Day 91: Relationship polarity games

Yesterday my ex girlfriend called me and started crying since her father that she is living with assaulted her and she became afraid that he woud stab her with a knife and kill her. Thus in order to safe her life she went to the woods and spent the night under the trees.

I tried to support my ex girlfriend within three years of living together in realizing that all the violent people came into her life due to her specific behavior patterns that she accepted and allowed. However she refused to engage in the process of behavior transformation. She is like addicted to the energy of bad feelings which she experiences when people are psychical or physical abusive towards hers. And if she will not stop this, she is doomed. It is the same pattern that also my mother lived and it resulted in her making a suicide couple of years ago.

I talked to my current neighbor that worked as a social worker but is retired now. She was met with many cases of home violence and she learned that in every violent relationship there are two people with polarity behavior pattens that attract each other. One plays a role of being abusive person and the other plays a role of a victim. However each one of them need each other in order to continue with this role playing. So just one of them is required to change the pattern and the relationship changes immediately.

Abusive and violent relationship is in fact a learning opportunity where both participants are put on the test of making a realization that neither acting from anger and blame nor feeling sorry for yourself is a supportive way of participating in a relationship. In order for any relationship to work and prosper, everyone that is involved must act as equal, understand each others perspective and then apply the solutions that are in best interest of all.

Basically all life is a test, a school that supports us all in realization how we must change ourself in order to live here in prosperity and abundance. Each one has a limited life span, a limited number of years here on earth that can be used for personal growth or they can be totally wasted. If one does not correct oneself based on the feedback that shows unharmonious results of ones participation, the backchat in the mind becomes so extensive that becomes unbearable. Usually suicide is then the only way that is left from the perspective of such abuser.

So I invite everyone that faces conflict at any place or time in their lives to start as soon as possible the process of inner change. And very effective free beginners online course for this process is called Desteni I Process Lite so I suggest you use it if you want to help yourself. Understand that you can blame no one for what you experience in your life. It is you who has attracted or created it. And only you can change it by taking full self-responsibly and forgive yourself all the illusional unrealistic accepted and allowed ideal, definitions and believes. Save yourself from your own mind because no one can save you but yourself!  

Day 90: Truth about lying

I strange realization today while talking to my direct sales mentor. I asked him about the short suggested time that I should mention to the leads. Usually the presentation lasts about an hour up to two hours, however it has been suggested to set a date only for the presentation that lasts about 15 minute. After I asked him if this is not lying he gave me very interesting explanation.

He said that people are very busy and do not have much time for the direct sales people. But what people are very busy with is very insignificant things, like watching TV. People are constantly very very busy with watching TV. They always find time to watch TV or surf the web or post things on FaceBook or play games. Just to run away from reality and having to change anything.

So we, the sales people want to improve the lives of people with high quality products and we must find a way how to properly introduce them to the leads. If I would be totally honest and say to person that I would need two hours of his time to fully understand the product, no one would want to schedule a date. People simply can not handle the truth and they do not want to listen and understand the facts.

Sales people thus have to lie in order to get into people's home for just a few moments, but then engage in as much entertaining presentation as possible so that leads do not get bored. If the sales presentation is entertaining, from the perspective of the leads, it is like watching TV. Basically people want to be entertained and if the sales presentation is at least as entertaining as watching TV, people will enjoy it and they would not look on the clock all the time.

Thus I forgive myself for allowing and accepting to always speak truth and nothing but the truth, instead of realizing that people have such unconscious mind patterns that they simply can not handle the truth and that they need to be tricked into listening if the information about hot they can improve their lives has any chance to be delivered. 

Day 89: Prioritizing activities according to awareness

Yesterday evening a friend came to visit me and we had a chat about what has been going on lately in our lives. Especially what are the potentials, how to set priorities, how to direct oneself effectively and how to deal with all possible distractions that come into ones life. We also discussed the role of the money as the motivator to move and the impact that one has on the world when being involved in specific project.

