Day 49: Social experiments

For the past couple of days I have been watching YouTube movies of some guys and group of guys who shoot movies like candid camera doing unexpected things to people and recording their responses. Some of them are also intended to teach what are effective and ineffective ways of picking up girls. This made me question myself what to do now after I split with my last girlfriend.

My past life was focused on doing things for the school, for the business, and I never really experienced a typical phase of intense dating and having sexual experiences with different women. I have been intimate with several women but those were like random events and mostly not consciously initiated from my side. I dated mostly girls that were ok, but none of them was not so attractive as some that I have observed in my life but was too scared to talk to.

I am now pushing me to overcome this fear of talking to girls I like by learning some effective approaches that some guys from YouTube demonstrated. It is all about being hones, confident and expressing power. The looks are not so much important as persistance and not showing any fear. Today I went on the streets for the first time and initiated conversation with different people. I did not stumble upon any very attractive girls due to some rainy storms however I created a friendship with five people that I never met before. I will continue experimenting tomorrow.

Day 48: The shortest blog post

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Day 47: A new promising Slovenian political party

Today I had a first meeting with a leader of the new Slovenian political party called Združeno Slovensko Ljudstvo (United Slovenian People). The conversation was very exciting and we exchanged personal experiences and ideas for 5 hours. From all the new political parties that were established recently, the leadership seem to best resonate with Desteni ideas and I see a great opportunity here in order to start engaging in the political activities in our country in order to gain experiences.

The political party was established as the answer to the problems around second biggest Slovenian city Maribor where political corruption has been exposed and escalated to the level of violent street protests. However it was realized that using force is not the best way to solve the problems. Thus some people got smart and decided for a political approach.

It was amazing to find out how terrible painful life experiences shaped the leader of the ZSL party, from domestic abuse of step father who was an alcoholic to traffic accidents, corruption on the working place and not getting payed for months, to exploitation from the side of his life partner and even a suicide attempt. Such events drive people to a state of fearlessness since they have nothing more to loose.

However in this case the ZSL leader is also a very smart and opened person who started to connect with people throughout the country, creating a intelligence network of informers in order to gather the material proof of corruption and abuse in politics for the future legal processes where are abusers will be put to justice. I appreciate this bravery and initiative since most of the people are just in a state of waiting for some miracle to happen.

It is a shame that our country has climbed the ladder of the most corrupt countries in the world and is now holding the corruption world record. It is estimated that a lot of peoples resources has been sold out to corporations and that a major privatisation even of water resources is being attempted. Workers have been threatened that they will loose their jobs if they engage in protest and thus street protest have diminished.

Our schooling system is raising up youth who take a rewards and bribery as something normal and this habit then escalates when they grow up and engage in the economic and political system. Basically no business is being done without offering some kind of money or some other king of compensation to participants. No one cares about the consequences as long they get their share. So we must start changing our habits and I suggest for everyone to engage in the Desteni I Process online course in order to purify all the accepted and allowed believes and definitions.

Day 45: Motivation research Day two

A fey years ago I experienced like things were moving fast and smoothly. However in last two years I feel like it takes much more time for projects to succeed. Like someone is pushing brakes on the system. People do not respond easily, there is a lot of mistrust, fear, anger, desperation. Or is it just me experiencing the reality this way and thus creating my experiences based on my own image? 

I would like to find out what is the true reality, however this is hard. There is so much false information, lies and deceptions everywhere. Corporations and governments control the media and information flow, they use politics and weapons to enforce law that best suits their self-interest. And if one is to stop all this, a high capacity of information processing is necessary, high self-discipline and awareness, communication skills, managements and organization knowledge, collaboration with other individuals and groups and it looks very challenging. Also money is needed. A lot of money. Money moves things and without money nothing moves. So how to get money?

Incomes and outcomes. Currently I have a lot of fix monthly bills our outcomes. I have to generate a lot of income to create profit. And only the profit is the money that I can then use to move things. However incomes in last few months were basically nothing. So I face a decision. I am not sure how soon and how much income I would be able to generate. Moving to smaller and cheaper apartment seems to be a smart move. Maybe this would also motivate me more. Now in big nice apartment I fell safe and relaxed. Too relaxed. Shall I motivate myself by deliberately lowering my living standars? Is that what I need? An experience that puts me in the position where I do not want to be in order to motivate myself sufficiently to become more active and focused on creating more income and thus also reducing my monthly outcomes? Perhaps.

They say one must squat low in order to jump high. It looks like I do not appreciate enough what I currently have. And I have trouble motivating myself. I am to lazy. It like the story where someone visited a friend and his dog was laying on the porch. While talking to friend, the guy would notice that the dog would grouch from time to time. He asked the friend what with the dog and the friend explained that the dog is laying on a nail. When he asked him why the dog does not move, friend relied that it does not hurt him enough. Maybe I am that dog. Maybe it does not hurt me enough to move. So how much pain and suffering do I need to change, to take action. And why can I not move without pain? This must change.

