Day 215: Update on the pain in my back and elbow

The pain in the middle of my back, as described in my previous post, started to gradually dissipate with time. However, it intensified a couple of days before I was to travel to Vienna for a 6-day Tree Climbing Course Level B. That created worry about whether I would be able to take part in the course, and I have been wondering even about cancelling my participation in the course. Last time when I attended the Level A course, I was able to pack the inversion table in my car in order to use it every day for back pain relief. However, this time I had much more climbing and rigging equipment with me, and there was no space left to take the inversion table with me. I took a gamble and departed for Vienna, and luckily the 2nd day of the course, the back pain was gone, and it did not come back again, not even in the weeks that followed after I returned home.

I got a slight back pain a week ago, but it was not located in the lower back, but in the middle of my back, below the scapula, where the limitation system is located. The pain started to emerge slowly, and I correlated it with my thought patterns at the time. I have been thinking about how the fall season started and how it is not good to prune trees during the period of releasing the leaves. Consequently, I was not sure if I would be getting enough orders to earn the money for fixed monthly expenses and by January 2026 save enough money to pay for the certified European Tree Worker course, which is one of my goals. However, that pain went away in a couple of days after I did some self-reflection on that point and aligned myself again with the fact that I am able to find work and earn money very quickly.

The next chronic pain point that I have been facing for about 2 months is the pain in my right elbow. I already wrote about such a point two posts ago however, at that time it manifested at my left elbow. Initially, I considered that pain as the consequence of doing two physically very exhausting pruning projects. The first one was in regards to a large old cherry tree where I spent 8 hours in the canopy and 15 total working hours the first day, and 6 hours of ground work the following day, where I would, towards the end, hold a top-handle chainsaw in my right hand while cutting thick branches to hundreds of firewood logs. And in the following week, I completed 4 projects, including pruning and partial removal of a cypress hedge that took 8 hours in total. During that time, I held my right hand raised high while holding a battery pruner for several hours.

Since the pain in my right hand persisted for a long period of time, I concluded that I had overburdened specific muscles and that I simply needed to give them enough time in order for sufficient healing to take place. But now it has already been 3 months after those two exhausting projects took place, and I started to become suspicious that there is some other reason for that pain. There is also a psychological aspect to the large old cherry tree project since I also was not paid for it as initially expected. When I visited the client after the project was completed, she somehow expected a lower sum to pay, which was not aligned with my hourly rate that I had informed her about in the beginning. She also had a company related to trees, and I expected a fair and honest attitude, but she diminished the value of my work. At the end, we established a middle ground, but I was still disappointed about losing some income.

I have again read the article about how the elbow points represent our structural resonance controlled direction antennas, referred to also as the The Choice System order to make sense of it. So let me take a look at how I am currently experiencing pre-programming of my life and the illusion of choice while I am in the system, where the main program is survival. What I conclude is that I am keeping a detailed record of income and expenses, account balances, fixed monthly expenses, and planned expenses. In terms of survival, I am constantly estimating how many months my current savings can keep me afloat in case I do not have and new income. This reflects in my motivation to get new jobs and earn more money. And then I also made investment plans in order to develop myself professionally and progress towards offering a higher quality of my services.

At the beginning of next year, I plan to invest in training and testing in order to complete certification for the European Tree Worker. I calculated how much money and time I would have to invest, and currently I only have enough savings to cover that expenses if I disregard fixed monthly expenses. So I would have to, in the following 2 months, additionally get at least the same amount of money just to break even. In terms of the possibilities of how to get the money, I am currently focused only on earning money by offering my arboricultural services. I am aware that there are countless possibilities of getting the money, but I do not want to think about them. I am getting frequent phone calls with invitations to different investments, but I consider them very risky. Getting new jobs in my line of business is relatively easy, and the money is practically guaranteed, but it is still a business of exchanging time for money and thus enables a limited possible highest monthly income. 

Currently, we are entering the season of fall, in which it is typical that tree climbers are starting to experience a reduced amount of orders, and there is usually even less work for them in the winter. Also, it is not recommended to prune deciduous trees while they are in the phase of releasing their leaves. During this phase, it would be best if people would call me for tree removals, and I am wondering how many of them will consider this and create sufficient orders for me. Thus, there is constant worry about how things will turn out and what actions to take in order to guarantee survival. But at the end, I am confident enough in my ability to earn money, and of course, there is also the option to terminate my business and again start to receive unemployment benefits from the government. And if I look at my situation from the holistic perspective, I can conclude that I have entered this illusion of separation and I am able to exit it any time I decide to and leave everything behind, including the system of survival altogether.

But there is also another point where I am considering my main movement altogether. Regardless of what I do, no matter where I am and with whom I am in contact, there is always the same underlying point of experiencing myself and others as systems with thinking and acting patterns. So I have been wondering if arboriculture should actually be my main occupation, or am I by deciding for it compromising and limiting myself due to the system of survival. I have been considering what other paths I could take in order to have a greater impact in this world in terms of assisting me and others to remove all points of separation from our minds faster and with greater efficiency. For example, I could be part of a group that develops an AI agent, like there already exist many of them in the form of virtual psychotherapists and life coaches. Because I see how many people struggle and suffer for years circling in the same patterns of coping, self-abuse, and conflictual relationships, and having resistance to using tools as Desteni I Process.

There, however, are also many other Destonians who have picked many different main occupations, like art, and are walking through the process of self-perfection at the same time. And considering how many different jobs I took in the past, I do not want to be known as someone who, after a couple of years working on something, changes direction and lacks professional consistency. I have tried before to work as a life coach in order to assist others with Desteni tools and resources; however, I concluded that listening to problems of others burdened me too much. I could also consider a point of savior that was my pattern in the past, where I was focused on saving others instead of saving myself by being focused on my own issues. So it definitely is the best if working on oneself is the priority, and then by being an example of how one is able to change, I then influence others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait so long that the point of separation manifests as physical body pain or other form of physical manifestation instead of processing points regularly while they are still on the level of information and energy. I commit myself to whenever I sense a point of separation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “This point is so small and it would be a waste of time if you do writing or quantum self-forgiveness.” to stop such thoughts, write down the point in my small notebook. I commit myself to constantly paying attention to my thinking patterns and processing them regularly in an effective way in order to prevent the manifestation of any physical body pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in watching movies for several hours per day instead of investing time in myself by doing more writing. I commit myself to whenever I feel blue and my mind is producing thoughts like: “You are not in any pain, so there is no urgent need to do any writing, and you are free to relax and enjoy watching some movies.” to stop and breathe. I commit myself to reducing the amount of time that I spend on watching movies and dedicate more time to self-reflect and process a greater number of points that are located on deeper levels of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be distracted by social media and different online content instead of paying attention to what is happening inside me. I commit myself to whenever I feel blue and my mind is producing thoughts like: “In any instance that you feel bored quickly turn on the phone, check social messages, emails, and at least short YouTube videos in order to entertain yourself.” to stop and breathe. I commit myself to prioritising staying here and rather look around myself in order to see how I can improve my physical surroundings, instead of escaping into virtual reality.