Day 43: Masturbation research

After feeling blue yesterday, I today woke up still with a feeling of dizziness. I asked myself what to do in order to stabilize my inner pressure. I could go to doctors for diagnose and advise however I know how corrupt and ignorant our medical system is and that it can not be trusted. So I remembered how years ago I was able to calm myself down by doing meditation, more specifically pranayama or breathing exercised while sitting in the lotos position. Thus I sat down in the corner of my couch, closed my eyes and focused on breathing while not allowing any thought to distract my attention. Slowly I started to feel a relief and I felt like a burden would be lifted off me. Also the sky outside cleared and the sun started to shine.

Later when I returned home from doing door to door visits I got a desire to experience a feeling of orgasm again. I played with myself already in the shower this morning and researched how touching of different areas of my penis create different feelings. Especially the middle section of the penis head and the borders around penis mushroom cap are much more sensitive than the rest of the penis area.

While touching this erogene zones, I also noticed how these areas are energetically connected to my legs since whenever I would touch the head of the penis, appearance of the pleasant feeling would correlate with the feeling in my legs. This feeling in my legs was similar or identical to the feeling when I would be scared of something. It destabilized my legs and made them soft. So I assume that the energy for creating the feeling of orgasm is in a way produced from the leg area of the physical body.

In most cased in my past I would masturbate while watching movies from some porn web site. However I heard and realized that this kind of masturbation is in long term very destructive in terms of practical relationships and also promotes rape. So I committed myself to remove my addiction to porn and practice only the physical masturbation.

The quickest way for me to experience orgasm is watching move scenes where some guy would have sex with some girl that I find physically very attractive and I would then imagine that I am that guy in the movie having sex with that woman. The next quickest way is to masturbate without watching movie, but just imagining in my mind that I am having sex with some girl that I find attractive. So very shortly after engaging my imagination into masturbation I would be able to experience masturbation very easily.

However the consequences of this kind of masturbation was that after orgasm I would feel tired, sleepy and with a feeling of foggy mind. I found to be true that masturbation that involves imagination fuels the mind and thus suppresses who you are. The consequences are also that after one practices masturbation while watching movies or imagines sex in the mind, it creates a picture association with the feeling of orgasm. Consequently whenever one observes a sex scene in the movie, the photo of naked women in magazine or meets an attractive person in flesh, the desire and lust for orgasm immediately appears.

This kind of energy-picture association is very limiting and harmful for human relationship. It constantly distracts from collaborating and executing daily activities by producing thoughts about how to invite the person that you find attractive to have sex with you. One starts to project the feeling of orgasm onto another person since they have not researched and became aware where the energy of orgasm originates and how it is produced. However the energy of orgasm has nothing to do with other person since it is created by ones own physical body.

So today I also decided to continue the practical masturbation research in order to become more aware that I am fully responsible for the creation of orgasmic energy. I laid on the bed naked and started to rub my penis between my palms using oil. I would be careful not to use any imagination but just experience the feeling of physical touch thus I had my eyes open and directly observed what I was doing. After initial state of good feelings while touching, the pleasant feelings slowly dissipated and the feeling of touching my penis with my hands began to turn in unpleasant and more and more painful feelings.

This kind of experience is to be normal since rubbing the skin for a certain period of time is expected to become painful. However if using the mind, the sex system masks the pain with energy of good feelings until the orgasmic release and ejaculation. But even when using the mind, after orgasm, the penis starts to feel painful also. Thus rubbing and part of the skin of the body starts to destabilize molecular structure and destroys the physical and the body produces the feeling of pain in order to prevent the continuation of the activity before it is to late and the wound is created.

By fully being aware of ones physical actions while masturbating, one can clearly see that the orgasm can also be produced without any involvement of second party. Thus one takes full self-responsibility for the creation of orgasmic energy and does need anymore to seek, persuade, harass or even rape other being in order to experience the orgasm. Anyone at anytime can rub its body and create energy. So I will be researching the orgasm also in the future and I commit myself not to masturbate ever again by watching porn or engaging my imagination. 

Day 42: Blood pressure problem

Day 41 is in my Slovenian blog

Today was a Sunday and I had two in-home presentation scheduled, the first one before noon that took 2 hours and the second at noon and that took 3 hours. When I woke up, I felt strange with a sort of pressure in my head and my hearing was different. I was not able to hear lower tones, just high pitch sound. It was very funny to listen to my own voice.