Day 44: Motivation research

Yesterday morning I made plans for the whole day, writing down exactly what I would do until I would go to sleep. I executed most of the plans as intended but in the evening instead of finishing the day with reading I watched two ward movies that are based on real events. And I also planned what I would do today, including waking up at 06:00 and then engaging in the business activities at 08:00 however due to falling to sleep only around 00:30, I extended my sleep for hour and a half. 

I wonder why war movies attract me so much. I like to watch documentaties about technology, especially big machines, powerful devices, fire, explosions, thunder and destruction. I do not want to harm others and I consider myself as a peaceful guy, however watching how other do heroic actions attracts me very much. I admire those who are fearless and do things for the greater cause, not considering the possibility of loosing their own lives. I also consider myself very fearless, for example I am not afraid of dark and I am not afraid of people that I meet for the first time. However I have a fear of heights and depths and I do not want to drown or to fall from a tall building. Then I also have fears of judgements of other people. So this is very strange how I generally am not afraid of going into action and doing things that others would find very dangerous, however I fear such intangible thing as is the few spoken words that represent opinions of others.

Then in regards writing blogs I decided to wrote at least one short blog per day since I realized that writing is very supporting for myself and that I can not escape from my own accepted and allowed thinking patterns even if I move to the another universe. So facing myself is something that I must do if I want to have peace of the mind and becoming an effective individual in this world. However I find the recommended form of doing self-forgiveness and self-commitment very limiting and robotic. I also become too restless to write ranting and raving and also self-forgiveness in the same blog post. Thus I recently restarted writing blogs by firstly doing ranting and raving in the first blog post and then continued with writing self-forgiveness and self-commitment statement the next day in the second blog post. However in the last couple ob blog posts I even did not wrote any of explicit self-forgiveness and self-commitments.

I find now more and more easy to express myself by writing and the words flow out of me very easily and fluidly. However I know that writing blogs also has I higher purpose and thus a specific structure is suggested. It is suggested to include at least one picture in order for blog to be effectively shared in the social networks, especially to the Pinterest where the content of the post is based on visual representations and thus picture or photo is mandatory. I decided each time to pick a relevant product from the Eqafe store and include the product image in my blog post and link it to the product in the store in order to promote the store. Then it is also recommended to select a few keywords from the blog post text and link it to the Eqafe products. However I did not do that since I did not want to spent additional time by selecting the world and products and thinking what products to include and doing the additional actions. I was afraid that additional activity will cost me too much time and that I will run out of time for doing my daily business activities and earn enough money.

However if I analyze my daily activities, I see that there are still couple of hours left in a day that I could use them for more productive activities. It is not that I do not have enough time, the problem is in lack of motivation in lack of self-movement, missing realization and habit of organizing my life. I was not thought in my family how to effectively manage life, not even in the school we were not taught how to mange personal finance and household, not how to do business and earn money effectively. I had to come up with ideas how things work by trial and error, by observing others and reading books. And I am now in the beginning of understanding what is necessary in order to be effective in life and manifest what I want.

I learned that in order to constantly be motivated, I have to have a goal, a target, a dream, a vision of things that you want to achieve, of kind of person that I want to become. And I constantly have to have this chief aim in front of your mental eyes. So if I ask myself what is my goal, I definitely want to live a better life, to improve this world, however I am generally in state of low esteem and, tiredness and sleepiness. I just want to rest, sleep, live a quiet simple life without much concerns, somewhere in the tropical island with a sandy beach, fresh air and crystal clear water, enjoying the sun, playing with dolphins and other animals in the junge.

However this is only and ideal life from the moves and today avery part of the world is influenced by money, by profit and this world is being destroyed for the interests of big companies. No one can hide to any part of the word and there are problems everywhere. The problems with pollution, the problems of stealing and other criminal activities. Poverty, greed and self-interest forces people to harm each other and destroy this planet. So there is no other way but to firstly change the mentality and expand the awareness of the whole world population in order to be able to live here without fearing each other.

Day 43: Masturbation research

After feeling blue yesterday, I today woke up still with a feeling of dizziness. I asked myself what to do in order to stabilize my inner pressure. I could go to doctors for diagnose and advise however I know how corrupt and ignorant our medical system is and that it can not be trusted. So I remembered how years ago I was able to calm myself down by doing meditation, more specifically pranayama or breathing exercised while sitting in the lotos position. Thus I sat down in the corner of my couch, closed my eyes and focused on breathing while not allowing any thought to distract my attention. Slowly I started to feel a relief and I felt like a burden would be lifted off me. Also the sky outside cleared and the sun started to shine.

