Day 207: The independent yet united

In the last two months, I have discovered two big international groups that I identified as well organized and with solutions prepared on the scale of the whole planet Earth. One is called the AllatRa with a vision to transform the current consumer society into a creative society via the voting platform for direct democracy. And the other group is called the Life Force which has its own social network app, weekly Zoom reports, and international media network. They report about the most important events in regards to war against the Deep State and the woman who is ahead of the Ground Command is also in charge of the Global Trust that will finance the international Restoration Plan. They are also much more aligned with the Desteni group that I have been a part of for the last ten years and also talk about the ancient enslavement of the human race by the Annunaki with Anu, Enki, Enlil, and Marduk on the top of the pyramid. So I was facing a decision on how much of my time to dedicate to research and participation in each of those groups and their projects. And I also had to decide what information from each of these groups to share in other groups in order for the members of all these groups to benefit from all the available information and knowledge.

What I would like to see is for the members of all the groups that really want to make this world the best for all to unite and work as one. Because we equally share the same reality, the same planet, and use the same global money system. Primarily what I see as the most important is to learn how the mind works and how to transcend it in order to become a responsible human being. Here the Desteni group is leading the way with the Eqafe online educational library and the Desteni I Process online courses. Yet the Life Force group with Kim Ann Goguen as the new comptroller of the global money system is the group that is providing the digital infrastructure for the international collaboration on the local restoration project and all the necessary funds to realize it. And there are many who do not care to be part of any of these groups and rely on building their own businesses and a financial support system within the current global monetary system. 

So there are two extremes when in the first case one is wonderfully obsessed with a single idea and is completely blind to anything else that exists out there. And the other extreme is spreading yourself thin by researching everything, jumping from one group to another, not really participating in any solution, and disempowering yourself by feeling small and lost. When I look at myself I consider being somewhere in the balanced middle of the two extremes. I had periods where I was very into first and periods where I was in the second extreme and that was not good for me. I was in several cases completely dedicated to a single project in order to produce large benefits and I did have high successes however it sooner or later ended due to influences that I was not able to control. I had to make peace with the fact that things in this reality are unpredictable and that it is best not to have a strong attachment to anything in this world. Thus I like to live a more independent life where I experience a high level of freedom and also be united by collaborating with others on the projects that are best for all life.

I see the potentials of how I can additionally change in order to remove my current weaknesses and build up the current strengths. When living and working alone at my apartment I enjoy the protection from the cold, from the noise, and from the nasty people. Yet I see that eventually, I need to interact with other humans, sometimes even face to face, and here I see how my vocal expression still result in undesired results and misunderstandings. Partially due to a relatively small vocabulary and this is why I am consistent with using a special vocabulary building tool on a daily basis and why I am also working as a professional distributor for that tool. And the other reason for the volition of my core being not being translated into appropriate words and sentences is due to persisting inherited mind patterns of separation. And this is why I am also constantly working on stopping, analyzing, and replacing the remaining tendencies that are connected to pure self-interest.

Suggested related Eqafe educational audios to listen:
The Dependence of Independency
My life of Co-Dependency
Asking for & Accepting Help
The Balance of Entertainment and Self-Learning
Secret Information

Day 147: Wondering about the meaning of life

In the last several weeks I have been struggling with decision what to do. Obviously there are things that I am able to do in the context of existing in this dimension of time and space via my human physical body. However in terms of taking full responsibility for the long term consequences of every single decision that I make to all existence I am lacking the capacity to see all outflow of events. Not only that, but if I consider other dimensions of existence beyond or outside of this time and space, it is even harder to comprehend the meaning of life. Or even to define what life is and what everything that exist is. It is a philosophical dilemma regarding the core meaning and functioning of existence.

This experience of mine is obviously related to my tendency of wanting to do things perfectly, to do it right, which is also related to the fear of being criticised by others in case of doing something wrong. And the qualities that disable me from doing it right is related to ability of knowing or remembering everything that happened in the past in the whole existence which begs the question why forgetfulness exists, how memory functions, is it actually possible to erase memory and forget and finally, if it is not possible, how is came that I experience something that is actually not possible? How can truth/reality exist while lies/illusion also exist? Because I am becoming tired to hear some information which is presented as truth and after some time it is being exposed as lies and deception. This creates experience in me of being very sad and disappointed about the whole existence of such polarity and I am questioning the purpose of it and the origin of its creation. It is related to so much suffering, pain and destruction. However on the other hand if this is only a temporary experience and just an illusion and projection, like a movie, why giving it much attention since it is not real?

Such questions came to me since I watched several movies where such existential points have been integral part of the script and they obviously carry and important message. The other major influence have been videos by Dave Schmidt where he talks about Annunakis, UFOs, aliens, history of this planet, power of gold, separation, duality, global money system and many other related points from a very detailed and interesting perspectives. Since some information shared are not aligned with other sources, I am here again questioning what information is correct and which is wrong. However due to limited time that I have in this dimension of existence and other limitations, is is very hard to verify all the information and nothing can be trusted, even my own memories that also proved to be inaccurate many times before. So the only think that I can do is to move based on how the existence manifest itself in my close proximity and interact with it using my human physical body or I can decide not to act or do anything at all.

Other component that describe me is patience or lack thereof. Meaning that I want all to be done immediately and when I hit the wall, I go into experience of disappointment and wanting to give up. Basically I experience myself as many entities are pulling myself constantly to all kind of directions, each of them persuading me that their path is the best. So I am asking myself in what direction should I move or what is the point of moving at all considering the possibility that by every movement in any directions I am actually distancing myself from self. Thus, considering that this picture manifested reality is just a projection of illusion that can in fact not exist, why should I participate in it at all. However despite considering not to participate in it, am I able to end it and how, and what will then exist and how will I experience myself and define the meaning of my existence if I actually do end it? Such thinking makes me tired and it create tendency to distract myself with something in order not needing to face with such questions and decision.