I then stretched a bit, made a breakfast, read a chapter from a book about communication skills, shaved and showered myself. In the shower I directed a water jet into my ear in order to clear it however it was no change in the tone of the hearing sounds. I was also a bit dizzy, however I decided to execute the scheduled presentation.

I managed to do the presentations with excellence and I am very satisfied with myself. After the last presentation the feeling of dizziness increased. I returned home and made myself a dinner. I simple pasta did the job. Then I was thinking in my condition is sufficient to go out and do some additional door to door visits in order to collect some new contact information and arrange further meetings.

I decided that my condition is not very good and that my body needs a rest. I don't know exactly what seems to be the problem but it is probably related to the air and blood pressure. Today was a dark cloudy weather with some rains and this kind of weather influences me very much. Then there also all the financial obligations could be the cause for subconscious worries that result in increased or decreased blood pressure and a feeling of dizziness. I will see what my state and feeling will be tomorrow.

Day 40: Working all day

Today was the first day of working on the field before noon and in the afternoon. I visited the blocks in the center of the city firstly and then houses near center in order to compare both options. It turned out that visiting blocks or skyscrapers is physically less hard however the structure of the people is not very best for the product I am selling. About houses it also depends if the neighborhood is old or new. There simply is no way of locating where the best target group would live. It is all mixed up and like a lottery. Thus only persistance and quantity of activity will bring results. I am very tired now so today my writing will be a but shorter than usual.

Day 39: The new job breakthrough

In the previous five post of this blog I wrote about my challenges and resistances in regard to my new job as direct marketer who does house visits and in-home presentations. My mentor supported me with suggestion what is the best approach, what works and what not. Yesterday I printed the teaser cards and today was the first day that I used them. But before I was able to go out, I also needed a system of tracking which apartments I visited, and what were the results of the visit so I would not nock again on the doors of residents who were not interested and that I would be able to visit again those apartments where nobody was home at time of my visits. So I created a table that enables me to track all the necessary data. And for the finish I just had to think out how to create a composite folder that would hold the forms, cards and the table nice and simple which I was then able to construct just fine.

In the afternoon, when people returned from the jobs, I continued to visit the block neighborhood that I engaged a day before yesterday. I managed to collect the first couple of contacts that I will call by phone tomorrow and arrange a date for the presentation. However I realized the neighborhood that I picked was pretty poor and will not be the best target group of people for the product that I am selling. So the next step is to scout the city and find out where the more wealthy people live.

Today after thee hours of nocking on the doors and talking to the people I became very tired. I planned to work for four hours but I was not able do to increasing pain in my shoulders. And I also became sleepy and mentally tired. However after I returned home, I decided to run through the park and city center in order to release the stress. I see that running is a very beneficial exercise for me and that yesterday's exercise also very assisted in releasing tension in my back. So I did the same today and will be doing this every day also to get in the better condition that would enable me to do the job activities effectively.

I also managed today to solve some crucial issues with the suppliers of the basic necessities that threatened me to cancel the agreement and stop the delivery. Those points bothered me very much and I am glad that I was able to come with agreement. I am somehow glad for this experiences of lack of money and not being able to cover all the costs since this gave me the necessary motivation for creating a lifestyle where I would not have to experience this again. I am now raising from the ashes and plan to fly high. The whole day I constantly listen the education material from the prive success club that I am member in order to change my thinking and behavior patterns.

There are some small but powerful things that each must do in order to attract or better say create a big success. One must have a goal, a vison, a chief aim that drives him forward. Without a target you have nothing to aim at and thus nothing changes. And the most important of all is to think about this chief aim all the time, to have it constantly in your mind. One can achieve this by creating a visual accessory that represents this goal and place it on all the places where you will be able to see it all day. So you can place it in the bathroom, in the car, in your wallet. This is a very simple but powerful habit and basically no one use it since it ti so simple. Now it is my turn to discipline myself in making this practice a reality in my life and observe if there will be also a big change in my life due to this tool.