Both of us concluded that we need money to survive in this system so the money is what influences our decisions and directs daily priorites. For me it has never been a problem earning money since I have a lot of skills and knowledge and I am able to learn new things and adopt very quickly. However during my last years of self-realization I became more and more aware of the impact that I have on this world, my potentials and the power of influence and how this world functions, meaning how extensively each of us is connected and dependent on each other. Thus in accordance to the expansion of my awareness also my decisions of what kind of activities I would do changed extensively.

The initial years of my own business life I would do services and products that did not impact this world or had power to change the world system very much. Then I started to notice how my time is being wasted by being just a quiet observer and doing nothing significant to improve the situation. I became aware that most people do things based on self-interest and do not care much about the fellow human being. So at least I wanted to invest my time in activities that would make this world a better place for all. However I found out that generating money for such activities is much more difficult since you stop producing services or products for consumers and start doing activities that creates resistance within the world system as we know it. 

I also found out that working alone would not be able to produce any significant impact and that collaborating with others as a group is necessary for any real change. And that created additional frustration with establishing a proper management system and increased the demand to manage my own life much more effectively. So I am learning now management systems and search for the people who would be qualified for collaboration on such large-scale projects. Finding the people that have strong motivation and possibilities in their life to join the groups that I am involved in and thus increase impact of the group extensively turned out to be quite a challenge.

Currently I gave to manage all aspects of my personal and business life and this means that many points require my focus. Inviting new people in my team would allow me to multiply the results of invested time manyfold since the activities could be delegated to others and less points would require my personal attention. However this also require me to become more responsible and manage money more effectively in order to assure that all team members would have enough money for their survival in this system. So what I need to do now is overcome the fear of possibility to become overwhelmed by managing a group of people. 

Day 88: Self-forgiveness on perfectionism

Days 86 and 87 are in my Slovenian blog

I was collecting contact information from web pages of entities that I was to contact and I intended to create a Google Maps custom layers with the position indicators of that entities. However for the Google to correctly recognize the address and creates a location marker, the street name has to be full length and completely correct otherwise it will not show up. And what I have found on the web sites of around half of entities, were the shortened or declined street names that I then had to individually reference in the search engine and identify the corresponding full name.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to become angry at the web site content creators that shortened or declined the street names instead of realizing that this is usually done in order to simplify long street descriptions and make them more friendly and not to deliberately make my life painful.

When I stumble upon a shortened or declined street name and if I for the purpose of automated information processing need a full long name, I stay here, breathe effectively and utilize the search engine until I get the required for of information.

A few days ago after a short but heavy rainy storm, a leak appeared in the wooden ceiling of my new apartment and the water drops created a big puddle on the floor.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to be angry at my landlady who did not inform me about the leaking ceiling instead of realizing that she could believe that the leak has been fixed.

When I notice some damaged part of the apartment that does not perform as I expect, I breathe effectively, stay here and peacefully communicate with the landlady in order to remediate the problem as soon as possible with mutual satisfaction.

I am preparing to sell some products via direct marketing and I am procrastinating with my outdoor activities since I perceive myself not to be ready and skillful enough in executing effective presentation.

I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted the feeling of fear of rejection and loosing money since I perceive that I am not skillful enough instead of realizing that rejection in this lin of business is around 90% even if you are the most skillful communicator so it is purely a numbers game.

When I go out and make presentation of the product, in case of rejection I remain here, breathe effectively and understand that not every product is appropriate for every person at time of presentation and even if the person likes the product, they could be lacking of money or have different priorities in life. Thus I can always come around at a later stage and reattempt the sale. Many sales require around five attempts until the customer finally says yes and this is the true nature of this business.

Day 85: I got a new companion

Who said the Law of Attractions does't work! Just when I was thinking about come company that would assist me in gaining more motivation for my work and bring some amusement, today I already met some interesting candidate. Let me explained exactly what happened.

