Day 138: Home remedy for cold feet

This is the first blog post related to my initial post titled The cause for cold legs. Contrary to popular home remedies for cold feet where one can assist oneself temporarily with some physical intervention, I will be talking here about psychological causes and permanent solution for cold feet that everyone can effectively apply also at home. Because it has been indicated that cold feet is usually the physically manifested consequence of events from the past when one has separated itself from self. For detailed context please read my previous blog post since here I will be focusing on the next step which is analysis and deconstruction of the first event in my past that I feel is related to the condition of me having cold feet and legs for over a decade. And the the first event that I can remember in relation to self-judgement is being physically punished by my parents in early years of my childhood.

In the initial years of my life I have been living with my parents and my younger bother in a two storey apartment building with four apartments. I have shared one medium sized room with my brother and he has was sleeping on the upper deck of our bunk bed. I do not remember much about what my brother and I were doing in the first 10 years of my life, but I do very much remember a specific punishment that my father applied when I have obviously done something wrong. The punishment was to kneel for quite a long period of time in our doorway after my father would layer some rice on the floor in order for the pain on my knee to be much grater that pressing just agains a flat ground. I would have to keep my body straight up and my hands on the back. I would stay in such position crying until my mother would be able to convince my father that I have suffered enough.

What is strange is that I do not remember details of any event that lead to consequence of me being punished in such way. I however do remember my parents telling me about two occasions where I did significant damage to the apartment. One was due to throwing some heavy objects at my brother that resulted in shattered window glass while we were chasing each other around the flat. And one was by me flooding the bathroom in order to create a sea like environment to play with my brother. However I think I was punished by kneeing for much lesser offences like doing something to my brother where he would then tell on to our father and he then decided to discipline me in described way. The bottom line is that I have been outraged at my father using such cruel punishment. And he also used to spank me very hard with his belt in other occasions. I had thoughts like: “Parents should never hurt their children!” and “How come that my father is not able to find any other way od raising me that using brute force?”. Thus I developed a resentment and anger towards my father and started to feeling sorry for myself, creating a self-victimisation character for myself and thus separating me from myself.

However any of such emotional reactions is a representations of abdicating self-responsibility for playing own part in the timeline of events. And not remembering what I have done and what I could done different in order for the consequences to be different is a convenient excuse for me not wanting to take full self-responsibility for my own life. Because every moment that we participate in becomes part of ourselves and creates a memory that we are able to access if we only decide to. This does not mean that we must now instantly recall every single moment from the start of our existence to current moment, however it is important that we make sure to remember with what kind of thoughts, emotions, words and physical actions we have participated in the most traumatic past event for which we solely blame something or someone out of ourself while claiming absolute innocence of self. Thus I will now take back my self-responsibility and pick parts of myself that I have separated myself from by analysing my past memories connected to being painfully punished by my father. I will be applying tools of self-honesty, self-forgiveness, and self-corrections as taught in the excellent free online course DIP Lite that I recommend also to everyone else:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to use forgetfulness as convenient excuse to abdicate my responsibility for what I have done in the past and to claim innocence for everything that I am not able to remember. I realise that I am fully responsible for every thought, emotions, word and deed that originated from myself and that if I have forgot about them in the later stage, I am still responsible for the consequences that have manifested based on my involvement in past events. Thus I commit myself to look into myself where all memories of my past are stored and to take back my power of creation to fully embrace all dimensions of the past events where I have played my role as co-creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the events in my past only through eyes of self-interest where I have believed that no matter what I do, no one has right to harm me in any way, especially my parents. I realise that I have also harmed others, especially my brother however I have abdicated responsibility for my action by claiming that I have just been playing and that any my action during the play should not be taken seriously and I should not be hold accountable for the results of the play. I commit myself to look at the memories of my actions during play time and take full responsibility for every single of my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tease my brother and seek his attention and to in a similar way also seek attention from my parents in order to experience positive feelings of being accepted. I realise that I have acted from a point of self-interest where I have just wanted to have fun while completely disregarding other individuals around me and their personal interest. I commit myself to when and as I have desire to entertain myself and have fun, not to jump carelessly on other but to also see and understand their current state of the mind, their willingness to play and to interact with them in such a way that they do not feel unpleasant or even feel pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to understand that my father had used force and pain to discipline me only in occasions where I did not want to listen to his preceding verbal warnings where I had the opportunity to stop myself, however I did not. I realise that my father decided to physically hurt me only when he exhausted all other ways of trying to communicate with me in a nice and pleasant way. I commit myself to always respond to first attempt of someone trying to communicate with me and to also understand their point of view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label my father as violent tyrant that has without any reason decided to inflict pain on me instead of realising that he has purely responded to me behaving as careless individual where I have created damage and pain for my brother and my parents. I commit myself to fully understand and accept my father and his responses while playing a role of my parent since he has done all in his power to be the best father for me and my brother, considering all the limitations that he also accepted and allowed during his childhood and later years. I am thus greatly thankful to my father for all the care that he expressed by being more that good provider for our whole family.