Later when I returned home from doing door to door visits I got a desire to experience a feeling of orgasm again. I played with myself already in the shower this morning and researched how touching of different areas of my penis create different feelings. Especially the middle section of the penis head and the borders around penis mushroom cap are much more sensitive than the rest of the penis area.

While touching this erogene zones, I also noticed how these areas are energetically connected to my legs since whenever I would touch the head of the penis, appearance of the pleasant feeling would correlate with the feeling in my legs. This feeling in my legs was similar or identical to the feeling when I would be scared of something. It destabilized my legs and made them soft. So I assume that the energy for creating the feeling of orgasm is in a way produced from the leg area of the physical body.

In most cased in my past I would masturbate while watching movies from some porn web site. However I heard and realized that this kind of masturbation is in long term very destructive in terms of practical relationships and also promotes rape. So I committed myself to remove my addiction to porn and practice only the physical masturbation.

The quickest way for me to experience orgasm is watching move scenes where some guy would have sex with some girl that I find physically very attractive and I would then imagine that I am that guy in the movie having sex with that woman. The next quickest way is to masturbate without watching movie, but just imagining in my mind that I am having sex with some girl that I find attractive. So very shortly after engaging my imagination into masturbation I would be able to experience masturbation very easily.

However the consequences of this kind of masturbation was that after orgasm I would feel tired, sleepy and with a feeling of foggy mind. I found to be true that masturbation that involves imagination fuels the mind and thus suppresses who you are. The consequences are also that after one practices masturbation while watching movies or imagines sex in the mind, it creates a picture association with the feeling of orgasm. Consequently whenever one observes a sex scene in the movie, the photo of naked women in magazine or meets an attractive person in flesh, the desire and lust for orgasm immediately appears.

This kind of energy-picture association is very limiting and harmful for human relationship. It constantly distracts from collaborating and executing daily activities by producing thoughts about how to invite the person that you find attractive to have sex with you. One starts to project the feeling of orgasm onto another person since they have not researched and became aware where the energy of orgasm originates and how it is produced. However the energy of orgasm has nothing to do with other person since it is created by ones own physical body.

So today I also decided to continue the practical masturbation research in order to become more aware that I am fully responsible for the creation of orgasmic energy. I laid on the bed naked and started to rub my penis between my palms using oil. I would be careful not to use any imagination but just experience the feeling of physical touch thus I had my eyes open and directly observed what I was doing. After initial state of good feelings while touching, the pleasant feelings slowly dissipated and the feeling of touching my penis with my hands began to turn in unpleasant and more and more painful feelings.

This kind of experience is to be normal since rubbing the skin for a certain period of time is expected to become painful. However if using the mind, the sex system masks the pain with energy of good feelings until the orgasmic release and ejaculation. But even when using the mind, after orgasm, the penis starts to feel painful also. Thus rubbing and part of the skin of the body starts to destabilize molecular structure and destroys the physical and the body produces the feeling of pain in order to prevent the continuation of the activity before it is to late and the wound is created.

By fully being aware of ones physical actions while masturbating, one can clearly see that the orgasm can also be produced without any involvement of second party. Thus one takes full self-responsibility for the creation of orgasmic energy and does need anymore to seek, persuade, harass or even rape other being in order to experience the orgasm. Anyone at anytime can rub its body and create energy. So I will be researching the orgasm also in the future and I commit myself not to masturbate ever again by watching porn or engaging my imagination. 

Day 42: Blood pressure problem

Day 41 is in my Slovenian blog

Today was a Sunday and I had two in-home presentation scheduled, the first one before noon that took 2 hours and the second at noon and that took 3 hours. When I woke up, I felt strange with a sort of pressure in my head and my hearing was different. I was not able to hear lower tones, just high pitch sound. It was very funny to listen to my own voice.

I then stretched a bit, made a breakfast, read a chapter from a book about communication skills, shaved and showered myself. In the shower I directed a water jet into my ear in order to clear it however it was no change in the tone of the hearing sounds. I was also a bit dizzy, however I decided to execute the scheduled presentation.

I managed to do the presentations with excellence and I am very satisfied with myself. After the last presentation the feeling of dizziness increased. I returned home and made myself a dinner. I simple pasta did the job. Then I was thinking in my condition is sufficient to go out and do some additional door to door visits in order to collect some new contact information and arrange further meetings.

I decided that my condition is not very good and that my body needs a rest. I don't know exactly what seems to be the problem but it is probably related to the air and blood pressure. Today was a dark cloudy weather with some rains and this kind of weather influences me very much. Then there also all the financial obligations could be the cause for subconscious worries that result in increased or decreased blood pressure and a feeling of dizziness. I will see what my state and feeling will be tomorrow.