Day 38: Additional challenges in regards to the new job

This morning I also had a visitor to my office who very resonated with the projects and groups that I am involved with. He was very excited about all the potentials and wanted to know what is the next step. So I gave him some additional materials that he will be able to research. Then also I young boy returned some educational material that I lent to him a couple months ago and he said that the reason for the return delay was due to discovery of cancer at his family. Since he believed in the modern medicine I enlightened him about the lies, deceptions and the corruptions that is especially dominant in the pharmaceutical industry and suggested him to read the Natural Cures book. And the information that shocked me yesterday that our Slovenia country currently holds the world record in the level of corruption based on the research of Ernst & Young. However in spite of the extreme amount of the FaceBook post that criticize the elite who apparently completely robbed out our country, and talks about financial crisis, current level of unemployment is still only 12% and that means that 88% of people have jobs. So this is definitely a stimulating information that would motivate me in being more confident about my sales activities.

In spite of all my effort to clear all the accepted and allowed negative believes about how the world state is, about the lot of money being too much temptation for anyone to handle, it seems that the mental pressure accumulated in the middle of my spine and it gives me not yet painful, however unpleasant feeling that distracts my attention, especially when I go to bed. Today in the afternoon I finished some new promotional material and planned to go out and do some new house visits, however in spite of nice weather, I started to feel a little dizzy. I had to lay down into bed and rest. From time to time I also experience heart arrhythmia if I think about certain things. I guess I worry to much about how things could come out. In most cases I simply focus on my breath and forgive myself the thought and the pulse stabilizes. However today when lying in bed, I felt like the pressure would be to low and my hearth would stop beating. Maybe this is because sometimes I just want to give it all up. I ask myself why do I bother doing all this, is there really no life possible without worries. Can there really be no place on earth where people are nice, the food is in abundance, and all can simply enjoy and express themselves?

Yesterday I watched a documentary titled Slaves of Dubai that exposes terrible working conditions of about 2 million imported workers from India who were promised a good salary, however immediately after arrival to Dubai, their passports were taken, they now have to work in very harsh conditions for low salary and most of them have not been payed for several months. I also watched a few war movies in the past few days that made me think about how stupid we are since we have to fight each other. And today I watched a movie about the Canadian supersonic military jet Arrow that was terminated purely due the egotistic political interests. This movie made me think how big some are able to dream and how great thins are possible to achieve it he pople work together.

I went then out in late evening when it was already dark to run across city park and streets. I wanted to relieve the accumulated tension in my back. I was surprised about the quantity of young visitors in the park and then soon find out why since the music started to become louder and louder. There was some rock music band having a concert and thousands of people occupied the park. However I did not want this to distract me and continued with the running towards the city center.

So it is quite silly in some way observing my mental resistances. I could be very glad for all that I have received in my life. Some have nothing to eat and suffer pain, diseases and war. However some control multibillion projects and employ thousands of people. I am now to decide what I want out of my life. I want more, however I will have to change from within. I think that currently what stopps me from moving forward is my bad feeling about charging others. My believes that one has to work hard and suffer in order to get the money. My new business could bring me good money if I do the work correctly and I am in a way already lazy due to thinking that I will be able to earn a lot of money very easy. It is a moral thing where I ask myself what is fair and what not. Why can some have to suffer for a couple of dollars per day, and some can earn or win millions in no time? Where is justice, where is equality? Is it justifiable that those who do more responsible jobs are to earn more? Are those who have low income really fully responsible for their low income? I there a god who controls everything? Is there a law of karma, the low of attraction or creation? Breathe!

Day 37: Resistance to the new job finally overcamed

Today in the morning I had a meeting with a new interesting person who is also very in self-research and improvement. Two hours of conversation went by very quickly and I was to face again the next step of my sales activities. I was to restructure the presentation narrative and then also realign the presentation flip-chart graphics which I also did. I took me a lot of decision making how to design all the material for the best impact. In the afternoon when I was to go out and arrange in-house visits, the storm clouds accumulated and rain with thunder stoke from the skies.

At the same time as the storm raged, my mind lost its stability. A slight fear and dizziness appeared in my head and was disappointed due to estimation that I will not be able to execute the visits that I planned. I lied down on the bed and started to think about how long will it take me to even start the new job properly and when I would actually make the first sale. The whole process is takin so long, too long. I started to imagine how I will give myself another day to prepare myself even better for the presentation. I said to myself that tomorrow would be the day. However it turned out different.

After on hour of resting in the bed, my head became stable and the rain stopped. I still had about two or three hours left before in would become too late for the home visits. So I sad to myself that it would be the best to make some visits today and thus brake the ice even if I would achieve best results. Most important is to move forward and to gain as much practice as possible. So I dressed up, packed all the presentation and went on the road.