In relation to this blog post, I also recommend listening to educational audio titled Growing Apart from the Parenting - Perfecting the Human Race series at Eqafe web store and engaging in DIP Lite free online course where you will learn how to become a master of self-analysis and true healing.

Day 137: The cause for cold legs

I have had cold legs and feet for many years. I do not know exactly how long ago this cold legs syndrome became part of my life but it appeared around 10 years ago when I was about 30 year of age. I remember visiting a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner for a treatment and he was surprised how cold and dripping wet my legs were. I also had massive back pain at that time. I received a cupping treatment and a leg massage and I have been prescribed a special tea to drink. I also visited an Ayurvedic doctor that checked my ayes, tongue and pulse and gave me a back massage with a stick, she sticked acupressure balls to my auricle, prescribed a regular Abhyanga fully body self massage with warm oil and I was suggested a regular participation at her Yoga classes. I assisted myself also with purchasing a electric heating pad for under my feet while I was sitting at my office desk. And at that time I experimented with acupressure foot massage, and started to take barefoot walks and hikes in nature and took warm leg baths occasionally. The cold legs situation might have decreased slightly but it never went away and I am again experiencing cold legs to such a level that it strongly distracts me from my tasks, especially during working for many hours with my computer while sitting on the chair behind my home office desk. So I started to research in depth what might be the real cause for my cold legs and what would be the effective cure for that.

Around 6 years ago I stumbled on Desteni group that amazed me with detailed description of the cause for current situation in this world, including the state of humanity. They also assist with explaining about the cause for illnesses and diseases and most of such knowledge is accessible in form of audio recordings at Eqafe web site. The closest explanation that I found was the 3 part audio series about the Restless Legs Syndrome. But since my legs were not restless but cold, I needed to find more specific explanation. Luckily at Desteni they are also training a New Kinesiology practitioners that are able to connect and look at the situation of your own physical body also at long distance. So I arranged a session with such practitioner and she pinpointed two primary points that contributed to my cold legs condition.

It tested out that the first point was the projection towards myself. I must have experienced some desire or fear about 5 years ago and projected it in my mind onto another person or the future or a thing in my environment. I must have seen something happened to somebody else and I interlaced the fear onto myself. My mind then created a connection - saying: “This will become me or might become me”. Within my personality design it uses fear at specific points in time to compound experiences. So even though the cold feet has been part o my mind-physical relationship for more than 20 years, the reason why it tested as 5 years ago is that it is showing predominant personality design but the fear aspect of it solidified entire design into quantum physical state of existence. It is a multi faceted dimension that goes beyond just the physical symptoms of cold legs and feet. So it is not that it happened 5 years ago but that a memory from that time pertaining to this design is what I am to look at.