Yesterday when I went into woods, at the bus station, when the path started, I black cat was laying in the middle of the path and miaowed. When I approached, it stood up and started rubbing onto my legs. I stroked him a few times and did not know what it wants from me. After short time I continued the walk. I was thinking about that cat when I returned home and wondered why was he staying there.

Today I decided to go into woods again on the same path to see if the cat was still there, however I did not see it. However when I returned and went bye the bus station, I saw him again, ling near the road and miaowing. I asked two elder people that I just met if they know anything about that cat. They suggested that the cat is abandoned since people often leave their unwanted pets near the last bus stations. So I decided to take him to my home and see if we would come along.

The cat hat several ticks and was very stressed. Thus I firstly gave hime something to eat and drink and then removed some ticks. In the first couple of hours it was very restless, but after ome tapping therapy it calmed down. The neighbor suggested to bring it to the vet tomorrow which I will do in order to inspect him if it has some other parasites. I will keep it today in my room over night and see if this will suit it. Then tomorrow we'll go to the next step.

Day 84: Sun-breaking Saturday activities

After storm and rain there were several cold cloudy days where I did not feel like going out and I was also not very suitable weather for doing the laundry. Today the sun finally broke through the clouds and it became more warmer. Thus I washed and hanged the laundry to dry and then went to the woods for a walk to the new hill peak destination called the Head.

But what I was thinking of today was mostly what would be best use of my time to execute the business projects that would also result in making this world the best place for all. Since I live and work alone, basically all the work is done silently unless I would talk with people on the phone or have some business meetings. So what I miss is the company of someone that would assist me and with whom I could talk regularly and reflect easier on my progress. However all the people that I know to be suitable for this kind of cooperation are currently busy so I will have to wait a while to test out this point.

Also the business projects are being developed by business associates and are also best to wait until they are finalized. There are couple of other activities and remaining of the past projects that I could engage and clear however I am not motivated enough to do that. Today thus I invested most of my time to learn some new text by hearth that I would need for the business presentation and I will then start collecting hot leads in order to be prepared when some assistance will be finally available.

Day 83: Envy towards my guitar playing friend

I visited today my new friend and I noticed that he had a guitar in the corner of his room. I asked him if this was his guitar and how good does he know how to play it. He grabbed the acoustic guitar and start playing and he was very good. He then opened also his second electric guitar and demonstrated playing  next he displayed also his third bass guitar. He also incorporated a new device that he operated by foot and he used it to record some music and then replay it. Thus after fourth time it sounded like four man were playing a guitar.

While my friend was playing and it was for almost one hour, he would occasionally look at me and I did not know what he was thinking and what should I express. I was asking myself if he wanted me to admire him, applause him, start singing along or even dancing. Thus in order to avoid eye contact I mostly focused on his hand and guitar and just listend to the music.

The whole event triggered memories when about 15 year ago I also decided to lear playing a guitar and signed up for a private guitar school where I visited beginners guitar class for one year. After one year I was able to play several simple songs and I was happy about that. However when I would play in front of my friends, I did not received admiration as I expected but would instead made fun of me.

That event diminished my excitement as I did not see myself in the future as guitar entertainer. I did play afterwards songs for my own pleasure and amusement however the motivation to play guitar ended after couple of months and I sold the instrument. And it was not only because of the respond of others but also because playing a guitar personally was quite a different experience as simply observing others playing.

Yes, when I would listen to someone playing a guitar, I would think that this must be very simple, however it is not true. At least not at the beginning. It is a very specific sensation when holding a guitar, feeling the har wood of the body pressin g towards your body, smelling the metal smell of the quitar strings and feeling tiny metal strings pressing towards soft fingertips and inducing pain. It is only after years of practice where you stop being bothered with all the tiny unpleasant things and focusing on the music itself becomes possible.

So the bottom line is that considering all the potentials and possibilites in this world, I ask mysel if playing a guitar is really the best use of my remaining time in my life or should I rather do some other things, like writing going for a walk and writing self-forgiveness. Or would playing a guitar be a cool way of expressing myself, exploring the physical and taking the time off my computer related projects?