Day 190: Trying to be prepared for what could happen in the future

In the last couple of days, I noticed how I have become increasingly anxious. This has been reflecting in the form of frequent heath arrhythmia and stronger tremors in the area around my heart. I had difficulties with relaxing enough to fall asleep in the evening and even though the day I occasionally had pressing episodes where my breathing became more difficult. Yesterday while I was sitting in the backyard garden and had a vegetable salat in the sun I felt like my heart was slowly giving up and I got scared about dying soon. I called a doctor on the phone and based on my answers to her questions she concluded that my heart is just fine and what I am experiencing is mind-related. Then I also borrowed a blood pressure measuring device from one of my neighbors. The results showed that my blood pressure and pulse are normal. That assisted to calm myself down pretty much, however, I realized that I need to take additional measures to protect myself from too much stress.

During the coronavirus lockdown, I took a lot of care to handle the situation in a calm and peaceful way, paying attention to not overwhelm myself. I did physical exercises in the morning, took regular 1-hour daily walks, stocked myself with food and continued to work from my home. When I noticed the anomalies in regards to my heart I concluded that daily routine was not enough to ground me sufficiently so I went for a longer and more strenuous hike. I noticed that it assisted me a lot so I repeated it a week later and I decided to do it also on each of the following weekends. Additional measures were cutting down the time spent on social media, removing myself from online dating websites and focusing on my personal needs. I restarted to use the Nirvana app that is a companion software of the Getting Things Done methodology that I discovered years ago by reading a book about it. While in the previous months I did moderate planning of my activities, I have now with that app collected and organized all the projects, tasks and reoccurring events. It now helps me to avoid procrastination and laziness and it assists me in being much more productive each day so I am now much more satisfied with myself.

The following are the related statements of self-forgiveness, realizations, and commitments that I learned to apply at the free online self-perfection course Desteni I Process Lite and I suggest you to also try it out to assist with directing yourself effectively:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the discoverer and sharer of the deepest life secrets. I realize that while digging for and forwarding shocking information made me feel good and useful to others, I lack within that to find a way to monetize it and to provide a stable source of income for my basic needs. I commit myself to when and as I look at my passions to ask myself about the core reasons for doing that and to then look at how I can turn it into a business or or doing it as a hobby while providing myself an additional source of income to at least cover all of my monthly expenses.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can protect myself from all negative influences the most by researching how things in this world work which means spending a lot of time watching all the available documentaries about secret societies, financial and legal system and every interesting fact that I stumble upon. I realize that there are a lot of contradictive theories that are all very concerning and absorbing all this information has created many fears and insecurities within me. Thus I commit myself to only occasionally follow the sources of information that proved so far to be the most reliable and are in a form that takes as little time as possible from me to digest the infromation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that possession of a large quantity of information is the best way to protect myself from all the possible harm. I realize that while the expected result would have to be in me becoming more self-confident, the accumulation of information actually made my mind even more restless and every situation that I found myself in triggered a lot of thoughts about all kind of possible reasons why I am experiencing something and made me confused about how to respond to situations that I am facing in real-time. I commit myself instead of creating assumptions based on accumulated knowledge to rather ask people that I am meeting about what is their reason for doing something. And to also ask other people in the actual situations that I find myself in about what is the nature of any manifestation in my physical proximity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to build my stability on the information that I gathered in the past instead of realizing that any information that I possess can become outdated and that it could also be false in the first place. I commit myself to when and as I am facing a situation in my life and my mind is trying to assist me by fetching all kinds of supposedly related information that I integrated in the past or trying to associate the current event with any of my past experiences, to stop and breathe. I then rather face every single situation as something completely new and not even slightly related to anything that I know about or have experienced in the past by doing real-time research based on what I can verify by tangible evidence at this present moment.

And here are some additional suggested educational audios to listen from the Eqafe website with Every Question Answered for Everyone:

Hidden in Secrets
Secrecy
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Secret Information
Technology Brainwashing & Body Influence
Self-Image and Fear of Others
Living Fear
Mental Hoarder

Day 189: How the new Coronavirus and Covid-19 influenced me

We are in the 2nd week of the new Coronavirus shutdown in Slovenia where we are not permitted to travel outside the municipality where we live, with some exceptions. The new government directive is that we must stay at home and go out only for shopping for groceries, occasional walks and to go to work if you are the lucky employee where the business has not been shut down. Now face masks are mandatory on all closed public spaces like stores for example. Public media present the picture of the situation where the hospitals are full of COVID-19 patients while those who have actually visited the hospital say that they are almost completely empty. I have noticed how I emotionally reacted in front of some people in this situation so I am going to do a few self-corrections.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with anger when the security guard offered me to disinfect my palms in at the entrance of the store where I wanted to buy some groceries. Within that, I forgive myself for refusing to use the disinfectant with the justification that I do not know what its ingredients are and that it may actually harm me. I realize that the security guard has just been doing his job and that I could explain myself, accept or refuse his offer while remaining emotionally stable. I commit myself to when and as I visit a store and I am confronted with a new situation and my mind is producing thoughts like: “What the fuck is now this? How far will the forcing of things onto me go on? How more strict will the situation become in the future?” to stop and breathe. I decide to constructively analyze the situation, stay stable, ask questions about the reasons for the change, asses possible threats and then decide about my response while considering others as equals.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become annoyed when the grocery shop assistant told me to use the plastic gloves to pick the fruit and then me telling her that I do not believe in what public media is telling us about the danger of viruses. I realize that she was also just doing her job, following instructions of her superiors with thought that this will bring more safety. I commit myself to when and as someone tells me to do something in regards to virus scare and my mind is producing thought like: “I am allowing no one to command me and to tell me what to do!“ to stop and breathe. I then consider also the point of view of those who are telling me things and maybe decide to obey their suggestion since things like wearing gloves can not harm me and is a very small nuisance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react with the fear when noticing how people have panicked and went on a mass grocery shopping. I realize that I allowed myself to be afraid of food running out and me having to starve while the government explained that they have food reserves that are enough for several months. I commit myself to when and as I observe compulsive buying in the stores and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look how people are smart and stocking themselves just to be safe so learn from them and do the same1” to stop and breathe. I then rather consider trusting the government and buying for myself only what I need for the next several days since if I would overbuy, I would contribute to the store going out of items for those who currently need them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to fear that the deep state members will use this fake coronavirus pandemic to enforce compulsory vaccination and that I will be chipped and become a slave where my health will also deteriorate due to vaccination and 5G network. I realize that I am creating such fear due to the projection of a negative future in my mind. I commit myself to when and as I notice the new events happening in this world and my mind is producing thoughts like: “Look at all the catastrophes that the deep state will certainly use for their depopulation agenda!” to stop and breathe. I then consider the possibilities of all kinds of scenarios, but pay attention to not overthink and rather remain calm and respond only to actual threats that manifest themselves in my close proximity that I am actually able to protect myself from in a practical way.

Here are some suggested related audios to listen:
The Evolution of Viruses (Part 1)
The Evolution of Viruses (Part 2)
Fighting off Viruses
The Virus and the Body
Mind + Virus Versus Body
The Evolution of the Common Cold
Flu, Fear & the Future