Showing posts with label tired eyes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired eyes. Show all posts

02 September 2014

Day 125: Tired of life

A point I observed within myself recently was how I become tired about the things that are waiting for me to be done in the future. So many times throughout the day I would feel like heavy circles around the eyes, a tiredness that makes me want to rest and take a nap. I looked for a supportive Eqafe interview and there was one that addressed exactly that point titled Tired Eyes from Reptilians series.




I listened to the interview and it was explained that the feeling of tiredness around the eyes appear due to perception that you are in a kind of trapped position, forced to do something that you do not want to to. So I asked myself how does this apply to my case and become aware that I what I am doing some sort of mission where I limit my self expression and repeat daily cycles of activities that suppress me. I am living a character of martyr where I expose all the bad stuff in this world and sacrifice myself by dedicating my life to be an example of solution. At first glance it is just ok with wanting to improve this world but when it becomes a sort of prison it does not feel very nice. Thus I am looking at this point within the need of transforming my activities in order not to feel like I am sacrificing my life and wasting my life potential for doing only the hard stuff instead of enjoying and having fun. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to see the reality of what is here. I realize that instead of investigating how reality works, I have limited my perception to the very small bubble of my personal reality and tried to live in separation which is actually not possible. Thus I commit myself to open my eyes and see the whole reality, research all the relationships, interdependencies, and walk my life in the consideration of all the parts of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to become tiredness and after certain period of doing certain tasks to feel tired so that I have to stop, take a nap and regenerate. I realize that life as the physical does not need rest and never gets tired. The only thing that requires regeneration is the mind which mines the energy from the physical. Thus I commit myself to release myself from the mind, to stop being the energy and become one and equal with the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel tiredness to go into my mind and make a revision of all the things that I have already done today in order to calculate if I have done enough work in order to qualify for being tired. And then when I conclude that I have done quite a lot of work, to justify the feeling of tiredness and decide that I can now rest since I am fully entitled to do so. I realize that by thinking over what all I have done and been thinking about today, I allow my mind to become directive principle of my life by producing more and more thoughts that actually suck the life force out of my physical body. Thus I commit myself to when I a feeling of tiredness accumulates to carefully see if it is actually physical tiredness or is it just the mind craving for more energy. Then I would breathe through the energetic feeling of energy and continue working.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tired of life instead of realizing that what I am tired of is actually not life but the mine, pretending to be life. I realize that children are full of life and only by introduction of limitations from parents and educations system, the minds starts to develop and thus suppressing the will to live since one is no allowed anymore to express themselves freely. Thus I commit myself to look into myself, become aware of all the accepted and allowed limitation patters and release them one after another in order to again become free and looking forward to everything that existence brings into my life.

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24 June 2013

Day 79: Blogging resistance backchat

Since I committed myself to write each day a blog post, I am throughout day thinking about when shall I write it. Would it be best to write it in the morning or in the evening or some time in between? And then there is also a question about what to write about and what language to write in.




I understand that there are many point that I need to transform but it is not very fun to do this process. I would rather do other things, like watching a movie or sleeping or taking a walk in the woods. There are many event in the day where I subconsciously emotionally react but the reactions are so small and so quick that I am not able to register. Meaning, I am at that time occupied with doing some activity where I do not feel like stopping it and writing down a not what I have reacted upon. But I will have to do that if I want to stop the reactions and be able to stay here all the time.

When I would want to do some writing, also my eyes become tired and I become sleepy. I noticed that there is a video interview about tired eyes in the Eqafe store and I plan to purchase it when my credit card will be functional again in order to learn what is the cause of that and how to prevent this. I admire some people that I have been talking with lately who are able to work and direct themselves and do not need a lot of sleep. I could reduce my sleep extensively but I need to motivate myself more. If one is motivate, it can hardly wait to wake up in the morning and continue the projects, however I am not very glad waking up in the morning and doing the activities I planned to execute. I will dig more in order to find out how to be more motivated and productive.