Day 164: Fear due to increased public exposure

Recently I have become a candidate for Slovenian parliament on behalf of one of the new political parties. The president of the party sent me a friendship request after I liked their Facebook page. Soon after that, we had a personal meeting at my home where he invited me to become their candidate and represent their agenda in the parliament possibly or even become a minister. I definitely am interested in politics since I want to make this world the best place for all. In the recent years, I joined one of the newest political parties in Slovenia, however, there was no real movement. My friends and I even attempted to establish our own political party, however, we lacked the motivation and resources to even gather 100 signatures of supporters to register it. I did not research much in detail how the political system in our country works and I have never imagined becoming a member of parliament. I wonder if I have what it takes to be in such demanding, responsible and exposed position. And I sense how a kind of subconscious fear started to creep in due to the potential of being scrutinized by public media.

The political party that I started to represent has a very advanced program and not a lot of people resonate with what it stands for. It consists of members that show by their own example how it is possible to change and how to live a healthy and sustainable lifestyle. Established political parties have a lot of control over public media and use it as a tool to diminish any new party that starts to compete with them. So the strategy of our party is to address that 60% of the population that do not attend elections since none of the programs of existing parties is attractive enough to them. And we are also instructed not to criticise anything from the past or other political parties. The plan is to connect with local organic stores, Yoga societies, and similar organizations who are able to fully resonate with our program and will definitely vote for what we stand for. We are also the only party that is equally represented in terms of sex since we have one female and one male president and one female and one male vice-president.

Our party so far has participated only in one public confrontation which was hosted by our national TV station. Presidents of all political parties in Slovenia were assembled in the studio and given just a couple of dozen seconds to answer questions of the hosts. Our male president was also there and was given a visibly shorter written review of his speech than presidents of other parties. Three days ago we had the first party meeting in the middle of capital city forest park where all the candidates for the parliament were presented and the event was covered by the national TV. I found out that our female president was during this event quite in shock because she had an interview where one of the reporters asked her a question about the party where the program of the party was diminished and made fun of. That made me think how well I would respond if being in the same position since I definitely do not want to be laughed at or made fun of by public media.

In past decades I went through a radical personal transformation from a very shy unsocialized introvert who could barely speak and feared criticism into an outspoken blogger and vlogger who mastered many fears and is willing to expand even more. Despite producing over 500 vlogs in the past 3 years I have been noticed by media only several months ago and invited to 3 interviews at one of the Slovenian commercial TV stations. However, I was able to speak even about the most advanced esoteric knowledge which surprised even myself. Of course, at those interviews I have been speaking about that I was an expert at and was not expected to memorize a lot of specific information. However, as the politician, I assume that I would be expected to learn many historical data about our country and to know the constitution, country and international laws by heart. And memorizing a lot of exact data is not what I am very fun of. Also until now I have studied politics more from a global and secret esoteric perspective and did not follow local political happenings very much.

So now I will be facing some of the subconscious and mind patterns that can trigger reactions of fear using tools learned at the Desteni I Process online courses:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously when interviewed by public media. I realize that when one is becoming more of a public figure media will want to know more about them in order to satisfy the curiosity of the masses. However, even such influential people as the president of USA is being ridiculed by even most popular comedy shows and yet he proves how it is possible any opinion from whoever not to be taken personally. Thus I commit myself when someone, especially a reporter of the most influential media is interviewing me and my mind is producing thought like: “It is inappropriate to ask me any disrespectful questions in the attempt to trigger an emotional reaction in me.” to stop and breathe. In such cases I stay true to myself, speak openly based on the principle of equality and what is best for all and not care what others think about me since most are their projections of own limiting mind patterns, limitations, and separations. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that becoming member of parliament is a function that I will not be able to handle due to current lack of knowledge of national legislation and international politics. I realize that whatever challenge I have faced so far, I proved to myself that I am capable of acquiring necessary knowledge and skills in order to perform my function with great excellence. And above all, I have been in the past years developing a strong integrity which is the most important quality in a political position so I definitely have something to offer. Thus I commit myself to when and as I think about becoming a politician and my mind is producing thought like: “You have little experience in politics and you are definitely incapable to know or learn what it takes to be part of a parliament!” to stop and breathe. I then rather start to study parts of the legislation and the current political situation with my own pace and prepare myself in the best way possible to be as ready for my job as I am capable of.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be worried what my father will think about me and that he will be ashamed of me if I go into politics and then make some mistake that will be blown out of proportions by media. I realize that while my father still wrongly considers me an extension of him and wants to be proud of me, it is his responsibility to face his lack of self-confidence and projections of his inferiority onto me. Thus when and as I am facing to be portrayed by public media as a loser and my mind produces thoughts like: “Oh no, what will my father think of me!” to stop and breathe. Then within awareness that parents are the one that instills the most limitations into their children, I disregard my family relationships based on self-interest and act from the starting point of what is best for all life in the long term. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a serious person that has to be addressed with all the respect, especially when I am in a role of a politician on highest position. I realize that better than respect based on the position it is far more sustainable to earn the respect of others by your own deeds and action that are best for all. Thus when and as I am in conversation with someone and my mind starts to produce thoughts like: “They better respect me and talk to me according to my formal position or I will show them how nasty I can be!” to stop and breathe. I then rather communicate with anyone with consideration of their own state of mind and within the realization that we will all die and leave our bodies and physical possessions behind. The only thing that will count is how much we have made progress in facing limitations of our own mind, how much we have transcended our self-interest and what is the long-term outflow of our actions on other living beings while we were making decisions in this physical realm.

