no matter how physically exhausting work I would perform.
A week ago I new pain activated in my lower back in a quite surprising event. I went up to the attic to collect the dried laundry. Then I went downstairs with the laundry basket until I reached the doors of the 1st floor hallway. I opend the door, went through it and closed it. A moment after that I started to think if I have turned the attic light off because the switch was right behind the door that I closed and I was not sure if I flipped the switch before I opened the door or not.
I started to think if I should bother to open the door again and check the position of the switch or not. At that time this apperant simple task that takes only couple of seconds seemed to me as an enormous effot. However since I wanted to assure that the lights at the attic are off, I have put the laundry basked on the floor, opened the door to the attic and checked the swith. After I saw that the swith indicated that the lights are off, I started to experience a sharp pain in the lower back. The pain however was not spreading towards the right side but was in the middle of my vertibra.
This pain came as a shock to me since I perceived it as something completely unnecessary and for no good reason. I just could not understand why I would experince such a big pain in while performing such small and easy everyday tasks. And the other fascinating fact is that that pain did not go away even after several day. Occasionaly it diminished almost completely, then it would increase again. So figured out that it wants to tell me something and thus I decided to do some writing again in order to get to the bottom of this.
Firstly I am not sure if the latest pain in the middle of my lower back is connected specifically to the thougth pattern or if it was just one drop too many. Because in relation to that thinkin was also past events where my drunk neigbout would oftern leave attic lights on after he would finish washing and hanging the laundy and other neigbout complaind about that. And other frequent thoughts in my recent time are related to my business and additional professional training that I plant to attend in the following few days.
Considering that pain in the back is related to overthinking, I can conslude that I was overthinking the point of cheking if the attic light are turned of or off. Thus I commit myself that whenever I return from the attic that I check if the light are turned off without any self-pity. In case that while I return from the attic I am thinking about something else and forget if I have during desent turned the lights off, I accept this as the fact without self-judgement and simply check the switch within emotinal stability.
In regards to the back pain being related to overcommitment and perfectionism, I can point towards my commitment to attend all available arboricultiural trainings and receive all the available certifications in that profession. In this year I completed te aerial rescue training and arborist rope access techniques level A in Vienna. And soon I will be in Vienna attending a 6-day arborist rope access techniques level B training. Initially I planned to also complete the arborist aerial lift training however I have then cancelled it because I estimated that it would be a too big money and time investment for me in this year.
Considering that I am in this illusion of separation and that I will leave everthing that is here behind, I am realizing how it does not matter what I do, because the sort of doing is irrelevant. I only am able to choose what I will do by picking from many available options and based on my ablilities, needs and desires.
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