I targeted a small new neighborhood that I knew from before when I was searching for my own apartment in the town a year ago. I found the blocks very nice and expected a lot of young families to live there which is my target population. I started to ring the bells and made the talks. Many of them, about 70% were not even at home which is a usual percentage. I visited two blocks and then decided to stop for today. I did not manage to do any presentation, however I handed out couple of business cards and couple of people were willing to talk to me if I visit them at some other time which is also cool.

In the evening I had a chat with my mentor who evaluated my approach and corrected me for the better effect in the future. I realized how what I said created resistance in other people and what is best to be said in order to collect as much orders as possible. The main point in pre-presentation talks is not to give to much information, but just a little in order to create curiosity. I also met a girl who I found very attractive and now I am thinking if I should do anything to check if she is available and if I should try to  make a connection or if I should focus on business for now.

Anyway, I made progress and I am satisfied with my achievement. I will now push myself every day a step forward until I became excellent and very successful in sales. It is not just about money, what is cool about direct sales is that one develops communication skills and overcomes many fears and resistances that prevent oneself to fully express itself. Physically moving and making live conversation with others is an effective tool for self-realization. Thus I also suggest others to engage in sales activities and experience all the beneficial effects of direct marketing.

Day 36: Resistance to the new job slowly ending

In the past two blogs I wrote about the resistance that I experience towards starting the new job of selling a new product via in-home presentations. Today was the first working day and I planned to go out and meet people in their apartments. In the morning I had a meeting with my friend at my place where we supported each other in regards most effective selling approaches. I then went to the local print shop and made some additional flip-chart graphics and also the badge with my picture and name that is suppose to be a very effective ice-braker when other will see me on their doorsteps. However I still did not found myself ready enough to go out and also the weather was not very appropriate since it rained.

Well the rainy weather could from one point be seen as advantage since people are at their apartments far more probably than in sunny weather. However it is not very easy for me to make the home visits in the rain since I also have to bring an umbrella and it is much more cold and slippery outside. I almost died once when I visited a customer a couple of years age in the evening and tripped. This definitely brings up a very disturbing memories. 

Then bottom line is that I just did not feel confident enough for doing the presentation today. I have not yet assembled all the quotes and flow of presentation that would make a good impression and convince the prospects in buying the product. So I will now structure all the point by condensing them down to titles and then expand them into paragraphs. I will reorder the flip-chart presentation to best follow the paragraphs. At the end I will prepare all the possible questions and objections and the best answers and explanations.

I will then practice the complete presentation in my mind and rewrite the complete scenario using blue ink and white paper to commit it to my long-term memory until it will be totally internalized. Then I expect to be fully prepared for the battle and will accept victory as the only outcome. Well I realize that someone could say NO in spite of me fully excelling however I want to be prepared for all possible scenarios and perform well. The main objective is to present the product by showing all the benefits for the prospect. I must be totally confident in the quality, functionality and value of the product while breathing effectively and staying emotionally stable. I realize that any question that prospect makes is just for them to make sure that their decision is the best.

Today I also read the book titled ”So you would like to sell?" for the second time. Is is short but very effective book on sales. To calm down, remove stress and clear nervousness, I made myself a first hot bath after several months and I enjoyed it very much. I then remembered a couple of additional techniques for diminishing stress. One is rebounding and the other is sauna. Jumping up and down on a mini trampoline is a simple but very effective exercise that benefits the whole body. And I remember how sauna assists in removing the toxins from the body and how also prevents the backchat. The heat in sauna stops the mind, one is unable to think but only be here, present in this moment.

From becoming overwhelmed by thinking about how I will be able to arrange all the information I found assisting to firstly imagine all the procedures in my mind while the physical body is resting. While working with computer one has to besides thinking what to do also think how to do it, what button to press, what software to use, what kind of document, what font, how to design the information and bunch of other things. So all these thinking drains the mental resources and distract attention from what actually has to be done. Thus imagining all the necessary steps firstly in the mind and doing some handwritten notes will assist me in completing the project.

I learned from the success club that I am member of that the false information that most people holds in the low income class all life is the believe that time for thinking and time for the practical execution of projects have to be in balance or equal. However the most successful people prove this to be wrong. The most important thing is thinking or planning and this is to be 99% without asking much about how the objectives would be achieved. The most important point is to come with a “what” and let flow of the actual events to create the “how”. This is because one is never able to be aware of all the potentials in existence and possible outflows of all the events. So let us see how all this will turn out in the following days.