The first memory that I proposed was an event where ex boyfriends of my last ex girlfriend called me on the phone and announced that he is about to get in his car, come to my place, kiss me on my cheek and put a bullet through my forehead. It was the most intense life threatening situation that I can remember. However the practitioner tested this and said that is not the relevant memory. I am to look at a memory where I came face to face with seeing myself and said: “Oh god, is that who I have became?”. It must be something that I can relate in the last few years of having some judgement in a moment where I did not like what I saw within me in some way from a perspective of me as a person or a personality. The next memory that came up within me was that I spend all the money from selling of my apartment and not managed to establish a business that would generate a reliable and steady income for me. Practitioner tested again and said that the relevant memory is not about money but a point where I looked myself as a person, as my personality: “Valentin”.

Then I suggested a memory of my decision after I have for the first time established my own business to rather work alone than employ other people. The practitioner said that this is one aspect of it as me “Valentin” as self provider and worker and contributor but that there are other aspects as well. I am to look at my entire personality as who I am as a partner, a friend to others, as my thoughts, as I saw myself when I was alone. It is a situation where we don't even know if we like ourselves, when one knows the truth of yourselves, our fears and thoughts and desires and we don't like what we see. And then when I was to look myself like this a shift had to happen where for a moment I did not like what I saw. What the mind then did was to create this into a self-judgement where I separated away from myself based on that dislike of self. Where the fear came in is where my mind firstly used my personality design that came from my father which is difficulty to accept self and difficulty with the unification and acceptance of all parts of self. So it is to be a personality design that came from my father's side as being very strict and stringent with self and in the mind holding onto the judgements of self and moving farther away from real intimacy with self.

I then looked at myself and said that generally I do not like what I do, not knowing who I am, how the existence functions, all the lacking bricks in the wall, not knowing what is true and thus not having a solid ground for my decisions and thus also consequences of my decisions were not as what I expected. Finally practitioner confirmed that this is the primary cold leg design which originates from the experience of separation of self. She explained that what the mind did when I was more like early teens is that it developed onto this platform personality and it started developing my self view and relationships with other people and money based on this uncomfortability with self as a basic foundation personality. Then what it did as one example of a projected fear is that it would use thoughts such as: “Oh no look at this thing I did wrong.” or: “Look at the way I look or why did I do that wrong.” and it charged it with fear energy and compounds that one thought towards self and projected it deep into the mind as a concrete self view. For example I might not even be that consciously aware of what I am saying because these fears have been more solidified into the deeper quantum layers of the mind and then into the quantum physical.

So when my legs and feet are cold and distant, what I am accessing are the residual personality effects which will at times get worse depending on how my self views and fears are personified. For example if one day I have a thought such as: “Valentin why cant you just get that right!” then the mind charges that thought with its energy and connects it into the personality design of: “Distance with self”. When this happens it would be very useful to look at the week or few days before it happened to see what subtle thoughts and experiences and judgments and self fear points did I participate in or experienced. Even if it is just one small very fast moving thought like fast judgment in a moment like: “Come on Valentin, just work harder man!” it will move fast. What is happening is a very big process in the background where the mind charges the personality design with that thought and this in effect exists equally inside the physical in the legs and feet as the physical location of that mind system.

Thus I am to look at who I am in relation to myself, which is relationship with self based on this design of separation from self. Because what is important to grasp here is that firstly a personality genetic design exists. This design creates thoughts and feelings and experiences to create separation from self. To work with it I am to acknowledge that this is a part of my primary personality. How it fuels itself in micro moments with thoughts and fear about myself into the personality. So I will work with writing out firstly how the personality design looks like and how it works as this is necessary to defuse the system. And the next part is to catch the thoughts and experiences that I have fed into the personality. Because usually these big personality designs, even if we understand them, they are more difficult and take years to defuse as one stops participating in it. What practitioner suggested was for me to see if I can look at what she described as this personality design of separation from self into my own words. Then I am to send my writing to her and she will add the information and assist with understanding as it is not always easy to see it fully.

In the following posts of this blog I plan to face and defuse this cold legs design. If anyone else is also struggling with cold legs and feet, I suggest to read my next posts about that. And if anyone is looking for a personal assistance about their cold legs design or any other health, relationship and similar issue, they are invited to connect with Desteni and their New Kinesiology practitioners by firstly introducing themselves at Desteni Forum.