For all who are in a political position or are planning to enter the politics but have fears, I recommend to take the free online course DIP Lite and listen to many supportive audios from Eqafe related to politics especially the one titled What Your Mind Doesn't Want You to Know About Fear of Authority.

Day 163: Criticism based on unverified assumption

During the day my mind is creating a lot of backchats or automatic thoughts that influence the relationship between myself and others. Some thoughts are so prominent that I am able to notice and stop them immediately and some are so subtle that slip bye and create unconscious suppressed emotional reactions within me. Such energetic reactions that are mostly criticism, anger, and envy have already years ago started to manifest as irritated itchy part of my skin around the genital area. When I first started with the Desteni process it assisted me a lot and condition of my skin improved significantly. However, in recent months, I am experiencing increased irritation so I decided to look at the causes for that.

I will take an example from today when I experienced itchy sensation on my skin and I stopped in order to identify the underlying thoughts. It happened when in the morning I checked my Facebook profile and noticed new friendship requests from two young females. I have been single for the last couple of years however I have not been actively seeking for a partner since my focus has been on some projects with the intent to firstly provide a better financial stability for me. Because I associate personal relationships with increased costs I want to have enough money before attempting to create a family. However, I am open to starting dating any girl that would show interest in me. So in case of new female friendship requests, I immediately check their status, the reason for wanting to connect with me, if they are single and without kids. Then also what their interests are, what is their profession and current job and if they have potential to also collaborate with me also on the projects that I am involved in at this moment.

In regards to my female Facebook friends who already having own children, I consider such situation with two different perspectives. From personal views, I am not interested in starting a relationship with a single mother because I know how complicated such relationship is and how involvement with a biological father of children can make things difficult. In fact, such was exactly the situation with my last girlfriend and I do not want to experience it again. But from a business view, any parent with young children is a potential buyer of my new product since my friend and I have developed an educational software that accelerates learning and especially assists preschool kids to develop their core life potentials. So today I checked the photos of my new female Facebook friends and noticed that one had some photos with around 2 years old child which indicates that she is a mother. And since there were no photos of her and a child with a guy, I concluded that she has separated and is single.

So far such observations triggered no reactions within me. However, after that, I started to judge this single mother in my mind about her irresponsible behavior of having a child at such a young age and not making sure that the father would stay and support her and their baby. When I look at myself how come I created such a belief, I can see that there are two components related to this. One is that my younger brother has two daughters that are now already in the secondary school because he also became a father very early. His children were the product of a very emotional relationship and I know that they had to go through a lot of troubles while growing up. And my brother also did not want me to influence them so he persuaded his wife to block me on Facebook and prevent me to communicate with their children online. So there are some elements of resentment here and I could also have some envy towards my brother for having kids while I still have none.

Then there is also a dimension of justification and wanting to be more than others. There certainly is a lot of truth in that young partners have not a lot of life experiences, are expected to be more emotional and thus also children suffer more than couples who decide to have children 10 or more years later. It is definitely a good thing to work on yourself first as much as possible to clear many of problematic mind patterns that we all inherit mostly from our parents and thus prevent them to be transferred and consequently create harm to our children. And from that reason I am also continuing with working on myself, clearing points of separation from my mind and thus preparing myself to be a responsible parent. However, the problem here is my starting point of wanting to be more than others which I inherited from my father and he also constantly motivated me to be the best I can. 

Thus it is perfectly fine for me to perfect myself from the point of wanting to contribute to our society and future generations to improve. The point of separation is, however, wanting to be better than others in order to feel good and attract attention from others. Such tendency creates constant comparison where I am checking if others are aligned with my ideals of responsible parents. In a case when I see that a woman has become a mother in early years I start to judge her, especially in case of divorce. And consequently, I have also been justifying not having own children yet with me being a responsible individual and not considering other influences that shaped my life. While in fact if I would be born in the position of my younger brother, my life experience would be very different.

I wrote this blog post already several weeks ago and wanted to add the self-forgiveness statements however I did not manage to find enough motivation and time to do it. So today I finally decided to move on and post it as it is and start a new blog post. During this time also a very supportive audio interview came out that is very related to also manifest consequences that I experience on my skin so I invite you to listen to it if you face similar mind patters:

Interview Request - Jock Itch