Other philosophical question is also the concept of one and many. This relates to conclusion that origin of all the existence is one single point from which many individualised forms of entities separated and came into existence. Thus what is my purpose and existential history as one of such individualised forms of entities any my relationship to the source and other entities that I experience as separated from myself? And then again, if we have come to existence as many from one and are now returning back to one, what is the point of returning if that one will again decide to become many and again create the separation? And finally, how the one came into existence or what is the origin of the one? Is it actually possible to understand the existence or must we accept that there simply are things that no one, even the one is able to understand? Because explanation can only exist in relation to question and using the concepts of space and time. Then also, can a question come to existence if the one who is asking the question does not already know the answer in order to decide if the answer received is truth or false? Since what is the point of asking if the knowing of the truth does not already exist within the one who is asking?

Thus, using logic that everyone of many is part of one, pretending that is separate and forgotten that all is one, thus I see no other option to understand that I am also part of the one and thus the one itself, who has separated into many due to let's say loneliness in order to play or masturbate with itself in the dream and illusion of something that it is fact impossible to exist. And I as the one have also created a opponent, the voices as thoughts of my mind and energies of emotions and feelings that challenge me constantly and try to keep me in this state of delusion as long as I decide not to face them and recognise them also as my own creation. So I am here, facing myself and wondering if I should forgive myself this separation that I am existing in or not. Because what is the point of removing the separation and returning into oneness if I will then become bored again and initiate another cycle of separation? Is it then not best to just keep this separation going and experiencing this dream and make it into something?

But then if I decide to keep and continuously mould this existence of separation, what should I do with it? What again should be the reference point of making any decision? Well, obviously I as current individualised entity as someone in this human physical body do not want to experience any lack and pain. So I will move myself towards defining my strengths and weaknesses and improving them in order to expand my abilities and interacting with others with awareness of equality and oneness. Thus I will be playing this game of lies until all veil of deception fall and the truth will finally become visible to all.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audios titled Questioning Life from the Life Review series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.

Day 144: Ashamed in front of the whole primary school class

This is continuation of my previous 7 blog posts in order to analyse all the memory impressions from my past that contributed to my cold legs syndrome. I am changing the titles to from now on be aligned with the point that I am walking and not with the syndrome itself. So while I thought that I have finished with all the relevant points regarding this condition, my Desteni I Process buddy checked the situation and saw that there are still 4 more relevant points left for me to walk. Thus I have checked my memory and did find additional ones that could play a significant role.

It happened to me in last years of the primary school where after the end of a class one of my classmates suggested to have a singing performance. Maybe his parents were part of some music band or were music teachers or member of his family simply enjoyed singing. Obviously he assumed that such is the case in every family and that anyone would be able to sing at least one song by hearth. So it was decided to place one of the class desks in front of the blackboard and each of the classmates will step on the desk and sing one song in front of the whole class. And so they did until it was my turn. However in our family none of members ever sung any song and I never tried to remember the lyrics of any popular songs. I objected and wanted to be skipped but my classmates persisted. They simply could not believe that I would not be able to sing even one song. They encouraged me to go on the 'stage' until I gave in and stepped on top of the desk in from of the blackboard. I tried to remember lyrics and melody of at least one of the songs but I was not able to. I stood there in front of the whole class and started to feel more and more ashamed and as someone who does not fit in. Eventually I stepped down with great embarrassment and I wondered if my classmates would now think of me that I am a total looser. And I never wanted to experience such embarrassment again. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be ashamed if I do not know how to sing and know any song by hearth. I realise that some sing a lot and know many lyrics and can not imagine that others have different talents and pastimes. I commit myself to when and as someone asks me to sing a song and my mind produces thoughts like: “Oh shit, I am in deep trouble since if I do not sing at least time, they will think that I am a looser!” to stop and bring myself back here by focusing on my breath. I then explain them in a calm way as many times as needed so that they are able to understand the fact that I have not been yet developing my singing skills. If they react with spite or do not want to understand this, I keep calm within since their emotional reactions are their own responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think that I will not be accepted by my classmates if I do not do the same things as the rest of them do. I realise that we are all unique individual beings and that public educational system does not allow us to express as such but shapes us to be similar to each other and rewards us for doing exactly the same as other do. I commit myself to when and as I am in a group situation where I am to do exactly the same thing as others do and my mind goes: “Oh no, what will others think about me if I do not comply? I fear that they will label me as a geek and make my life hard!” to stop and breathe. I stand my ground and do not allow others to manipulate me into doing something that I do not want to or I do not know how to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel bad if others in the group that surround me laugh at me due to me not performing as they would like me to. I realise that one can never satisfy all desires and expectations of others and that it is impossible to excel in all fields of expression that exist. Especially in a group environment a special relationship dynamics develops where individuals loose empathy very quickly. I commit myself to when and as I am in a group while they do not treat me as one and equal and my mind start to think: “Better to do something to make them feel good or else they might attack and hurt me!” to stop and breathe. I rather communicate with them directly and clearly and support them with realising how they are acting from the point of separation and that it is best to treat others as one and equal.

In relation to this blog post, I invite you to assist also yourself with awesome self-assisting tools within free online DIP Lite course and to listen to educational audio titled Losing our Voice from the Reptilians series at Eqafe web store with hundreds of extremely supportive educational items that hold answers to any imaginable question about life and this existence.